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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jamie_Jones My partner has depression, and I have an impossible decision
  • replies: 8

My second attempt at posting, the first was too long Sorry if It jumps a bit here and there. Shortened version. If you can stick out the long read, I could really use your help, advice, opinions, experience and thoughts. Ive been with my partner for ... View more

My second attempt at posting, the first was too long Sorry if It jumps a bit here and there. Shortened version. If you can stick out the long read, I could really use your help, advice, opinions, experience and thoughts. Ive been with my partner for 5 years. In the last 6 months he started showing signs on depression. A lot has happened since then. In the last few days we've had a couple of serious conversations about our relationship, but I feel like we're now going in circles. I tell him what I feel is missing, what I want from the r/s, he says he needs more time, he can't deal with both the depression and the r/s, he can't picture the same future we used to talk about because it's a struggle for him to get out of bed in the morning, to WANT to get out of bed, so if he doesn't even know day to day whether he'll want to wake up, how could he possibly know what he's going to want long term? At the conclusion of these talks, it gets to a point where I say that it seems like we're calling it quits. He can't do what I need for the r/s to work for me. I go to leave. He stops me. The first time it was "we'll make steps to get us back on track" it was what I wanted to hear. We made a date to talk about it more. On this next date, he can't/won't do what I need for the r/s to work. He gets mad that I want to know how he is trying to deal with the depression. He tells me to leave. I do, but he chases after me, hugs me. We set another date to talk about it...that is where I am at. I love him. I want to support him. I want him to get better (I know this can't be 'cured' or 'fixed', but managed to a point he's happy again?) But...how can I continue with the relationship not knowing if he'll ever get better? Not knowing if he'll ever get back to a point where he'll be ready for us to get married and start a family like we used to talk about. If he used to feel that way, and used to want those things, is it still possible he can feel that way again and want those things again? And if that is possible, how can I not be afraid that later down the track we're not back in this situation, but in deeper, and have children to worry about. Some big IF's here, but if we do continue this relationship, and if he does get better, how can I overcome that constant worry that I'm sure will always be there, that he might sink back into depression? But...how can I leave him when he is at his lowest point? Possibly when he needs a me most? When I know he doesn't want me to.

CraigC my depression and anxiety has overwhelmed me and caused me to insult a best friend
  • replies: 5

my wife and i just returned from a trip to bali with her best friend and a small group of her friends on the first day, i organised a sunrise trek up a volcano for the girls and I and they all loved it. I felt ok if not good. When we came back to the... View more

my wife and i just returned from a trip to bali with her best friend and a small group of her friends on the first day, i organised a sunrise trek up a volcano for the girls and I and they all loved it. I felt ok if not good. When we came back to the resort i couldnt figure out why i felt so sad and nothingness and this built up during the day to the point that i couldnt cope and yelled at my wife for no reason. That night i got so drunk that i left the group at a bar and started to walk back to the resort. 8km from the bar ....somehow i managed to fall and sprain my ankle and in a drunken state i messaged some of the group to help but no one did. I had a mental attack and cried my eyes out ...it took me 3 hours to get back to the room (why did i decide to walk home, why didnt i get a cab, why didnt i stay with the group.....i wasnt thinking rationally, i was in a state where i thought everyone hated me and i needed to leave) the next day I decided that i wasnt going to do any activities with the group and stay in my room. My wife told me im ruining her holiday and was angry We had organised another night out at an expensive restaurant and i didnt want to go. My wife went although asking if i was ok, i said i was and that i wanted her to go That night i got drunk in my room and texted her best friend telling her that i hated her and that she was selfish and didnt have my back when i was out alone. i now think that was a panic attack and i immediately regretted that message and apologised via a message the next day. so far she hasnt replied and avoided us when we checked out . i think that a 20 yr friendship has been lost and im devastated to the point that i feel hatred towards myself. what can i do ? i feel helpless

CM91 Together to long?
  • replies: 7

Hi I'm new to this but I am desperate. My husband and I have been together 11 years and two years married. We got together when I was 15 and he was 21. We have a child and a baby on the way. so from the very start my husband has mentally abused me bu... View more

