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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Brad49 My wife Left me Sept 21st
  • replies: 48

After my wife gave birth I lost connection with her I tried getting it back but couldn't.. She was distant... Next thing I knew I found out she was having a Affair. The first time she came back she said she only did cause she loved me. I tried puttin... View more

After my wife gave birth I lost connection with her I tried getting it back but couldn't.. She was distant... Next thing I knew I found out she was having a Affair. The first time she came back she said she only did cause she loved me. I tried putting a stop to it.. But the other Guy kept chasing after her.. and she had more and more secret liasons. Until finally in September this year she decided to leave me for the other man.Its been 2 months now . I'm on meds anti depressents and anxiety pills.. I'm doing my best to move on. Its so difficult. The problem is my wife is very nieve(all her friends tell me) and was manipulated into this relationship. She lost all her friends and family by being with this guy.They told her not to do it. And recently I cut her off from access to her son. She has no money no job no government benefits and is sponging off this new boyfriend. The problem is even after everything shes done I still love her very much. I'm dating I'm seeing other women. I'm going to the gym I'm getting trim taught and terrific. I keep on waiting for someone to tell me that my wifes relationship with her boyfriend is over.. I know Affairs don't last long but is it just me thinking that this relationship shes in wont last?

RCR Getting over being cheated on
  • replies: 5

5 years ago, with the birth of our second child, my wife was diagnosed with post natal depression and anxiety. Our second son did not sleep well and our first had been diagnosed with high functioning autism, which added to the stress we were both und... View more

5 years ago, with the birth of our second child, my wife was diagnosed with post natal depression and anxiety. Our second son did not sleep well and our first had been diagnosed with high functioning autism, which added to the stress we were both under. I developed a sleep disorder which resulted in me sleep walking and acting aggressive at nights. I went to a sleep specialist and the sleep disorder was soon under control with the help of a CPAP machine to treat sleep apnea I didn't even know I had, while my wife went to a psychologist. The next 5 years were difficult as my wife continued to be distant with both our children and me. We went to marriage counselling and I put everything I had into the relationship. A normal day would involve me getting up early to have the boys fed, dressed and ready to walk out the door for school. I would often make my wife a cooked breakfast and leave notes, telling her she is loved and valued, around the house. After a full day of work I would return to make dinner and put the boys to bed. I would then clean while my wife went on drives to get some space. I'd make lunches for everyone with a note for her to read at lunch on the days she worked. I also took the boys to my parent's house for a few nights each holidays. Every year on her birthday I would arrange babysitters, a hotel and things to do in the city for us both, as well as other date nights throughout the year. I thought things were progressing well, even though I felt I was the only one making an effort, I felt we were going ok. In march this year my wife informed me that she had been having an affair with an ex boyfriend 'for a while'. At least a year, probably more. I later discovered it was only over because the other guy's wife had found her photos on his phone. Turns out he told her he loved her and that they would escape each other's problems together. When discovered he told his wife she was just a crazy person who sent him nudes and denied any relationship. Although she acknowledges she was being used, she still loves him and I have spent many nights comforting her broken heart. In a lot of ways I feel like we are closer now and communicating better, and when I am with her I forget how hurt and betrayed I feel. But, at night and while I'm at work, I feel like a rabbit is trying to escape my chest as I picture them together and rethink every moment of the past year or more. I've forgiven her, I'll never stop loving her, but will I ever get over the pain?

Rospat Dealing with friendship loss
  • replies: 3

Some years ago I was a fulltime carer for an elderly family member, and consequently became very socially isolated. When my parent passed away I went on a seniors forum as a means of starting some social interaction. I went to some social events they... View more

Some years ago I was a fulltime carer for an elderly family member, and consequently became very socially isolated. When my parent passed away I went on a seniors forum as a means of starting some social interaction. I went to some social events they organized and was befriended by a member with whom I had something in common as we had both dealt with family members with Aspergers. We became very close friends, went out, had fun, our families also joined in the friendship. She often told me that I was her only friend and seemed to really value me as a person. Then there was a change in her family's circumstances, which they dealt with, but it meant she was not available to me as much. I understood this, was supportive and we met up whenever we could. However this became less and less, she was hard to contact and when we were together she started to be bitter, critical and sarcastic. I wondered if she had gone off some medication - she had formerly taken anti depressants and HRT meds. Finally after no contact for a while I sent her a nice birthday card and a message asking if I had somehow offended her. She emailed back in a very nasty tone saying that she knew I had gone cold on the friendship!!! I was amazed and tried to reassure her but she was just very hostile and unpleasant. Anyway that ended the friendship. it has taken me some time to get over this - actually I have been dumped in a similar manner before. I try to get on with life and be positive but the sadness gnaws at me, plus I am lonely. I have joined a walking group and made casual friends but it seems I am not destined to have any close friendships.

