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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SarahJC Daughter Social Media addiction
  • replies: 3

Hi there, This is my first post; I really need advice. My eldest daughter has an Instagram account and uploads pictures of herself displaying her fashion outfits, I also have an 8-year-old daughter that occasionally watches her sister take photos (wh... View more

Hi there, This is my first post; I really need advice. My eldest daughter has an Instagram account and uploads pictures of herself displaying her fashion outfits, I also have an 8-year-old daughter that occasionally watches her sister take photos (which I dislike immensely), I have noticed miss 8 starting to pose a lot more for photos (as her sister) and take selfies - she was never like this, or is it the age???. She has never seen her Instagram account, but I know one day she will see it. I'm just concerned if this is creating future issues for miss 8 regarding social media (addiction)??? I have spoken to my eldest daughter about it but dismissed what I had said. Miss 8 started to explore her interests, but since watching her sister, she is starting to mimic her. Please help

Bella2200 Pregnant and now alone
  • replies: 6

Hi all i am due to give birth any day and my long term partner has informed me that they are unsure of what they want anymore and right now im not the person they see themselves with anymore. i am shocked and broken hearted for my baby and i

Hi all i am due to give birth any day and my long term partner has informed me that they are unsure of what they want anymore and right now im not the person they see themselves with anymore. i am shocked and broken hearted for my baby and i

Robbed My employer fired me after I lodged a workcover claim.
  • replies: 4

I worked for a huge Federal Government employer in a mundane role. I was bullied for years by the managers until I had a complete mental breakdown. I lodged a claim for workcover and the employer lodged it with the insurance company. Two days later e... View more

I worked for a huge Federal Government employer in a mundane role. I was bullied for years by the managers until I had a complete mental breakdown. I lodged a claim for workcover and the employer lodged it with the insurance company. Two days later employer suspended my job. The insurance company denied my claim under the clause 'reasonable management actions' and then despite my written response my job was gone they didn't pay me anything. I went through the Fair work process involving a conciliation hearing, and offered nothing. Conciliators cannot make binding outcomes. I attended a employment lawyer at $500 per 50 minutes who did not care and said that I should have lodged a protected attributes dispute. The law does not allow me to change the claim though both are unfair to me. They could pursue the matter for $25,000 to potentially claim a Maximum $50,000 Also lodged a conciliation for workcover, attended and received a certificate to engage a lawyer to get me what I am owed. No guarantees. I will have to survive somehow for a year without income waiting for the outcome and still unable to work. Also stuck paying workcover bills for GP, Phycologist, psychiatrist and medication. The Management have denied any wrong doing and my life has gone from shit to completely shit. Can anybody recall precedents on this or related forums. Pondering my life's outcome, Rob.

unlucky_in-love I don't know where to start
  • replies: 2

Background: I am a single mother of 10 years that moved away from everyone and everything she knows due to violent threats from my ex husband. I stayed single for 7 years before even considering I was ready to enter a new relationship. I have a backg... View more

Background: I am a single mother of 10 years that moved away from everyone and everything she knows due to violent threats from my ex husband. I stayed single for 7 years before even considering I was ready to enter a new relationship. I have a background of anxiety and a family history of mental illness including anxiety, depression, bipolar... THEN: I found the man of my dreams, it took me so long to let him in, I explained previous relationship and the way that I react to relationship breakdown and how hard relationships are to me due to anxiety and the fear of 'everything not being okay'. He insisted he could handle anything and has helped me through some emotional times with work and family to which ive never got along with. for 2 years I've depended on him to pick me up when I'm down hes been there until 2 weeks ago. things took a turn for the worst, my constant worrying and need for reassurance has been plaguing him for some months now, with his telling me hes getting tired of it and hes exhausted, ive worn him down. Now: Hes left, I'm spending numerous hours thinking of ways to repair the relationship to which he says he still loves me but doesn't know what to do. I don't have any friends or family where I am to go to for support and my child misses him dearly aswell. I spend hours agonising over whether I should just call to try and make things better and when I do hes unhappy ive contacted him but still satys he loves me but doesn't know what to do. Its emotional draining for me and in sheer moments of frustration ive broken it off with him completely only to go back on my word and seek his reassurance that he wants to make thing work and he say he doesn't know if they can, to which I ask do you want them to and he says yes but I don't know how. He has told me he wants me to be the happy girl that didn't need him when we met but I actually need him more than ever right now, the lonliess could just about eat me up, then I ring again then he gets mad cause I haven't given him any space. I don't know where to start or what to do

