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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_294 Relationship anxiety 😬
  • replies: 5

Hi all, ok so I have recently entered a relationship with this guy who was previously my best friend. We’re both 18 and have become increasingly closer over the past few months and have now decided to try dating. I am really into him, and I get the s... View more

Hi all, ok so I have recently entered a relationship with this guy who was previously my best friend. We’re both 18 and have become increasingly closer over the past few months and have now decided to try dating. I am really into him, and I get the sense that he is into me as well but there are certain things that are just making me question things a bit. Prior to dating, as best friends, we used to joke about getting married and moving in together and moving overseas and our future together and it was all fun and games. I could tell him absolutely anything without any worry or anxiety. Now, in the relationship, there are two sides. On the one hand, he is amazing and romantic and makes me feel so special and I walk around with the biggest smile on my face when we’re talking. But on the other, he never makes any effort. I always have to plan dates, and push for conversation. He doesn’t hold my hand, or cuddle me or kiss me - I have to initiate those things for him. Tonight he texted asking to meet up as I was near his place for work. I texted 10 minutes later saying I would love to and he responded saying he was home now and pretty tired. I am really upset about that but I’m also worried I’m overreacting. We’ve only been together for 2 weeks after all. Please help!! Now sitting at home wondering if I should be putting as much effort in as I am (but I know when I see him tomorrow all those feelings will dissipate immediately).

Drixiepixie Struggling to cope with going it alone
  • replies: 1

I’m 23, I have two kids, 3 and almost 2. I have been separated about ten months, seeking divorce. I am studying full time and my kids attend daycare. My ex contributes $20 a fornihbt financially and he’s supposed to see his kids twice a week but he c... View more

I’m 23, I have two kids, 3 and almost 2. I have been separated about ten months, seeking divorce. I am studying full time and my kids attend daycare. My ex contributes $20 a fornihbt financially and he’s supposed to see his kids twice a week but he cancels so often it’s more like once a fortnight. Im having feelings of being utterly overwhelmed and out of my depth. My ex was never a father in reality but my aloneness is only dawning on me now. I hold up a brace face and soldier on but every few weeks I have some sort of break down or crying fit. today I had a lot of stuff to do and I took my kids to daycare. Apparently the centre has a policy that if a kid has a fever they can't come to the centre for 24 hours. My daughter ran a mild fever yesterday afternoon (she's fine today). When she got there this morning (I already dropped her off and she was playing with her friends) they cane in and told me that sorry 'jose', as she called her has to go home immediately. She didn't bother to tell me this yesterday.so I had already brought her in. She was bawling and screaming and it took me hours to get her to settle down. Let’s just say I didn’t get my work done. The previous week my son was sick all week (different virus)and couldn’t attend all week. I also pay for the absent days I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m feeling a bit at my wits end. One or both kids are sick every second week. I also struggle with my weight and I work very hard to get it under control but sometimes I’m overly emotional and I just eat and eat. On top of that I try to go to the gym literally every day but something happens almost every time which prevents me from going i have tried to get understanding from family but the general consensus is ‘that’s just life’ and my dad even told me ‘my life is much harder than yours’ Everyone says I’m ‘too sensitive’

dani11 Feeling lost and empty after a break up
  • replies: 3

I was married for 7 years, we have 2 children together & he left me during the 2nd pregnancy for the firat time so he could pursue female friends, going out to clubs, lots of socialising and in general acting like he was a bachelor. After the 2nd was... View more

