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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Liv2828 Separation after an affair, how do you get over it?
  • replies: 3

Hello, I have never posted on any kind of forum before but hey extreme circumstances! I found out a month ago my husband of 8 years was having an affair. The affair started when I was 8 months pregnant and lasted for around 10 months. He works away s... View more

Hello, I have never posted on any kind of forum before but hey extreme circumstances! I found out a month ago my husband of 8 years was having an affair. The affair started when I was 8 months pregnant and lasted for around 10 months. He works away so it was very easy for him to get away with. He told me he has been unhappy in our marriage although this was a complete surprise to me. I have been raising our bub on my own with no family support as he works away and we live away from our home town. We are now going through a separation and I will move back home with bub. I just don’t know how to get over this. The level of betrayal is just staggering and I just can’t get my head around what he has done. I moved my entire life for him and have been looking after our home and bub by myself so I just can’t believe he has done this to me. How on earth do you move on and heal from this. I feel so devastated and at times it is so overwhelming I feel like I can’t breathe. Any tips from anyone who has been through similar? Thank you so much

BEV-ANON I just don't know what to do with my partner anymore. It's like I don't know who he is.
  • replies: 17

IMy partner is in a psych facility and came out for the day. I thought we were having an awesome time, he was a bit strange, a bit snappy and rude, but I didn't react to it and just kept being loving and kind. Honestly, that day I never felt more in ... View more

IMy partner is in a psych facility and came out for the day. I thought we were having an awesome time, he was a bit strange, a bit snappy and rude, but I didn't react to it and just kept being loving and kind. Honestly, that day I never felt more in love with him. Later that night he said he didn't want to go back to hospital, but wanted to spend the night we me. I was over joyed ! Again - I was so in love. We've known each other over 10 years, were together in our 20's and got back together about 2 years ago. He's always struggled with mental health after a bad childhood, but the past few months have been something else. Like I said, everything was going well, but out of no where, he got angry. He said I wasn't hearing him, but I reinterated what he said, and later agreed that I did hear him. In between he decided that he couldn't be with me anymore 'for these reasons' ie not listening, but then, like I mentioned, later agreed that I did hear him. His mood is all over the place. He's been depressed for years and is FINALLY getting help, but now, it's as though he blaming me for everything and isn't taking any responsibility or looking at his own actions. We were supposed to have couples counselling the other day, but the hospital cancelled it. the more I think about his behaviour, the more I think he has bipolar or a more 'serious' diagnosis that isn't being treated. I know I'm not perfect, but I also know I couldn't have caused this. He was so painfully irrational, I just wanted to soothe him to tell him that none of it was true. I was still me. I still loved him. And I still do. I'm going to leave him because that's what he's asked for, but I guess, I just don't understand what went wrong. How can he go for being this loving being one minute to something entirely different the next? How can he blame me for this? I'm not even heartbroken at this point, I'm just so confused. I have told myself that I would give him whatever support he needs, which I understand for now is silience. But I am worried about him, and I just want him to get the help he deserves. He's being self destructive, he's pushed everyone out of his life including me. He's become super critical, judgmental and sensitive in the past few months - it's not who he is, so what's happened? I would just love to hear from others. I'm a smart person, loving and kind, I know I couldn't have done anything so horrible, but I was told by someone close to him that I've 'done a lot of damage'. How?

Kakapo My boyfriend (25) wants to be single - something flicked
  • replies: 7

Here I am again, looking for answers.. He's at least made an appointment with his psych now. We have to move out of our rental by November, so that is our time frame to work things out. For 2 months, he's said he can't connect emotionally to people (... View more

