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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Unsure_ Struggling
  • replies: 3

I’ve thought about joining this forum for a long time but then the thoughts in my head “you’ll be right” or “just suck it up” got the better of me. For the past 5 years I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship (I’m definitely one of those peo... View more

I’ve thought about joining this forum for a long time but then the thoughts in my head “you’ll be right” or “just suck it up” got the better of me. For the past 5 years I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship (I’m definitely one of those people that have recognised all the warning signs but chosen to remain confident that things would change but they haven’t) a month ago I was able to gain the courage (from the way I saw how my relationship was effecting my children) to tell my partner I couldn’t do this anymore, of course it didn’t go down well but the living separation has happened and I feel like I can slightly breathe again for the very first time in a long time... it has all taken it’s toll though for the past 5 years I’ve been severely isolated from family and I have no close friends anymore as they’ve all been pushed away, the confidence I used to have is non existent and I don’t even feel as though I can have conversations with people anymore, I’m extremely anxious, I can’t concentrate and I’m very forgetful... sometimes I seriously feel like I’m going crazy.. I cry a lot and could seriously just lay in bed all day if I had the chance... I’m capable of putting on a good front so I can work, I work extremely hard but never feel as though enough is enough...and I’m my own worst critic. I have 2 children and I feel as though my mind is so distant that when they talk to me I can’t remember what they’ve told me...I’m really struggling with life at the moment, I feel as though in the past five years my soul has just been destroyed and I don’t even know myself anymore. I don’t even recognise me, I feel no enjoyment in anything, it’s hard...I’m now 33 and I feel so ashamed for letting myself get like this

Manx Verbal abuse and meds
  • replies: 1

Hi. I've never posted here before but I'm stuck and not sure what to do or how to approach this situation. My partner of almost 10 years has been verbally abusive to me over the years and I have been called all sorts of horrible names and been yelled... View more

Hi. I've never posted here before but I'm stuck and not sure what to do or how to approach this situation. My partner of almost 10 years has been verbally abusive to me over the years and I have been called all sorts of horrible names and been yelled at. I spoke to him numerous times about it and he always talked about fixing his verbally abusive behavior but things only improved slightly. But about a year ago, he accidentally read my diary (which wasn't hidden anyway) and realised how badly it was affecting me and my intention of leaving after the next episode. He decided to see a counsellor and psychiatrist and ended up being on anti-depressants. Things improved significantly and I thought that our relationship was finally on the mend. But he has suddenly decided that he was better and that he doesn't want to take anti-depressants anymore and stopped abruptly this week. He is a grown man and I understand that I can't make him do anything against his will but I'm terrified that he will go back to his old ways. I've told him that the tablets were helping him but he doesn't seem to want to listen. I don't think I can stay in the relationship anymore if he starts verbally abusing me. I wonder if I could somehow get him to stay on the meds?

Flourish Not a daughter anymore
  • replies: 6

I'm dealing with the fact my own Mother has dis owned me as a daughter. Back in 2012 found myself pregnant was forced to keep my pregnancy from Family, my Mother told me I was not to go near family as she felt disappointed and I was a failure. I had ... View more

I'm dealing with the fact my own Mother has dis owned me as a daughter. Back in 2012 found myself pregnant was forced to keep my pregnancy from Family, my Mother told me I was not to go near family as she felt disappointed and I was a failure. I had my daughter a month early where I had no support from partner at the time in 2012, not knowing I was suffering from Post Natal, eventually it blew up one day 2013 to where my partner&Mother called the Police to say I was a threat to my daughter, my Mother siding with my partner making a false statement to say I assaulted my partner. That night, I lost my baby daughter 4 weeks old, my house, my job and any friends that believed his fake stories. I fought in court for the next 11 months in the meanwhile not being out to see my daughter only for visitation rights with DHS office and then eventually having overnight stays to the point where it was half and half custody until sort it out in family court in late November 2013. It was then the father walked away after not getting years own way and decided not to see his daughter any more or have anything to do with me, said Post Natal was no excuse for what had happened & I was just basically a fake. Also my mother at this stage in this 11 months had decided to move in with him to help with my daughter so that he could still continue to go to work, do his sports go out with his friends as if life had not stopped and nothing had changed. My mother disowned me as a daughter and said I was complete failure. I still remember the day where I had to go around to my former family home to collect some of my belongings still wanting to fight me and I still don't know why I don't know what I've done wrong but at the same time I want to deal with it and move on I don't understand how a mother could not support you when you really need her most? After becoming a mother I would do anything and everything for my daughter regardless of what was going on or who was involved with, she is my world! If anyone has dealt with this before knows any techniques whatever to do with this it would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I've spent five years with the psychologist and not got anywhere. Please help! Thank you

