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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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nwjhl Husband walked out on me
  • replies: 7

My husband walked out on me early April, said he doesn’t love me anymore and needs time to work himself out. I find out a couple of weeks ago from the husband of a women he is friends with they have been having an affair. I’ve looked back on the phon... View more

My husband walked out on me early April, said he doesn’t love me anymore and needs time to work himself out. I find out a couple of weeks ago from the husband of a women he is friends with they have been having an affair. I’ve looked back on the phone bills and there are months of calls to her sometimes 2hours long. He said nothing was physical until after we separated, but as far as I was aware he just wanted his space to work his head out, it wasn’t a separation as such. They were physical only a couple of days after he left. Emotional affair now physical. I’m devastated. 22years of marriage, no problems I was aware of, he’s nearly 47 so maybe a mid life crisis. He hasn’t spoken to me at all since I found out about the affair, sends texts to our 3 girls everyday. Only one responds as the other 2 are disgusted in him for the lying and cheating. He sends me a text the other day saying he misses me and still cares about me. I’m so messed up.

needhelpplease1 I broke up with my (long distance) girlfriend today, I feel extremely guilty.
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, a little background. I was in a (very) long distance relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year. We've had our ups and downs. I come from a very good family while she is quite the opposite and is stuck in an extremely difficult situa... View more

Hey guys, a little background. I was in a (very) long distance relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year. We've had our ups and downs. I come from a very good family while she is quite the opposite and is stuck in an extremely difficult situation. I have tried my best (and have done so) to help her through that and comfort her as best as i can with her extremely unpleasant and difficult life. Lately, I've felt extremely unhappy with our relationship (as has she). It feels very unfulfilling for both of us. I don't have much relationship experience, so that may contribute to her feeling unfulfilled. She has extreme depression and anxiety and I feel like that has affected me a lot throughout the relationship. I'm starting to feel depressed and I just feel stuck in life. I've helped her so much in her life and I understand that it's not my mission to do, but it's definitely the right thing. But anyways, today, after some argument we had, I decided to end things. I feel EXTREMELY guilty and i feel like i'm completely abandoning her. Truthfully (from her), she doesn't really have much in her life besides me. I'm her only source of happiness (she has said that to me before), which I understand is not healthy, and have tried helping her with before, although it is a key factor in me feeling so guilty. I'm not really good with breakups and I just don't know what to do. Try to help her through it? Just go no contact? I've tried my best to do it in the nicest way possible but I realised that isn't really possible. I feel like i've completely broken her and just left her to deal with all of her shit on her own. I'm not the best at writing (obviously) but I hope someone can read this and give me an insight or some advice on what to do. Thank you so much!

Player1 Partner in serious depression
  • replies: 3

Hello, I’m sorry if this is posted daily and sounds repetitive but I guess I just need to get this out, and get help if able to. I started dating my parter in March 2016. It was one the the coolest, fun and most intimate relationship of my life. I wa... View more

Hello, I’m sorry if this is posted daily and sounds repetitive but I guess I just need to get this out, and get help if able to. I started dating my parter in March 2016. It was one the the coolest, fun and most intimate relationship of my life. I was and of course am in smitten with this girl. She is 27 and I am an old man at 35 we met through work etc. she’s a very quiet girl who keeps to herself and it’s very independent and private. She’s also not your normal / average girl but that’s what made me fall for her. She would call me non stop everyday, we’d talk and talk and she’s always come over, straight after work or sports etc. it was paradise. In July of that year, she lost her Mum pretty unexpectedly due to a rare disease which is incurable. She put on a brave face for so long and went about things pretty much as normal. I could tell she was not 100% all there but is normal, but again just too normal. Many occasions I mentioned perhaps seeing someone about the loss rather than keeping it inside may help as I just knew she was struggling deep down. Eventually Christmas that year it hit her. First Christmas without her, then people’s birthdays like her sibling or father and so on. The whole time she kept busy looking after her grandparents (mother’s side), caring for them, consoling etc. over time her dad sold the family home which got to her, and nearly a year later she lost her Grandad (mums side) not long before and also not long after she lost two friends in this time. Most likely suicide. Again she took care of her family, and we saw each other when we could. She would open up more and more around me, and mentioned stuff now again about how she felt. Again I mentioned seeing a professional and she was very against this and actually got angry. Things with us have gotten very slow over the past few months, maybe a year now. In April her mums birthday was arriving . Stuff happened and we “argued”, nothing bad but it seems she truely opens up when confronted and is afraid to lose me (not her words but from what I see). She told me things, dark things.

