Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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tassietassie Seperation, depression, anxiety and alcohol abuse
  • replies: 4

Greetings to all. I permanently separated from my 28 year long relationship in January. I have noticed my alcohol intake has increased to 17 units a day. I have been drinking at this level for six months. I do know I should not be doing this I do not... View more

Greetings to all. I permanently separated from my 28 year long relationship in January. I have noticed my alcohol intake has increased to 17 units a day. I have been drinking at this level for six months. I do know I should not be doing this I do not know if I am dependent or an alcoholic. I take anti-depressants and other medications for depression and anxiety. I do not work and have socially isolated myself among many other issues. I would welcome any thoughts/ideas to get out of "place" I find myself. Thanks

Terry73 A depressive loop and A broken family
  • replies: 17

This is my situation, I have been separated from my Wife for nearing 8 years now, we have 2 young children (at the time of separation, they still young, but not as young anymore), their ages Were (at time of separation) a daughter of 2.5 years old an... View more

This is my situation, I have been separated from my Wife for nearing 8 years now, we have 2 young children (at the time of separation, they still young, but not as young anymore), their ages Were (at time of separation) a daughter of 2.5 years old and a son of 8 months old. After being told by my Father-In-Law that my wife didn't want to live with me anymore (the only reason I have ever been given for the separation), they took the kids and stayed away for 2 days before coming back to change the locks on the family home, effectively locking me out, despite me willing to co-operate peacefully for the sake of our children, which so happened to be on my very Birthday that year. Since then the only contact my wife has made to me is demands for things like signing the divorce (which I haven't for fear she will manipulate it so I am signing away my rights to our children as well), or for saying that she was upset I didn't buy her a birthday present the following year after our separation. She had moved house, not telling me where she had moved to, changed her number and in the last year has blocked my last chance to talk with her through Facebook. I had made many attempts over the near 8 years to try and regain contact with our children in a peaceful, mature and civil manner, but she never responded to any of my reasonable requests including sitting down together with an independent person (Justice of the peace for example) who could keep our children's best interests while working out a parental agreement/custody order. Privacy laws stop me obtaining addresses and contact information from Government Services (Centerlink, Child Support, etc), so Lawyers cant send documents to her in regards to solving the issue, so no custody order can be initiated, meaning courts and police cant intervene because there is no breach of order. This has me feeling depressed (my opinion), I can't maintain work as I feel there is no point to it, I can't seem to move forward in my life as the issues above keep pulling me back, I can't seem to form a lasting relationship as I cannot marry again due to already being married, I am not suicidal though, as I still know there is our children and much other happiness to live for as well. How do I get out of this seemingly endless loop? Also been suggested to see a GP, but I don't have one and no one seems to let me know how I can get one, at least to confirm I am actually depressed or if it is just something I am using as an excuse.

Suricd Don’t know where my marriage is going
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing by posting on this forum but I feel like I really need some help. In 2015, I found out that my husband had lied to me about his multiple relationships and one night stands from before we got together. He ... View more

Hi, I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing by posting on this forum but I feel like I really need some help. In 2015, I found out that my husband had lied to me about his multiple relationships and one night stands from before we got together. He had only told me about one serious relationship before we met. I don’t know what made him spill the secret but he told me about a few of his past relationships one day. I was totally shocked not just for the relationships but for the fact that the things he told me I had never expected from him. I wanted to leave him back then but he promised that he had changed since we got married (over 10 years ago). I thought I’ll give him another chance. We went out for a coffee to sort this out. I wanted to know why he hid these relationships from me for so many years. Once he started telling me about it more lies came out. He told me about something that had happened a month before at a boys only party where strippers turned into callgirls by accepting money. He said all his other friends (who are all married by the way with teenage kids) took their turns with these girls but for him. How am I supposed to believe that? Sometimes the way he looks at other women gives me a feeling he’s known them in the past or knows them now. I’m not sure why I get this feeling.. I always had doubts that I am not important to him but always let it go because I love him so much. He never lets me touch his phone and if I accidentally get hold of it, I see more porn than anything else.. I have confronted him on several occasions and he had only lied to me. Sometimes I can tell he’s lying and I stop talking to him and he confesses after that about his lies. I have a beautiful child who loves his dad too much and will not be able to see us separate. Once we were arguing over his lies and his Mum heard us and later told my husband to separate from me as he can easily find another girl. She even said who cares about your boy? You can get another child from another girl My husband is extremely friendly and charming and is very popular amongst his friends whereas I’m an introvert and don’t have as many friends as him. I even lost touch with most of my family because of my relationship stress. I have developed anxiety and I feel really depressed but I don’t feel like talking to anyone about it. I don’t know what to do? How can I get my husband to like me and stop lying to me? Thanks for reading my long post

Sunflower60 Betrayal from mum, confused and upset
  • replies: 3

Hello, Just wanting some advice and wondering if anyone else has a situation like this. I am really upset my mum has given my abusive ex her number and told him to call her whenever she wants. I was trying to get away from him for so long and he woul... View more