Nylsor How to help my mum with depression, mental health issues and coping with an abusive husband?
  • replies: 2

My father has always had anger issues, communication problems and is abusive - constantly mentally and emotionally but sometimes physically. I am 26 years old and have two younger brothers (8 and 10) who I used to help my mum look after. But because ... View more

My father has always had anger issues, communication problems and is abusive - constantly mentally and emotionally but sometimes physically. I am 26 years old and have two younger brothers (8 and 10) who I used to help my mum look after. But because of the extreme abuse and stress at home, I developed depression and anxiety. I saw a cousellor for a period of time who helped me through this and encouraged me to move out and focus on myself, which I have now. I am much happier away from my chaotic family, but I have serious worries about my mum's mental health and I doubt her ability to cope. She used to confide in me and complain to me but now hardly speaks to me and never picks up even if I try to call her to chat. She seems so withdrawn, has next to no friends, and seems unable to deal with life. She often tells me she wants to "just leave everything behind and escape". To fuel her worries, for more than half a year now my dad had started not coming home at night for several days a week (getting more frequent). My mum found out he had been gambling, now he withdraws from their joint account anywhere between $3k to more than 5k a week. She tried talking to him, pleading, treating him nicer and being very submissive to him - nothing works and he seems to be getting worse. He does not help look after their kids and constantly complains and hurls abusive words at her whenever he's home - it's no doubt she would be reaching breaking point. To worsen this, she feels unable to assert herself and control my brothers - who can be quite disobedient, acting up and difficult as many kids are. Although I no longer have to witness these conflicts unfold, I can't help but worry sick for her wellbeing, but feel so helpless. I tried telling her she needs to be a stronger woman and leave, but she is quite a spineless, indecisive and submissive woman who doesn't know how to take control of her life. How can I help her through this?

Mrs_Sergeant Grown daughter & Father relationship or lack thereof
  • replies: 3

Long story short...My parents divorced when I was very young & my father has been intermittently in my life. I’m a middle aged woman now & he’s about to turn 70 and has said he’s giving up trying to have a relationship with me and my husband because ... View more

Long story short...My parents divorced when I was very young & my father has been intermittently in my life. I’m a middle aged woman now & he’s about to turn 70 and has said he’s giving up trying to have a relationship with me and my husband because we don’t give him the time of day & are disinterested. He’s right, but whilst I might be indifferent to our relationship, I’m not completely heartless & don’t want to say that. He’s written me a long winded text message & I was raised to be courteous so I will respond, however, I really don’t know what to say. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but he’s right I don’t have a connection with him & was only persevering with letting him see the kids every few months (if that) for his sake. I have no feelings for this man & he says being rejected by his children (he left before my brother was 1, so he has even less of a connection) is a very bitter pill. My husband and I are middle aged parents who work full time in demanding jobs, we juggle kids, school & sporting commitments and our precious time is split between trying to see other busy friends, time to work on our marriage, time as a family unit and time as individuals so, yes he’s right, we aren’t interested in hanging out more often. Especially with someone, realistically, I hardly know. I cherish time with my children and would never abandon them even if my relationship with their father ended so I guess he is just reaping the consequences of poor life decisions. How can I respectfully reply?

