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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Knicky Failing relationship, job loss and coping with children
  • replies: 3

I feel like I'm coming undone. I have 2 wonderful children, whom I love with all my heart and soul. But at the moment everything, especially parenting seems like such an effort even though I feel like Im functioning at the bare minimum. Feed, bathe, ... View more

I feel like I'm coming undone. I have 2 wonderful children, whom I love with all my heart and soul. But at the moment everything, especially parenting seems like such an effort even though I feel like Im functioning at the bare minimum. Feed, bathe, school runs, repeat. And Im becoming an angry Mumma, which I hate. Its not who I want to be for them. They deserve better! I lost a second job through no fault of my own, and am struggling to obtain another, so sitting at home over thinking is driving me up the wall. And struggling to find work to apply for to meet my centrelink requirements is causing me mayjor anxiety. My "friend" or lover, (what ever he feels like at the time) of over a year is also a huge point of anxiety, giving attention to another woman who we both know is totally in love with him, he fails to compromise on spending time with her because Im insecure and he wont be told who he can and cant spend time with, saying Im pushing them together and possibly would follow through with her out of spite. Yet he says he wants give "us" a real shot, and we have discussed and argued at length ways to self help and attempt to fix the relationship. I love him so so much and have tried my hardest to make it work, but I feel like Im fighting a losing battle as it always feels as though he will never commit to me and has one foot out the door at every point even though his words tell a different story. My heart so badly want to believe his words because once upon a time there was such a beautiful and amazing connection there. However at the moment he is constantly pointing out my many flaws and crappy coping mechanisms and instead of being constructive, I feel Im always under attack for my personality and who I am. I dont have a strong support network, I only have my Mum that I dont have a close bond with, and of the 3 friends I do have they are not strong friendships either, and I have exhausted them to the point of feeling uncomfortable in reaching out anymore. I feel so sad, lonely and lost. Im at my wits end on how I can please my kids, keep the man I love, and just simply be happy. I feel like life was just meant to be hard for me. Its never easy. I feel like Im always to blame. I dont know whats wrong with me and how I can never have that happy life I desire and try so hard for and keep failing at. What is it about me? I feel like I just want to give up!

bmacca64 My story
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I'm a 54 year old male who has been married to my gorgeous wife for 3 years and we have known each other for 9 years. She is ten years younger than me. When we met she informed me of her history of depression and bipolar and whether it s... View more

Hi everyone, I'm a 54 year old male who has been married to my gorgeous wife for 3 years and we have known each other for 9 years. She is ten years younger than me. When we met she informed me of her history of depression and bipolar and whether it scared me off. It didn't and it doesn't as it doesn't define her, it is simply a part of her. I am the major breadwinner, do most of the cooking, housework, getting our medications ready for the morning (her medication for her condition and my heart medications). Things have being going well except for our sex life which plummetted dramatically after about two years together when she had a boost to her medications. As frustrating as it was to have a reduced sex life due to her lowered sex drive, sex isn't everything and we worked through it. For all intents and purposes our relationship was going along swimmingly.............. until a month ago. We never fought, we did everything together and friends always remarked that we were joined at the hip. Every day she would call me three or four times and always finish with those three special words "I love you" and I would reply "you too." Four weeks ago this changed dramatically. I got the "you're my best friend and I love you dearly but I don't think I'm in love with you anymore." Then the "why do you love me anyway, what do you get from me?" as well as "I'm 44 and I'm a burden on you", "I brought nothing into this marriage", "its not you it's me, I need to work out how I feel", "you've done nothing wrong, I just don't know how I'm feeling." All these statements putting herself down. It rocked me to the core. She has now been moving in and out of the house for the past four weeks, staying at friends places and then moving back for a couple of days, sleeping in the spare room. We have no children but we have pets that need daily medications (just like us) so she has been in every day to medicate the animals. She gives me a hug and says "I'm moving out because I can't handle it if you cry because I'll cry and I don't want to cry". She still calls me three or four times a day, when she gets up, when she's off to work, when she's leaving work. This is what she has always done except there is no "I love you" at the end lately. It's been hard and I'm lucky that I have good close friends I can talk to and even her mother who simply said "It's that bipolar". I'm now seeing a psychologist to assist me in working through this as it's so hard.

