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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Ringarosie When is an affair an affair?
  • replies: 6

Several years ago I discovered my husband was seeing his ex girlfriend, he had ask me to check something on his computer and I found their emails, they had been meeting for lunch and this had occurred at least 4 times. I confronted him with the infor... View more

Several years ago I discovered my husband was seeing his ex girlfriend, he had ask me to check something on his computer and I found their emails, they had been meeting for lunch and this had occurred at least 4 times. I confronted him with the information and he told me I was overreacting, that they were just old friends and nothing had happened. I was gutted, my husbands first wife had an affair and broke up their marriage, I thought my husband would never ever do anything like this because he felt so betrayed by his first wife that he would never be able to put me or anyone through the same pain. He was never able to apologise about the secret meetings sufficiently to me, he always said “ I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, BUT I didn’t do anything wrong!! i know that I began to withdraw and withhold my affection afterwards because I felt so betrayed. Fast forward 6 years , I was getting something off his phone yesterday and I see he is still communicating with her, she has moved back to Melbourne and has suggested they catch up. I know nothing physical has occured, but still I feel so betrayed, am I overreacting? Should I just let him go and have lunches with her? We have 3 children, the youngest is doing vce this year I am reluctant to cause the upheaval of a separation til the end of the year, but I am so distraught and disappointed in my husband I’m not sure I can last the year

pop1999 I say I cannot put up with him anymore...so why do I?
  • replies: 5

For the last few months I've been thinking that I really don't know what to do in terms of our relationship. We've been going out for a little over a year now and it's never been fantastic. I don't like aggressive conflict (I shut down and have troub... View more

For the last few months I've been thinking that I really don't know what to do in terms of our relationship. We've been going out for a little over a year now and it's never been fantastic. I don't like aggressive conflict (I shut down and have trouble voicing my opinions when in arguments with him and him only) and he constantly starts conflict. He also constantly calls me names when arguing with me, which I have time and time again told him that it's unacceptable to do and he says "Well that's just me, that's just how I deal with stupid arguments" and I say again and again that it's not healthy and he cannot treat me like that but he always comes back with that. Honestly, I use to just put up with it because I use to have very bad anxiety. Now, however, I fight back but he just laughs at me and brushes me off as 'emotional'. I do love him but it's hard to feel the love in it's entirety. He does other things that completely turns me off him too, like when he drinks he cannot control himself at all and drinks until he's toppling over. He constantly talks about himself and he's very egotistical. For example, my friend's new boyfriend met him for the first time and my friend's boyfriend said he gave a terrible first impression because he non stop talked about himself and how he's going overseas soon, how much he makes at work, how he went to a private school, how he's to 'only one' that actually works hard in his advanced degree... and it embarrassed the crap out of me. It's one thing to talk about yourself and your accomplishments but he just met the guy literally that night. I know he is boasting because sometimes he'll meet people and he will literally say he's better than them and it turns me off COMPLETELY. I'm so sick of him but at the same time I can't find the courage in me to leave him, which I can't understand considering I like being alone and doing things alone and he's my first boyfriend so before him I was completely alone. I feel guilty because I keep thinking about how easy single life was when I didn't have to worry about someone else. I'm just not happy anymore BUT I cannot leave him and it frustrates me that I find myself in such a stupid dilemma. He's actually good to me when he's good mood, he's nice and caring but really I'm starting to feel like everything else outweighs that unfortunately. Am I just being really unreasonable about this? Am I only focusing on the negatives? I'm so utterly frustrated that I feel so hopeless...

Alien1927 Hard to cope all at once
  • replies: 4

Recently saw a psychologist for my anxiety needs and depression, right now my family situation is changing real fast. i live with my 2 older sisters and mum and her boyfriend, found out that my mum and her boyfriend are moving out and I'll be with my... View more

Recently saw a psychologist for my anxiety needs and depression, right now my family situation is changing real fast. i live with my 2 older sisters and mum and her boyfriend, found out that my mum and her boyfriend are moving out and I'll be with my sisters. my sisters both have jobs, me I'm 24 and never had a job because I let my anxiety hold me back for to long. I'm trying to find a job but my mums boyfriend doesn't want me living with them and my sisters telling me to get a job or I'm out on the street. It's a lot to deal with all at once and I'm scared I'll be kicked out on the street and all I see there for me is death. I don't know what to do and I guess I'm looking for any advice or tip about keeping ur self motivated or determined? I feel that I'm 24 with no experience, who would hire me anyway.