Here I am again, looking for answers.. He's at least made an appointment with his psych now. We have to move out of our rental by November, so that is our time frame to work things out. For 2 months, he's said he can't connect emotionally to people (including me). It makes him feel uncomfortable/anxiety. He can't get close to people. This is coming from the most affectionate and supportive person I had ever known. We've been together 2 years. What happened? He doesn't feel like he can meet the needs of our relationship, because he can't connect emotionally anymore. He doesn't want to hurt me. He cares about me and wants to support me through any transitions we go through. He will always be there for support. He says things like 'Why not find someone else that can give you what I can't? I'm not that great'. But I love him deeply. He can't feel love anymore. He wants to live alone, curl up and recover, find himself and his ability to feel again. He's always shut down when stressed, but this is another level. What has happened? Why now? I've started seeing a psychologist to try cope, I built my life the last 2 years to be with him. I moved from NZ, have no family here. I'm alone. This is really hard. It's like grieving. I wanted to support him, but he wants to be all alone. He doesn't know how long it will take or if he will ever feel like he can emotionally attach again. What is this and why has it happened? What will his psychologist do? He's seeing her in 3 weeks.. it's such a long time away. How do I act until then? We talk so much about this all and he says he can't describe what it feels like. Just that it feels wrong how his life is currently.

Starfish_15 High School Sucks
  • replies: 3

I’m in year 9, last term I had a big group of friends, we were all close. Them one of them started hanging out with boys and different friend groups. We all joked about it saying she wants a boyfriend. We ALL jocked about it. Them one of my friends s... View more

I’m in year 9, last term I had a big group of friends, we were all close. Them one of them started hanging out with boys and different friend groups. We all joked about it saying she wants a boyfriend. We ALL jocked about it. Them one of my friends started to believe that I made this confessions account. I didn’t. And there was a post about fake friends. They thought it was me. And we got into a fight. I said some things I shouldn’t have but so did they. Then they stopped talking to me. I have 1 friend now and the others don’t talk to me and make me feel like crap. I hate school and I never want to go back. I just need advice on how to handle this.

joshua93 my now ex suffering with Depression
  • replies: 2

me(m24) and gf(21) where dating for nearly 4 years and it was going good in till she fell in a dark place in her life i know she as been there before but that was before i met her the last 3 months have been so hard i didn't know how to help so i loo... View more

me(m24) and gf(21) where dating for nearly 4 years and it was going good in till she fell in a dark place in her life i know she as been there before but that was before i met her the last 3 months have been so hard i didn't know how to help so i looked and looked on this forum to see if any one else was in my shoes and i did some studies to see and to understand where she is so i gave her some space but it wasn't enough and try to tell her that we are in this together and we can beat this just be their for her and make sure she knows i love her and i am here and i am supportive lastnight she broke up with me saying she needs to find herself but i don't understand how and why i cant be there to help in her recovery she never wanted to see someone because i think she felt threatened or a sense of shame i would always keep telling her its not a weakness to speak up and if anything it proves you are stronger we didn't fall out of love just she just needs her time what do i do ? do i sit back and wait ? or move on ? this girl meant so much to me like she is my whole world i don't see myself with anyone else some of my mates say you just gotta leave her and forget and move on but i just don't see myself doing that when it got bad 3 months ago some ppl told me to run before it eats me as well but i just couldn't see her suffer by herself i'm not that kind of person but now she is dealing with this horrible illness by herself and i feel so bad like what else could have i done should still try to tell her i love her ? or be their for her ? because now i need help and i am speaking up iam sad and lost i need her back in my life what can i do ?

auschic What to expect during a relationship counselling session?
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have decided to go to counselling together. It's my first time going so I'm unsure of what to expect, I feel a little nervous in case i forget to mention something. Were going because we both want to work on our anger. When we fight ... View more

My partner and I have decided to go to counselling together. It's my first time going so I'm unsure of what to expect, I feel a little nervous in case i forget to mention something. Were going because we both want to work on our anger. When we fight it often escalates to the point where one or both of us reach the end of our tether and things get broken or things get physical. We both hate ourselves afterwards and wish it never happened. Besides this our relationship is great, we dont cause harm to eachother intentionally its only when emotions are involved and it takes over our rational thinking so we need help dealing with this because it's obviously a massive problem that we cant fix ourselves. I've tried to manage my anger myself and it never works. I feel so bad about it because I feel like I'll never get over this issue and that I'll never be able to control my emotions. I'm sure my partner feels the same way. Can a counselor really help??

