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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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lost_101 Boyfriend left me because of my mental illnesses.
  • replies: 6

He said he didn't love me anymore, that he was sick of me feeling the way I do (anxiety and depression). He used to say he would always love me no matter what I go through in regards to my mental illness, but just a few hours ago, after an overnight ... View more

He said he didn't love me anymore, that he was sick of me feeling the way I do (anxiety and depression). He used to say he would always love me no matter what I go through in regards to my mental illness, but just a few hours ago, after an overnight depression and anxiety 'episode' he said he can't deal with it anymore. After 7 months he said he was happy to let it go. He said he's sick of me not communicating when I get in those 'episodes' but I've tried explaining to him it's so hard for me to talk when every second I feel like crying and there are millions of thoughts swimming through my mind and I can't immediately grasp at a coherent one. I'm doing CBT and I'm working on it but after 7 months, he said he hasn't seen good enough progress. I tried to tell him that it may take a while for me to break free from my mental illnesses but he said he doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He said he likes everything being to a standard, and that he can see I can't live up to that. I told him we can both set some standards and work around it together but he didn't want to hear it. He eventually admitted he doesn't love me anymore, and broke up with me telling me to move on. He didn't want to hear anything about us working it out, he just wanted me to go. I'm so lost and broken, I have no idea what to do. Because of my depression and anxiety, I haven't loved anyone before until I met him. I was so scared to and I admit it had taken me a while to even settle into the relationship because I've never known of the feelings and differences that come with one. We've had so many good times together that they've outweighed the bad. But the bad is always me feeling sad or anxious about something and as I'm trying to get over it he yells at me and gets so angry so of course that it makes me feel worse, to which he then gets even angrier. I like to work it out on my own but he didn't let me. Maybe in the end we just didn't fit. But I've introduced him to family and they LOVE him, and that made me really happy. He genuinely made me happy, and even after hearing him say he doesn't love me anymore I STILL love him. I really do hate myself. I don't think anyone will love me again. I was just turning 19 when I met him, he was my first kiss and who I lost my virginity to. If it took me until 19 to find that I may never find it again. I'm not pretty so it's not easy. I'm so scared that my life is just going to spiral down again like it had before I knew him. I am truly lost now.

Magic1 Im unable to get pregnant, partner wants a child outside of our relationship
  • replies: 12

I would really appreciate any feedback regarding my situation. Im unable to get pregnant (age) even with IVF, my partner (14yrs younger with already has one young child from previous relationship) wants to have a son at some stage in the future outsi... View more

I would really appreciate any feedback regarding my situation. Im unable to get pregnant (age) even with IVF, my partner (14yrs younger with already has one young child from previous relationship) wants to have a son at some stage in the future outside of our relationship. He wants a son to carry his name which I can't give, but he wants us to be a family but still be able to conceive a child outside of our relationship without having a relationship with this person who ever she will be. He feels that if I think I cannot allow him to look for another women with whom he can have a child with, our relationship is over however he says he loves me to the moon and back and doesn't want us to separate. He doesn't want a new family, he just want a son (which is never guaranteed) in to this world and hopes he can play some kind of part with his upbringing at some point but has no desire to be under the same roof or share any decision makings. He hopes to meet a women who wants a baby without a father. Is this normal behaviour? I can only see complications and heartbreaks looking at the bigger picture. Im at the verge of having a meltdown since this feels so heavy in my heart, not to mention my emotional level. We only been dating 6 months and we are happy together except with this issue. He has agreed to come along to couple counselling where Im hoping that he will understand better the impact of complications on our relationship, not to mention the entire situation feels insane. Any advise, feedback etc I would love hear besides "run while u can" .. I understand that this situation is very complicated and not logistical. Thank u

Mike05 Feel like i'm setting myself up for a fall but persisting anyway
  • replies: 14

Hi, Long story short I met my wife when I was 22. We were together for 12 years and married for 6 of those. She cheated on me with a co-worker off and on for a few years. I thought everything was good between us and had no idea it was going on. I cou... View more

