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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Azronz How do I pick myself up and be happy?
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Most of my friends don't hang out with me anymore. I ruined it because of my anger plus my boringness and it hurts me so bad. I'm not the only one that get angry though but in the end I'm guessing I got cut out because I don't really have anything go... View more

Most of my friends don't hang out with me anymore. I ruined it because of my anger plus my boringness and it hurts me so bad. I'm not the only one that get angry though but in the end I'm guessing I got cut out because I don't really have anything good to offer except my boring company. We started off really tight and understood each other. They were my second group of friends. My first group I was the 'last guy' and I felt I deserved more so I moved away from the group to this second one. Now I have only 4 friends I hang out with sometimes. Friend 1 always ignores me because he has some issues like I do. Friend 2 makes me more upset because he always lies about small things like leaving me hanging at a place or Infront his place because we were suppose to hang out but when he find something else to do im instantly out of the picture without notice. Friend 3 is has a narcissist personality plus he wants to fight my other friends. When I tell him I'm going home he will always give negative comments like "yeah you go". He got mad before because I didn't invite him to my party. I didn't want a fight erupting at my party... The year before that at my party I caught him in the phone talking to someone and saying " Ye what you doing? I'm at my friends party. Actually there not really my friends, what you doing want to hang out?" That really cut me. When his birthday came up I said happy birthday to him on his birthday and he didn't even invite me to his. He never said happy birthday too me. Friend 4 is still Around but he get upset easily and will sometime ignore me because I don't reply to his messages. I've also ignored himself before for abt a week because I hit rock bottom and needed time alone. It's werid because now he hangs with other people but when we was upset about me, he thought I was hanging with someone else. He now hang with friend 3 very often. I have a drug addict friend from years ago (he was clean when I met him) who lies and steals thing from my other friend and me recently. Ask for money and never pays back. Last night he came over, I told him he had leave and a huge argument erupted. Even worse my mum was slight backing him up because of my attitude towards him. I don't have a gf either. Only had 1 gf but I was just a rebound. Second girl I like slept with another guy, I think I was to slow to make a move. 3rd girl I like just wanted to be friends. To sad to build relationships now. I feel better alone but the lonlienss is killing me.

Spacedout92 Looking for advice
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First time here, Just looking at options if any. Been feeling low and depressed since my highschool days. Came to the point where Im having no emotions other then feeling sad/angry alone all the time. Noone knows I've always kept to.myself these days... View more

First time here, Just looking at options if any. Been feeling low and depressed since my highschool days. Came to the point where Im having no emotions other then feeling sad/angry alone all the time. Noone knows I've always kept to.myself these days I just feel I'm.coming to the point where I'm tired and over it. I put on a face everyday at work and people around me. I don't have the energy to anymore

Ember No job. No friends. No life. Please help.
  • replies: 3

For all of my young adult life, whilst everyone else was enjoying this fun time with their friends and going out, I have been locked away in my room. It has been many years, and each day is the same. At university I made no friends and it was one of ... View more

