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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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kanga_brumby Eating problem
  • replies: 8

I have just found out that when my boy was living with me. He would some times starve himself. To a point where he would eat paper to stop the hunger pains. Yet there was always food good food he would ask for in the house. Yet he is still going arou... View more

I have just found out that when my boy was living with me. He would some times starve himself. To a point where he would eat paper to stop the hunger pains. Yet there was always food good food he would ask for in the house. Yet he is still going around today telling people how hungry he had been. My story for newbys single dad two kids lost mother too them in 2004I l Looked after them till 2015 health had got that bad for me looking after them. not myself. So there is your warning parents Look after yourself first Kanga

Nico2 Bad relationship with dad.
  • replies: 1

I need some advice on how I should approach situations with my dad. First of, my dad is not a good person. He may think he is but I think he is irresponsible, selfish and arrogant. My dad mostly lives overseas with his other girl my mother doesn't ev... View more

I need some advice on how I should approach situations with my dad. First of, my dad is not a good person. He may think he is but I think he is irresponsible, selfish and arrogant. My dad mostly lives overseas with his other girl my mother doesn't even know about, but probably has suspicions. I live with my family and always hear about how my dad is travelling and doing this and that and having a great time, all while my mum is struggling financially and even I as a 19 year old have to provide her money monthly. He doesn't seem to even care about his family and only wishes to live a more lavish life. He comes home maybe for 3 months in a year and every time he comes all he does is fight with my mum and to me I wish he never comes back. He is selfish in that he demands me and my siblings to provide him financial support when we have full time jobs as a payback to him raising us. But why should I be so giving when he isn't? He never remembers my birthday and I hear from my sister he talks bad stuff about me and my mum. That I'm stupid and have no hopes to succeed and that my mum is fat, ugly and never has sex with him. All he did in his life was drink alcohol and gambled all his money away. He believes that his reponsibilities as a dad was to raise the kids and provide a house and that was it. There were times when we did have father - son moments but those were rare. I've gone through depression because of him and I've heard he is coming back again. I know that I'm going to act neutral to him but in reality I have so many things to say to him. Part of me believes despite all these things he does still have feelings for his family but I'm not sure if I want to accept those feelings after all he has done. He seems to believe that he endured a lot and that he alone should be happy while he still can and when he isn't and too old, he will come back and use us. It just feels like my dad doesn't see having kids as something of love but rather more in a financial investment kind of way. What do I do? Just deal with it?

Apollo86 Told her i needed space, actually stuck to my guns this time.
  • replies: 3

3rd time retyping this, i will try to keep it short. I snapped last night and asked my gf to leave to her aunties as i needed space, felt i was drowning and her berating me that day over the phone was the last straw. She has cheated on me while drunk... View more

3rd time retyping this, i will try to keep it short. I snapped last night and asked my gf to leave to her aunties as i needed space, felt i was drowning and her berating me that day over the phone was the last straw. She has cheated on me while drunk and over medicating, attacked and tried to really hurt me while i was driving due to an alcohol induced psychosis episode, been to a psych ward for 3 days and lied to get out, had to be taken to hospital from taking too many bipolar meds - 24 hours of us sitting waiting to be admitted to a mental health ward- and 3 days after she still couldnt remember for more than 10 seconds. So much heartbreak i have endured for this beautiful broken soul but the addict in her is a liar an manipulator. I am no saint but my mental health and self esteem has declined so much since the start of our realtionship, and even worse after she cheated. So much devistation seeing someone i love self destruct and i am helpless to do a thing to heal her or am not a good enough man to give her a reason not to. I feel like have been walking through wet cement for 4 months and told i am being dramatic and over reacting as i try to say- i see you are over medicating please stop- 2 nights ago she was talking gibberish all night and i knew she was over medicating i was so scared i called her aunt and mum and said i dont know what to do its happening again. Next day she called to tell me im so dramatic and who cares if her memory is failing again (the first sign of relapse to me- red alert) and im a bitch for being dramatic. Years of being put down and controlled through anger and threats and i still feel so horrible and scared for her out there without me, it took me this long to stand up for myself and say i matter too and so does my mental health. I feel so guilty and she was so angry and i dont know what to say to her i am the bad guy i betrayed you and i ruined your life and wasted 3 years of your life and gave you fake dreams is what she will say and im terrified she will hurt herself or me or try to ruin what little life i have left. Thank you for reading this i could not write all of what happened in the past 3 years but i know i am not perfect i am flawed man and not that motivated in life i thought trying to be there for someone in need would give me purpose and redeem me for not being a good friend and family member to people, but it only got worse. Feeling lost and hopeless and stupid for typing all this. Sorry this is so long.

