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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Indelibleredemption BF is going through depression and has completely cut me out.
  • replies: 5

First time poster, long time reader. I have been with my bf for 7 months, we met and fell hard and fast and things were amazing for 6 months. He had mentioned his past battles with depression, and I have seen his anxiety attacks happen through out ou... View more

First time poster, long time reader. I have been with my bf for 7 months, we met and fell hard and fast and things were amazing for 6 months. He had mentioned his past battles with depression, and I have seen his anxiety attacks happen through out our relationship, but i was always able to help him and he wanted me around at those times. This is different now. It's been about 4 weeks of our relationship not being okay, and now that I look back, I feel so horrible for taking it so personally and being so selfish thinking that he was pulling away on purpose and didn't care about me anymore and I forced us to have conversations that may have resulted in what is happening now. He has now said he needs space and that he doesn't want me contacting him. I'm worried. He said he hasn't left his house all week and doesn't want to talk to anybody. So I've been trying to just get 1 response a day from him so I know he's okay. But I'm struggling with keeping my cool and finding the balance between being there for him and giving him space. Will he come back to me if I stop messaging or calling ? We haven't had one conversation since.

ChadC2018 I feel like I have made a huge Mistake
  • replies: 2

I'll try to keep this short. I have been friends with a girl for 8 years now. And I've started to develop feelings for her in the last 2 years. Now only just recently has she started to ignore me, or message me back. And I realised it was because I w... View more

I'll try to keep this short. I have been friends with a girl for 8 years now. And I've started to develop feelings for her in the last 2 years. Now only just recently has she started to ignore me, or message me back. And I realised it was because I was a bit much for her. Which I do totally understand. So I tried giving her space for a month or two. I asked her if it would be okay if I talk to her after uni exams. She did say yes. Now I'm pretty sure that after that point I screwed up heaps. She did manage to get angry at me. Tried being nice as possible though saying I should have given her space. But the problem was my grudge for her not talking to me for months kicked in, and I got a bit mad about that. The next day what made me very upset was a forum that she admin's. I was told to slow down on my positing overwise I would be blocked. I was pretty offended with that. That was when I un-friended her, and Blocked her on facebook. I have since then apologised twice for that. Now when she blocked me on instagram I did get hurt. Because she was a really good friend to me, and I felt very rejected. So I can understand where she was coming from. I made the mistake of saying "Goodbye" to her on facebook. "I said it was probably for the best", and if she didn't want me to be in her life i was okay with that. Trying to sound nice. I still feel like I hurt her feelings big time. Ever since then I'm regretting what I said to her every day, and It is affecting me at work as well, as my boss can see it. I really don't know what to do at this point. I feel like I want to send her a letter to apologise but I think that would make things even worse. Or say How I really feel, and how this is affecting me right now. Personally I really wish we just talked about it. As I feel like both of us have issues with each other. Personally I feel like she does not have feelings for me. Which I'm okay with but I'm pretty upset that a good friendship was ruined over me being this stupid. Do you think distance away completely will help settle this????

Anne74 Feeling very confused by boyfriends behaviour
  • replies: 3

In the last couple of months i have started to feel like i dont want to be with my bf of 41/2 yrs anymore due to his behaviours. I feel constantly under scrutiny and like i cant do anything right, he gets angry at the smallest of things and then wont... View more

In the last couple of months i have started to feel like i dont want to be with my bf of 41/2 yrs anymore due to his behaviours. I feel constantly under scrutiny and like i cant do anything right, he gets angry at the smallest of things and then wont talk to me for days cos he is angry and ignores my attempts to talk to him during this time, he doesnt seem to appreciate the effort i put into the relationship or when i do something new he says things like "what took you so long to do that", he often cuts me off when im trying to talk and shuts me down saying things like "if you dont shut up you know where the door is" and im not yelling or being crazy just trying to talk about something weve had an argument over, he gets angry if i take a long time to get back to him if i miss a call or text but meanwhile he only answers me when he wants to, and i also feel like he is not interested in what i do on a daily basis showing little interest or asking me what ive been doing all day with a smart tone. I have depression and anxiety and most of my days are filled with just trying to get by and constantly fighting my negative thoughts. Im exhausted and dont need to be treated like a second class person. I just dont know what to do can someone give me some guidance??

Mlitzah Parental alienation
  • replies: 1

I don’t know how I got here. I bought 4 children up by myself. Their father had little to do with them. I battled on for decades. These children of mine are all grown up. One son abused me 10 years ago and I have had nothing to do with him. Another s... View more

I don’t know how I got here. I bought 4 children up by myself. Their father had little to do with them. I battled on for decades. These children of mine are all grown up. One son abused me 10 years ago and I have had nothing to do with him. Another son sent me a text 3 years ago stating he knew all about me (from a conversation with a younger sister who I had told not to rely on me to support her anymore) and wanted nothing further to do with me. A younger daughter who I have just spent the last 5 years launching on to the world, is married and has 2 children, now , this year wants nothing further to do with me. And now spends a lot of time with her brothers. Another daughter, who just this week tells me to leave this married daughter alone. So I sit here, ashamed, that my relationships with my children have deteriorated so badly. I cant do anything about it. I find calling, texting or emailing, embarrassing. I know the dynamics of others around them had contributed to this estrangement. Some family members and friends are aware of this alienation I have with my four children. I think it’s beginning to affect my mental health. I wonder what was the point of me working so hard over the last 35 years in raising them. One thing I have recognised was when they were little, and had returned from a weekend with their father they would take their anger out on me for several days. It is something I put up with for years. My children using me as a battering ramp to their disenchantment with the world. And this continues in their adulthood. I’m now getting too old to cope. And my children could care less ....