Hello, Just wanting some advice and wondering if anyone else has a situation like this. I am really upset my mum has given my abusive ex her number and told him to call her whenever she wants. I was trying to get away from him for so long and he would stalk me. I was getting harrasing text messeges from him so I blocked his number and he then set his number to private and continued calling constantly all day and all through out the night. I then changed my number and soon after he must of realised what I had done, was waiting for me in a dark car park at night, where I had parked my car when I was working, asking me if he could just have a hug, blocking me from my car, so I had to hug him to get in my car, it was so scary. My mum knew all of this and knew how much he hurt me yet she gave him her number after I finally got away from the guy. I want to have a relationship with my mum but this it alway in the back of my mind. I feel like it is so hurtful and really weird. I'm having trouble not letting it effect me. She was saying today how if he calls she would ask him how he is, how is his family and how is his health. What the !! I have told her how I feel about it and how I don't want him to have her number. I was very scared and hurt by him.

Natasha01 My boyfriend suffers with depression/alcoholism, we’re here in Oz together from the Uk and have nobody to talk to and desperately seek help&advice
  • replies: 5

Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We’re extremely close yet when it comes to his feelings ect he is a closed book, getting anything out of him is like getting blood out of a stone. I’m very open, probably too open so I’ve always noticed th... View more

Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We’re extremely close yet when it comes to his feelings ect he is a closed book, getting anything out of him is like getting blood out of a stone. I’m very open, probably too open so I’ve always noticed this about him but always made sure never to press him about anything. over a year into the relationship I found tabs open on his laptop where he had been googling ‘how to cope with depression’ ect - i has been thinking for some time that he maybe suffered with depression as he would have bouts of being extremely down, very obvious low self esteem, heavy drinking ect. So now we’ve been together 3 years and NEVER openly spoken about his depression and alcoholism. His alcoholism is really bad. He’s openly spoken once about the fact he acknowledges he has problems with alcohol and he revealed his mum made him go to therapy as a teenager - but this was revealed when both of us were drunk and never mentioned again. I was shocked by the therapy comment because we’ve been together so long and he’d never told me - but again he doesn’t like to talk about ‘things’. Anyway he has been ok for a while now whilst we are in oz for a year but the past month it is clear with the heavy drinking and mood he is depressed again and he left tabs open again about dealing with alcoholism and depression but had also been googling ‘childhood trauma and how it causes alcoholism’ and lot seem more childhood trauma and how it causes links to problems in adulthood. Now I don’t know what to think or what to do?! Has he suffered a horrible trauma and not told me after all this time? I want to talk to him but I don’t know how... it’s easier said than done sorry for the essay but I’m alone in Australia and don’t have anyone to talk to

KuriousJ Losing my soul mate
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone. I had been with my partner for 1& half years and in February we had an argument and split up overnight. I am the one that suggested the break up but really didn't mean it. I showered her with gifts for valentines day and also on her birt... View more

Hi everyone. I had been with my partner for 1& half years and in February we had an argument and split up overnight. I am the one that suggested the break up but really didn't mean it. I showered her with gifts for valentines day and also on her birthday which was the 20th. I work away in the mines and stayed at her house during my RnR.. I thought everything was ok. She took a 2 week holiday in the USA with her sister and on her return I picked her up from the airport but it was like her feelings for me had changed. We did everything together and now I'm lucky if I get to see her now. I spent the day with her for my birthday which was in march. We were having lunch when she received 3 text messages from a guy called David. She said he was just a friend and she had gone out for drinks with him the week before. That ruined my day so I went home and got drunk. I flew in for RnR this Thursday night and stayed at her house over night. Slept in her bed and kissed and cuddled but nothing else. I'm feeling happy then I drove her to work. She told me she was going camping with some new friends she had made and I asked if I had an invite. She told me to bear with her and let her do her thing. I keep thinking she is with this David character. On Saturday she was sending me kisses and cuddles over text message. I don't know what to do. I have been drinking every day for the last 13 days and this morning I have had 4 beers. I know I need to stop but I'm lost. i am 34 years old and financially secure.

