Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

K2 Being shut out
  • replies: 7

Hi, how do people overcome the feelings one experiences when your partner shuts you out of their life...it’s only been days for me but I can’t eat or sleep. I don’t know what she is feeling at all. It was entirely my fault for this outcome. I’m askin... View more

Hi, how do people overcome the feelings one experiences when your partner shuts you out of their life...it’s only been days for me but I can’t eat or sleep. I don’t know what she is feeling at all. It was entirely my fault for this outcome. I’m asking for peoples help with coping strategies please. I have found if I write letters it helps me temporarily...

Morpork79 Trailing spouse
  • replies: 7

I'm in a bit of a spot. Australia is great, it's an awesome country but it's not home . I moved here towards the start of 2017. I followed my academic partner after some time doing long distance. This was not a move i did easily, I left a job I loved... View more

I'm in a bit of a spot. Australia is great, it's an awesome country but it's not home . I moved here towards the start of 2017. I followed my academic partner after some time doing long distance. This was not a move i did easily, I left a job I loved (admin), was well respected in the firm & had moved up. I had a year in my new position which was testing but when things got easier for me my partner put the pressure on for me to move. I think he was worried I would stay. Initially his contract was only for a year but it keeps being moved out. Me....ive found it difficult to settle here. I'm in my late thirties and was set up to purchase my own home. Work wise I've found it difficult. I've gone from being high functioning to suffering anxiety & unable to stick at a job. I left the first one due to having a unprofesdional bullying boss. Almost a year in I'm missing my home country more and more. At this stage in life we should be thinking about a family (which we need treatment for); instead I'm dealing with anxiety and wondering what on earth I'm going to do career wise now. I miss my lifestyle back home, and worry that I should be spending time with my parents who are in their senior years. A job came up back in our home country (6 hours drive) and initially my partner was going to apply. Now he's saying that he's on a better gig here. I feel I'm in a no win situation & there is no end date, I've never had depression before and I think it's triggered by this situation. If I make him move home I worry that he will resent me, if I don't I will be miserable. I'm starting to think the only solution is for me to end it with him which will be painful. Financially this move has been so bad for me.

countrybride feeling lost
  • replies: 3

I don't really know how to start..which may just be the crux of the issue. I come from a family that ironically is rubbish at communicating (ironic because my dad is a counsellor that specialises in relationships). I have recently married an amazing ... View more

I don't really know how to start..which may just be the crux of the issue. I come from a family that ironically is rubbish at communicating (ironic because my dad is a counsellor that specialises in relationships). I have recently married an amazing man who seems to be more comfortable sitting in silence. I don't know how to start opening up to him, which I really need to do. Recently I've been feeling broken and emotional because despite how hard we try, we can't seem to get pregnant. I've been trying to hide how much this is hurting me so that I don't become a burden or "too much to handle". I know he knows something is wrong, but because neither of us is amazing at this talking thing, I'm sure you can imagine how well that's going. It seems to be growing harder to deal with it recently; I'm not one that cries, but I seem to be crying at the drop of a hat. It isn't helped by the fact that my husband deals with illness and issues by shutting himself off. So now that I need physical contact and emotional support, He doesn't know how to do that for me. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to start communicating or coping strategies? I'm sorry about the word dump, but I need help. I have become adept at putting happy faces on at work, I really don't want to be wearing them at home.

Mum_to_3_girls Dealing with a volitile 13 year old without turning into a blubbering mess
  • replies: 5

My 13 year old daughter is a handful. She has always been a full on kid right from the moment she entered the world, it’s just her personality. She is very reactive and loud and quite self centred. Her entry into high school this year has not been a ... View more