Shattered_Lady Husband of 21 yrs left me 5 days ago.
  • replies: 23

I am absolutely shattered. My husband and I have been married for 21 yrs, together 28 yrs. we met when I was 17. Five days ago he revealed over breakfast that he doesn't love me anymore and just loves me as a friend. He wants to feel that butterfly l... View more

I am absolutely shattered. My husband and I have been married for 21 yrs, together 28 yrs. we met when I was 17. Five days ago he revealed over breakfast that he doesn't love me anymore and just loves me as a friend. He wants to feel that butterfly love in his chest and he doesn't get that with me anymore. We were a couple that did everything together caravaning, shooting, camping, shopping, bush walking etc etc. We very rarely argued and a few days prior he was sending me loving texts (which he often did) I am in complete shock as I had no inkling at all this was to happen. Everybody I tell are totally shocked and say you are the last couple I thought this would happen to. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I cry constantly as I thought we would grow old together. We had loads of plans for the future set in place, by him. So I am totally blown away. I have no job, as he said 5 months back I could throw my job in of 16 years and have a break for a bit. I have moved in with my parents as he is still living our house. I have moved my horses, given away all my chickens and reptiles. He has lost nothing. I can't see light at the end of the tunnel. Any tips on how to cope with loosing my best friend as ever time I think of my future it totally freaks me out big time.

Infinity1199 Missing that rush...
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, I know it's not really an important issue compared to you guys. my heart goes out to all of you and hope you find true happiness soon. I've been diagnosed with Severe Depression and Anxiety/stress issues so I'm probably not always fun to be ... View more

Hi guys, I know it's not really an important issue compared to you guys. my heart goes out to all of you and hope you find true happiness soon. I've been diagnosed with Severe Depression and Anxiety/stress issues so I'm probably not always fun to be around...but I've been trying to get better which means I've been getting back into my social life. I've been a lot more open and happy with my family and friends, I'm honestly proud to say I managed to repair relationships I though would be lost to me forever. but there's a problem and it's called my dating life. By the way guys I'm gay, so it's one of those stories I thought I did ok, I had a few dates and 2 relationships since I came out. but since my diagnosis I've lost that confidence in myself. you know what I'm talking about, that confidence that inspires you to take charge, feel confident when your with someone and actually connect with someone who gets you. Well for the past few months I just haven't felt that. My dates have kind of sucked. I've tried to make an effort but I just can't click with people. I don't know what I'm during wrong to be honest. But no matter what I do, sitting in the corner is those 2 evil demons called Depression and Loneliness. they are constantly lurking in the shadows, making me doubt everything about myself and cackling their evil little laugh... I need your advice... what did you guys do to feel confident again?

JesseLou Sexless Relationship is causing me Anxiety
  • replies: 1

Thanks anyone for reading my thread. My Partner was diagnosed with depression about 1.5 years into our relationship, he blames me for it but his past relationships & his family history were all very traumatic. We have been together just over 3 years ... View more

Thanks anyone for reading my thread. My Partner was diagnosed with depression about 1.5 years into our relationship, he blames me for it but his past relationships & his family history were all very traumatic. We have been together just over 3 years now & I havent met 1 family member, (he says they fell out years ago) I havent met 1 friend in the time we have been together, which I have felt is unusual & also means he has no support except me.. at first we had good sex fairly regularly, within 1 year he was making excuses, too tired, too full (food) too overweight or just about anything to avoid it.. Then we bought a house last Jan & since then we have had sex once.. I have caught him talking to other women 6-7 times on dating Apps & when I asked why he did this, he said these women say nice things to him (& he is not particularly remorseful) we have always shared nice texts, & spoiling each other with gifts & lovely notes etc.. I thought apart from the sex issue that we were doing ok ? He is on a very high dose of anti depressants & I thought that may be why his libido was low but if that was the case why would you talk to other women.. he was cheated on in his last relationship & always hated cheating people so I can not even understand that he would do it to me?!! He has been seeing a therapist & now a new sex therapist but so far nothing has helped us. Why am I writing this? I'm starting to really suffer from no sex.. like I wake up sad about it & I have asked him to just touch me if thats all we can manage but has no interest in that either? He goes to work at 5am & gets home at 6.30pm everyday & is exhausted but he has been bankrupt in his life & now isnt & is scared to earn less so will not cut back his hours... im so scared we will split up as I need to have sex & I want to have it with him but I cant live in a sexless relationship, I love him, what can I do?? We have had relationship counselling, he is now seeing a sex therapist, he says he loves me & is interested but cant do it...? I went to my GP once & started crying about it & she has now put me on low dose anxiety meds He gets angry if we talk about it.. Help???

