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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Baker84 Marriage Breakdown
  • replies: 2

Hi Im only new on here and thought I might tell my story. I called my marriage off 4 months ago and I honestly thought it would be way easier than this. Once I did I went out drinking every night and turned up hungover too work for the first two mont... View more

Hi Im only new on here and thought I might tell my story. I called my marriage off 4 months ago and I honestly thought it would be way easier than this. Once I did I went out drinking every night and turned up hungover too work for the first two months. I then had a sudden change of heart and tried to go back, my wife wasnt sure if it was possible and now has decided its not. So now Im really starting too understand the difficulties that she had too go through. I use to smoke a lot of pot and that gets me very paranoid ie who is she seeing wheres she going which is really none of my business and knowing her she would probably be sitting at home still going through her own process. I haven't touched pot for 2 weeks now and I can slowly feel the paranoia subsiding. Anxiety is something I had heard about and thought was not a big deal, boy was I wrong it has hit me hard and I'm currently working through it. I just hope as the paranoia subsides so will the anxiety, I am currently working with a psyc on that and depession. The hardest thing I find is trying to stop thinking about all the good things we had and trying to remember some of the bad. The one good thing my psyc has told me which may help some other people is too think of it like a wound at first it really hurts but it slowly heals and you will bump it along the way hurting it again but eventually it will be a scar and will hopefully remind you not too make the same mistakes again. thanks for reading

helpmepls Move out or stay?
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, i dont really know what to say to start this ah, but I’ll try my best to explain, bare with me please aha. Okay so in August last year my parents decided to seperate, and since day one my father decided to move out. After a week he mo... View more

Hello everyone, i dont really know what to say to start this ah, but I’ll try my best to explain, bare with me please aha. Okay so in August last year my parents decided to seperate, and since day one my father decided to move out. After a week he moved in with his new partner and has tried to introduce us from then, even till now. It all started out friendly and was obviously emotional but after two months or so, it started getting quite verbally and mentally abusive towards me, my mum and my little brother. However, roughly 8 months have passed since it first happened and my relationship with my father has completely gone away (was rocky when he was here) and my mum has not been the same. My mum and I used to be extremely close, and over the past 2-4 months it’s been quite difficult for me to be around her and in my house. Sidenote, both me and my brother suffer from depression and anxiety, both have different levels. So the separation of my parents hit my brother a lot harder than it hit me, as I’m older and saw it coming. My mum has been very focused on my brother (which is fine, I get it) but she’s comepletly lost the contact we had before all of this and it’s really effecting me a lot. I feel like I can’t talk to her anymore and when I do it turns out to be a fight. She has started to focus on him for the positive things, whereas, for me she’s focusing on the negative. I have often not done my house jobs when I need to as my brother has not done his job, and I know I could just do it but it’s just everyday. So I get yelled at for not doing mine but he just gets a ‘slap on the wrist’. It’s also not just that, he’s getting away with things that me and my older brother would never have gotten away with at his age, even if we were in the same situation. My thing right now, is that I have been offered a cheap share house to move into with my boyfriend (already live with him) instead of being at home around negativity. At this moment I can’t stand being in this house anymore as it’s all so negative, I feel like I can’t talk to my mum or my brother anymore and it’s causing my depression to excel and my anxiety to get worse. If I do move into the house I can come back to my current house on weekends and can pull out at anytime, it would be easier for uni and everything else. do I move out and see how it goes? Or do I stay at put up with everything and potentially get worse mentally?

supersadgal Does anyone ever truly care about anyone else?
  • replies: 7

I've yet to meet a person who stays loyal to me despite my depression and BPD in all my 34 years. My only friend ended our friendship yesterday and said such cruel and hurtful things, basically reinforcing all my fears. "At least I have a life you pa... View more

