Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Kakapo My boyfriend (25) wants to be single - something flicked
  • replies: 7

Here I am again, looking for answers.. He's at least made an appointment with his psych now. We have to move out of our rental by November, so that is our time frame to work things out. For 2 months, he's said he can't connect emotionally to people (... View more

Here I am again, looking for answers.. He's at least made an appointment with his psych now. We have to move out of our rental by November, so that is our time frame to work things out. For 2 months, he's said he can't connect emotionally to people (including me). It makes him feel uncomfortable/anxiety. He can't get close to people. This is coming from the most affectionate and supportive person I had ever known. We've been together 2 years. What happened? He doesn't feel like he can meet the needs of our relationship, because he can't connect emotionally anymore. He doesn't want to hurt me. He cares about me and wants to support me through any transitions we go through. He will always be there for support. He says things like 'Why not find someone else that can give you what I can't? I'm not that great'. But I love him deeply. He can't feel love anymore. He wants to live alone, curl up and recover, find himself and his ability to feel again. He's always shut down when stressed, but this is another level. What has happened? Why now? I've started seeing a psychologist to try cope, I built my life the last 2 years to be with him. I moved from NZ, have no family here. I'm alone. This is really hard. It's like grieving. I wanted to support him, but he wants to be all alone. He doesn't know how long it will take or if he will ever feel like he can emotionally attach again. What is this and why has it happened? What will his psychologist do? He's seeing her in 3 weeks.. it's such a long time away. How do I act until then? We talk so much about this all and he says he can't describe what it feels like. Just that it feels wrong how his life is currently.

Starfish_15 High School Sucks
  • replies: 3

I’m in year 9, last term I had a big group of friends, we were all close. Them one of them started hanging out with boys and different friend groups. We all joked about it saying she wants a boyfriend. We ALL jocked about it. Them one of my friends s... View more

I’m in year 9, last term I had a big group of friends, we were all close. Them one of them started hanging out with boys and different friend groups. We all joked about it saying she wants a boyfriend. We ALL jocked about it. Them one of my friends started to believe that I made this confessions account. I didn’t. And there was a post about fake friends. They thought it was me. And we got into a fight. I said some things I shouldn’t have but so did they. Then they stopped talking to me. I have 1 friend now and the others don’t talk to me and make me feel like crap. I hate school and I never want to go back. I just need advice on how to handle this.

joshua93 my now ex suffering with Depression
  • replies: 2

me(m24) and gf(21) where dating for nearly 4 years and it was going good in till she fell in a dark place in her life i know she as been there before but that was before i met her the last 3 months have been so hard i didn't know how to help so i loo... View more

me(m24) and gf(21) where dating for nearly 4 years and it was going good in till she fell in a dark place in her life i know she as been there before but that was before i met her the last 3 months have been so hard i didn't know how to help so i looked and looked on this forum to see if any one else was in my shoes and i did some studies to see and to understand where she is so i gave her some space but it wasn't enough and try to tell her that we are in this together and we can beat this just be their for her and make sure she knows i love her and i am here and i am supportive lastnight she broke up with me saying she needs to find herself but i don't understand how and why i cant be there to help in her recovery she never wanted to see someone because i think she felt threatened or a sense of shame i would always keep telling her its not a weakness to speak up and if anything it proves you are stronger we didn't fall out of love just she just needs her time what do i do ? do i sit back and wait ? or move on ? this girl meant so much to me like she is my whole world i don't see myself with anyone else some of my mates say you just gotta leave her and forget and move on but i just don't see myself doing that when it got bad 3 months ago some ppl told me to run before it eats me as well but i just couldn't see her suffer by herself i'm not that kind of person but now she is dealing with this horrible illness by herself and i feel so bad like what else could have i done should still try to tell her i love her ? or be their for her ? because now i need help and i am speaking up iam sad and lost i need her back in my life what can i do ?

auschic What to expect during a relationship counselling session?
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have decided to go to counselling together. It's my first time going so I'm unsure of what to expect, I feel a little nervous in case i forget to mention something. Were going because we both want to work on our anger. When we fight ... View more

My partner and I have decided to go to counselling together. It's my first time going so I'm unsure of what to expect, I feel a little nervous in case i forget to mention something. Were going because we both want to work on our anger. When we fight it often escalates to the point where one or both of us reach the end of our tether and things get broken or things get physical. We both hate ourselves afterwards and wish it never happened. Besides this our relationship is great, we dont cause harm to eachother intentionally its only when emotions are involved and it takes over our rational thinking so we need help dealing with this because it's obviously a massive problem that we cant fix ourselves. I've tried to manage my anger myself and it never works. I feel so bad about it because I feel like I'll never get over this issue and that I'll never be able to control my emotions. I'm sure my partner feels the same way. Can a counselor really help??