Taylah75 Break up due to sons behaivour
  • replies: 15

Need some advice. ive been in a relationship for close to 12 months. I have a 12 Ye old and my partner has a 9 Ye old full time and doesn't see the mum which he seems to accept. I've had ongoing issues with my sons behaivour with his disrespect towar... View more

Need some advice. ive been in a relationship for close to 12 months. I have a 12 Ye old and my partner has a 9 Ye old full time and doesn't see the mum which he seems to accept. I've had ongoing issues with my sons behaivour with his disrespect towards me and attitude. Yes he's 12 but it's an issue at times where adults don't want to be around him. He's great everywhere at school with friends and when he stays at people's houses and everyone comments on how good he is. we all went away at Christmas with other families and my sons behaivour wasn't great. It did put a downer on the holiday a little. At that time I thought I need to book him to a psych which he has been to every now and then but the whole month of Jan she cancelled his appointments for family reasons. At the time my BF wasn't happy with his behaivour and he said at Xmas he had my back and support. Last Sunday we were at his friends house and their kids had a fight with my son and he called the girl a "... dog" NOT OK. My bf was outside and I left and wanted to chat after the fact. Basically he said he wanted out of the relationship when we spoke in person he said it was due to my son. My son sent my BF a message saying sorry and I need some help with my behaivour and I don't want you to break up with mum. He did acknowledge his message and say he needed to work out his own issues. He rang me the next day after the text from my son Saying He was weak and He wasnt happy how He handled the situation and it's how he rolls within relationships and he's scared and felt trapped but couldn't explain that. I'm not high maintenence in any form. We never had a fight in the year and our two boys are great together no issues there. We were happy nothing else I see was bad. We were telling each other we loved each other the day before this incident occurred. My BF is under severe pressure with his business financially and had two mates pass away in November. I just feel he's done a knee jerk reaction. I sent him a message saying you said you wanted to talk more and I do too and his response was "I'll call you when my head is clear" so I said ok it would be better to communciate sooner rather than later that was only on Wednesday. Feel confused

micky18 Broke up with my depressed girlfriend... feel extremely guilty
  • replies: 5

Hey guys. I'm writing today to get something off my chest and hopefully receive some advice on the subject. My girlfriend is severely depressed, she has a lot of mental health issues and I've always tried my best to help and be there for her as much ... View more

Hey guys. I'm writing today to get something off my chest and hopefully receive some advice on the subject. My girlfriend is severely depressed, she has a lot of mental health issues and I've always tried my best to help and be there for her as much as I possibly could. It's a long distance relationship, but she's in an extremely bad place with everything going on with her life, and has been for a long time. Her family emotionally abusive her, her ex (who she has a child with) is emotionally and extremely physically abusive towards her. She doesn't really have a way out and while I've always been there for her throughout these rough times, trying to work through it together, finding a solution and a way out, things are really taking a toll on me mentally after around a year. The relationship (from my point of view) is over. It's starting to make my depression and anxiety return after so many years and I feel really lonely. We haven't really spent any time together and are constantly fighting or just not speaking to eachother, which resulted in me breaking up with her (I wanted to do it in the lightest way possible... but there is no light way to do something like that). She really is such an amazing person and definitely one of the strongest people I know. I don't say things like that just to be nice, she genuinely is a really amazing person and i feel so much sorrow for her for everything she's going through. I'm not really good at writing so I hope this is clear! I really feel extremely guilty for breaking up with her, she has expressed I have been the best thing to ever happen to her, she found happiness in me which is something she does not have outside of this relationship. I feel completely shit about this all. I really really really want to help her but being around at this point (after a break up) will only cause more and more pain. Please help me! (and possibly her)

chelpformum Dealing with being dumped by the one you love
  • replies: 5

I really I’ve this guy. We were best friends before dating but things changed with a girl he knows so he dumped me. I’m heartbroken and just need tips of self repair in this situation, thank you

I really I’ve this guy. We were best friends before dating but things changed with a girl he knows so he dumped me. I’m heartbroken and just need tips of self repair in this situation, thank you

Flips Becoming a dad to twins
  • replies: 3

I've suffered depression anxiety for over 10 years had alot of ups and downs over my time now I'm reasonbly level but still have my moments, got married 4 years and now expecting twins this has rocked my world going through all these thoughts can I m... View more

I've suffered depression anxiety for over 10 years had alot of ups and downs over my time now I'm reasonbly level but still have my moments, got married 4 years and now expecting twins this has rocked my world going through all these thoughts can I manage even when I struggle with myself at times ? Will I be a supporting parent ? How can I support the wife in these challenging times ?I'm very negative and think financially it' going to be too hard...