Peter61 Life long struggle with anxiety. My.parent's who have supported me.all my.life have died.
  • replies: 2

I have struggled with anxiety all my life. My parents have been a backbone for most of my life. 18 months ago they both passed away after 3 years of terrible illness. I was their carer. It was my honour caring for them as they had commited so much to... View more

I have struggled with anxiety all my life. My parents have been a backbone for most of my life. 18 months ago they both passed away after 3 years of terrible illness. I was their carer. It was my honour caring for them as they had commited so much to each other and to me.I loved them and now miss them intolerably. Dad died first from cancer and 3 weeks later mum died from.dementia. It was a devastating experience as I saw it all. The following day after Mum died was my wedding day. I was 56 year-old. since that day I have had such nixed emotions. So much anger and deep sorrow. The whole experience has changed my.feelings about life. During the period where my brother and I dealt with my parents estate we had a horrible argument. It was mainly my anger and it all came out. My brother and I have made up but my sister in law refuses to take to me. She has removed me from her Facebook and said if I contacted her she would bar.my phone number. They are both travelling and I have been isolated from my brother. He does ring and message me but not a word from my sister in law. I just feel terrible. Life scared me now after seeing how life ends. The anger I feel because I keep thinking about those years I cared for my parents thinking I could have done more for them. It was such a horribly difficult time. Then seeing them dead in front of me. The look on their faces after they had passed. I am.moving on. My new wife has been amazing but thus horrible feeling of being scared of what is ahead has really taken hold. Death is final. That is it on earth. Where we go after this life no one knows for sure. I miss my parents and their guidance. I get so angry and short tempered. Why were they taken this way after being good people all their lives. How to deal with these feelings. How do I fix what has happened to our family? How do I deal with this scared little boy feeling deep down inside me? Why do I feel so lost and depressed. I will never see them again. I can't live with these feelings in me. I feel as if I am tearing apart.

Joseph_S hi
  • replies: 1

i am having extreme issues with my family im not sure what to do and am suffering from depression and anxiety is there any help

i am having extreme issues with my family im not sure what to do and am suffering from depression and anxiety is there any help

Becca_Maria Husband dosent want sex
  • replies: 5

I am seriously at my wits end. If I didnt initiate sex with my husband, we wouldnt have it. He is never horny, he never wants a quickie. I cant seem to do anything to make him "want" it. Underwear does nothing for him. I just cant turn him on. When w... View more

I am seriously at my wits end. If I didnt initiate sex with my husband, we wouldnt have it. He is never horny, he never wants a quickie. I cant seem to do anything to make him "want" it. Underwear does nothing for him. I just cant turn him on. When we do have sex, its basically just missionary. I end up in tears ocer it so much lately. He is such a great person, hardwprker and z fantastic dad to our 4 kids, but i just feel so unattractive around him and now find myself fantasizing about having affairs we havr had counselling over this but if we talk about it, it resolves for a week or so then ends up going back to normal until I flare up agsin and get upset about it...repeat.

justaburden What does everyone think?????
  • replies: 12

He and I reconnected on FB last year. We dated over 35 years ago. Both been married , divorced, etc. Both had similar health issues and depression. We have each had some awful relationship issues which have left each of us jaded and lacking faith and... View more

He and I reconnected on FB last year. We dated over 35 years ago. Both been married , divorced, etc. Both had similar health issues and depression. We have each had some awful relationship issues which have left each of us jaded and lacking faith and trust. WE live in different cities but have caught up a few times in the last 12 months. All was progressing nice and slowly and he was ready to move across the country to be closer, but then chickened out. I then got a message to say that he felt he was no good to anyone anymore and was better off on his own and that I should move on. I thought about it for a while, but wrote to him to let him know that I thought it was his depression that was influencing his decisions and that I was not going anywhere and would still be here for him. Things went quiet for a few weeks then there was some idle chatter via messages now and then. But today I got a message from him to say that he was coming to my city to apply for a job (the one he was previously going to do to move to my city when he chickened out). I am quietly optimistic but trying to play it cool. I am keen to know what others think. I had said in my letter to him that I felt moving here would be beneficial to him as there are more opportunities for him and he has all his siblings here. He comes from a large family. In one way I am overjoyed, but trying to play it cool and not get my hopes up. What do others think?

melbourneguy My partner is blaming me for being depressed
  • replies: 2

Hi, I've been feeling a bit down as of late due to a few things. Continual pay cuts at work have left me with more bills than income, I've cut back and still have no money left over. I can't afford to pay for my next car service which is nearly 12 mo... View more

Hi, I've been feeling a bit down as of late due to a few things. Continual pay cuts at work have left me with more bills than income, I've cut back and still have no money left over. I can't afford to pay for my next car service which is nearly 12 months overdue and there's no money leftover to go to the movies or do anything like that unless I fall behind on my bills. I've asked for two pay rises in the last month since I'm now working in a much higher role but I've been told there's no money to increase my wage (I've seen the business account, millions of dollars in a small business that's only been up and running for 2 years in surplus would suggest they could afford more). Last night it was really getting to me, I've told my partner a few times that I'm feeling depressed but she insists I'm not depressed, plenty of people are depressed and it's not me. After feeling depressed last night I wanted to go to bed straight after dinner but my partner wanted us to watch a tv show together so I stayed up and watched it then went to bed. She was grumpy at me as I wasn't talking too much. I wasn't talking too much because all I wanted to tell her was that I'm feeling depressed and I knew she'd tell me I'm not. Today she has sent me a text message cracking it at me for my attitude last night and insisting I apologise to her for my poor attitude. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, I feel like I should just apologise and let that be that. She never believes me when I say I'm feeling depressed and I don't know what to do anymore. Struggling for money, hating my job, can't afford to quit, feeling depressed because of it and my partner is telling me I'm in the wrong. How do I fix this?