For all of my young adult life, whilst everyone else was enjoying this fun time with their friends and going out, I have been locked away in my room. It has been many years, and each day is the same. At university I made no friends and it was one of the loneliest experiences of my life. When it was over, I failed to find a job because I have no experience, no people skills and was noticeably incredibly nervous during my interviews. Everyone wants a "bubbly, enthusiastic, motivated person" and even when I try to fake it, they can immediately tell I'm not. I also couldn't approach workplaces with my CV because I'm terrified of interacting with people. I remember sitting on the bench outside of one trying to work up the courage, but my feet wouldn't move. I wished I had a support person, but I was alone as always. So with no job, financially I had to move back in with my parents and there are even less opportunities here. I'm completely isolated. My only company is my parents and I try to avoid them because every time I see them, it reminds me of my failings and how I have been such a horrible child to them. I hate myself every day and feel like a bad person because I have never done enough for them/let them down and I am still unable to forgive myself. During High School, I was relatively normal and happy. I had a group of friends and we did everything together. But I have yet to find that in the real world since. I tried going to meetup groups but it was hard going by myself. I wished I knew at least one other person. Plus, there was never anyone my age there. It seems like any interests I have attract only middle aged and elderly people. I have nothing against them, but I just wish I had friends my own age that I can connect with.I guess they only go to bar crawls and drinking nights, which I am not interested in. I feel like I have no one. I used to cry every day but now I just feel a numb level of acceptance. It has been so many years since I had a face to face real conversation with someone. Every year that it doesn't happen, it gets worse. So here I am looking online for something at least close to human interaction. I don't know how to get out of this hole. I can't find a job. I can't find friends. I can't even talk to people. I feel so empty and like things will never change. I don't know how to get out of this hole. I'm starting to lose the motivation to even try any more. My situation is depressing, but it's also comfortable and easy.

AusgirlX When it rains it Pours
  • replies: 5

All my life my father has been in jail. He is a thief and compulsive liar. My mother has stood by his side all our life brainwashing us kids that one day he would be this changed man and turn into a wonderful loving husband and father that we have al... View more

All my life my father has been in jail. He is a thief and compulsive liar. My mother has stood by his side all our life brainwashing us kids that one day he would be this changed man and turn into a wonderful loving husband and father that we have all needed so badly. As a child I remember if my dad was out of jail our lives where lived in secret. We could not have friends over or tell people anything about our lives as dad was always on the run from the police. This has rubbed off on all of us kids still to this day. I find it hard to form friendships and maintain them. I feel social awkward and unlike. The last 20 years it has all played out in a small country town. We where moved there after my dad broke into a bank and bought a house there with stolen money thinking he would go unnoticed. (he's a idiot). He served many years in jail after being caught and then escaped from jail and got caught again. He got realised on parole last year and my mum welcomed him home with open arms like a fool. Within a few months he was drinking and being nasty to her and slowly started sniffing around to commit crime till it all unfolded and he was on the run again. He has been caught again and is back in jail. He just had stage 4 cancer treatment in jail and is now facing being deported back to his country of birth. I honestly hope they send him. I now live with anxiety and feel so much shame. I can't even go to the local shop without feeling like I'm judged even tho ppl tell me they know we are good people. I'm also dealing with my first born child's own ongoing medical issues. After 15 years of trying I fell pregnant and I was told they found a tumor suspected to be childhood cancer Neuroblastoma but a miracle is happening and it going away on its own. I pray everyday that this continues. I don't know how to get rid of feeling judged and Ease my Anxiety. I feel like it is ingrained in me from a child. My sister is currently battling a Ice addiction and on the verge of her children being taken away from her and my brother hardly leaves the house. My mum has mental health issues and it just seems everywhere I look or turn there is bad things happening. I'm getting married next month to the love and rock of my life yet everything is negative. My partners brother is also battling a Ice addiction. So there is just issues everywhere we turn. I miss my confidence and I miss being me. I want to make friends and not shut the world out.I miss everything good

white knight Mother dearest- the tyrant
  • replies: 0

The saying goes- "tyrants never win". Hitler, Hussein, Gaddafi and many more never won. During my younger years emotional abuse was almost a routine. My loving father worked 12 hours a day 6 days a week. He was totally devoted to our mother but he wa... View more

