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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Leslee I've hated my mother for as long as I can remember. Please help.
  • replies: 1

My parents split when I was a kid. My younger sibling and I ended up with our mother. We don't see our father anymore, probably because of our mother. She is Negative, Stubborn and a wannabe Authoritarian (I say wannabe because my sibling and I are n... View more

My parents split when I was a kid. My younger sibling and I ended up with our mother. We don't see our father anymore, probably because of our mother. She is Negative, Stubborn and a wannabe Authoritarian (I say wannabe because my sibling and I are now both adults so though our mother may still try to control our personal preferences, she rarely succeeds, but it remains annoying nonetheless). I moved out from home not long after I turned 18 and could support myself. I used to visit once a week/fortnight but I haven't been back in months after the last visit. We had an argument over the amount of food she gave me. This may sound trivial but I've asked her literally thousands of times, in a serious tone, not to force so much food into my bowl (this has been ongoing at least since I moved out over 10 years ago). It upsets me because it demonstrates how stubborn she is and how controlling she wants to be, even though I am a perfectly healthy weight for my height. When we were young, she used to hit my sister when she didn't finish her meals. My sister got fat and she then had to buy her a bicycle. I did some online research which recommended counseling so I went and saw my GP who referred me to a psychologist. Explaining the situation to him actually made me feel worse as it seemed to justify my reasons for hating my mother (telling my friends I was never home when I was, going through my mail, and just the way she raised me in general). I ran out of things to talk about after a few sessions so I stopped seeing him. I appreciate my mother may have had a tough life but I don't think it's right to take one's pain out on others, let alone your own children. While it wouldn't be the end of the world if I never saw her again, I know that all this hatred will probably turn into guilt once she passes away because as stubborn as she is, she probably means well sometimes.

sodapopx Finding people to date
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, I'd just like to share an experience that i've been having which is really frustrating me a lot. After dating a few people non-seriously and finally being done with them this past year, these past few months i've been wanting to meet ... View more

Hello everyone, I'd just like to share an experience that i've been having which is really frustrating me a lot. After dating a few people non-seriously and finally being done with them this past year, these past few months i've been wanting to meet someone new to date and hopefully become more serious with. The thing is I don't really meet any new guys in real life often, and if I do they're usually already in a relationship or they're already part of my social circle and we're just friends (one of my girl friends likes them, etc). For the past year i've tried a few dating apps and other apps for more specified interests, but the only people i've met on there that I really like live in other cities. There has been a couple that live here and that I am interested in and we have just started talking, but they don't seem to be interested in anything very serious or building a relationship. After going through some awful experiences with dating/guys i've liked in the past, I do want to take it a bit slower and know someone a fair bit and establish a basic sense of trust before meeting up. After my experiences i've also built some strong boundaries for myself, but I don't feel like anyone fits into these boundaries and it's becoming a disadvantage in really connecting with anyone. I've also never been in a proper serious relationship before and I feel like sometimes I don't know how this is suppose to form. I do want to experience and have this with another person but I also don't know where to meet guys in real life. (my uni course and hobbies are quite female-oriented and don't meet a lot of guys there.) I've been told by guys that i'm very attractive, but I don't feel like guys really approach me often in real life to talk in general, so I sometimes find it hard to believe. I can be quite shy with people when first meeting them, but I've been getting a lot better with this and most times when I do meet new people and they're friendly I feel quite comfortable to have a conversation with them. Any tips to meet new people will be much appreciated:)

Calv Hardest thing I ever did was saying goodbye,
  • replies: 1

Hey all. So last night I went to my ex’s and we spoke abit about why we split what lead to it and what the futures holds. It didn’t go as I wanted it to she said she still felt the same was and didn’t want to try make it work she said it’s easy to ge... View more

Hey all. So last night I went to my ex’s and we spoke abit about why we split what lead to it and what the futures holds. It didn’t go as I wanted it to she said she still felt the same was and didn’t want to try make it work she said it’s easy to get back into the relationship with me but it will just go back to what it was and we weren’t happy and she just doesn’t love me. Me on the other hand I love her to peices and after we spoke we got some fish and chips sat outside and ate them laughed made jokes and then went home and we said out final foodbyes. She seemed fine and happy and wants me to be happy she said will make her extremely happy to see me with a girl that makes me happy but she was the one that did that. We’re best Freinds and I think that’s why it’s so hard I’m not only loosing my partner but best freind We dated just under 4 years I don’t know how she can be so fine and no have one drop of sadness or anything. I told her I had to delete her off everything not becuase I want to I don’t want to get over her but I need to because if I see her move on before I make myself happy it will just cut me to deep and I won’t be able to cope. I have a great freinds group and heaps of support but as soon as im alone my mind runs a million thoughts a second or if I wake up in the middle of the night I just think about everything all the best moments we spent together. Now I just feel broken lost and no energy. I’m eating healthy and trying to exercise but I just feel so exhausted and muscles are aching. I know it will take time but it’s just so hard I just want it all over. Anyone know anything that I can take natural to make me feel better and help me along and help my acheing bones. Thanks all.