I was married for 7 years, we have 2 children together & he left me during the 2nd pregnancy for the firat time so he could pursue female friends, going out to clubs, lots of socialising and in general acting like he was a bachelor. After the 2nd was born he had moved out and was renting his own place but we had continued an on/off relationship for the last 2 years in my pathetic desperate attempt to keep our faimly together. In these last 2 years we have had some very good times but many bad times, lots of fighting and he had always refused to go public with us being back together and refused to come home to live with us. Just recently he has told me we are finished for good. He doesnt want to prolong the pain of being together. He has no feeling for me anymore... And I am left guttered and raw. I wish I could forced myself to move on, I should have moved on 2 years ago but im too pathetic to do so. Im made to feel im a narcist and I pushed him away. I dont know what to believe. I just want to cut him out of my brain and heart so I can stop thinking of him and hurting over him. This has seriously affected our kids. He doesnt see the little one at he moment cos I cant bare to be around him, see him or talk to him. I know its horrible to keel kids from a parent but its the only way I know how to cope. I just cant be near him. I feel like im loosing my mind. All the shit we have been through is hard enough and now a nasty finalised break up feels like its killing me. All ive wanted was to feel loved, wanted, to not be alone & to have a partner to have kids with & grow old with but ive failed Why was I not good enough and how do I let go????? I have NO social network, no friends only a handful of family who are sick of hearing my woes. I just feel useless.

tnb2910 Child Support my ex plans on giving it straight to our 16yo daughter so she won't spend time with me.
  • replies: 2

My ex recently and fairly put in a claim to CSA as he has about 90% care of our 16yo (she spends time with me but rarely stays over) he told me he didn't want the money he wanted me to spend more time with her we also have a 19 yo that lives with me ... View more

My ex recently and fairly put in a claim to CSA as he has about 90% care of our 16yo (she spends time with me but rarely stays over) he told me he didn't want the money he wanted me to spend more time with her we also have a 19 yo that lives with me 100% unfortunately she doesn't come under child support even though she is still studying full time. I have no problem supporting both our daughters and have been paying for the 16yo tennis lessons, mobile phone and had agreed to pay 50% of her school camp he rarely helps our out 19yo financially since she turned 18 last year. He has since gone and got our 16yo a new phone and left me with a contract cancellation fee of $1000.00. I received a letter from CSA on Friday (2 months after the initial claim) saying that he has asked them to collect payments and both my daughters have told me he is going to give it straight to the 16 yo so he is now rewarding her for not spending time with me she also has a part time job and is earning about $100 a week. At no time prior to contacting child support did he contact me and ask for the money or give me his bank account details so I could pay him directly. The thing that annoys me most about all of this is that it is like our 19yo doesn't exist he just doesn't care that I wont be able to provide for her and his income is nearly triple mine (120k to 45K), I barely have $100 a fortnight left after I pay mine and our other daughters living expenses. He also has a new wife who's income would be similar to mine (I know this isn't considered by child support and rightly so but just pointing out that he has a lot more disposable income than I do) I am single and now plan on staying that way for the time being. The thing about all of this is if our 16yo spent 1 night a week with me I wouldn't have to pay him anything, she moved in with him because she didn't like the guy I was dating. I am planning on sending him an email stating that as I am now paying child support I can no longer afford to pay for our daughters tennis lessons or 50% of the school camp. I will be telling my 16yo old all of this first. Any ideas on how to word the letter to my ex would be appreciated as he is likely to pull it apart and twist everything I say to our daughters (the reason I'll be explaining all this to her before sending the email) and make me look like the bad guy because I won't pay for things even though I'll be paying child support.

tassietassie Seperation, depression, anxiety and alcohol abuse
  • replies: 4

Greetings to all. I permanently separated from my 28 year long relationship in January. I have noticed my alcohol intake has increased to 17 units a day. I have been drinking at this level for six months. I do know I should not be doing this I do not... View more

Greetings to all. I permanently separated from my 28 year long relationship in January. I have noticed my alcohol intake has increased to 17 units a day. I have been drinking at this level for six months. I do know I should not be doing this I do not know if I am dependent or an alcoholic. I take anti-depressants and other medications for depression and anxiety. I do not work and have socially isolated myself among many other issues. I would welcome any thoughts/ideas to get out of "place" I find myself. Thanks

Terry73 A depressive loop and A broken family
  • replies: 17

This is my situation, I have been separated from my Wife for nearing 8 years now, we have 2 young children (at the time of separation, they still young, but not as young anymore), their ages Were (at time of separation) a daughter of 2.5 years old an... View more