I've yet to meet a person who stays loyal to me despite my depression and BPD in all my 34 years. My only friend ended our friendship yesterday and said such cruel and hurtful things, basically reinforcing all my fears. "At least I have a life you pathetic loser" "just die"to name a few. Yeah we're 34 year old women... I never reacted or stooped to her level of basically high school bully behavior, but it still hurts so bad. I reached out to an old friend I lost touch with 8 years ago and she left me on 'read'. I truly believe I am am good friend, I'm always mindful of not saying or doing things that will upset the other person. I go out of my way to show them i care, Yet I just don't get the same in return and it's really getting me down. I am watching my Mum die from cancer and soon I will be an "adult orphan" with no living siblings, as I've already suffered the tragic losses of my Dad and my brother by the time I was 25. No one else I know has suffered such grief but it's like the sadder i get the more I am abandoned by so called friends. I just want one person who supports me, honestly I could die tomorrow and the electricity company would probably find me when they come to disconnect me.

Jadams57 His mental health keeps causing us problems
  • replies: 7

So my ex boyfriend and I have a long complicated story. Basically he has quite bad depression but does a lot to self manage (healthy eater and exercises lots, mindfulness practices etc.) and takes medication. He broke up with me 4 months into our rel... View more

So my ex boyfriend and I have a long complicated story. Basically he has quite bad depression but does a lot to self manage (healthy eater and exercises lots, mindfulness practices etc.) and takes medication. He broke up with me 4 months into our relationship because I was going away for 2.5 months and he didn't want to do long distance. We got back together after but about 6 week later I told him I needed a break from the relationship because I didn't feel like he had been treating me very well since I returned. We got back together. Then he broke up with me 3 months later for no reason. He had responded poorly to a question I had asked and spiralled and was convinced that we should break up even though he had no prior thought of breaking up with me. I think that all of these scenarios are linked to his mental health but I don't know what to do. He's a fantastic guy and I want to get back together with him because he is really important to me and makes me a better person but it absolutely ripped me to shreds when he broke up with me the last time. I was trying to convince him to just think on it for 3 days but he was so adamant. Of course a week later he asked me to get back together with him because he realised he had made a mistake but I couldn't do it because I was so hurt. It's been 3 months now and he has tried to convince me to get back together with him a few times but I always said no because I'm scared he is going to do it again. But I really miss him. Does anyone have any advice or has been in a similar situation? I would get back together with him in a heartbeat if I knew he wasn't going to hurt me again or if I knew we could somehow handle the situation better

Jaydad Mother of my child left me. I'm 23. Son is 1
  • replies: 4

I don't even know where to begin, it's absolutely killing me. The house we shared, it is now my responsibility to pay for everything. The dog she brought for our family Christmas present, is now my responsibility............... We went on dates, so o... View more

I don't even know where to begin, it's absolutely killing me. The house we shared, it is now my responsibility to pay for everything. The dog she brought for our family Christmas present, is now my responsibility............... We went on dates, so often that they were special, but not so often they lost relevance. We went on family getaways, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week. We were so happy together everything was falling into place I even had an engagement lined up. I never thought of life without her. That wasn't a possibility anymore, what a silly thought. We had the perfect little family creating the perfect memories.... But not anymore. She just decided to have a break, which drove me insane. Not aggressively insane, more a lose sense of reality insane. The break went a bit too well for her I guess, she decided its best we separated. And that was a couple of months ago now. I'm not coping well at all. I'm not seeing any light in the situation. The scary thing is that when you have everything you have everything to lose. And here I am feeling lost. Useless. Self esteem non existant. Confidence disappeared. Although my son is everything to me I feel I have lost my purpose outside of him. Everything I done was for the family I created. Since the break I've lost the plot and lost her respect dimming any chance of reconnecting. I don't know what to do