white knight In-laws, the best approach
  • replies: 3

2016 and the world is just as cruel to some as its ever been. With around 40% of marriages failing let's think zbout how many children lose one full time parent? How many of these children must endure a step parent they don't connect with? And how ma... View more

2016 and the world is just as cruel to some as its ever been. With around 40% of marriages failing let's think zbout how many children lose one full time parent? How many of these children must endure a step parent they don't connect with? And how many lose contact with their doting grandparents? The children and their grandparents relationship often is severed when patents split. I suggest ...what about the rights of the children to have ongoing contact with their grandparents and visa a versa.? I have my best mate and his wife, they have 3 kids under 8yo. They split 6 months ago. My friend was to have sole custody as his wife preferred a working career. When they went their separate ways my friend rang his mother in law and father in law, two people he didn't see eye to eye with. He told them that they had proven to be wonderful grandparents and there is no reason he could think of that would justify them not continuing their roles as they always had. This forward, uncommon gesture of fairness and respect resulted in his in-laws continuing a positive regular visitation régime that benefitted everyone. 3 months on and my friends marriage got patched up. When they discussed about reuniting his wife mentioned his maturity with "that phone call" to her parents as the catalyst to her decision to return. Based on this, if you have an estranged marriage and the grandparents are good at loving your kids, nurture that, give respect where its due and above all never deny your children their grandparents unless you are certain their safety is at risk. Ignore idiosyncrasies like too many lollies before dinner. Flex! Share your children to loving family. They are not part of ones arsenal to cause more hurt than what has already been created. Being kind, respectful and promoting good easy going communication with those that love your children is another way of you providing them with the best childhood they can have under the circumstances.

autumntrees Lonely...
  • replies: 2

I have just finished high school, and pretty much since year 7 I haven’t had any ‘real’ friends. I had really strong friendships in primary school and I regret letting them go (when they moved to other schools). I see all these ppl on social media en... View more

I have just finished high school, and pretty much since year 7 I haven’t had any ‘real’ friends. I had really strong friendships in primary school and I regret letting them go (when they moved to other schools). I see all these ppl on social media enjoying life with their best friends and it makes me really sad, I long for friendships that they have. To have someone to call, message, invite over, go places with... In my friend group, everyone is closer to each other than me. I am in tears most nights and I hate myself for so much self-loathing. This has made me start to question my qualities as a person and a friend, and it just gets me down, I consider myself a good-natured, kind-hearted person and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong - if anything.

Blitzzz Living with a pathological liar
  • replies: 4

20 years is a long time living with a pathological liar there’s no trust I don’t think there was ever any trust to begin with and It’s crippling my mental health had a massive meltdown in front of my kids today the worst ever could have been a mental... View more

20 years is a long time living with a pathological liar there’s no trust I don’t think there was ever any trust to begin with and It’s crippling my mental health had a massive meltdown in front of my kids today the worst ever could have been a mental breakdown, feeling excruciating guilty that my kids experienced this, I grew up in an unhealthy environment and I know exactly the trauma I caused to them I feel emotionally drained and physically exhausted I took medication to calm down i don’t know how to move on I feel trapped in this controlling marriage

Lissy14 Feeling desperately lonely and clinging to unhealthy relationship
  • replies: 4

I have been in a relationship for nearly 6 years. We were both married to others at the start. My marriage ended first (for numerous reasons, not the affair) and he stayed with his wife for longer as he was afraid of what she would do if he left (wit... View more

I have been in a relationship for nearly 6 years. We were both married to others at the start. My marriage ended first (for numerous reasons, not the affair) and he stayed with his wife for longer as he was afraid of what she would do if he left (with good reason). 18 months ago he did leave and his ex has made his life a nightmare ever since so now he is paralysed by fear and we can’t move forward together and are still living in secret. So we have been in limbo and unable to move forward. Because of the nature of the relationship (an extended secret affair), I isolated myself with my friends and I have no family living in this country. I am terrified of us breaking up because I am so scared of being on my own again, but I am so unhappy with this ‘partial life’ we have together. we fight constantly because i think deep down I want to force his hand to do something, and now we are on ‘a break’ for a month. I have no one to one to talk to about it and am feeling incredibly alone. I’m not susceptible to depression, but I am a serving police officer and am wary of PTSD and that this may tip me over the edge because I feel I’ve started to display some symptoms in withdrawing from the world around me and pushing him away by being very negative. When I do this I know it feeds his anxieties and he withdraws further into justifying his inaction (why rock the boat with his ex and kids if we can’t get ourselves together anyway) I know deep down this relationship isn’t good for me and hasn’t been for a long time but he’s my best friend and I’m devastated and don’t know how to move forward.