Asenna Need some feedback
  • replies: 3

Hi there everyone,not written for somewhile but I hope you can help with my story.Its been 3 years since my ex wife and I separated soon to be divorced.The first 2 were mostly living in limbo as my ex was always uncertain and towards the end of 2016 ... View more

Hi there everyone,not written for somewhile but I hope you can help with my story.Its been 3 years since my ex wife and I separated soon to be divorced.The first 2 were mostly living in limbo as my ex was always uncertain and towards the end of 2016 she wanted to hang out to see how she felt and I was fine with that. Two months later she decided that she just wanted to be friends. I was gutted. I think I supressed it and let my anger and ego push me along. In 2014 I apparently got ptsd from a incorrect diagnosis of liver cancer towards the end of 2012. When I was going through ptsd I became very reliant on her. Mainly emotionally. I really became needy and clingy. I was frightened of my anxiety and feelings. By 2015 it was still there and my anxiety had lessened substantially but my depression lingered. It could of been many factors why it hung around. I was on medication but it wasn’t really doing much. In February whilst on a family holiday she told me she wanted to separate. I was frightened. I couldn’t lose her. I was desperate to have her back. I needed her. I loved her. I tried and I cried and I hung on. I just didn’t want to lose her at all. It was hard to function to be honest. I had some normal moments when I felt good but would come crashing down when she rejected my proposals. I’d text her a lot and tell her how I felt. The 2nd year was a bit better but we weren’t still together. I took up meditation and I felt a bit better. Yet I was always saying that I loved her and I’ll comeback when I felt better. I was still very sad because I missed her and the memories were killing me. I went overseas and had a good trip but still felt I missed her. I sent her messages of hope. Like please don’t give up on me. Don’t close the book on us. Which brings me up to the end of 2016 as I wrote above. At the beginning of this year I found her on a dating website and my heart broke. She had moved on. I begged her not to go but she said it’s too late. last week I’d had enough. I decided to become proactive about it. I’ve taken up meditation again, swimming and journaling. Yet I tell her about it like I need her approval. I need her acceptance and validation. I still cry and I feel quite lonely. I’m 45 and my little ones don’t like to see me cry. They said they get sad when they see me sad. Why am I still trying to hold on. Why!!! It’s destroying my life and I don’t know how to let go. I get anxious when I try to say goodbye and cut off ties. What’s wrong with me.

Milsey Struggling mum
  • replies: 1

Hello, I’m a 25 year old mum of two who is happily married and has two beautiful babies.. or so I say. i am a perfectionist and have ocd tendencies, ( mainly with cleaning and wanting my house to stay perfect)I’m snappy and moody and I get so angry l... View more

Hello, I’m a 25 year old mum of two who is happily married and has two beautiful babies.. or so I say. i am a perfectionist and have ocd tendencies, ( mainly with cleaning and wanting my house to stay perfect)I’m snappy and moody and I get so angry lately. I feel tremendous guilt every night as all I feel like I’m doing is yelling at my kids ( 3.5 and 1.5) what kind of idiot just yells/ screams and cry’s in front of her kids most days. I have a supportive husband but he works so hard that we never have time for each other or if there is time kts something he wants to do. I’m closest to my dad and little sister as my elder sister and mother seem so self absorbed in 4 years I could say I’ve maybe spent time with my mum about 30’ times and that’s just a quick hello she doesn’t have the time of day for my so called drama and not once has been there for me when I’m upset or struggling I get told to get over it I’m dramatic. I don’t have many friends ( I have a lot on my social media but honestly no one makes an effort I’ve had 3 play dates canceled on me and my kids this week and it just sets me into a downward spiral, why do I have no one ? ) I’m too full on with my daughter I’m quick to judge and get angry fast like if she does her picture or spelling wrong ( what is wrong with me who does that) I absolutely hate my appearance and I obsess over it if I feel ugly it ruins my day, my week.. my life. I’m losing control and I just want to run away I can’t keep feeling alone my husband is amazing but even when he suggests something I get frustrated, I get frustrated at his snoring, his eating everything I love him so why do I feel so annoyed by him. I’m impulsive and irrational and I expect too much from my kids. I sleep terribly and drink too much soft drink and coffee as I get so run down. Lately I’ve wanted to run away I don’t want to be like this anymore ..

