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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Pebbles83 How to deal with my alcoholic brother
  • replies: 6

Hello everyone, I am new here, so thanks in advance for taking the time to read this. I have joined this site because I am seriously concerned for my brother. My brother is an alcoholic, although he doesn't think he has a problem. These last couple o... View more

Hello everyone, I am new here, so thanks in advance for taking the time to read this. I have joined this site because I am seriously concerned for my brother. My brother is an alcoholic, although he doesn't think he has a problem. These last couple of years he has gone through some horrible situations. He's broken up with his long term partner ,he was seeing someone else but he found out that the baby she was carrying was not his, he lost a lot of money because he gave it to her, his car's been repossessed, he's on the verge of losing his job, he has acted out recently while drunk at our nephew's 18th birthday,lost weight and is isolated from most of the family. There has been ongoing arguments with our sisters for a while, but that came to a head recently.Now, a lot of what he has gone through has been self inflicted, but the arguments with our sisters aren't actually his fault (long story). The reason I mention this is because the rest of the family believe he is wrong about this, due to the lies being told and that is because of the way he has chosen to deal with the situation. He uses alcohol to deal with everything and when he drinks too much he brings up whatever he has been stewing on. I have tried so hard to get through to him, telling him that he doesn't have to act badly or let others influence his behavior. I have tried getting him to see that if he continues to drink so much, he may lose access to his daughter (they both adore each other, but her mother doesn't want her around him too much). He doesn't have a steady place to stay. My husband and I offered him a room but said that we don't want excessive drinking around our two girls. He declined our offer. I don't want to offer him money as I know it won't go on food, rather alcohol, but he has said that he has slept on the street before. No one else wants to contact him. They have the view that "you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped" or they have said "he made his bed, he can lie in it". I am worried that one day I will get a phone call saying he has either gotten himself into serious trouble or he has done something to himself. I don't know what to do to help him. He won't answer my calls, although he's sent a text to say he's okay. I seem to be the only person he doesn't have a problem with at the moment and the only person who hasn't written him off,which is why I feel like a lot is on my shoulders. I really need some advice. Thank you and so sorry for the long post.

Charliegrace92 Recently found out partner of 12 years cheated on me
  • replies: 2

I found out from the girl he cheated on me with. Apparently it was on and off for 2 years. He broke up with me but we got back together almost straight away and he kept seeing her. Found out they last slept together as recently as Christmas last year... View more

I found out from the girl he cheated on me with. Apparently it was on and off for 2 years. He broke up with me but we got back together almost straight away and he kept seeing her. Found out they last slept together as recently as Christmas last year and was pnly told this April. Its been almost 2 months since finding out. I still love him but this is the most hurt I've ever been in and I'm struggling to cope. I'm struggling to get past the idea I had of our relationship and the idea i had of him. It seems like I never thought anything like this could ever happen and this all happened at a time I felt most comfortable in our relationship. I have crippling anxiety and I just feel depressed. I thought I was doing alright at one point but i can feel it getting worse. Just after any advice from someone who's experienced anything similar, how they coped after being cheated on with a long time partner they trusted completely.

hannahjane Miss
  • replies: 1

I have no idea what to do anymore my family make it harder 

I have no idea what to do anymore my family make it harder 

Little_Austin Life just doesn't stop
  • replies: 1

I will start with background, I am an ex Australian Rep Triathlete. I now work as a QLD Firefighter and Irrigation Manager on a big farm. I have buried 2 of my 3 children, witnessed so much in my fire-fighter role. My wife is OCD and suffers so much ... View more

I will start with background, I am an ex Australian Rep Triathlete. I now work as a QLD Firefighter and Irrigation Manager on a big farm. I have buried 2 of my 3 children, witnessed so much in my fire-fighter role. My wife is OCD and suffers so much from loosing our 2 boys that she has as much PTSD as myself. She doesn't relise that she has has fallen into coercive control. She works 2 days a week and I work 2 jobs over 60 hrs and have a $50 spend limit. I can't see friends until it's the weekend and everyone is in bed. I have to let her know every where I work during the day and if I am 30min late I have lied to her and cop an argument the size of the horse of Troy. She doesn't relise what is happening and if I bring it up she says the door is there. We have been married 18 years. I don't know where else to go and I am starting to drink more to escape.

Flashfire I did a stupid thing
  • replies: 1

My relationship broke up 4 months ago and my ex-partner and I have been trying to cohabit as we are not able to move into individual accommodations. It's been hard, there have been days when we barely speak to each other, there are other days when we... View more

My relationship broke up 4 months ago and my ex-partner and I have been trying to cohabit as we are not able to move into individual accommodations. It's been hard, there have been days when we barely speak to each other, there are other days when we have tried to talk but it is going around in circles. My ex-partner is trying to move on and I guess I have been trying to find a way to get the relationship back. But every time I ask her what it is she wants, she tells me. "I don't know" I feel as if she has made some decisions but she is not sharing them with me and it's frustrating. This weekend she went away and I am home, I knew she has been journalling, so her journal and I read it, and yes, I know this is a terrible breach of her privacy, and I should not have done it. But it answered some of my questions. I now know that the relationship is irreconcilable, she has accused me of so many things in this journal that are just not true and I feel so sad because the person I spent 31 years of my life with, doesn't know me at all. She has been reading books on co-dependency and from what I have read it seems to me that there is the giver and a taker and she is making it sound like I am the taker, needy, selfish, self centred, manipulative, she has accused me of gas lighting ( I don't even know what that means!) lying, being deceitful and money hungry (for her money) I feel so destroyed by this, I don't know how I am going to face her but I can't confess what I did because to her it would just prove that she is right not to trust me. I don't know what to do. Lee

Sla24- Feeling empty and lonely
  • replies: 2

I have had depression for years now but I always had my family around which helped. Now my sons are growing up and moving out, my marriage is falling apart, I miss my Mum, she passed away 3 years ago and I feel so unhappy, lonely and empty. I feel li... View more

I have had depression for years now but I always had my family around which helped. Now my sons are growing up and moving out, my marriage is falling apart, I miss my Mum, she passed away 3 years ago and I feel so unhappy, lonely and empty. I feel like there isn’t anything to look forward to anymore. Is there anyone else that feels like this?