Talon Separated again and lost
  • replies: 3

I’m 48 years of age. I’ve been married and divorced before, having two children to that marriage. Over 10 years down the track I’m separated from my second wife and have two young children. Deep down I think my second marriage was doomed a long time ... View more

I’m 48 years of age. I’ve been married and divorced before, having two children to that marriage. Over 10 years down the track I’m separated from my second wife and have two young children. Deep down I think my second marriage was doomed a long time ago. This is not easy to think, let alone say. I am not one to blame a single person for my predicament, as it takes two to make a relationship work. Initially, the separation was like a load off my back. I honestly felt relieved, and somewhat empowered. I love my children beyond words and will always be a part of their lives. In a way, I have always left little strength in the bank for me. Meaning, I give everything possible to my family, but on the slip side pay no attention to myself in terms of having any interests I actively pursue and enjoy (besides running which I do, but is a solitary activity). I am living with my sister and her three adult children. This is until my house is sorted with my wife (sell or be bought out). This arrangement has been ok, but for some reason I had a desire to get on the forums and spill out my feelings. I know I don’t want to try again with my wife. We’ve attempted in the past to address issues, which have always reverted back to unhealthy actions. Thing is, I feel quite lonely. I enjoy my own company and space, but like a lightbulb moment, realised I don’t have much else than my family and a couple of friends, of which I see rarely. I’m wondering what got me here, questioning every conceivable part of my being and purpose. I have always had a social anxiety problem and ceased doing things I like, because of how I think I’m being perceived by others. I know it’s silly and have had the same syrategies provided to me over the years, only to slide quickly back into avoidanceville!! I see other people with friends, laughing and having a good time. I am envious to an extent, but also glad sometimes not to have to be busy all the time or need people around me to feel happy. I know it’s contradictory, but why do I revert back to an unhealthy thought and living pattern. And how can I enjoy the moment, instead of wondering how I’m being perceived by others and let the moment be a haze of broken happiness? I just want happiness and contentment. I don’t know if I’m a good example to my children, seeing me separating for a second time and leaving two young children to be without a full time dad again!!!

thaone2 Trying to get by...
  • replies: 1

I've lived in hell for most of my life. I have a controlling father who makes me fearful of leaving the house alone, so naturally I never did except for (see below a bit). He is also controlling towards his wife. A few days ago me and mum had left, w... View more

I've lived in hell for most of my life. I have a controlling father who makes me fearful of leaving the house alone, so naturally I never did except for (see below a bit). He is also controlling towards his wife. A few days ago me and mum had left, we are staying somewhere. Dad still contacts me and that scares me a bit. Neither me nor her want to go back to him. The only time I had left the house alone was when I had met my now ex boyfriend in real life in May of this year. When I had come back, dad constantly reminded me that I had betrayed and lied to him and that the ex didn't even 'have the decency to knock on the front door'. I had left a note saying that I'd be back in 15 days and my contact info. Because of this I've never been able to get a job. People have told me 'stuff him, just go outside anyway' but they don't understand! Tomorrow I was going to go to a job agency, but I don't know if that is any use considering that I am 25 and have no work experience, literally all I can offer now would be that I'm willing to learn and work hard and can show up on time. On top of this I feel my ex is manipulating me, one day he's nice and other days he's just cold, even though he claims to 'care'. I admit if it wasn't for him me and mum wouldn't have gotten out of that horrible place. He had broken up with me because 'I didn't do anything with my life'. Well he knew my situation for a year and a bit. How could I do anything with my life in that situation??? I'm trying to have strength but I admit its rather difficult at times. I'm still attracted to him. I'm wondering where I should go from here regarding a job...? I just feel like I have nobody to talk to about this. Sorry...