Hi, Long story short I met my wife when I was 22. We were together for 12 years and married for 6 of those. She cheated on me with a co-worker off and on for a few years. I thought everything was good between us and had no idea it was going on. I couldn't forgive her so we separated. I now have massive trust issues. I currently have a girlfriend but shes 12 years younger. It started out as fun, off and on for a year. I didn't see how we could ever work so we usually walked away from each other after a month or so but ended up coming back to each other. We got pretty attached. We have now been together for a year straight as a couple after a year of a volatile off and on relationship. Problem is my trust issues cause my mind to go into overdrive stressing about her cheating on me. I get nervous when she goes out and i'm not there. Usually cant sleep until she gets home. Nothing I do can calm me. Sometimes I would drink alcohol to pass out. Problem is (apart from relying on alcohol) sometimes it doesn't help me get to sleep and I'll contact her with rude msg and then her being a young girl sends spiteful msgs back to upset me. I drive to and from work everyday thinking stupid scenarios in my head which obviously never eventuate. I know i need to get into a positive mindset but nothing I do helps. On top of that a guy has been constantly messaging my GF trying to get her to sleep with him. She flirts for a bit in the messages then shuts him down. It really hurts and she knows this. She keeps promising to just ignore him but then a few months on it happens again. I love the girl and don't want to break up over flirting text messages. But when is enough, enough...she stopped speaking to him for about 4 months then the other day I busted her replying to a text from him. There was flirting again but the last text was shutting him down. I look at my life from the outside and despite being cheated on by my ex and going through hell for a year I really should have the perfect life. I have an awesome job, great house in a great location and a GF who is always talking about our future together. But these texts are really getting to me. Its really playing on my mental health. I always said after my ex I wasn't going to put up with any more mistreatment. But here I am. Some friends have encouraged me to keep persisting while others have said maybe I should walk away. I love her so much though. I just don't know where I'm at anymore. So much for a long story short!

The_Hulk Mid life crisis and left home
  • replies: 11

My name is Paul. I was living overseas with my wife at the time and I had mid life crisis and left home. I knew I was unhappy, depressed and lonely. For some reason I just didnt contact her or see her for over 2 years and still havent seen her. I can... View more

My name is Paul. I was living overseas with my wife at the time and I had mid life crisis and left home. I knew I was unhappy, depressed and lonely. For some reason I just didnt contact her or see her for over 2 years and still havent seen her. I cant explain my behaviour. We are now divorced. I am back in Australia now and just feel lost and alone and sad. I start a new job shortly and have to find a home where I now live. This may sound odd, but I feel frightened.

GraceyJ Some days are hard but maybe thats just life
  • replies: 1

Today has been one of those days. A day where you are pulled in 100 different directions and feel the pressure to deliver 110% in each space. I have been going since early hours of this morning and only sat down at 11:30pm to give myself 5 minutes. I... View more

Today has been one of those days. A day where you are pulled in 100 different directions and feel the pressure to deliver 110% in each space. I have been going since early hours of this morning and only sat down at 11:30pm to give myself 5 minutes. In order for me to get that time today, i have sacrificed sleep. My day has been filled with work demands, home duties, making time to spend with the kids, the dog, my partner, dealing with family issues and supporting my partner and talk through his recent depression triggers. I understand that sometimes this is just life, life can just be really busy sometimes. My concern is that i have switched off my feelings in order to not feel exhausted or overwhelmed. This was a full on day and I don’t really feel anything. I am needed to be a rock and sometimes that role overtakes everything else.

JustALonelyGuy My Life Is So Empty and Lonely
  • replies: 9

Hi, I don't know how I even ended up here, but here I am. Im a 28 year old guy, im pretty normal looking and havent got any diagnosis for depression. I am so lonely. I have had girlfriends most of my life and I feel okay when i do. But at the moment ... View more