Scot_Girl_In_Aus I need help finding a way to communicate with my partner
  • replies: 7

I'm new to this and have never used a site like this but here we go. I have recently moved from Scotland to Aus to be closer to my partner. All in all I would say we have a very good relationship, very loving and very easy but we are living with his ... View more

I'm new to this and have never used a site like this but here we go. I have recently moved from Scotland to Aus to be closer to my partner. All in all I would say we have a very good relationship, very loving and very easy but we are living with his family and it is a very stressful household to live in. On top of this I have suffered from depression and anxiety for many years and was put on anti-depressants at the start of last year but would only take them for short periods. I haven't taken my meds for around a year but recently I have been feeling increasingly down and more anxious. My negative thoughts have been increasing and my self image is very low at the moment, which makes me question why my partner would love me and if he really does. When I try to talk to him about how i'm feeling I just start to break down which doesn't help anything, stopping me from articulating and saying what I need to. I also get very upset and anxious whenever he leaves for work and his hours have also increased recently when I feel I need him at home more than ever. I feel guilty for getting sad before he goes knowing he'll stress about it at work. I'm really struggling to communicate how I'm feeling as whenever I cry or get upset it scare and worries him. He knew before I moved that I can get like this but has never seen it so he is unsure how to help me. I don't like him seeing me like this and I feel like I'm just causing him to have more things to worry about. The only way I was able to tell him that I was beginning to feel like this again was through messaging but I don't feel I can really get everything across by doing this. Living here with almost no support network is very hard and I cant really talk to his family members about how I'm feeling. Any thought or suggestions would be very welcomed.

lilykitten I need a good cry
  • replies: 9

I've been separated for 2 months and feel like the weight of a planet is on my chest. My kids hate their Dad (for leaving or not leaving soon enough depending on the day) I feel isolated at work. I'm only just living within my means and everything se... View more

I've been separated for 2 months and feel like the weight of a planet is on my chest. My kids hate their Dad (for leaving or not leaving soon enough depending on the day) I feel isolated at work. I'm only just living within my means and everything seems to be getting on top of me. I've just had a weekend of people pleasing. Hosting my mother who had visited to make sure was OK, planning, buying presents and bribing the Kids to visit their Dad on Father's Day. Racing into work on Sunday to get up to date, taking my daughter to a psychologist , visiting a lawyer sitting up for ages to help the other daughter with homework all after spending more money and organisation for a birthday dinner and more presents. for an ungrateful ex. so I can keep it nice for him before handing him half of all the money I have ever earned and then probably never seeing him again. Still not crying. I so need to release my emotions.

The_STaR_is_broken Husband has disclosed he is gay - looking for help from those in similar situation, please.
  • replies: 7

Hi Thanks for reading. I hope there is someone who can relate to my situation and guide me through the dark haze I see ahead and out to the clear on the other side. A week ago, I would have said I was happily married, and had been for over 19 years. ... View more

Hi Thanks for reading. I hope there is someone who can relate to my situation and guide me through the dark haze I see ahead and out to the clear on the other side. A week ago, I would have said I was happily married, and had been for over 19 years. We have an almost-11 year old daughter, and my husband is a great Dad. He is also a loving husband, even though our love life has always been mundane, limited and initiated by me. I accepted that, as we are very strongly connected, emotionally and spiritually, and he has looked after me very well. He has supported me through depression ( I currently take medication), through part-time uni studies, through changes of jobs, and through my love-hate feelings towards my mother (hence my depression...). I have supported him equally or more, since before we were married- a tumultuous relationship with his father, moving interstate for his 'dream job' and being alone for quite some time, and now I am helping him with his part time uni course. Since having our daughter after 8 years of marriage, it has just been the 3 of us (we go by STaR). We pride ourselves on managing without one scrap of family support, and we are always here for each other. I have heard how envious of us other families are - we enjoy regular overseas holidays, we have up-to-date cars and appliances, a modern home, contemporary values and beliefs, good educations, an intelligent and popular daughter who contributes well to sport and local extra-curricular activities. We loved life and life loved us. Until one week ago when my husband disclosed he is gay. He advised me he has known since he was about 7, and now I am heartbroken, devastated, confused and humiliated. So where to from here? I am looking for anyone who might have a similar experience and can shed any light on what on earth is going on and what I do now. I have an appointment on Monday for my Doctor to write a mental healthcare plan, and I will then be looking for a psychologist. My husband has asked if I can attend one or more appointments with him when he sees his LGBTI psych, which I have agreed to at this stage. Anyone out there who'd like to connect with me so we can now bounce off each other. I said to my husband during the first few days that this feels worse than death to me as the one person I would usually talk to is actually the same person who has done this and is no longer around to talk to - anyone else feel that way? Kind regards and I hope to meet you soon.