Dani2918 Partner blames me for depression
  • replies: 8

Hi, I'm new here but would love to hear some advice. My partner of 13 years and father to our 3 children has just been diagnosed with depression. He is blaming me for it and says my lack of love and affection Over the years has pushed him to this pla... View more

Hi, I'm new here but would love to hear some advice. My partner of 13 years and father to our 3 children has just been diagnosed with depression. He is blaming me for it and says my lack of love and affection Over the years has pushed him to this place. He can't see that our relationship has had so many good times. He's punching me away and won't live at our home at the moment. I don't know if this is the depression talking or if he has fallen out of love with me. Iv tried to help him but he doesn't want to be anywhere near me. I'm lost and heartbroken, I feel like the man i loved has disappeared.

Jagermyster Not sure what to do...
  • replies: 2

OK... This is the 3rd time typing this up and I'm just going to try to be brief and to the point this time... Over the last few years me and my wife have been having some issues... I have encouraged couples councilling during these last few years but... View more

OK... This is the 3rd time typing this up and I'm just going to try to be brief and to the point this time... Over the last few years me and my wife have been having some issues... I have encouraged couples councilling during these last few years but we have only recently started this option... During the last few years I have told the wife that I feel like she doesn't love who I am but who she thinks I will be one day... During this time I have made numerous concessions, have informed her of where my limits are and have conceded to what I was willing to... Within the last few months I have passed the limits that I have set and have told her that I am no longer happy in this relationship. I have let her know that things will have to change if this relationship is going to continue. Nothing that she achieves is ever good enough and she has achieved a lot. I don't see how I am going to live up to expectations that she can't even live up to... I think that she has a very low self esteem, is depressed and that we both don't know how to deal with these issues in a positive, productive and healthy manner... Both our psychologists and our couples councillor has suggested that we go through a trial separation but I am concerned that will just push us apart if we don't deal with some of our fundamental issues now... Any and all suggestions welcome and encouraged... I know that it's OK to leave someone who is depressed, my psychologist keeps telling me this... I don't want to leave, I want to work shit out and be in a mutually positive relationship... I am concerned however that since I have never had a healthy relationship, family included, that I might just be trying to stay in this relationship for fear of being alone... Not really sure what to do or if this post makes any sense... Any and all suggestions and/or advice welcome... If there are any questions that you have ask and I will try to answer them as openly and honestly as possible! Thank you for your time, I've never written anything on a form before so go easy on me, I'm a noob at this kind of thing!

TryingThisOut Sexless relationship and only 21. HELP.
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, this is my first time posting in this forum but I feel it’ll do me a world of good to get a few things off my chest. I’m a 21 year old male and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years. She’s beautiful, smart and all I coul... View more

Hi guys, this is my first time posting in this forum but I feel it’ll do me a world of good to get a few things off my chest. I’m a 21 year old male and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years. She’s beautiful, smart and all I could wish for in a partner. She fell pregnant 6 months (crazy I know) into our relationship and we have a gorgeous little girl together who is 2. Now let me firstly state that I love my girlfriend more than I could ever explain but there’s one problem that’s becoming a constant pain for me... the lack of sex in our relationship. I understand after having a child it can affect a female, I was very open to this and was more than happy to accept these issues until my girlfriend was fully comfortable and ready to engage in the physical aspect of our relationship again. The thing is, this never really happened. Since our daughter was born we’ve had sex a total of 5 times in 2.5 years, 3 times in the last 12 months. We haven’t had sex since February of this year. I’ve tried bringing this up with her but she gives the typical response of “I’m tired” or “another time maybe”. I get it, being mum can be a demanding job especially when I’m out working but to say it’s hurting me not having this connection with the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with is an understatement. I am always keeping active whether that’s going to the gym or playing sport so I would like to hope it’s not because of my appearance (I needed to make myself laugh somehow writing this) I’ve gone to speak with doctors as my sperm count and testosterone levels have decreased dramatically in the last few months, I have not told girlfriend this as I am extremely embarrassed by it. I am constantly moody and of course frustrated over this. Am I overreacting or is this as big of an issue as I think it is? Thank you in advance!