aesjhin I don't know where im going in life anymore.
  • replies: 2

Everyone always tells me "the only people you can trust is your family" but to me, that isnt true. Everyday it feels like im a stranger in my own home, my parents treat me like absolute garbage, and they dont even consider me as a son. and thats not ... View more

Everyone always tells me "the only people you can trust is your family" but to me, that isnt true. Everyday it feels like im a stranger in my own home, my parents treat me like absolute garbage, and they dont even consider me as a son. and thats not even the worst part. its like im a ghost, and the way its making me feel is affecting everything else around me, and its raising my anxiety onto a whole new level. I can't even talk to my siblings about it because most of the time, we're always fighting, and that gets pretty dangerous. I don't even feel like i can talk to my friends cause i hate feeling like a burden, and i hate wasting peoples time. Also because of the way its making me feel, I quit my job, and contemplating dropping out of uni and just running off to a new country never to return again, not that it would make me feel any different but at least that way, id be free from feeling like crap from my own family. I do want to leave home, but i cant afford living on my own, i cant trust random strangers, and my friends arent even considering moving out. I feel stuck and I'm on the verge of giving up.

white knight The best step parent
  • replies: 3

Ive been in a step parent situation 3 times out of my 4 long term relationships and now my wife of 8 years is a step parent to my daughter. She didn't have children. In the first case, in my twenties I was step dad to a boy 2-8yo so for 6 years I had... View more

Ive been in a step parent situation 3 times out of my 4 long term relationships and now my wife of 8 years is a step parent to my daughter. She didn't have children. In the first case, in my twenties I was step dad to a boy 2-8yo so for 6 years I had him nearly 24/7. I was young, jealous and frankly he irritated me. We ended up splitting up for other reasons but, the abrasiveness between myself and that child was a factor. By the time I reached my 40's I commenced a defacto relationship and she had two teenagers. I got on well with both but my partner did not get on with my children so for years I pondered why. I came to the conclusion that a nurturing factor was missing. Also she was jealous of my children as I had 20 years earlier to my first step parent life. Ive noticed this lack of nurturing and possessiveness in many other step parent families. But if the nurturing is there or the step parent is genuinely interested in the child then it can work well. There are tell-tale signs of a possessive partner with limited interest in your children. He/she might not include your childten on holidays and excuses given "not until they behave themselves". They might resent any money you give your kids "you already pay child support". They might not pitch into help eg I couldnt drive due to a broken leg but she wouldnt pick up my kids for any reason. This resentment isnt good and will erode an otherwise sound relationship. My children grew up with some psychological issues due to their step mothers rigid and cold attitude. Me hanging onto hope she'd eventually like my daughters was an unwise thought, it doesnt happen. Meeting a potential partner has its problems compounded when children are involved. Take it slow, perhaps test out his/her attitude in basic short camping trips or holidays. Seek out if nurturing or friendship is present in them before solidifying the relationship. Feel free to get counseling. That chemistry must be there between step parent and children ...must. TonyWK

Confused10101 Getting married to a man who denies he is gay/bi am trapped
  • replies: 6

I am a hiv+ve straight female. This is the second time I have had a partner live a double life on me. The first time my partner came out or rather finally admitted he was sleeping with men after years of calling me crazy. Then we found out he gave me... View more

I am a hiv+ve straight female. This is the second time I have had a partner live a double life on me. The first time my partner came out or rather finally admitted he was sleeping with men after years of calling me crazy. Then we found out he gave me HIV. Jump ahead 15 years and through dating a positive man who vehemently swore he was not bi/gay, my worse fear has come back. I have emails and text messages but he won't admit it. I would cope and stay if he could sit and talk to me. We are getting married soon. He won't move out or let me call it off. I don't have anymore strength to call police or make him leave. I have children and it's my place. I almost hate how he would prefer to lie and make my life hell. Why can't he love me enough to be honest. He knows the hell I suffered years ago. I would support anything if he was honest. I'm just so tired.