SoSo Depression and long distance relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. Currently feeling quite depressed and I'm afraid of the impact it may have on my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. We meet when he was traveling and have lived apart ever since - on ... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. Currently feeling quite depressed and I'm afraid of the impact it may have on my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. We meet when he was traveling and have lived apart ever since - on separate continents, in separate timezones. We have met up several times for a few weeks at a time and we are both great with communication so there has been plenty of messages, skype, etc. We have an end date planned for six months from now but we're not sure how it will really turn out. It depends on both of our work. Anyway, I've just come back from seeing him and I'm feeling very low. It seems like it gets worse every time and the separation is more difficult to handle. I've suffered from depression on and off pretty much my whole life. I've been medicated a few times but I'm not sure how much it really did for me because I was always sort of numb anyway. For the last few years I've been reengaging with my emotions, probably for the first time since childhood. I have suffered huge anxiety, self-loathing, rage, depression etc but I kept working through it. Then I met my boyfriend and the relationship made me feel so much relief. I finally felt like I had someone I could love and who loved me. The feeling was like nothing else in the world and I guess I got a bit dependent on it. Now there is so much sorrow mixed in as well, due to the constant re-separating that we do and also because as our relationship has progressed we've had arguments. Sometimes quite bad ones. I find arguments very hard to get over even though for him it seems ok to just put things in the past. I get preoccupied by hurt and a fear of everything changing. The sense of safety I had for the first year or so of our relationship was so intense and now I feel like we're as vulnerable as any other couple. Of course we are. I know nothing and nobody is perfect. Intellectually I get that. But emotionally I seem to be feeling like an abandoned child. I want to cry all the time, struggle to get out of bed, find no motivation in work and limited pleasure in things I normally love. All the classics. I seem to be holding things against him a lot and crying and being needy which I hate. He gets upset because he doesn't know how to help... I don't want to place stress on him/the relationship but I also don't want to lie about what I'm going through. Has anyone had experience with dealing with depression and a long distance relationship?

Georgiegirl Thanks and update
  • replies: 1

I wanted to say thanks to those who supported me in the new year with my anxiety and relationship with my 15yr daughter. I did seek help reluctantly after having such bad experiences in the past and was terrified to do so. Unfortunately that didn't g... View more

I wanted to say thanks to those who supported me in the new year with my anxiety and relationship with my 15yr daughter. I did seek help reluctantly after having such bad experiences in the past and was terrified to do so. Unfortunately that didn't go well and my privacy was breached and the matter is now being heard in the tribunal. Not to mention, she didn't listen to me and had factual information incorrect. On the same day I fell down the stairs and injured my ankle very badly and was bedridden until 2 weeks ago and have now developed complex regional pain syndrome. The problems with my daughter remain unresolved after the experience with mental health treatment and my injury. I sincerely thank those for their support. Particularly demonblaster.

Seele Stress, Anxiety, Depression, Trauma & A Family To Top It All
  • replies: 4

Hello and welcome to the pilot episode of "It's That Messed Up" I'm your host, Seele (Say-Lay). Characters: Seele, The Partner, Child A (Currently 5YO), Child B (Currently 2YO) Location: Rural NSW, Riverina. The Boring Details: I'm a 28YO Male surviv... View more

Hello and welcome to the pilot episode of "It's That Messed Up" I'm your host, Seele (Say-Lay). Characters: Seele, The Partner, Child A (Currently 5YO), Child B (Currently 2YO) Location: Rural NSW, Riverina. The Boring Details: I'm a 28YO Male survivor of childhood domestic abuse (Physical, Sexual, Mental, Emotional). I suffer from Depression, Anxiety & Stress. I also have low self esteem and a perverse hatred for myself. After reading another Thread in these forums I have decided that I am going to try and start exercising from tonight onwards. Roughly 4 years ago my partner and our daughter, Child A, moved from Canberra to a small-medium sized country town in the Riverina of NSW. This followed a period of almost 3 months where we were homeless after both of lost our jobs within a span of about 6 months. Since then we have struggled tooth and nail to build ourselves back up to a point where we can start feeling happy and comfortable with our living conditions again. In that time we've also had a second child, Child B. Since my adolescence I've always had an issue with Anger Management and my general mental health as a result of the way I was dragged up by my mother and her many partners since my father left her when I was a child. In my opinion I think I am spectacularly well adjusted considering my childhood and teenage years. My partner however, feel differently. She is adamant that I need to seek professional counselling so I can "Get Over" my childhood. I've seen several counsellors and mental health professionals over the past 6 years we've been together, most of which have done nothing but try and desensitise me to the trauma of my childhood by forcing me to remember particular events over and over. I never found this particularly helpful and it never resolved the anger issues I was seeing them for in the first place. Since falling pregnant with our first child my partner has had a dramatically decreased sexual drive, to the point where we now regularly go up to 6 months without touching each other. But there will be more on that in future episodes. Since I'm almost out of space in this text box now I'll sign off and hopefully be back with an update in the next couple of days. Thank you all for watching "It's That Messed Up"