Hi I'm new to this but I am desperate. My husband and I have been together 11 years and two years married. We got together when I was 15 and he was 21. We have a child and a baby on the way. so from the very start my husband has mentally abused me but being a 15 year old I didn't know any better and thought that was how relationships are. Fast forward 5 years in and being 19/20. I got friends that I opened up to and told me that this isn't right. (he doesn't share money, the food he buys is his, I'm not aloud to watch chocolate because it makes me fat {if I do get chocolate he breaks a row off for me and puts the packet away} these were some of the 5 mark issues) so I cheated and I didn't hide the fact I cheated deep down I wanted him to know. I tried to break up with him and he told me NO and that he loves me. So I continued on with the relationship. I'm now 26 a stay at home mum with no friends because he doesn't like me having friends so he drives them away. I don't have any family that lives any closer then 5hrs, I have never paid a bill in my life as any money I get he takes and pays all the bills. I don't get any money from centrelink and I don't work so my bank account is sitting on $10 and he doesn't give me any money. If I want makeup (I wear twice a year) or sanity products my mum buys them for me and posts them up. I wanted to put my son in swimming lessons and he flat out said we have no money. He is always buying tools and take away for himself. he has never been romantic and has never written me a card. For mothers day this year I got him to buy a $15 Kmart blanket and thats all I got. My day went on as usual. I don't know if it's the pregnancy but today Ive had enough, I can't leave because of the kids and also he will twist the story to family and say its because I cheated. He knew I did and decided to stay, but know one knows my story because to everyone else he acts like he's the perfect husband and father. Not a loud to do normal every day life has me confined to the house and I have anxiety and a fear of leaving and even talking on the phone. I haven't told a Dr any of this as I am to scared. I just don't know what else to do and I feel like giving up on life.

Ajs1991 No support from my husband
  • replies: 3

I got diagnosed with BPD 7 years ago and my husband believes that mental health disorders aren’t real and just a way to make money from drugs etc. every time I tell him I need support, just for him to listen, he ends up getting defensive and factual ... View more

I got diagnosed with BPD 7 years ago and my husband believes that mental health disorders aren’t real and just a way to make money from drugs etc. every time I tell him I need support, just for him to listen, he ends up getting defensive and factual and says if I can’t control what’s going on in my head then I’m weak. Does anyone have any opinions on this. How to get him to see things differently.

Supportrequired Struggling with loss
  • replies: 5

Hi All, Struggling after the man I was seeing decided to end everything due to his current mental state. I kept pushing the topic on where our "relationship" was going. As we have been seeing each other for 7 months - from a distance. It was hurting ... View more

Hi All, Struggling after the man I was seeing decided to end everything due to his current mental state. I kept pushing the topic on where our "relationship" was going. As we have been seeing each other for 7 months - from a distance. It was hurting me to know he still had single on his Facebook and didn't want to make it official. He is suffering from depression and anger issues and is seeing a GP - which in my opinion should be referring him to a specialist to treat him adequately, rather than changing antidepressants because they haven't eased the condition. I have found the breakup very hard as he said he can't give me what I need and there is distance involved. His ex has caused many trust issues for him and he can't wipe her out of his mind as they still share children together. I have tried to be there for him - as a support person. As he too tried to commit suicide twice last year. As much as my heart is breaking I wanted to be there for him. But the on and off communication and mixed vibes has caused my mental health to deteriorate. My anxiety has gone through the roof and I too have had to seek help from my GP. I'm feeling guilt and very lost on what I should do. I think I have ruined any chance we had of being together. The worst thing I did was giving an ultimatum about our "relationship". It's pushed him away. Any advice will be appreciated.

BenD Still thinking about my ex
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, Still thinking about my ex even though we broke up almost 4 months ago. We weren’t even together for that long (about 8 months). But in my mind it seems like it was such an enjoyable time together and I’m disappointed it ended. Maybe I’m ju... View more

Hey guys, Still thinking about my ex even though we broke up almost 4 months ago. We weren’t even together for that long (about 8 months). But in my mind it seems like it was such an enjoyable time together and I’m disappointed it ended. Maybe I’m just hurt from how it ended - one Friday she told me she was staying home for the evening. I then saw her while I was out. She didn’t pick up her phone when I called...then I walked up to her and told her it was best we end things because clearly she didn’t want to see me. The problem for me is the way I’m feeling, not thinking. I am actually pretty rational about it all and realise we had some underlying differences that couldn’t be tolerated and that we value different things in life. But I still feel like I’m missing something. As always, any advice is much appreciated. BenD

j66 Expectation vs reality
  • replies: 6

After reading some of the posts here I know I am one of many who is going through profound grief and that it is a process I will have to accept. My husband travels a lot for work in very demanding role. I work full-time and am also bringing up two te... View more