Kel93 Feeling beyond lost
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I’m a 25 year old with 2 children an d currently suffereing postnatal depression (being treated for) my parter is 26 and about 2 weeks ago told me he no longer thinks he loves me or wants to be with me anymore and was going to leave(he e... View more

Hi everyone, I’m a 25 year old with 2 children an d currently suffereing postnatal depression (being treated for) my parter is 26 and about 2 weeks ago told me he no longer thinks he loves me or wants to be with me anymore and was going to leave(he ended up staying) he went to see a doctor who said he had depression and put him on medication since taking them he has been emotionless, unhappy, grumpy and not wanting to do anything. He was also having dreams of violence and harming/killing me which then turned into dreams of him cheating on me with multiple women, he is saying he wants to get the ‘spark’ and in love feeling back in our relationship but we are unsure how to do this but he also changes his mind everyday on things he wants and is saying he doesn’t even know what he wants with anything. Has anyone else experienced that same thing? What was your outcome?

Gilby not sure what where to start.
  • replies: 3

I am not really sure where to start. At the moment I have so much stuff running around in my head. I feel like I am drowning. My family and I packed up and moved 6 hours from my home town three months ago. Since moving I am feeling very lonely has i ... View more

I am not really sure where to start. At the moment I have so much stuff running around in my head. I feel like I am drowning. My family and I packed up and moved 6 hours from my home town three months ago. Since moving I am feeling very lonely has i know no one. My husband suffers from depression and has been having a lot of ups and down over the last 4 months and I am trying my best to help him but it doesnt seem to matter what i do or say it just ends up shit. I also have some family problems that i am trying to sort out in my head, but dont think i am getting any where. Feeling very lonely and just not sure how much more i can take

Guest_598 Unhappy about separation
  • replies: 3

Hello All, I have posted here before and after all the issues and sadness my husband and I have gone through, we have decided amicably to separate. This is mainly so that my husband can explore whether he really wants children (which I do not and nev... View more

Hello All, I have posted here before and after all the issues and sadness my husband and I have gone through, we have decided amicably to separate. This is mainly so that my husband can explore whether he really wants children (which I do not and never will) and also because I am planning to move overseas which he cannot see himself doing anymore at the moment. We fought a lot in the end, which wasn't us. It was probably all the frustration about the difficult situation paired with a lot of historical issues we have been carrying around. We are still seeing a counsellor and we want to clean out the historical issues to make our peace with it and also because these things should not have become so big in our, otherwise very loving, relationship. So in the end, once we work through all those issues, we will only separate because of the kids and overseas questions. Although we both know that that is probably the only option at the moment because we otherwise cannot "find ourselves", especially him who is extremely torn, we are struggling with the idea of separating. I am driving it further because I believe it will be the best option for him to finally realise what he wants in life (which will be good for him and I want him to be happy) and also so I can see what I really want and what I may have left unsatisfied for a while now (not physically but emotionally). So it is probably really the best but at the same time, there is so much love which hurts when we realise that soon, we will not share all those lovely little things together anymore - like cooking together, movie nights, travelling etc. I know it's only small things in the grand scheme of things but it just hurts and we are both scared of making a mistake. At the same time, I feel at the moment like it would be a mistake to stay together because these matters will never be dealt with properly simply because we're too scared to lose each other as life partners. We said that nothing is lost yet and if we find out what we want and that that is each other more than anything, we can give it another shot. But I am not sure that will happen. I know everything will be for the best but do you have any experience with similar cases where people love each other but other external factors require them to go separate ways because life goals may be diverging. And do you have experience with people coming back together after separation? Did that work and how? Any advice would be wonderful, thank you!