Hi, I don't know how I even ended up here, but here I am. Im a 28 year old guy, im pretty normal looking and havent got any diagnosis for depression. I am so lonely. I have had girlfriends most of my life and I feel okay when i do. But at the moment I'm single and so alone. I have done alot of self improvement and im trying to not just date a girl for sex/lonely cure and find somebody I have a real connection with, which is hard. I dont have any friends, apart from my housemate and she is away a few days a week and im so alone on those days. Its eating me up. I just want some friends. I use to smoke a lot of weed for many years, for the last few years I havent. I dont drink much, i dont do any drugs anymore, i go to the gym, i meditate, i was doing yoga(needa get back into it), i am studying at uni, i eat a healthy diet. But my life is so empty and alone. Ive never had male friends apart from when i was in high school, but i moved to melbourne and dont keep in touch with them. I think ive got issues with men or something. I also have issues with making friends i guess. I went to a community event the other day and looked at all the people.. and thought.. i dont really wanna be friends withyou, i wouldnt like you because ".." or "..." and i only liked one person cos she was cute. Im sick. My lifes gonna be empty forever. I want to not be such a judgemental horrible person with an empty life, i have lots to offer, but no1 ever seems to want to spend time with me, not even me. Sorry for the rant...

Binary010101 Need guidance on how to approach soon to be ex husband, his depression, and anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi, everyone! First time post and looking for advice on my situation. Brief summary: Together 16 years, 13 married. Have a 14 yo son. He works as a prison guard, high stress environment. Both he and I have come from a messed up family background invo... View more

Hi, everyone! First time post and looking for advice on my situation. Brief summary: Together 16 years, 13 married. Have a 14 yo son. He works as a prison guard, high stress environment. Both he and I have come from a messed up family background involving alcohol, dumb fathers, etc. Marriage wasn't doing well the past few years. I tended to take leadership role and he left a lot up to me to decide. Partially because he didn't really care about the decision and partially because he wanted to keep me happy. In the process, I believe he felt emasculated. Because I ended up resenting him and holding a grudge for feeling like he never heard me or listened to me, our sex life suffered and we grew apart. He declared he wanted a divorce over a month ago but we haven't yet filed paperwork. Due to a fight on Friday, he insists on meeting the paralegal and getting process started this upcoming week. In the meantime, we've gone through a whirlwind of emotions. We've gone from cuddling, affectionate, and being sexually intimate to no touching, uncomfortable talks, and kind of tiptoeing around one another. I signed up for a Marriage Max/Fitness program that has helped me to understand and cope with our issues tremendously and I am still employing the techniques, such as touch and talk charges (basically making physical contact such touching the shoulder or a hug). I don't want to divorce and would ultimately like to work it out with the program's guidance. The problem is he is also coping with depression and anxiety. He has probably had some form of depression for the past 3-4 years but never went to the doctor, despite my urging him to go. His anxiety kicks in when he's not actively engaged in an activity. Just sitting down triggers it. He also admitted to not being able to handle any disappointment. For example, he was working on building a model robot and snapped a piece. That caused him to become anxious and triggered a mild attack. He is also paranoid that I'm going to harm him in some way. Most recently, I had stepped out of the house briefly and my best friend visited me as a surprise. He admitted to her that he thought I had hired a hitman to kill him. Worst of all is he attributes all his sadness/pain to me. While I know our marriage have played a big role, he has had long standing issues he never bothered to address and now that we're going to divorce, I have become the scapegoat. I'm seeking any kind of advice that can help me deal with him effectively.

Ando10189 Just confused.
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, not really sure if this is the right topic to discuss straight off the bat, but I would love some insight, so me and my gf have been together for 3years she loves me and I love her also and we have both grown stronger together. I am abi... View more

Hey everyone, not really sure if this is the right topic to discuss straight off the bat, but I would love some insight, so me and my gf have been together for 3years she loves me and I love her also and we have both grown stronger together. I am abit of an analyst and she is not the best talker but anyway she has just moved into a rental, but here’s the kicker her mother is her tenant. I’m still living at home and am close to moving in with her, but the stepdad that touched her as a child is still with the Mum so the Mum sends him over. he pops in at the rental from time to time to fix things for her, like broken showers and stuff like that, but he does it when nobody is home. Now I feel like I should say that this bothers me to my gf, we have discussed him on a number of occasions and everytime I wish I hadn’t brought it up. im pretty good at letting stuff go, but I don’t really like the idea of him letting himself into the house when he pleases. I feel if my gf is okay with it why aren’t I? I don’t really understand, I’m definitely protective of her these days and I guess going from what she has told me he did to her as a child scares me. Anyway I’m sorry this may of not been the right place to vent. Thank you