bubblegum5671 my boyfriend and best friend are close to someone who really hurt me
  • replies: 1

i used to be best friends with someone, then they all of a sudden stopped talking to me. i went to them and asked what was going on, but they said they didn’t have a problem, so we became ‘friends’ again. it wasn’t what it was before, but it only las... View more

i used to be best friends with someone, then they all of a sudden stopped talking to me. i went to them and asked what was going on, but they said they didn’t have a problem, so we became ‘friends’ again. it wasn’t what it was before, but it only lasted for about a week. i started becoming more than friends with someone they were close to, so before i started dating my boyfriend, i checked with my friend to see if it was okay. she said that she didn’t really want me to be with him. at the time, i understood this and wanted to respect her feelings, but it wasn’t really an option for me to stop talking to him. not only did we have a really strong connection, but i was going through a lot of personal things (that my best friend was aware of but chose to ignore) and the only thing keeping me afloat was this boy, so cutting him off wasn’t really an option. i decided to try and respect my best friend by just not bringing him up around her, but a couple days later, she just stopped talking to me again. i was completely heartbroken. not only for losing my best friend, but it just didn’t make sense to me because she had started dating someone who was my best friend (and stopped being friends with me after they started dating) about a month prior. it’s been months since this happened, but since she obviously didn’t want to be friends, i decided not to force it. i didn’t want drama, and it seemed like that was what she was looking for, so i decided to respect her by just staying away. now, it’s been a few months and we still avoid eachother, but it’s so difficult because she’s still in my friendship group. she’s especially close to my best friend, and still is close with my boyfriend. im not trying to be bitchy, but it is my understanding that these things are partly to do with trying to annoy me. i don’t want to be a bad friend or girlfriend but it makes me so heartbroken when i see both of them being so close to her without understanding how hurtful and toxic she’s been to me. i would never ask them to not be friends with her, but i just hate the situation i’m in. how can i stop being hurt by, or possibly change (in the least petty way), the friendship that my best friend and boyfriend have with this girl?

LisaRose I still feel my heart breaking
  • replies: 4

I was in a long distance relationship with my partner for 3 years. I truly loved her... I still do. Our jobs just killed us. We were often moved around and away from one another. It was hard when we were apart. But SO good when we were together. This... View more

I was in a long distance relationship with my partner for 3 years. I truly loved her... I still do. Our jobs just killed us. We were often moved around and away from one another. It was hard when we were apart. But SO good when we were together. This was something special. We spent the first year of our relationship together in the same city and meeting her was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. My heart beated to a different tune and I truly fell in love. She did too. She is the love of my life. She left me 2 months ago. Just before I had to go away yet again. She couldn’t do it anymore. All the long distance phone calls, flights, hotels. I get it. I wanted nothing more to wake up and fall asleep beside her every morning and night. Make her laugh, make her feel loved, make her happy. I know it was hurting her. I was hurting too. But I was optimistic that one day soon that our jobs would finally allow us to be together in the same place. She was not so sure. There was a lot of crying of the phone. A lot of I miss you’s. Slowly I realised that we were calling less often. She was tired from crying and I was tired from consoling her. Both require a lot of energy. She came to visit me while I was away and it was strange. She kissed me differently. Her heart wasn’t in it. I could feel it. Once I was back, it still wasn’t right. I knew something was up. I asked her about it. Many times. But she just said she was stressed at work. I betrayed her trust and looked st her phone. She had been talking to someone else... the way she would talk to me. And the more I read the more my heart sunk. I could feel my heart Slowly cracking and shrivelling. I was sick to my stomach. I fell to my knees. It was the worst feeling I’ve ever felt. My heart was truly broken. She found me and knew. She picked me up from the floor and hugged me for hours. We talked about it. We talked about everything. I should have wanted to scream and shout at her. I should have wanted to hurt her. But I couldn’t. I spent weeks crying. Lying in bed doing nothing. Couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, lost 7kgs in 2 weeks and looked and felt like a wreck. My career is booming. I got a promotion at work. It’s the only thing I’ve got going for me at the moment. And I’ve had to move to a new city. I’ve left behind the love of my life, and all my friends and family. I have never felt sadder in my life. When im awake I cry myself to sleep. When I’m asleep I cry myself awake. I am truly heart broken