Kel93 Feeling beyond lost
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I’m a 25 year old with 2 children an d currently suffereing postnatal depression (being treated for) my parter is 26 and about 2 weeks ago told me he no longer thinks he loves me or wants to be with me anymore and was going to leave(he e... View more

Hi everyone, I’m a 25 year old with 2 children an d currently suffereing postnatal depression (being treated for) my parter is 26 and about 2 weeks ago told me he no longer thinks he loves me or wants to be with me anymore and was going to leave(he ended up staying) he went to see a doctor who said he had depression and put him on medication since taking them he has been emotionless, unhappy, grumpy and not wanting to do anything. He was also having dreams of violence and harming/killing me which then turned into dreams of him cheating on me with multiple women, he is saying he wants to get the ‘spark’ and in love feeling back in our relationship but we are unsure how to do this but he also changes his mind everyday on things he wants and is saying he doesn’t even know what he wants with anything. Has anyone else experienced that same thing? What was your outcome?

Gilby not sure what where to start.
  • replies: 3

I am not really sure where to start. At the moment I have so much stuff running around in my head. I feel like I am drowning. My family and I packed up and moved 6 hours from my home town three months ago. Since moving I am feeling very lonely has i ... View more

I am not really sure where to start. At the moment I have so much stuff running around in my head. I feel like I am drowning. My family and I packed up and moved 6 hours from my home town three months ago. Since moving I am feeling very lonely has i know no one. My husband suffers from depression and has been having a lot of ups and down over the last 4 months and I am trying my best to help him but it doesnt seem to matter what i do or say it just ends up shit. I also have some family problems that i am trying to sort out in my head, but dont think i am getting any where. Feeling very lonely and just not sure how much more i can take

Guest_598 Unhappy about separation
  • replies: 3

Hello All, I have posted here before and after all the issues and sadness my husband and I have gone through, we have decided amicably to separate. This is mainly so that my husband can explore whether he really wants children (which I do not and nev... View more

Hello All, I have posted here before and after all the issues and sadness my husband and I have gone through, we have decided amicably to separate. This is mainly so that my husband can explore whether he really wants children (which I do not and never will) and also because I am planning to move overseas which he cannot see himself doing anymore at the moment. We fought a lot in the end, which wasn't us. It was probably all the frustration about the difficult situation paired with a lot of historical issues we have been carrying around. We are still seeing a counsellor and we want to clean out the historical issues to make our peace with it and also because these things should not have become so big in our, otherwise very loving, relationship. So in the end, once we work through all those issues, we will only separate because of the kids and overseas questions. Although we both know that that is probably the only option at the moment because we otherwise cannot "find ourselves", especially him who is extremely torn, we are struggling with the idea of separating. I am driving it further because I believe it will be the best option for him to finally realise what he wants in life (which will be good for him and I want him to be happy) and also so I can see what I really want and what I may have left unsatisfied for a while now (not physically but emotionally). So it is probably really the best but at the same time, there is so much love which hurts when we realise that soon, we will not share all those lovely little things together anymore - like cooking together, movie nights, travelling etc. I know it's only small things in the grand scheme of things but it just hurts and we are both scared of making a mistake. At the same time, I feel at the moment like it would be a mistake to stay together because these matters will never be dealt with properly simply because we're too scared to lose each other as life partners. We said that nothing is lost yet and if we find out what we want and that that is each other more than anything, we can give it another shot. But I am not sure that will happen. I know everything will be for the best but do you have any experience with similar cases where people love each other but other external factors require them to go separate ways because life goals may be diverging. And do you have experience with people coming back together after separation? Did that work and how? Any advice would be wonderful, thank you!

dirtyfabrik Getting strong waves of anxiety post breakup
  • replies: 6

Hi Guys, I've posted here a month or two ago regarding a breakup with my partner of almost 3 years. It all finally came to an end last Sunday and I moved home with my parents for the time being (29, male). The first few days were okay - however now i... View more

Hi Guys, I've posted here a month or two ago regarding a breakup with my partner of almost 3 years. It all finally came to an end last Sunday and I moved home with my parents for the time being (29, male). The first few days were okay - however now i'm starting to get an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and loneliness. Although she was the one that wanted to end it, we broke up on good term. We still message from time to time - which I think I'm fine with, however I really miss her company, my own space etc. All my friends live out of the area and have their own lives/issues/problems which means it's not as easy to organise my time with them as it was a few years ago. I just feel like my life wont get better, and a generally feel like a failure. Anyway tonight the feeling of sadness/anxiety was pretty bad so I came on here -