Wildflower123 Feeling embarrassed and regretful
  • replies: 1

I recently had a "thing" with a girl who I met through our mutual best friend for about 2 months. The whole time she was very hard to read and would send me snap chats about being single or tell me her ex was staying the night but only told me so I k... View more

I recently had a "thing" with a girl who I met through our mutual best friend for about 2 months. The whole time she was very hard to read and would send me snap chats about being single or tell me her ex was staying the night but only told me so I knew she wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone else. After she told me that she asked if I was angry and that there's nothing to be angry about. The whole time I never said anything about these things she would do because I hate confrontation. It got to a point where I was sobbing and extremely upset so our mutual best friend told me to just delete her off Facebook, and so I did against my own wishes. The girl got really mad at me and when I explained how she was making me feel she didn't really acknowledge it and just made me feel like the bad one who ruined everything. After this conversation I didn't want to talk to her again because I was sure she hated me and she had said well we are just friends now I guess. The next day she was asking me how my day was and acting as if nothing happened so I was extremely confused because she had made it seem like I hurt her really bad and the conversation went back to normal. After a few weeks of this I asked her if we were genuinely just friends because I still like her, and she told me yes just friends. I accepted this and stopped talking to her so much so I could distance myself and try and get over her, but sometimes she would do or say things that made me feel like she still liked me. She would send me snap chats in her bra, and gave me her number to call her when I was out one night if I needed a lift home. I understand these are things you may do for someone who is just a friend, but when you like someone and you've recently been in an intimate relationship with them it can feel like more. A few nights ago I told her sometimes it feels like she is sending me mixed signals and I told her I understand you don't do it intentionally but that's just how I feel because I still like you and I'm obviously reading into it too much. She got really defensive and told me she has done nothing to make me feel that way and she sends pictures like that to other people too. I feel extremely embarrassed & ashamed and think I've ruined the friendship I did have with this girl and maybe even my best friend. I wish I never said anything and I can't shake this feeling of regret and embarrassment and constantly overthinking things. I don't know how to stop feeling this way.

Hugoosey I'm being involuntarily written out of existence
  • replies: 18

Helloo? you dont have to read the whole thing(no pressure) I'm 23 and don't know where to start and the only reason I'm doing the whole beyond blue thingy is because lately I feel so terrible, well to be honest its up and down, kinda like being flipp... View more

Helloo? you dont have to read the whole thing(no pressure) I'm 23 and don't know where to start and the only reason I'm doing the whole beyond blue thingy is because lately I feel so terrible, well to be honest its up and down, kinda like being flipped about. Well I've always kinda felt I had something wrong with my brain or something like I might be mildly aspergers or just kinda stupid but i find it near impossible to connect or relate to people anymore, even reading the forums briefly I couldn't really relate to anything. Its so hard writing this stuff because words are so limited when it comes to true expression, but yeah I barely feel like a full person anymore, mainly due to my life not playing out like many peoples, for example I've never been to any parties in high school or even had any partners and people never ever seem take an interest in me or my life when I usually go out of my way to ask them about theirs..this is all too whiny but sometimes I get annoyed at how people have all this stuff like friends, romances and opportunities that fall into their laps and it honestly seems like they arent even trying to get these things, its kinda like I'm not allowed to be a full human being and the rest of you are able to have these things. Its just irritating and its starting to look as if there might not be any hope, I mean people don't even acknowledge my presence anymore which might not make sense to you but its true, oh yeah the point I almost forgot which is funny cause its the a main reason and that is this decade(the 2010's) sucks arse and is totally boring and makes me want to give up on hope. People are strange in this era we live in with the smartphones and technology I find super boring, I just want the good old nokia days back(I still use a nokia) everyone seems really depresso nowadays I mean even my university lecturer asked the class why they looked so glum...I mean whats up with that? I have a sneaking suspicion this era is making everyone lonely/sad(not the whole reason obviously), I'm just stating the truth of this crap era with live in...I hate it and its taking all the atmosphere away that used to be plentiful in the past. doubt you've read this far, people dont usually take me seriously or think I feel this bad but honestly most of the time I wish there was a big red button I could hit and it would just erase me instantly. wow that was fun right? Look forward to your reply(wanted to say a bit more but the dang word limit)