This is my situation, I have been separated from my Wife for nearing 8 years now, we have 2 young children (at the time of separation, they still young, but not as young anymore), their ages Were (at time of separation) a daughter of 2.5 years old and a son of 8 months old. After being told by my Father-In-Law that my wife didn't want to live with me anymore (the only reason I have ever been given for the separation), they took the kids and stayed away for 2 days before coming back to change the locks on the family home, effectively locking me out, despite me willing to co-operate peacefully for the sake of our children, which so happened to be on my very Birthday that year. Since then the only contact my wife has made to me is demands for things like signing the divorce (which I haven't for fear she will manipulate it so I am signing away my rights to our children as well), or for saying that she was upset I didn't buy her a birthday present the following year after our separation. She had moved house, not telling me where she had moved to, changed her number and in the last year has blocked my last chance to talk with her through Facebook. I had made many attempts over the near 8 years to try and regain contact with our children in a peaceful, mature and civil manner, but she never responded to any of my reasonable requests including sitting down together with an independent person (Justice of the peace for example) who could keep our children's best interests while working out a parental agreement/custody order. Privacy laws stop me obtaining addresses and contact information from Government Services (Centerlink, Child Support, etc), so Lawyers cant send documents to her in regards to solving the issue, so no custody order can be initiated, meaning courts and police cant intervene because there is no breach of order. This has me feeling depressed (my opinion), I can't maintain work as I feel there is no point to it, I can't seem to move forward in my life as the issues above keep pulling me back, I can't seem to form a lasting relationship as I cannot marry again due to already being married, I am not suicidal though, as I still know there is our children and much other happiness to live for as well. How do I get out of this seemingly endless loop? Also been suggested to see a GP, but I don't have one and no one seems to let me know how I can get one, at least to confirm I am actually depressed or if it is just something I am using as an excuse.

Suricd Don’t know where my marriage is going
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing by posting on this forum but I feel like I really need some help. In 2015, I found out that my husband had lied to me about his multiple relationships and one night stands from before we got together. He ... View more

Hi, I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing by posting on this forum but I feel like I really need some help. In 2015, I found out that my husband had lied to me about his multiple relationships and one night stands from before we got together. He had only told me about one serious relationship before we met. I don’t know what made him spill the secret but he told me about a few of his past relationships one day. I was totally shocked not just for the relationships but for the fact that the things he told me I had never expected from him. I wanted to leave him back then but he promised that he had changed since we got married (over 10 years ago). I thought I’ll give him another chance. We went out for a coffee to sort this out. I wanted to know why he hid these relationships from me for so many years. Once he started telling me about it more lies came out. He told me about something that had happened a month before at a boys only party where strippers turned into callgirls by accepting money. He said all his other friends (who are all married by the way with teenage kids) took their turns with these girls but for him. How am I supposed to believe that? Sometimes the way he looks at other women gives me a feeling he’s known them in the past or knows them now. I’m not sure why I get this feeling.. I always had doubts that I am not important to him but always let it go because I love him so much. He never lets me touch his phone and if I accidentally get hold of it, I see more porn than anything else.. I have confronted him on several occasions and he had only lied to me. Sometimes I can tell he’s lying and I stop talking to him and he confesses after that about his lies. I have a beautiful child who loves his dad too much and will not be able to see us separate. Once we were arguing over his lies and his Mum heard us and later told my husband to separate from me as he can easily find another girl. She even said who cares about your boy? You can get another child from another girl My husband is extremely friendly and charming and is very popular amongst his friends whereas I’m an introvert and don’t have as many friends as him. I even lost touch with most of my family because of my relationship stress. I have developed anxiety and I feel really depressed but I don’t feel like talking to anyone about it. I don’t know what to do? How can I get my husband to like me and stop lying to me? Thanks for reading my long post

Sunflower60 Betrayal from mum, confused and upset
  • replies: 3

Hello, Just wanting some advice and wondering if anyone else has a situation like this. I am really upset my mum has given my abusive ex her number and told him to call her whenever she wants. I was trying to get away from him for so long and he woul... View more