Jay_C Good day for Codependants
  • replies: 13

I just want to say, today was a really good day for me. I had a feeling i was watched over when i seen that it was windy and cloudy this morning. I cant stand the heat. I had a centrelink reassessment interview, she was very friendly and understandin... View more

I just want to say, today was a really good day for me. I had a feeling i was watched over when i seen that it was windy and cloudy this morning. I cant stand the heat. I had a centrelink reassessment interview, she was very friendly and understanding. It made me feel valued as opposed to a codependant adult child of narcissism. She validated some of thoughts and i felt like i was moving forward. There are good ppl in this world when you step out of your comfort zone/the narcissists environment. Even though i had a good feeling about today, i still took a drink right before the interview just incase. Which put a dent in my money to eat for the week. What happened later im still coming to terms with.. I met 2 ppl down the street, one which Ive seen now and then. He was friendly and introduced himself, the other one i had a friendly talk with and he handed out $100 to split between us... like wth? He walked off and i feel like i lost genuine person to be friends with and want to pay back

MT1 Sad for my little boy
  • replies: 4

Hello I am so sad for my little boy. I am a single parent experiencing anxiety and depression. I am compliant with medication but have very little support. My little boy (9yo) started back at school two weeks ago. He gave his best friend, S, a hug bu... View more

Hello I am so sad for my little boy. I am a single parent experiencing anxiety and depression. I am compliant with medication but have very little support. My little boy (9yo) started back at school two weeks ago. He gave his best friend, S, a hug but S told him he no longer wants to be his friend. S also told him that S’s parents hate him because they are ‘not a match’. They do have different personalities but I am so sad for my little boy. He is terribly hurt and it has broken my heart to see him experience this I just wanted to share really, just to chat I guess. I hope you are all taking care of yourselves. regards M

australian Need advice to help my wife
  • replies: 3

first time user. ill keep this short. I virtually have no idea about what sort of help is out there. my wife suffers from depression, anxiety that I know of. is unhappy with her self, and unsatisfied with her life since she can remember.. we are both... View more

first time user. ill keep this short. I virtually have no idea about what sort of help is out there. my wife suffers from depression, anxiety that I know of. is unhappy with her self, and unsatisfied with her life since she can remember.. we are both 26 been together since we were about 16, we had both joint goals we built a big home ready to make a family of our own and my wife found out she is "not" able to have children naturally. that has make her feel terrible, really has messed with her head, has made her feel like everything we have worked towards is wasted and she has lost her self and what we have worked for. I love her to bits but I feel like life as we knew it could be over feel like she's after bigger and better things now not interested in our married committed life... she agrees she should talk to someone that could help her / help us both. thank you

Caspar Don't know where I stand with childhood Best Friend
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am absolutely awful at gauging my relationships with other people, and am anxious to reach out from fear of being rejected by some of my favourite people. And so I have this friend in my life, probably one of my favourite people in my life. We ... View more

Hi, I am absolutely awful at gauging my relationships with other people, and am anxious to reach out from fear of being rejected by some of my favourite people. And so I have this friend in my life, probably one of my favourite people in my life. We have known each other since pretty much birth, and were absolutely inseparable during preschool and primary school. We grew up together and were each others only real friends. Then high school rolled around, and as he went off to a private school, I went to a selective one. We still somehow managed to keep a pretty solid connection until at least year 11, messaging regularly and meeting every fortnight or so. But somehow, as if in an instant, we just kinda stopped talking, with no bad blood or drama. But then after about 9 months of practically no contact since our last meetup, he messaged with the whole "its been so long! we should go out". And we went out and had the most fun I have had in a long time. We instantly connected with our old spark, and somehow it had felt like no time passed, and we kept asking each other why we don't ever see each other anymore, and we expressed intentions to resume a consistent friendship. We were both exactly the same as we had been in the early years of high school, and he knew about events that had happened in my life. I know that the feeling was mutual as we both talked about it the next day. And then it stopped again, for about 10 months and here we are today. We exchanged birthday messages but that's about it. I am currently extremely in my head about what his true opinions of me are. Is he still a true friend to me and does he enjoy my company? Because I sure as hell do. I am currently really desperate to reach out as he was technically the last one to do so, but there is a fear in the back of my head that my favourite person will tell me he just doesn't feel the same anymore. It's kind of a crushing anxiety and is trickling into my ability to make new friends at uni. We are both 19 and studying at uni 3 days a week, but I know he sometimes has time to hang out with friends as per social media. I tend to overthink everything. Always. But this person is so important to me that I don't want to damage anything. You can't be rejected by someone if you never reach out, right? Thank you all x