After reading some of the posts here I know I am one of many who is going through profound grief and that it is a process I will have to accept. My husband travels a lot for work in very demanding role. I work full-time and am also bringing up two teenagers so of course I felt like I was doing the majority of the 'work' at home which in turn, breeds resentment, and I longed for the day when we could go our separate ways however that looked. So about two months ago, after he had been away for four weeks away for work, we had 'the chat' and decided to part ways amicably. He was amazed that I was okay with it. And I was. For a week. Then the bombshell came out. He'd met someone while he was away that last trip and to top it all off, they have planned an overseas trip in July this year. Even writing this now my heart is racing with grief? anxiety? You can imagine the shock to me and the kids. I coined it SAGA (Shock, Anger, Grief, Acceptance) so I could make sense of my world. For the sake of the kids and our finances and because he works away so often, we've decided to keep our house until the youngest finishes high school in 3 years, and stays in another room when he's not working away. I thought I was getting along okay until yesterday morning when I woke and remembered a little thing, that he would always give me a little kiss on the cheek before leaving for work even if I was asleep. That thought set me off and I pretty much was a mess all day. Today is a work day however I just can't face it and am still a weeping willow. I never thought that I'd feel this strongly about a man who I knew wasn't going to be in my future. I keep thinking about the betrayal and deceit and have mentioned to him he should have been honest with me from the initial chat. He said he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I feel more hurt that he didn't tell me the truth at the outset and that he did not consider his kids when making a decision to travel with her before he moves out of the house at the end of the year. I feel she's pulling the strings and he's happy to go along for the ride. Emotionally I feel drained and it's going to be extremely hard for me and the kids to move on until he's moved out. I could sell now but financially it will be difficult. Is there anyone else here that may be in similar circumstances that could provide advice. Thank you.

violethoney why does my family treat me so poorly?
  • replies: 5

Honestly, I don't know how to feel and if my family is treating me very poorly and abnormally. i know my family love me but as dramatic as this sounds sometimes i feel like they hate me, i would say that i'm pretty kind and nice and similar to my fat... View more

Honestly, I don't know how to feel and if my family is treating me very poorly and abnormally. i know my family love me but as dramatic as this sounds sometimes i feel like they hate me, i would say that i'm pretty kind and nice and similar to my father but i feel like my mother and brother always just feel the need to either yell at me or complain to me. my mother is always yelling at me for instance when i go into priceline to buy makeup she starts yelling full on at me or one time i fell and twisted my ankle and instead of helping me she started screaming at me and asking why i was on the floor. they both scream at me my brother uses the excuse that oh i'm older and together they complain about one another to me and to top that off they also start talking about me to each other and when i confront them they just start saying im dramatic. addition to this my mother always complains to me about how she can't afford anything and how she has a headache and lastly i deal with depression and they all just don't get it. whenever i'm crying or just not talking i'm getting yelled at, i tell them idk why i'm sad because i don't know but i still am being bombarded with why are you crying huh? (note that my mother wanted to be a therapist)

jason600 Two and a half months after break up and still feel terrible.
  • replies: 16

Hi my partner walked out on me two and a half months ago saying she wants a six month break.Well I hung on for day after day hoping we would get Back together, sometimes she would send me some positive messages other times she was very cold.Couldn't ... View more

Hi my partner walked out on me two and a half months ago saying she wants a six month break.Well I hung on for day after day hoping we would get Back together, sometimes she would send me some positive messages other times she was very cold.Couldn't believe the change in her behaviour we had been together for 12 years and now it seemed she didn't care. My emotions were riding a roller coaster always thinking we would find a way.I then went away on a course for men getting in touch with there feelings , never done anything like this before but managed to connect with quite a few other men going through emotional problems. When I left the course I felt quite positive about things and sent my ex partner explaining what I had learnt on the course and how I thought we could sort our problems out.She replied that she didn't want to get back with me and only wants to be friends.Well I am absolutely gutted and almost back to where I was 11weeks ago , feel sick all the time , anxious and carnt seem to see any future ,feels all so overwhelming. Lost my appetite and don't really go surfing anymore.Just want to know when these feelings will ease up. .I have managed not to contact her for three days and it feels terrible .I am always checking phone and have anxiety and just want to text. God I just wish these feelings would ease up .I realise they won't go away just find them so overwhelming .Managed to have some time of work just worried when I return I will crack up and message her. Any help is welcome. Jason