The saying goes- "tyrants never win". Hitler, Hussein, Gaddafi and many more never won. During my younger years emotional abuse was almost a routine. My loving father worked 12 hours a day 6 days a week. He was totally devoted to our mother but he was also unfortunately blind to her antics. Us kids endured threats like "you'll be cut out of our will", "I'm leaving you to fend for yourself", "I'll tell your father" etc became the norm. One Saturday I forgot to make my bed. My mother yelled as usual and I jumped out of my skin. She chastised me and I made my bed. 10 hours later our father arrived home. We hadn't seen him all week. As soon as his car arrived our mother faked her tears and met him at the front door. She told him "Tony's been a bad boy ever since this morning when he didn't make his bed, I don't know what I've done to deserve this treatment". My father belted me, a hiding I never forgot. I was 11yo. The defiance began. When she slapped me I'd stand still and laugh and she'd slap me harder, then harder. It was the emotional side, the manipulation, the disapproval that wore us all down. My older brother took his life at 26yo (like my sister and I maybe he had bipolar?). We were told by our mother that it was misadventure and that other family members were to be told that even though I read his last letter. For over 50 years my sister and I were not close. The reason was "divide and conquer". Have a fall out with mother and one lost your sister and the reverse. Then one day I met with my sister and told her it must stop. I pledged that the WILL was not important to me and whatever sum I was left after she passed on, she would get half (if there was anything left). She pledged the same. We became close and this closeness was intolerable for our mother. She had ruined my wedding in 1985. I was to get married again in 2011 and she threatened to ruin my 2nd wedding. An AVO was obtained...I had a great wedding, finally. Why tell you this? Because my sister and I haven't seen our mother for 7 years and we wont ever. Such is the in ground resentment. There can be peace with a tyrant in the form of separation. Sure give it your best effort. But there comes a line drawn in the sand when you visualize the remainder of your days licking your wounds and calming your nerves, repairing the damage. Tyrants never win. They cause you to lose family, take away your inheritance as punishment and many other things...but they cant take away your dignity. Tony WK

JJ56 The Age Gap
  • replies: 2

I’m 56 with two children, I separated from my wife over 10 years ago and have been single ever since. Both of my children are in their 20’s, one no longer living with me and the other about to move out next month. I was born and raised a long way fro... View more

I’m 56 with two children, I separated from my wife over 10 years ago and have been single ever since. Both of my children are in their 20’s, one no longer living with me and the other about to move out next month. I was born and raised a long way from where I currently live and over the years the friends I had have just faded away to the point where I now have no really close friends. I know that's my own fault, after my marriage broke down I totally dedicated myself to my children at the expense of everything else and I locked everyone out because I just didn’t want to feel that sort of pain again. Several years ago I met this woman and we formed a very close friendship, even though she’s 20 years younger than me, we got on really well, similar mind set and such. I have always had feelings for her, but she’s always made it clear that we would never get together because of the age thing, even though she has said several things that that made me believe that she had feelings for me. I was always happy to just be friends, but several months ago that changed and my feelings just got stronger, before Christmas we were seeing each other 3 to 4 times a week and talking every day, but something has changed, since Christmas she doesn’t seem to want to be around me and it’s breaking my heart. We still talk and see each other on occasions but nowhere near as much. I think about her every minute of every day (good and bad) and I’m so frightened that I’m going to lose her, but I can’t tell her how I feel, the reality is that I always knew that eventually I would lose her, but it doesn’t change the feeling. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate on my work, it’s affecting everything in my life and the worst of it is that I know that if she goes, for the first time in my life I’m facing the prospect of being totally alone. And there’s the crux of the matter, I’m trapped in a world of my own making, this is not what I wanted for my life, this is not where I wanted to be, I feel like I’ve built a house with no escape, no doors that lead to a better place and I’m just constantly feeling sad and alone. I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want this anymore, but I can’t find a way out.

cherries04 Superannuation confusion
  • replies: 8

Hello, I'll start off by saying how thankful I am for this community as it greatly helped me a few years back. For background information about my situation from a few years ago I'll link the thread info. I now find myself in a touch situation regard... View more