kaycee33 Marital limbo following infertility
  • replies: 2

My husband and I have been going through infertility testing since July and found out the only way we can conceive is though IVF/ICSI. I'm relatively OK with this news but I've found all the procedures so far to be invasive, painful and upsetting, he... View more

My husband and I have been going through infertility testing since July and found out the only way we can conceive is though IVF/ICSI. I'm relatively OK with this news but I've found all the procedures so far to be invasive, painful and upsetting, hence I'm dreading the prospect of egg retrieval etc. But my husband has been desperate for kids since before we were married, so we were planning to start our first cycle in about a week and a half. We were supposed to have our "day-21" appointment to kick off the cycle 2 weeks ago (the timing's a bit funny because I'm FIFO), but the night before my husband told me, while drunk, that he doesn't want to go through with it. He said our relationship isn't good enough anymore for it to be fair to bring a child into it. He said we no longer have any fun and doubts whether we're even compatible anymore. I realized things between us hadn't been great, but I thought it was just the emotional toll of IVF wearing me down. I'd tried talking to him about this over the last few months but he didn't feel like IVF was a big deal and didn't understand why I'd get so upset about the blood tests and procedures. I thought once this rough patch was over though, we'd be able to start getting back to normal. So I spent the Christmas/New Year period upset, lonely and trying to put on a brave face for friends and family, while he went drinking with mates everyday and spent as little time at home as possible. He didn't feel like driving me to the airport when I came back to work a 4 days ago and we haven't really spoken since. I feel heartbroken and don't even know what else to say to him. I have an appointment with an EAP psych on Monday arvo and he's willing to get counseling too. But tbh this whole ordeal has me questioning whether our marriage is even worth fighting for. I only went through all of this to give him something he's always dreamed of having - a family. If he doesn't even have my back through that then I can't see how we could possibly have a future together... Just feeling really confused and alone.

Abbie121 Fresh breakup and struggling to cope..
  • replies: 4

Hi all My boyfriend of 5 years and I decided to separate last week - we had been having some issues for a while and I wasn't happy for a lot of time towards the end - I felt like we weren't spending enough quality time together and that I was priorit... View more

Hi all My boyfriend of 5 years and I decided to separate last week - we had been having some issues for a while and I wasn't happy for a lot of time towards the end - I felt like we weren't spending enough quality time together and that I was prioritising him but he wasn't me, and therefore I had a lot of feelings of frustration, sadness and loneliness during the relationship. However, when it all finally came to a head, and the reality of now being apart is here, I feel absolutely bereft. It may sound strange, given I was unhappy at times during the relationship, but there were also amazing parts and I just miss those so much.. maybe I'm also grieving for what it used to be and what could have been (I saw myself with him forever). I know I need to keep remembering the parts I wasn't satisfied with, but now I'm also feeling guilt for my part in things and regret that maybe I could've handled some things differently during the r'ship. I don't have many people to talk to, and he was my whole world and the only one I wanted to spend time with, now I feel I have nothing. thanks for listening, probably sounds as though my my emotions are all over the place because they are.. I just feel overwhelming sadness. x

Netes26 Affair and Rejection
  • replies: 6

First time post....I found out four weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with one of our employees. He intially refused to end the affair as he stated that he loved her and felt a connection. I fought so hard to keep him and our family toge... View more

First time post....I found out four weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with one of our employees. He intially refused to end the affair as he stated that he loved her and felt a connection. I fought so hard to keep him and our family together. He has left the affair now but states in marriage counselling that he is grieving the loss of her. He shows no remorse for me. He is pretty sure he doesnt want to come back to the marriage and seperation is the only way forward. We have three children, 10, 7, 17months. We have been together for 20yrs, married 15yrs. He talked in counseling about the problems in the marriage....and they were all things we could work on with guidance. The pain is enormous - I cant sleep, eat, function, lost a lot of weight. I had to quit my job - as I work in the mental health arena. I cry all day. I feel so abandoned and betrayed. I dont know what to do. My friends say I need to let him go. Ill find the strength to move on. I dont want to be a single mum. I just want my husband back. But he doesnt love me anymore and not really wanting to reconcile. He is cold and detached. I feel broken. We have seperated. He said last night that time might heal and maybe in a year things might look different, but for now we should seperate. I dont want to be sitting here in 1 year time just waiting to see if he decides to come back. The pain hurts so much. He shows no empathy for me, no guilt or shame. Im so vunerable. Im so sad Should I call it...or continue with marriage counseling?