Hello, Just wanting some advice and wondering if anyone else has a situation like this. I am really upset my mum has given my abusive ex her number and told him to call her whenever she wants. I was trying to get away from him for so long and he would stalk me. I was getting harrasing text messeges from him so I blocked his number and he then set his number to private and continued calling constantly all day and all through out the night. I then changed my number and soon after he must of realised what I had done, was waiting for me in a dark car park at night, where I had parked my car when I was working, asking me if he could just have a hug, blocking me from my car, so I had to hug him to get in my car, it was so scary. My mum knew all of this and knew how much he hurt me yet she gave him her number after I finally got away from the guy. I want to have a relationship with my mum but this it alway in the back of my mind. I feel like it is so hurtful and really weird. I'm having trouble not letting it effect me. She was saying today how if he calls she would ask him how he is, how is his family and how is his health. What the !! I have told her how I feel about it and how I don't want him to have her number. I was very scared and hurt by him.

Natasha01 My boyfriend suffers with depression/alcoholism, we’re here in Oz together from the Uk and have nobody to talk to and desperately seek help&advice
  • replies: 5

Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We’re extremely close yet when it comes to his feelings ect he is a closed book, getting anything out of him is like getting blood out of a stone. I’m very open, probably too open so I’ve always noticed th... View more

Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We’re extremely close yet when it comes to his feelings ect he is a closed book, getting anything out of him is like getting blood out of a stone. I’m very open, probably too open so I’ve always noticed this about him but always made sure never to press him about anything. over a year into the relationship I found tabs open on his laptop where he had been googling ‘how to cope with depression’ ect - i has been thinking for some time that he maybe suffered with depression as he would have bouts of being extremely down, very obvious low self esteem, heavy drinking ect. So now we’ve been together 3 years and NEVER openly spoken about his depression and alcoholism. His alcoholism is really bad. He’s openly spoken once about the fact he acknowledges he has problems with alcohol and he revealed his mum made him go to therapy as a teenager - but this was revealed when both of us were drunk and never mentioned again. I was shocked by the therapy comment because we’ve been together so long and he’d never told me - but again he doesn’t like to talk about ‘things’. Anyway he has been ok for a while now whilst we are in oz for a year but the past month it is clear with the heavy drinking and mood he is depressed again and he left tabs open again about dealing with alcoholism and depression but had also been googling ‘childhood trauma and how it causes alcoholism’ and lot seem more childhood trauma and how it causes links to problems in adulthood. Now I don’t know what to think or what to do?! Has he suffered a horrible trauma and not told me after all this time? I want to talk to him but I don’t know how... it’s easier said than done sorry for the essay but I’m alone in Australia and don’t have anyone to talk to

KuriousJ Losing my soul mate
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone. I had been with my partner for 1& half years and in February we had an argument and split up overnight. I am the one that suggested the break up but really didn't mean it. I showered her with gifts for valentines day and also on her birt... View more

Hi everyone. I had been with my partner for 1& half years and in February we had an argument and split up overnight. I am the one that suggested the break up but really didn't mean it. I showered her with gifts for valentines day and also on her birthday which was the 20th. I work away in the mines and stayed at her house during my RnR.. I thought everything was ok. She took a 2 week holiday in the USA with her sister and on her return I picked her up from the airport but it was like her feelings for me had changed. We did everything together and now I'm lucky if I get to see her now. I spent the day with her for my birthday which was in march. We were having lunch when she received 3 text messages from a guy called David. She said he was just a friend and she had gone out for drinks with him the week before. That ruined my day so I went home and got drunk. I flew in for RnR this Thursday night and stayed at her house over night. Slept in her bed and kissed and cuddled but nothing else. I'm feeling happy then I drove her to work. She told me she was going camping with some new friends she had made and I asked if I had an invite. She told me to bear with her and let her do her thing. I keep thinking she is with this David character. On Saturday she was sending me kisses and cuddles over text message. I don't know what to do. I have been drinking every day for the last 13 days and this morning I have had 4 beers. I know I need to stop but I'm lost. i am 34 years old and financially secure.