My 13 year old daughter is a handful. She has always been a full on kid right from the moment she entered the world, it’s just her personality. She is very reactive and loud and quite self centred. Her entry into high school this year has not been a smooth one but she is slowly finding her feet after a lot of grief from our end. The problems arise when she looses her temper or mouths off. She always needs to have the last say. I then lose my temper and yell at her which then creates a big argument. She goes to school in tears, my partner and I argue because he tells me he doesn’t want to be around this tense situation and doesn’t want the baby to be either (he is 13 year olds step father) I call in sick to work because I can’t cope with life and then end up crying all day because of how shit of a mother I am. Parenting is so hard. I don’t know what I’m doing but everyone is looking to me for answers. Nothing I do is ever good enough and no one ever tells me I am doing a good job. I feel so unworthy and crappy about myself when I am around my family. At work I am bright, bubbly, smart, someone people look to for guidance and they voice their appreciation when I provide it. How can I be two different people. Im so lost.

shining Fright or flight
  • replies: 9

Hi, newbie to this so here goes. 11 April found out that my husband had been visiting dodgy massage parlours and getting "happy endings" for over a year. On top of that I found that he also "felt sorry" for one of these girls and to get her "off the ... View more

Hi, newbie to this so here goes. 11 April found out that my husband had been visiting dodgy massage parlours and getting "happy endings" for over a year. On top of that I found that he also "felt sorry" for one of these girls and to get her "off the job" , he employed her without telling me what her background was. He would take her grocery shopping because he said that she could not afford to shop. He also had her to the odd cleaning job on his work sites and one day he brought her home to meet me. A few times we went out for a casual meal after work he asked me if it was ok to bring her to eat with us and I said of course, she is lonely here being a student from Japan on a casual work visa etc. After I found out about how they met I immediately confronted hubby and fired the girl on the spot. 3 weeks later was when i discovered his year long behavior with all the girls and massage parlors. Needless to say I was gutted and devastated. Have been to counselling together and have been working towards recovery but I am struggling big time with different emotions/aspects of the problem. Right now (10 weeks on) I have not moved forward as much as I thought. Don't even know if I made the right decision to stay. It was very hard to get him to see that his behavior with both aspects was and is INFIDELITY!!! He is very good at deflecting away from any discussion I might want to have and has the attitude of "we decided to move forward so what is your problem?" I feel so angry toward him now and don't know which way to turn. The story is a lot longer than what I can write here. A bit about myself: been married for 33 years, have a son and a daughter and 4 grandchildren. I have a history of medication controlled depression but this has hardly impeded my life. Have had menopause and all the stuff that goes with that and husband keeps referring to both of the issues as the reason why he did what he did. If I refer to his behavior over the last 12 months, the first thing that comes out of his mouth is " I have told you why I did it, you were depressed and had menopause". I have been asking myself if it is a good idea to take myself off for a week alone to try to help sort out my thoughts and feelings. My mood had been erratically shifting from sadness to anger to despair and several other emotions over very short periods of time. Any thoughts??

kaylaG Loneliness
  • replies: 3

Hi.. I'm 24 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is my main and probably my only source of support when it comes to my anxiety and depression. I turn to him whenever I'm feeling anxious, upset or need to talk about... View more

Hi.. I'm 24 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is my main and probably my only source of support when it comes to my anxiety and depression. I turn to him whenever I'm feeling anxious, upset or need to talk about my feelings. Lately, he has been making me feel very lonely and rejected as he doesn't like listening to my problems anymore. It comes off as annoying or seeking attention.. and it is really difficult for me as I'm just trying to get it off my chest. He doesn't understand that just because my problems seem small to him they feel really big for me and affect how I go about my day. He makes me feel as though my feelings are invalid.. making me feel rejected and isolated. I don't know what to do and when I tell him I'm just communicating how I feel he just makes me feel stupid for even having these emotions that I can't help..

justintime Confused about wanting friends but not wanting them
  • replies: 13

Hi, I'm new to Beyond Blue & wanted to start my own thread in the hope that I can get some support. Lately I've been feeling a bit down, I'm getting some professional help but feel that what I also need is to chat to others who may be going through s... View more