NiqBel03 Partner With Depression/Anxiety Won’t Commit
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, I have been with my partner for about 2 years now. I lived in the US for the first year of our relationship finishing up Uni. When we first started dating, and when I first got to AU, he was really keen on getting married and taking our rela... View more

Hi guys, I have been with my partner for about 2 years now. I lived in the US for the first year of our relationship finishing up Uni. When we first started dating, and when I first got to AU, he was really keen on getting married and taking our relationship to the next step. I wasn’t ready to get married, as I wasn’t sure whether or not I wanted to stay or go back to the US. Plus I only knew him over webchats and a couple of month long holidays. I have now decided to permanently stay and am going for a partner visa. I have grown to love him very much, the good and the bad. When I first got out to AU, he was hospitalized for undiagnosed depression/anxiety. We have been through so much together since then with his healing process and such. I thought I proved my love and commitment to him over this past year, but it seems like things have changed after all of this happened. Recently, I have been bringing up the idea of marriage again. He has completely shut down and just keeps saying there is so much that isn’t working between us and is alluding to wanting to break up. I am understanding if he isn’t ready for marriage but he won’t even say that he wants to wait or is scared. He just isn’t giving me a reason why he won’t take the next step. I have anxiety and a bit of depression and the shift in energy in the house has definitely caused me to have episodes and a spike in anxiety. I am really struggling on how to cope with this as every time I bring up what’s wrong it ends in a huge fight. I am to the point of wanting to go back to the US. I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my time, but I don’t want to make a mistake in the end. I really do love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I am so lost with what to do. Has anyone been through anything similar or can offer any advice on how to approach this situation? Thank you for taking the time to help!

Cabbage_Patch_Kid Anyone else get overly attached to someone they haven’t known for long when depressed
  • replies: 14

I’ve been suffering depression pretty badly for the last 8 months but I’ve notices another side effect is that I get irrationally attachéd to guys I’ve only met or been with a few times. It doesn’t seem to matter whether I think I have a future or wh... View more

I’ve been suffering depression pretty badly for the last 8 months but I’ve notices another side effect is that I get irrationally attachéd to guys I’ve only met or been with a few times. It doesn’t seem to matter whether I think I have a future or whether he’s a decent guy. I recently called time on one such casual relationship as I was getting hurt as he was with others and had no feelings for me. I knew it would not have a future and it was sex based. However I feel devastated and I can’t explain it. My friends and family don’t understand. It’s like we were together for years. This is not the first time this has happened either. I end up scaring guys away. Has anyone experienced this or have any advice. I’ve tried to explain my headspace but he’s not interested. He’s blocked me. In the past it’s taken so much time to get over guys.

Anne74 Feeling rejected
  • replies: 5

I have been in a relationship with an man who is an addict for 4 and a half years, and its been like a crazy rollercoaster ride. I have major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder which is challenging for me to live with on a daily bas... View more

I have been in a relationship with an man who is an addict for 4 and a half years, and its been like a crazy rollercoaster ride. I have major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder which is challenging for me to live with on a daily basis and then add my boyfriends moods to the mix and its crazy making. things go along great for a while and then suddenly he gets angry about the smallest of things and wont talk to me for days. Im left wondering what the hell happend with no communication until he is ready to talk. this does my head in with my anxiety going through the roof and i feel totally rejected and like he doesnt give a dam. I dont know what to do or how to detach with love as the experts say we should with addicts, can someone help me??

Sam145 Unsure on whether it will get better
  • replies: 9

My boyfriend has severe depression and has being struggling heaps over the past 2 weeks. We have been together on and off for about 3 years. It stopped being smooth sailing after the first year. I moved to Melbourne and we did long distance; 4 hours ... View more

My boyfriend has severe depression and has being struggling heaps over the past 2 weeks. We have been together on and off for about 3 years. It stopped being smooth sailing after the first year. I moved to Melbourne and we did long distance; 4 hours away. He never made the effort to come and see me I was always the one going to him. It has been a rocky relationship ever since. The longest we have spent apart, broken up has been a month. He has hurt me so much, he has lied, been unloyal although he hasn’t cheated (that I know of) he has done some similar stuff. We recently broke up and I didn’t talk to him for a month, he wrote me a letter and asked for a second chance I accepted. It has been 6 months and he had been lying from the start. I found out 5 months in that he still had tinder people on Snapchat and was talking to girls he was saying he wasn’t. I have been on edge ever since I found that out. He said he was talking to other girls for support because I wasn’t listening to how he was feeling. I have always tried my best to support him through his tough times. It takes a huge toll on me and I don’t think I can handle it anymore, I’m a happy person and like to have fun. We are very different people. I love him to bits and I’m scared to leave. I don’t like being alone. Recently he has been getting bad. He says he can’t talk to anyone about his problems. He is keeping someone else’s secret and has sworn to secrecy and won’t tell me and he said it is affecting him greatly. He isn’t coping and idk what to do. He isn’t sure if it will get better and I’m not sure how much more I can take and if it is worth it. Idk if it will be the same. Part of me really wants to support him through it and then work us out later but the other part wants to focus solely on me. I’m not happy but I don’t want to be without him. I really want us to work out but I’m not getting my needs satisfied. Do I help him through his problems, put my needs aside help him get better then try work us out or do I just focus on myself and my own happiness? All I really want from him is to be able to spend regular time with him, we both work full time at the same workplace in fast food so we work different shifts. We live in the same town now. I just want to get back to us. He wants me to be happy and to focus on myself and said if that means moving on from him so be it. He doesn’t know if it will get better. I just want to be happy but I don’t want to break up with him. He wants to get better