dirtyfabrik Getting strong waves of anxiety post breakup
  • replies: 6

Hi Guys, I've posted here a month or two ago regarding a breakup with my partner of almost 3 years. It all finally came to an end last Sunday and I moved home with my parents for the time being (29, male). The first few days were okay - however now i... View more

Hi Guys, I've posted here a month or two ago regarding a breakup with my partner of almost 3 years. It all finally came to an end last Sunday and I moved home with my parents for the time being (29, male). The first few days were okay - however now i'm starting to get an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and loneliness. Although she was the one that wanted to end it, we broke up on good term. We still message from time to time - which I think I'm fine with, however I really miss her company, my own space etc. All my friends live out of the area and have their own lives/issues/problems which means it's not as easy to organise my time with them as it was a few years ago. I just feel like my life wont get better, and a generally feel like a failure. Anyway tonight the feeling of sadness/anxiety was pretty bad so I came on here -

Tayz Break up and feeling alone
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone. Just need to chat. I'm 27 and have 4 kids, my husband and I are seperating after some time of unhappiness and trying to keep it together for the kids. The decision to seperate is only fresh, so i guess it's even harder at the moment. My ... View more

Hi everyone. Just need to chat. I'm 27 and have 4 kids, my husband and I are seperating after some time of unhappiness and trying to keep it together for the kids. The decision to seperate is only fresh, so i guess it's even harder at the moment. My husband has decided to move to another state, so I will not have any support from him (other than financially) and I have one friend close by, but I don't want to dump everything on her. I have anxiety and depression anyway, so this has just added to everything. I don't know what to do, my husband and I had an argument this morning because he was out until midnight last night after saying he would be home at 8. He is still living in our house and refuses to leave because he has no money. This morning he was talking to the eldest 2 kids and was asking if I ever did anything fun with them and what I did all afternoon yesterday while he was out. Saying I make no effort for them. I'm broken beyond words. I can't stop crying and don't know what to do. Sorry for my ramble.. Taylah

positive-vibes My husband has depression, but his lying is what is ruining our relationship! What do I do?
  • replies: 9

Im a mum of two amazing toddlers, and I have been married to my husband for 11 years, we both work full time have a mortgage. We are in our 30's. Last year my hubby had a bad run, he doesn't get along with his family always fighting with his parents,... View more

Im a mum of two amazing toddlers, and I have been married to my husband for 11 years, we both work full time have a mortgage. We are in our 30's. Last year my hubby had a bad run, he doesn't get along with his family always fighting with his parents, he had a rough child hood and his job and everything all got ontop of him he started to change as a person. Not happy, not out going, not a husband or dad.. just a shell. I knew he had started turning to alcohol to cover his stress, which also started the lies and his personality change. He was 'always working late' = at the pub, driving home drunk and when Id ask him what is going on, why so angry and drinking alot he would say 'oh thats right Im the let down, Im a crap husband.. i work my ass off and get yelled at for having a drink!" he would just walk off and go to bed always making me feel horrible. He finally admitted last September that he has depression, he saw his GP to get help, he doesn't want meds as he wants to get to the bottom of his 'messed up brain' he says, so had his 1st visit with a psychologist in DEC 2017. He said it went well he opened up and the Physc said his bad childhood is only coming out to effect him now after a bad stressful year. My hubby says he hates himself and wants to change, go back to how we were, be happy again. But I dont see him trying. This happy phase lasts 10 days before we are fighting again. Over money he wastes on alcohol, him visiting mates after work for beers instead of coming home to the kids and I, he does nothing around the house, sleeps, eats, ignores the kids and I while watches tv. Or will suck up to me if he wants sex. He says horrible things to me out of no where 'who called you tonight? Your boy friend! Who just messaged you!" And yesterday more lies telling me he was out visiting his parents and would be 20mins. the kids and I waited 2 hours and I ended up going for a drive and found him drinking at his mates! I told him I cant go on like this any more, its not fair on me or kids. I give him so much love and support and all i get back is 'whats for dinner? Lets have sex. I do everything at home, wash, cook clean, mow lawns and be a mum and dad to our kids. We had a huge talk last week on how I feel, the kids are now growing up and notice he does nothing with him, and I keep making excuses so the kids dont know their dad is never here. its heart breaking. I know he needs many more physc appointments but I cant take the lies. Is this depression or him