Hi, I'm new to Beyond Blue & wanted to start my own thread in the hope that I can get some support. Lately I've been feeling a bit down, I'm getting some professional help but feel that what I also need is to chat to others who may be going through something similar so that I don't feel so alone. What I find hard is friendships & I don't quite know why. I easily meet people, make lots of acquaintances & get offers to meet up & go out. I also have no problem (as in fear or lack confidence) to ask other potential friends out but what's a bit confusing is that when I get invited out I don't want to go & for the life of me I don't understand why. I want friendships, I need them & I'm terribly lonely at times so I just don't get why I don't take up these invitations. Yesterday I was asked to go for coffee with a new potential male friend & today I was invited to dinner on the weekend from a female longer term friend. Both people are still waiting for my reply & I'm avoiding answering because I don't want to go. Is this what depressions does? Is it the lack of motivation part of depression that does this? Has anyone else ever felt this way & developed some understanding about why this happens? For the life of me I don't get it. I want & need friendships yet don't make it happen when the opportunity arrives.

25yearsshattered Lost & confused after 26 years together
  • replies: 5

After 26 years together my husband has walked out. He says he loves me but not in love with me. This has just ripped the rug out from under me as I love him very much. He's being influenced by anotger woman who he says he has no physical attraction t... View more

After 26 years together my husband has walked out. He says he loves me but not in love with me. This has just ripped the rug out from under me as I love him very much. He's being influenced by anotger woman who he says he has no physical attraction to, but she's trying everything to get him in her bed & is very manipulative. To make things even harder is she works for the local womens crisis centre so as I have no family here I feel I have where I can turn for support. He suffers clinical depression and has had a down turn since his fathers passing, yet apart from talking to her & being turned inside out, he refuses to get professional help. I just feel lost & heartbroken.

Romy No friends
  • replies: 2

I'm 20 years old, in my second year of uni. I feel like I have lots of acquaintances, I can always talk to people at uni easily. However I feel like I don't really have anyone I would actually hang out with outside of uni or work. I don't have a grou... View more

I'm 20 years old, in my second year of uni. I feel like I have lots of acquaintances, I can always talk to people at uni easily. However I feel like I don't really have anyone I would actually hang out with outside of uni or work. I don't have a group of people I can go out and party with, I only have about 3 seperate friends I could think of, and even then I don't hang out with them often and it feels so hard to organise things when people have different schedules. I just want to know if this is normal. I feel like a loser and I don't want to be the girl who only hangs out with her boyfriend. I want some gal pals!

Ms_Weeza Heart crushing moment.
  • replies: 3

HEART CRUSHING MOMENT You've been really supportive to your mate, through everything, so you send them a love song "truly, madly deeply" by savage garden. Real soul tapping love stuff. They play it, as they are next to you and....nothing. Then they g... View more

HEART CRUSHING MOMENT You've been really supportive to your mate, through everything, so you send them a love song "truly, madly deeply" by savage garden. Real soul tapping love stuff. They play it, as they are next to you and....nothing. Then they go off to play a game with their bestie and have fun. I burst into tears. The more I try to connect it seems the further away we get. He wants so badly to have all this magical spiritual work happen and yet puts a wall up between us. My opinions are bounced in his tone of voice. I often feel smaller and smaller. My inner child shrinking when it wants to expand and grow with him. How does a person explain that a lot of what he seeks is right in front of him?? I'd be scoffed at. No, that's not it. That's not my life's purpose....and yet, he doesn't know what to do or feel. He just knows that outside influences are at work, pushing him down and stopping him from doing his spiritual work. Maybe he's just not listening? Slow down. Relax. The answers you seek are closer then you realise. I'm not that strong anymore. I don't know if I can survive this quest. Interstellar higher mantra crap. Next life, I'll tend to a garden. A small peaceful garden. Solitary. Maybe some animals. And butterflies. And fireflies. That way I can enjoy day and night Just keep your twin flaming souls away from me. Standard love and families are bad enough. Even friends suck. Humans suck. Higher beings Pffft give me a break. You're all full of it. Honestly. I'm hurting so much and yet I still can't leave. Thanks. Thanks for the umpteenth experience.