Hello, I'll start off by saying how thankful I am for this community as it greatly helped me a few years back. For background information about my situation from a few years ago I'll link the thread info. I now find myself in a touch situation regarding my ex partners superannuation. Initially I hadn't thought much about the super as I was happy that my autistic son was getting the help we needed and my ex partner and I were able to co-parent without fighting. Our marriage was officially terminated Oct 2017. It has now dawned on me that I only have 12 months from the date to try and obtain my portion of the super that I would be entitled to. After much thought I do not feel it is fair that I walk away without my portion of the super, after caring for our son (who is severely disabled) for so many years, sometimes by myself, often with no help at all. I had moved away from my family and left a stable job. I am now a full time student. Going to uni is something I had always wanted to do however after the divorce it seemed my only option as I could not get a job anywhere. Due to enrolling in full time study and my son going with his father a bit more so that I have adequate time to study I am no longer on the carers pension. My current partner is amazing and works hard to keep a roof over our head and food on the table however we live paycheck to paycheck and I can't afford a lawyer to try and obtain my portion of the super. I've spoken to legal aid and they advised me they do not offer legal aid for these types of settlements. I've also spoken to citizens advice bureau and they don't seem to know much about how to help my situation either. I'm so lost and confused with all of this superannuation stuff. Now facing the reality that I may not be able to get my portion of it due to not being able to afford a lawyer. I just don't understand how he seems to walk out of this unscathed with his whole super and $80k per year job, meanwhile I'm nearing 30 with no super of my own and only just beginning uni studies. So many people say the system is designed to screw men over but in all this I seem to be the one who was really screwed over... Getting a bit down about it all. I am happy with my current fiance but because of my previous relationship with my sons father I feel like I have to be constantly planning for when things "inevitably" go south and once again I'm on my own- that means getting my portion of the super that I am entitled to...but I can't seem to get it

Plutonicmermaid Feeling lost, confused, out of control and scared.. please help.
  • replies: 1

First of all my story is long and complicated so I will try and simplify it best I can so you can fully understand my situation. I am 25 female and living in a rural town in WA. I live with my mum and my fiance currently because I am unemployed and c... View more

First of all my story is long and complicated so I will try and simplify it best I can so you can fully understand my situation. I am 25 female and living in a rural town in WA. I live with my mum and my fiance currently because I am unemployed and can't afford to move out. My mother is my main contributing factor when it comes to my depression, she is very negative and childish and my counsellor and psychiatrist have both told me she mentally abuses me and emotionally blackmails me. She makes me feel guilty for everything I do in my life even if it doesn't involve her. Because my partner and I can't afford to move out just yet it is very difficult to escape her. Even when I try and just get out of the house or go to a separate room she makes me feel guilty for wanting to do my own thing or just have some me time. She makes it out like I am abandoning her. She also tells me all her problems like I am supposed to fix them and they range from stupid small things to major life things like complaining about her job or people or the main one is my stepdad who she has little to no contact with but he lives with us too. I have told her several times to leave him if she's not happy because she isn't and neither is he. The house isn't a very nice place to be and I m pretty much stuck in it 24/7. The town I live in is slowly turning into a ghost town because there is no work at all so everyone is leaving. I want to leave too so I can find a job but at the present I cant because I know my mum wouldn't be able to survive financially without mine and my partners small contribution money wise. She isn't very good with money and never has been, for as long as I can remember we have always worried about if we were going to have a place to live or if we will eat dinner and it still goes on to this day. She lies to me about our financial situation and I have to find out through letters I find from our landlords or real estates. The last few weeks have been the hardest and she has pushed me to my breaking point but today was the worst, I feel like I don't know what to do about anything going on right now and I'm so confused and lost and worried. I know half of the things I worry about aren't my problem but I feel like I have to take control and be the adult because no one else will. I just need some guidance and help, please.