April61 Why bother
  • replies: 15

My husband walked away from our marriage in November after nearly 18 years together. I never saw it coming. He said a whole heap of nasty things. I just took it all and never retaliated we have gone through the courts for our settlement and I thought... View more

My husband walked away from our marriage in November after nearly 18 years together. I never saw it coming. He said a whole heap of nasty things. I just took it all and never retaliated we have gone through the courts for our settlement and I thought things would get better. In April my daughter and I got an intervention order as he verbally and physically assulted her. He has been verbally abusing me since this all started. I cannot get my head around how someone can change like he has. I went back to court yesterday to have the intervention order changed. He did not turn up but sent a letter. The judge read his letter but I was not allowed to say what he had done. In the last week we discovered he was accessing my daughters emails and then on Tuesday he wiped he phone. She was using his old iPhone The one thing I have discovered is that our court system sucks. I fully understand why people get murdered. It is just not worth all the effort when he walks away from everything he has done with no consequences I just can't get past this I know I need to get on with my life for my daughters sake but it is so hard I can't stop crying it turns out he had some one else who was supposedly my friend as well I have stopped talking to friends as I just get the feeling they all are sick of hearing about it I am trying to keep my home for my daughters sake but he is making it harder and harder everything he does costs me money my daughter is 16 and is just amazing she is so much stronger than me I hold it together while she is around but during the days she is at school and I can't do anything but cry he walked away and is now living with his best friend as he calls her he thinks we are all stupid and don't know what's going on.

JONNO1 Wife's work travels, Trust gone ... explain
  • replies: 5

Hi all , I'm sorry to be here , have know where else to go . Simply , partner is a corporate exec , travels alot , last year she travelled for 8 mnths , came back on weekends . I'm a chef and work 14+ hrs/day ; she spent sat/sun at her horses. I have... View more

Hi all , I'm sorry to be here , have know where else to go . Simply , partner is a corporate exec , travels alot , last year she travelled for 8 mnths , came back on weekends . I'm a chef and work 14+ hrs/day ; she spent sat/sun at her horses. I have Sundays off , not interested in horses. So therefore I'm told I have to fit into her life.(been together for 3.5 years). She comes home then spends 1hour watching Tv , doesn't want to go out, I cook a great meal ,but lucky to get a thanks. Problem , WHEN she's away she'll call me most of the time @ 12-1230+ drunk as ....saying I need to socialise . I look after dogs/cats/horses etc while she's away with no thanks at all. Do all the housework , plus outside. Am I whinging, but wait. THIS TIME .... she sends me a text saying "Going for dinner call you after" .... 1am comes , again drunk as (recorded=cause she always says she wasn't , saying her friend/co-worker looks like he's getting micro-managed out of the workplace. I said who else is travelling , reply , > no one just us (on going for 2 years. I simply said does it take 7 hrs to have dinner. She raises her voice , in background is a voice saying things angrily. I know it seems clear , but I don't want to beleive it. How do I feel now , gutted , why me , the usual (AGAIN THERE IS MORE IMPORTANT ISSUES HERE , AND APOLOGIES). I've done nothing wrong , feel like there is nothing left , battle major depression for along time now , someone help. I'm a good person.

Battlin_Business_Owner Feeling lost, alone and unsupported, despite having an amazing family
  • replies: 7

Well, I'm amazing myself that I'm here, honestly. I'm a bloke in my mid 40's and I don't think I've ever asked for help before, but I'm stuck and well this seems like somewhere you can ask questions. From the outside, I probably look like I've got my... View more

Well, I'm amazing myself that I'm here, honestly. I'm a bloke in my mid 40's and I don't think I've ever asked for help before, but I'm stuck and well this seems like somewhere you can ask questions. From the outside, I probably look like I've got my life together. I run my own consulting business, my clients love me and the results I get for them, I make decent money from my business, overheads are low. I've got some great business mentors that support me a lot in growing my business, they're so encouraging and give me great feedback and ideas on how to do things better. At home it's a different story. My wife works as well and we have two kids. We both chip in with looking after the kids but let's not kid anyone, she does the lions share and does a great job balancing her work and keeping our home running. So what's my problem? Well generally I really care not at all what people think, the problem is I love my wife and consequently care a lot about what she thinks. My consulting business is only a year old so still has growing pains and there's so much to do, I work most days whether directly (as in with clients) or working on the business planning and systems. Like any business owner, I think they'll all agree, it's a hard slog, if it was easy everyone would be doing it. The one person in my life that I'm close to I want that person to support me and encourage me in what I'm doing, I'm doing it for us, our family. Unfortunately I don't feel I get that. We've been together about 20yrs and it's just not what it was. I don't sleep well. Especially since starting my own business, consequently we rarely sleep in the same bed anymore, it seems as time goes by there's less and less we do together. I try and make time for us to do things together but invariably she doesn't have time (honestly I'm starting to resent the family dog, it gets an hour and a half of her time a day - more than me), or she doesn't feel well. I'm finding more and more I'd rather be alone or with clients as both of those make me happier than being at home. I feel like as the years go by we're strangers who exist in the same space together. I find I get frustrated a lot at home and so I often just get up and leave, before it escalates, I know my wife hates it when that happens but the way I feel at the time, it's for the best for everyone. Sorry for the long post.