Anie5 How do I move on
  • replies: 3

My second husband has decided we are done. I have 2 teenage children. From my previous marriage. I have been with my husband almost 10 years, married almost 7 years. He wanted a separation after I had a major operation and in that time I have made th... View more

My second husband has decided we are done. I have 2 teenage children. From my previous marriage. I have been with my husband almost 10 years, married almost 7 years. He wanted a separation after I had a major operation and in that time I have made things worse. He wanted space and I kept messaging him and then got annoyed with him and ultimately I have pushed him too far and now he's done. Moved out permanently last week and I just can't accept it, even though I known it's done. I have enormous trust issues and I have let that control my thinking and now it's too late. He is not blameless in this and I know deep down it's for the best but how do I move on? He has been quite strict over the years with my kids and his expectations of them have been way over the top. They don't have a relationship with him, they're always worried about what they're in trouble for next. Like I said I know this separation is for the best but I am just so sad for what we did have and the future we had planned. I guess I'm scared. I work, have a good job, I'm staying in our house until I can afford to refinance and pay him out. He's still going to contribute financially, so being very reasonable in that sense. I just don't want it to actually be over and feel so sad. I feel like i am going crazy actually. I have had to stop looking at social media, I'm finding all the happy people on there are making me even more depressed! I'm mad at myself for not giving him the time he wanted but he also abandoned me when I needed him most after my surgery. I'm probably not making sense, there's so much more to this but I know it's done. I just want to feel better and be able to function without crying at the drop of a hat!

Moggy23 Husband away working
  • replies: 1

Hi ,do you think I would be normal when your husband has been away for 2 days with work and then coming home and for me to get anxiety?We have two kids 15 and 11 and I work 4 days a week ,the 3 of us look at it as a break from him because he can be m... View more

Hi ,do you think I would be normal when your husband has been away for 2 days with work and then coming home and for me to get anxiety?We have two kids 15 and 11 and I work 4 days a week ,the 3 of us look at it as a break from him because he can be moody ,are we being mean about it.

Elizabeth Louise Feeling so lonely
  • replies: 7

Hi Everyone, Been separated from my husband of 16 Yeats for 6 months now. He left me, we both share the children 50/50.I miss him, we talk regularly, interactions are more positive now, I realy want to save my marriage but I'm afraid that he is too s... View more

Hi Everyone, Been separated from my husband of 16 Yeats for 6 months now. He left me, we both share the children 50/50.I miss him, we talk regularly, interactions are more positive now, I realy want to save my marriage but I'm afraid that he is too scared to try again. His main reason for separating was high conflict. I think it was just stress and he burnt out with so many changes in life that we were dealing with. I really believe things would be different if we try again. I feel so alone in the world, my friends & family are all so busy and I feel like I don't fit in with my family anymore. I keep trying to make plans with people on the weekends when I don't have the kids but i keep getting rejected I try to keep busy with work, and I try to do activities that I enjoy but I still feel so alone. I enjoy talking to him on the phone and having that connection/companionship. I don't have that with anyone else. He has a close friend that he speaks with daily. I don't really have anyone like that other than him. It's not the same with my family. I miss my husband so much. Therapists have told me that I need to move on and let him go. I still have hope that things might change over the next 5-6momths. We co parent without any issues and are working like a team when it comes to the children. I still can't believe he left. I still wake up in shock some days. He's not seeing anyone else and the thought of him seeing someone if we were to Divorce eventually make me terribly sad. I never felt lonely ever in my life until now. I used to want to run away from connecting with people because I was always so stressed. Now I crave for connection. I would really love to hear some good stories where people have reconciled after separation.

Leesha456 Diabetic partner
  • replies: 2

My partner and I just had our 9 year anniversary, we are both in our late 20's, mostly things with us are great, he's loving, loyal, caring, hardworking, a great partner. But, he is type 1 diabetic, which is fine I would never not be with someone bec... View more

My partner and I just had our 9 year anniversary, we are both in our late 20's, mostly things with us are great, he's loving, loyal, caring, hardworking, a great partner. But, he is type 1 diabetic, which is fine I would never not be with someone because of that, however he does not look after his health in the slightest bit! Heavily smokes, drinks, eats food he shouldnt (infact if I didn't make him eat Veges, he wouldn't..) which I find extreamly difficult to watch. We have had many conversations about it over the years, we even had a break 2 years ago because of it but he always promises he will do better. I am constantly having to look after him when he has sugar lows/highs and he gets very aggressive when that happens, he wets/poos the bed quite often, his diabetes even got so bad last year I had to literally drag him into the car and take him to hospital and he was in ICU for a week.. Iv tried speaking to his family about but and they'll listen but then speak to him about it and he'll play it down and then I'm the one over reacting. I spoke to my bestfriend about when he gets aggressive and she told me that I should just sit down and be quite when he treats me like that.. Don't get me wrong he is a beautiful person and normally would never dream of treating me poorly. It's just his diabetes. No one ever told me this is what it can be like, there are no support groups that I know of for partners. No one I know understands just how hard this is. I feel like I'm going insane at times, trying to get through to a brick wall, I broke down tonight, I'm so tired of watching someone slowly kill themself and having to clean up the mess.. But I love him so much.. Feeling defeated..