MissMc WORKPLACE ISSUE!
  • replies: 1

I have worked at my workplace for 6yrs now and have formed many friendships over the yrs, but one female collegue is causing great issues We have the same birth date and were born in the same hospital in the same small country town and we formed a bo... View more

I have worked at my workplace for 6yrs now and have formed many friendships over the yrs, but one female collegue is causing great issues We have the same birth date and were born in the same hospital in the same small country town and we formed a bond together because of this and we both call each other sister's, but not blood sisters ….. on a number of times through Facebook messenger she has repeatedly personally attacked me over minor stuff with work and on facebook but never to my face ( coward?) I have had a gutfull of her doing this, Ive even customed my FB page that she doesn,t see my posts etc and nxt step is to BLOCK HER! last message she sent me was - on Monday night saying I never said hello to her when she came into work that Monday ( as she has Mondays off ) never seen her come into work! …. then attacking me over who I comment and like on FB and that I don't like and comment on any of her posts? like what the hell! Am I so wrong to think she is just all about wanting ATTENTION? …… she has NEVER apologize for any of her behaviour in the past and present and I continue to ignore her messagers and ignore her inperson cause I don't think I should have to justify my actions to her or anyone# But she seems to think she is entitled to treat a person and as close as we were like she does. She always plays the victim in her personal life and at work, shes a hypercondriact and lier and have I ever questioned her about all this NO As I just turn a deaf ear to all that as she will NEVER change. I totally just walk away from people like this as I think there very toxic people who just drain you! I am really considering tranfering out of my current position as I,ve just had it! Just need some help understanding about her behaviour …… thanks.

rainbowballongirl lonely and struggling with fertility treatment
  • replies: 1

i am feeling very lonely after about 18 months of doing IVF. i have told a few family and friends, all were supportive initially but most seem to be too busy to take much of an interest really. one friend told me last week that she thinks i ought to ... View more

i am feeling very lonely after about 18 months of doing IVF. i have told a few family and friends, all were supportive initially but most seem to be too busy to take much of an interest really. one friend told me last week that she thinks i ought to give up and accept that i will never be a mum. i found this very hurtful and she hasn't apologised so i may have to leave that friendship as i'm continuing to try for a baby. i feel really tired and lonely and i'm worried about becoming depressed as i've been there before. have made an appointment to see my Dr on thursday but that is 5 days away and i'm feeling a little aggitated today. any advice appreciated!

Belle32 Really tough break up
  • replies: 2

Hi all, As I write this I’m sitting alone in my apartment on a beautiful sunny evening. I was meant to be spending this weekend with the love of my life but he broke up with me on Friday night. Sone background: we’ve been together for almost four yea... View more

Hi all, As I write this I’m sitting alone in my apartment on a beautiful sunny evening. I was meant to be spending this weekend with the love of my life but he broke up with me on Friday night. Sone background: we’ve been together for almost four years and we’re due to be married in October. I thought we were really happy but a few months out from the wedding he started having anxiety attacks and crying and having doubts. When he saw a counsellor he came home and broke up with me telling me he couldn’t do it anymore and realised he hadn’t been happy. He moved out. We ended up deciding to take a long break because we loved each other and wanted it to work. About a month later he asked me to go out to dinner and told me he loved me and had been feeling better through counselling, that I wasn’t the cause of his anxiety. So we started seeing each other again, which made me really happy. Slow at first, then up to 5 times a week, sleepovers, spending whole weekends together etc. things seemed back on track. He was telling me he loved me and wanted to get married, that he was happy. Then on Friday out of the blue, after a counselling session, he came over and broke up with me again saying he loves me but he’s messed up, doesn’t know who he is anymore and is dwelling on minor things in the past. i feel so despairing. He won’t respond to any of my messages or calls. I’m feeling really depressed and lonely and don’t know what to do to make myself feel better.