Lily52 Not coping. Bpd spouse
  • replies: 4

First time posting. Feeling at my wits end. I have two young children and a partner with bpd. I myself have GAD and sometimes depression. Along with social anxiety. I'm not coping with my partner, who I've been with for 12 years. On and off. But most... View more

First time posting. Feeling at my wits end. I have two young children and a partner with bpd. I myself have GAD and sometimes depression. Along with social anxiety. I'm not coping with my partner, who I've been with for 12 years. On and off. But mostly on. He has been having alot of "episodes". And I am the target. He can be belittling, verbally abuse, volatile mood swings, demanding and sometimes just says really hurtful things. We have boundaries about his behaviour. But they seem to go out the window during an episode. He always apologises afterwards. And I am aware of his condition and that he doesn't want to be this way. But I'm struggling to keep my own mental health in check. I feel guilty. Like I'm failing my kids, myself and even him. I just feel so small and tired and worthless.

Loca_SHJ Benefits and consequences of short term absconding
  • replies: 13

Hi, I was hoping i could find someone on here with personal experiences in running away from their lives so i can pick their brain in terms of what they gained and lost from the experience. Someone that has for a short period of time driven off from ... View more

Hi, I was hoping i could find someone on here with personal experiences in running away from their lives so i can pick their brain in terms of what they gained and lost from the experience. Someone that has for a short period of time driven off from their life without a holiday/vacation plan but with the primary intention to stop being everything they feel they have to be for the people around them and to just exist for themselves. I have been wanting to do this since I was 15 (perhaps earlier). I'm now a few days from being 24 but I haven't lived a day away from family, friends or other person that put a requirement on me to be a particular way. I have been going through intensive therapy including schema therapy so i'm aware that the reason for this intense and decade long persistance to run away from my life is because of my subjugation schema leaving me feeling choked and controlled by other peoples requirements on me. Through therapy I understand those feelings may not be founded in reality 100% of the time. But i still can't shake the feeling this is something I have to do for myself and that I can't be happy without having experienced it. For the last decade I told myself the reason i didn't go was because i couldn't afford to. I have since been working and have enough money saved up to comfortably be able to leave my life for a few months without financial hardship (I will likely only go a few weeks). I also work casually which means I can leave without being a huge burden on my employer. There has never been and may likes never be a more convenient time to run from my life than now. And yet I am so afraid of the impact this act will have on the same people that make me feel suffocated. I know it will be huge because these people never let me stay overnight anywhere, get angry and disappointed in me if I am more than half an hr late in getting home and rarely ever let me be out after 10pm. I want a chance to stop being a daughter, sister, friend, mother, employee, law grad, legal assistant, student and instead to just be me. I want two weeks in my life where I can exist because I want to and not because all these people need me to do something or be someone specific. I wan't to feel like I own my life for once. But perhaps I am idealising this and in the end it will turn into a horrible disappointment where i shatter my own dream and hurt other people too. I don't know what to do. What did you gained or lost from your experience? Sam

Afraid99 Self sabotage?
  • replies: 3

Hey i am a 30yof. In the past I have had 2 relationships that ended up hurting me very badly. I have seen a psychologist regularly and after about a year of significant depression I have finally started to feel better, which is completely amazing. It... View more

Hey i am a 30yof. In the past I have had 2 relationships that ended up hurting me very badly. I have seen a psychologist regularly and after about a year of significant depression I have finally started to feel better, which is completely amazing. It took a lot of very hard work. But I got here. Recently I met a guy and we have started dating. He has some baggage. But I figure everyone does. He seems very genuine. Very respectful and very honest. He’s been a true gentleman. However my anxiety has been triggered. I feel terrified that it’s going to spiral down and I will get hurt again. And I’m honestly not sure I have it in me to potentially get my heart broken again. I am definitely spending a lot of time over thinking. Playing out every possible scenario but I only ever come to a negative outcome. Every thing in me wants to cut and run. But. Will I spend my whole life running and possibly miss out on something really good. I guess I needed to vent. I need advice. How do people with anxiety cope with this kind of thing?

Duoty How do you stop blaming yourself for a relationship breakdown?
  • replies: 1

Im going through a relationship breakdown of 3.5years. Of someone I had planned on proposing to. I know im not perfect and spent the last 2 years making such progress to be a better person for myself and my partner, im the best version of myself than... View more

Im going through a relationship breakdown of 3.5years. Of someone I had planned on proposing to. I know im not perfect and spent the last 2 years making such progress to be a better person for myself and my partner, im the best version of myself than i have ever been. But how can I stop blaming myself and stop thinking the relationship breakdown was my fault.... My head knows it cant just be me. But i cant avoid constantly thinking its all my fault.....