EMC7 Struggle
  • replies: 2

I need some advice please, I have been with my partner for 8 years. I had a very intense 2 year relationship before her, I was absolutely in love and obsessed with this girl. To a point I would almost say was unhealthy. But I have never been so happy... View more

I need some advice please, I have been with my partner for 8 years. I had a very intense 2 year relationship before her, I was absolutely in love and obsessed with this girl. To a point I would almost say was unhealthy. But I have never been so happy in all my life. But at the same time, never had such an awful time in my life, see, she would cheat on me, lie to me, steal from me, and hurt me over and over. I was a mess in those times but because of the love I had I would always let it go and just go back. Anyway we had a big fight she left me for someone else. I was heartbroken. But I ended up meeting someone else, I never had that “spark” with her as I did with my ex, and I struggle because I constantly compare everything to my ex and with such intense feelings in my last relationship I just wonder if this relationship is right? My girlfriend is the most beautiful person, she would do absolutely anything for me. She is the most caring kind and loyal person. She puts me before anything. We never fight, we have just purchased our first home. But I have moments (even 8 years on) that I think about my ex, then I start to have severe panic attacks wondering if this is even the person I want to spend my life with? But I know I deserve better then what I copped with my ex. I have everything and more with my current partner but sometimes I really struggle with letting go of my ex. I see things that remind me of her and I start to get anxiety. I had a dream of her last night, it was bliss. But today I have had anxiety all day and tonight had a massive panic attack. Because I can’t stop thinking about my dream which has once again made me question everything. But I just randomly have these dreams of her and I feel so guilty and I don’t want to tell my current girlfriend as it would break her heart. The times have had fights and she leaves me I realise I need her and I can’t live without her. I know I love her but I don’t know if I hold onto the lust of my first love and then the fact that my partner now and I have been together 8 years and it’s now more of a committed companionship and the honey moon phase is gone. I was young and carefree with my first love. Now I am grown with adult pressures and responsibilities. I have panic attacks about whether I am living a life I want to live. Im too scared to break up and possibly lose the most amazing girl, they say the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I just feel lost in life and scared. Sorry this is long.

Unloved84 I drove away an amazing man and I’m not coping
  • replies: 4

I met the most amazing man. We had the same morals, goals, interests etc. And he was interested in me. He cared for his family, animals, was funny and kind. He wanted a serious relationship and sounded like a great partner. I was going through a roug... View more

I met the most amazing man. We had the same morals, goals, interests etc. And he was interested in me. He cared for his family, animals, was funny and kind. He wanted a serious relationship and sounded like a great partner. I was going through a rough patch, so before our firs date I told him I’m not ready to date and I wished him all the best. He accepted it at first, but then hours later said he is there for me if i needed. He said he is ‘the real deal’ Long story short we met up and just clicked. I was smitten and he said he could see me becoming his girlfriend. But my self esteem is so bad that I was closed off. I told him I had bad experiences and he said so did he. He said he can see us becoming serious quickly and wants to help me feel happy and confident again. But then he said he feels uncertain and that he only said all those nice things because he was thinking with his man parts. And that me being closed off is giving him doubts. That he wants to see the real me. He would still say ‘can you see yourself dating an English chef ?’ Hinting that he wanted to date me. I showed him my affection with telling him what I like about him, paying for our dates and lots of affection. He did walk out of work and cried at the beach before our first date, which he messaged me about before we even met. he messaged me all day and every day, showed interest in who I was as a person. We talked about going on a short trip and other travels we didn’t have sex until almost a month in. I got us a hotel room and it was so nice. He cooked for me, we cuddled, laughed and went to the pool and he said he wanted to spend 2018 still seeing me The next morning I got anxiety. I panicked and he asked what was wrong. He said he was still uncertain about me that morning and it triggered me. I’m used to men losing interest at this point. He said before he was so scared of hurting me because he is uncertain. when I expressed my insecurities he got annoyed and backed away. At one point I playfully backed him against the fridge (gently) and tickled him because he was mocking me. We play fought before. He hugged me hard and said my insecurities are pushing him awau. But he reassured me that we will still meet and talk. He hugged and kissed me and said not to worry. We left and he texted me that afternoon still. the next morning he blocked me on all social media. I messed up something that could have been amazing. He was such a good guy.