Burdy Finding freedom from NPD parent
  • replies: 4

Hello here goes.. I'm a 45 yr old woman who has struggled the majority of my life with a NPD mother. I really do not know where to begin to try and explain the last 45 years with her. She parentally alienated my biological father when I was 12, remar... View more

Hello here goes.. I'm a 45 yr old woman who has struggled the majority of my life with a NPD mother. I really do not know where to begin to try and explain the last 45 years with her. She parentally alienated my biological father when I was 12, remarried and then alienated my step sister, she had my brother convinced I was at fault on so many occasions and at one point she convinced him to uninvite me to his wedding as it made HER uncomfortable if I was to be there, she with held my son from me when my husband and separated and then offered him money to go me for custody. She flirted with all my boyfriends and said to one that if we ever broke up she knew it would be my fault. She constantly put me down or laughed at my dreams and achievements in front of company. This is just a small sample and I could go on and on... I have spent years questioning my own sanity, questioning if I am a narcissist and struggling with things I see in myself that take after her as I have always been told I'm so much like her. We have had limited contact over the last few years but after a horrible family lunch on Saturday I really can not continue to do this, it makes me so anxious on the lead up to seeing her then leaves me so angry by the end as she spends the whole time just being nasty to and about everyone. When I pull her up for being nasty I then get a call later from my step father with the guilt trip of hurting the mothers feelings and everything they have ever done for me blah blah blah. I know I should permanently cease all contact. Problem is I still feel guilty to a point, I'm still afraid of hurting her feelings, I'm still dominated by her, I'm still afraid of her I guess. And I worry about my step dad, he is another victim and the only real parent figure I have had. I feel stuck.

Stephyy Depression, how can my husband walk out on our marriage like that?
  • replies: 1

About 4 months ago now my husband went into a deep depression and told me he was unhappy in our marriage. It was like a switch went off that day and he became a different person. He stopped touching me, kissing me, became so cold and distant. I held ... View more

About 4 months ago now my husband went into a deep depression and told me he was unhappy in our marriage. It was like a switch went off that day and he became a different person. He stopped touching me, kissing me, became so cold and distant. I held on as long as I could but he wanted out and I couldn’t change his mind. I know it’s the depression and he will come out of this and realise he’s made a huge mistake. This isn’t the first time this has happened but I honestly thought the last time would be the last time. I can’t believe someone can walk out of a marriage after 10 years, how someone could hurt me like this. I keep messaging him, hoping he will see this is all as a huge mistake, but then I think, what if we did get back together, again, would this always be my life?? This guy who promised to be my forever and always, constantly switching off on me? Surely I deserve better? I know he’s going through something massive but he doesn’t want me there as support, he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Do I just give up?

Maccas1 Confused and depressed
  • replies: 2

Hi guys first time poster. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life. A year ago I seeked help and was put on anti-depression medication. Over the past 6 months my depression has been worsening. To the point where my wife has told me to p... View more

Hi guys first time poster. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life. A year ago I seeked help and was put on anti-depression medication. Over the past 6 months my depression has been worsening. To the point where my wife has told me to pull my head in or her and my kids are leaving. which has left me confused so I have seeked help again and talking with a physiologist once a week. Which she said it sounds like I’m soul searching. Now I’m confused even more. I think I’m ready to lose them and focus on myself is that selfish. I just want to feel happy again. I have taken some positive steps and joined a gym as I really loved that pre children. And am starting to care about my appearance again please be honest if you think I’m making a mistake of giving it all up cheers

katbar Insecure partner
  • replies: 4

Hi First time to post here on the forum for me. I am a 43 years old married for nearly 20 years with 3 teenage children. My partner has been displaying insecurities within our relationship for a few years now and I am at a loss as what to do. For exa... View more

Hi First time to post here on the forum for me. I am a 43 years old married for nearly 20 years with 3 teenage children. My partner has been displaying insecurities within our relationship for a few years now and I am at a loss as what to do. For example today I purchased a new outfit to wear out to a work dinner to which he is not attending. He asked me why I am getting "dressed up" and who was I trying to impress. He also wants to know why I am buying new clothes when I am not going out with him. I have been off work for a few weeks after surgery and the only reasons I bought new clothes was because I wanted to feel nice when I went out. No other reason. There are other examples of his insecurities and it is becoming very frustrating to deal with.