Nat1993 Marriage breakdown...?
  • replies: 3

Hi, So I don't really know where to start, but I think my marriage is breaking down, we have been married for almost 2 years and been together for over 4 years, we have 2 beautiful children together, I'm 24 and he's 31. In the beginning we had a few ... View more

Hi, So I don't really know where to start, but I think my marriage is breaking down, we have been married for almost 2 years and been together for over 4 years, we have 2 beautiful children together, I'm 24 and he's 31. In the beginning we had a few problems here and there but in reality who doesn't. Everything just seems to be getting a lot worse at the moment I mean It gets better and then goes straight back to being pretty hard to keep together again. Our intimacy is next to nothing, with his excuse being he's too tired or can't be bothered and even he's not in the mood, whenever we try and talk about any sort of emotions one of us is feeling he seems to start an argument which always includes "I don't know why I'm with you" Or "I'm sick of your shit constantly" Or "You are such a nasty person to me", Now I know I'm not perfect I mean who is but I am also not a nasty person I do everything for my husband and kids, cook, clean, look after everything you can name I do it, and I'm so appreciative for him working to support our family I make sure when he comes home he doesn't do anything, I'm someone who would prefer to drown myself in a heap of things to do and responsibilities before putting anything onto someone else, in my eyes my husband does enough already. But on Monday I was in a car accident I got rear ended by another car and it was my first accident I got pretty bad whiplash and everyone was saying I should get seen to by a doctor...except my husband when I asked him to drive me to the hospital he rolled his eyes and made a face... I asked why he did this and he just got angry at me... he didn't even give me a hug or anything when I came home there was no sign of love or worry towards me... it was like he just didn't care at all... I ended up going to the hospital and making sure everything was ok the next day and was thankful my husband took me and sat with me but after the day had ended he was complaining about how much driving he did and how exhausted he was from all the driving.. Today we had a little argument and it ended up with me asking him "if he is so unhappy why is he with me?" he replied "I'm really starting to think that myself" I just feel completely looked over and I have no idea if he even wants to be with me, if he even loves me, if hes planning on leaving me. My mind is going a million miles an hour and my anxiety is through the roof.. any advice would be fantastic N

Ems-j just need someone to talk to
  • replies: 8

HI everyone I don’t really know where to start so I’m just going to say whatever comes to mind here. Also a complete newbie here! I am living away from home and family is pretty far away. There are a few people within the extended and and immediate f... View more

HI everyone I don’t really know where to start so I’m just going to say whatever comes to mind here. Also a complete newbie here! I am living away from home and family is pretty far away. There are a few people within the extended and and immediate family that has some form of mental illness and that sometimes weigh on my mind. I’ve never really been in a serious relationship and that’s probably very unusual given I’m way above the legal age haha. I’ve been cautious and as a result, don’t usually get too hurt as I’ve assessed the situation before I act. there was a guy lately that I’ve been chatting to and I felt really comfortable talking to him. We got along really well and we were both interested but all of a sudden he just disappeared, like he’s ignoring me. I’m not sure why or what has happened and wish he would say something. A part of me is worried for him but a part of me wonders if I’ve done or said something wrong, or if I should have been a little more careful. I don’t want to flood him with anymore messages either. The insecurities are slowly overwhelming me and I hate it. I just want it to go away. I know this is silly but I wonder if I’ve got some form of curse and this is just my life of being the most unlucky person when it comes to guys / relationships. I’ve also somehow felt really lost because I’m alone here. I have great friends who are here to support me but nothing beats family.. but I don’t think I could live with them. Another silly reason for that is my age. I kinda feel unaccomplished even though deep down I know I’m in a good place now and am so much luckier than a lot of my mates. I just can’t help all these feelings of negativity sometimes even though I try my best to be positive and not dwell on things too much thanks guys for reading my spiel