Auggie Trust Issues *Trigger Warning - Domestic Violence*
  • replies: 8

Hi, First of all, please pardon me if my English is all over the place. I am originally from Malaysia and have a partner, Julian from Romania, we have been together for 8 years, most of our relationship is long distance. We are both working in a educ... View more

Hi, First of all, please pardon me if my English is all over the place. I am originally from Malaysia and have a partner, Julian from Romania, we have been together for 8 years, most of our relationship is long distance. We are both working in a educational institution, he is currently in Asia. We started the relationship when he was only 24 and I was 29. Julian travel the world teaching English, we only met once or twice a year when we get the chance. We communicate mostly through Skype, Facebook, emails. In January 2015, I received a contract to work in my home country for a year and I was so excited about it. Julian was teaching in China at that moment, when he found out about it, he quit his job to come and stay with me and since then everything went downhill. I finished my contract a year later and returned to Australia, as a totally different person. I used to be a very happy.person. Since Julian came to live with me in Malaysia, I found myself caught in a very difficult situation. Julian has a temper issue and he always lie to me. I couldn't differentiate if he is telling me the truth or if he is telling me another tale. If I caught him lying and confronted him about it, he started acting crazy, throwing his phone, punching the door, threatening me that he will end his life. He always have something he called 'panic attack' and threw a tantrum no matter where we were and whether it is life threatening. He is constantly lying and I actually knew about it and it really hurts me badly, emotionally. The worse when he started hitting me and it happened 3 times now since 2015. Last year was the worse when he got upset and tried to commit suicide , when I tried to stop him, he attacked me and self harmed. He blames me for every single problem we have in our relationship. I know sometimes I can be demanding when I asked him all the time about where he was and who was with him and what he was doing. But what else can I ask? Julian always said this relationship is a nightmare to him but everytime I asked for us to go our separate ways, he refused to let go and again, he blamed me for making the relationship so difficult. I don't know where to seek advice and where to find help and to understand if I am really the caused of all the problems occurred in this relationship. Sincerely, Auggie

tbb176 can’t get over ex
  • replies: 3

hi to whoever is reading this... i haven’t really talked about this to many people but last year in october i dated a boy for like a week and ever since we have been still talking good and meeting up with each other a lot and he started to hit me and... View more

hi to whoever is reading this... i haven’t really talked about this to many people but last year in october i dated a boy for like a week and ever since we have been still talking good and meeting up with each other a lot and he started to hit me and make up so many jokes and everytime i go to hit him not in a bad way he would get angry. no matter what i do he doesn’t care. it’s a toxic as relationship but whenever i’m not talking to him or we have had a fight i start to shut down and get depressed and want to give up. i can’t do it and then he would come back to me and i was the happiest but everytime he would leave i hated it. recently he got into a relationship and he doesn’t want anything to do with me. at school we would just walk past each other like strangers and sometimes yell at each other, i miss him so much and i know i need to let go but it’s literally so hard. he’s got me so attached. also when he wants something he always gets it no matter what, he hates it when he doesn’t get his own way all the time. he’s a user. he’s used me so many times and i kept going back to him. i’ve lost so many friends because of him. i’m completely broken because of him and i can’t deal with it anymore