Reaching_out Where did I go wrong
  • replies: 4

Where do I start? Have two kids under 5 with my wife. Been married for 7. Wife is suffering from PTSD and also lost someone really really close to her a few years back. She has high anxiety too. She’s been to drs for meds but doesn’t want to take the... View more

Where do I start? Have two kids under 5 with my wife. Been married for 7. Wife is suffering from PTSD and also lost someone really really close to her a few years back. She has high anxiety too. She’s been to drs for meds but doesn’t want to take them. She doesn’t currently work and our youngest has special needs I thought that I was doing my best at trying to support my wife in everything - with the kids, with work, with her life in general however my wife has so much resentment towards me, and everything thing I do makes her angry. I’ve stopped all my hobbies and contact with friends (and I don’t mind doing this as I want things to get better). when I say something or try and compliment her in some way, she takes it totally opposite of what I meant and takes it as an insult. When I try and be reasonable and find out what the issue is, she cracks it that I have to be right all the time. I don’t care about right or wrong I just want to know the issue and how to resolve it. There are many occasions where I am confused as to why something is an issue. I work 5 days during week and our kids are up early in the morning so I get them ready and feed them hoping that my wife gets some rest before I head off. When I literally come home I put them to bed and we hardly have time to ourselves as she is exhausted from the kids (understandable). She he told me she doesn’t want to be with me by wants to stay peaceful for the kids. My kids are the world and I want them to grow up in a loving family. I want my kids but I want my wife too. I don’t even know where to start or who to turn to, as I am worried for my wife’s mental health, but if I show her my concerns she will get insulted that I think she has some issues to sort out. I thought I was doing everything I needed to be doing, but obviously not.

Waste_of_Time I need.... Something
  • replies: 5

I dont no how to do this or what to say, I need help but dont no where to go or start so I came here and I guess I will start from the beginningish Im in my mid 20s. My parents broke up when I was young. My parents are both addicted to different ille... View more

I dont no how to do this or what to say, I need help but dont no where to go or start so I came here and I guess I will start from the beginningish Im in my mid 20s. My parents broke up when I was young. My parents are both addicted to different illegal drugs At age 10 I found a person who I treated and called my foster mum. I was very close with her while I was younger At 14 I got into a relationship with someone who was very abusive and violent, this lasted a little over ten years. During this time I pushed away all of my friends because I didnt want them to worry about me and the only friend I have left I re-met after leaving the abusive relationship When I was 18 my foster mum had a stroke which killed her. The night before she died wed had an argument about my abusive partner and that argument still plays through my mind My birth family dont care about me, every time Ive asked them for anything theyve told me no even when I just needed someone to talk to. The only person who cared about me is dead and died thinking that I hated her I dont no what to do my old friends all hate me because of my ex, I have anxieties out the rear end as well as depression among other things and I have no one. I thought I could get by without my abusive partner but things have gotten worse since I left, Id rather be physically and mentally abused than feel like this the loneliness is unbearable but I dont want to go back either because it took so much to get away My friend doesnt understand and seems to only care for herself I have no one to talk to Im sick of crying sick of being alone sick of hearing that disappointed voice in my head on loop I dont no what I need, I just no I need help and my GP doesn't seem to care. Thankyou for reading this and thankyou for any help