muggins Rocky relationship with my Sister
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, I have a sister who is just 13 months older than me and we are both in our early twenties, we are both still living at home with our Mum. My sister has Asperger's which makes it really hard for me to get along with her and live in the same h... View more

Hi guys, I have a sister who is just 13 months older than me and we are both in our early twenties, we are both still living at home with our Mum. My sister has Asperger's which makes it really hard for me to get along with her and live in the same house as her. Ever since I can remember we have been at odds with each other, and being so close in age, and with her Asperger's I've always felt like the older sister. I always used to tell her what to do and felt like I was responsible for her because of the way she is. Now that we're older, I still feel like the older sister, she's currently unemployed and just hangs around the house a lot and gets money from our parents. I still order her around a bit, and pick on her for leaving messes everywhere that Mum has to clean up, not trying to get a job and being irresponsible with the money that she gets from our parents etc. This has caused her to really dislike me as a person; ever since we were little I've done the same thing, trying to look after her by constantly critiquing her, but this just makes our relationship worse and we get into fights and we can barely stand to be in the same room as each other. I also have anxiety and I think her behaviours because of Asperger's flare up my anxiety and I really want to keep control of the situation. I have really tried to change my behaviour towards her a few times, but I always fail, I think because its been such a long time that our relationship has been like this. So, I wanted to ask for any tips on how I might change my behaviour? If there's any strategies any of you can suggest, please let me know, I really want to change and have a good relationship with her. She's my sister after all, and we love eachother.

Jen18 High functioning, overworked, alcoholic husband now smoking pot & fights becoming more aggressive/physical
  • replies: 3

When I met my husband 13 yrs ago he was fit and enjoyed his scotch. I started to realise that he had a bit of a problem (he managed to hide it very well), now its major. He works very hard and has progressed to a point where he may be promoted to a d... View more

When I met my husband 13 yrs ago he was fit and enjoyed his scotch. I started to realise that he had a bit of a problem (he managed to hide it very well), now its major. He works very hard and has progressed to a point where he may be promoted to a directors role. We have a 5 yo and a 18 from my previous relationship (with a person who was a daily pot user). Some very big cracks have appeared over the years and im feeling like ive failed everyone. Credit card statements showed he was visiting bottle shop every 2nd day, now he visits every day & spends around $40 + (full bottle of scotch). Arguments have been escalating and i cant help but call him out sometimes calling him a drunk during our arguments. He has this way of justifying why he deserves to be angry for instance .."you said this earlier or you had a melt down yesterday and now its my turn, or you started a fight this morning" (despite everything being fine or settled for hours in between). Fights snowball, instead of just discussing the disagreement, he brings all sorts of hurtful things into it. Lately if he has to go away for work or has a big meeting, the w'end is ruined because he starts dreading from Sat or Sun. Its "do you have to get on a flight tomorrow...or do you have a meeting with the boss tomorrow...who do you have to report to?"). Ive been starting my own business up over the last year and while my income is not as high as his, i do most of the house work, finances and running kids around. He's been threatening me a lot with cutting off finances and evertime i try to leave the house during an argument he tries to stop me taking our 5 yo then becomes really distraught. He now smokes cigarettes and pot (everytime i am preoccupied he runs out and smokes, its like he gets a thrill out of sneaking around). He says his wage covers his spending yet gets depressed and jealous of others who appear to be well off financially. He has had an anxiety problem which is just getting worse. I've tried to ask his family for help. His sister has bipolar and his brother had alcohol & gambling problems. They lost their dad 18 yrs ago and my husband has always been seen as the most together. I drove to them on the w'end after an outburst, asking the brother to check on my husband (he was throwing things from the garage when i left). Instead my brother in law begged me to leave my son with him & tried to make out i was insane...he was like "are you really ok ...one minute you are laughing etc"