Dibs so many thoughts
  • replies: 5

the beginning is to far back so I am 62 single female, always been independent & planned my financial security after divorce at age of 30, never remarried & that has always surprised me I loved being married, I belonged, maybe my distrust showed and ... View more

the beginning is to far back so I am 62 single female, always been independent & planned my financial security after divorce at age of 30, never remarried & that has always surprised me I loved being married, I belonged, maybe my distrust showed and I was not aware, never had children as did not want to have them outside a family unit. I never thought I was good enough after the divorce so always found partners who needed support & to be cared for, only to have them run free once they were strong again to face the world both financially &emotionally, so I stopped doing that as it was not good for me I finally realised. Then at 48 breast cancer hit only 6 months after my big sister died from the same disease , she lasted 6 years so I panicked & though I needed to be near my only living relative my brother so sold my little cottage on coast NSW and moved to country QLD , purchased a fixer upper and got done well & truly by the builder financially, I should have stayed in NSW as friends supported me through the breast cancer, my brother did not care where I lived then I realised that I was the same issue to him as I was when I was 15 when our mum died - I was to young to be left alone and to old to be taken in . After 12 years in hot isolated QLD town I sold for a loss , I move back to a coastal NSW town bought a cheap unit and though I would have no problems finding work as I have always worked but over 60 nobody wants you. So 9 months and 95 job applications later using all my savings to support myself I obtain a 6 mth temp job which ends in January, so I have to sell now because I wont have a wage, but now I doubt myself, my capabilities, my worth, my value my decisions ,I have no self confidence, I dont feel I fit anywhere I feel like I have to make excuses for myself - but I dont know who me is, the only common denominator in my life has been me so it must be my fault, I have always lived alone but never felt lonely ,but this past 5 years & especially now I am lonely and scared as I am losing all I worked for bit by bit and cant seem to stop it - I dont want to be 63 & financially insecure and of not value anyone. the thing that saddens me is I could get in the car & drive and I would not be missed only by work & no one would know where to start looking . I have withdrawn more and more as I felt I did not have a place or purpose so I guess this situation is my own doing so I shouldnt complain- sorry for the ramble

kittykibble My mum’s Schizophrenia has triggered my anxiety
  • replies: 1

I’m 27 and mum has had schizophrenia since before I was born. She has been financially looked after and had her behaviour enabled by her mother her entire life, until now. Her untreated behaviour has alienated everyone in her family, but me (includin... View more

I’m 27 and mum has had schizophrenia since before I was born. She has been financially looked after and had her behaviour enabled by her mother her entire life, until now. Her untreated behaviour has alienated everyone in her family, but me (including me at times, but she’s my mum), her only child. It has been a really rough year for both of us. It started in January when we both went to my grandads funeral. My mum was my nanas carerer and my nana and grandad were separated for more than 20 years, but she wanted to go to the funeral, so we all flew there. Nana decided to stay with other family in what was now her house (even though they were separated, the never divorced). Mum was now alone. She flew back and forth to get nana to move back, partly so she could keep her Carers payment from the government, but she refused, then a family member told Centrelink that nana was no longer living with her, so she lost her income. This is the moment I got her to see a psychiatrist for the first time. Unfortunately the psychiatrist couldn’t pay his rent and closed his practice, so she’s no longer able to see him. She can’t afford to pay for a psychiatrist so she has to wait on a list to see a bulk billing one in February. She’s not doing well, she has little money, the family is having to pay for her rent, because she can’t get work due to her mental state; she wants to move in with her mum, but the family won’t let her, she is very lonely. 10 years ago I had very bad anxiety, that I overcame, this whole year has completely triggered it again, I just don’t know what to do, I feel backed into a corner, wishing someone would reach out and save me from drowning in problems. Her expenses are so high and her medication isn’t really working, no one will see her and I’m the only person she can lean on. Her delusions are usually about God and being one of his elect, usually it’s she doesn’t have to take action to fix a problem because God told her the world is ending soon so there’s no point. Due to this problems, especially financial ones, get out of control. I’m still trying to figure out how to balance my own life while dealing with a mum who has schizophrenia. Does anyone have any advice for coping?