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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Serendipity4 Dating a man with depression
  • replies: 1

I've fallen for a lovely man online who lives two hours away who has suffered from depression for years after a number of tragedies which tore his life apart - although he says he is now on the way out of it. We've been chatting from months by text b... View more

I've fallen for a lovely man online who lives two hours away who has suffered from depression for years after a number of tragedies which tore his life apart - although he says he is now on the way out of it. We've been chatting from months by text but I've only met him twice, the second time in an awesome four hour date where he told me his life story. I'm finding the erratic contact confusing as I'm not sure how he feels about me although during our date he never took his eyes from mine and sparks flew. The usual 'rule' of online dating is not to 'chase' men by always being the one to initiate contact every time. Would you say that it is different if the man suffers from depression? Is it up to me to reach out more often or would it be better to leave him alone until he feels like contacting me, however long it takes? I'm sure every case is different but I'm trying to get some perspective on this, I feel like I'm going crazy and must have imagined the chemistry between us. The distance involved complicates it.

unicornprincess29 Not sure what to do :/
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, I guess this post is more to just vent than anything. My BF and I have been together for a few years now and we also live together. He’s really supportive of my anxiety and depression. Things are great between us 99% of the time. 1% of the ... View more

Hey guys, I guess this post is more to just vent than anything. My BF and I have been together for a few years now and we also live together. He’s really supportive of my anxiety and depression. Things are great between us 99% of the time. 1% of the time though... things are a bit iffy. My BF is in a band and even though I’m not in the band, I’m pretty heavily involved in it. The first month he was really glad that I was taking such an interest, and even though he’s still glad now, the band also seems to be an argument creator for us. I’ve noticed that whenever I have an opinion about the band, even if it’s an opinion my BF had a week or so prior to the band, if I say the same opinion, or any opinion, it turns into an argument. It can be something really small and turn into a bigger argument real fast. For example, if say something as basic as “I don’t think this song should be here in the set” or “I think one band member has more onstage presence than the rest”. Like I said, really small things. Initially I thought that maybe he wasn’t happy with me being too involved in his thing, but when things are normal with us and I mention maybe not being as involved anymore, I can tell it really upsets him. So yeah, I’m not sure how to feel about the whole thing. I could say I wouldn’t be as opinionated, but like I said, it can be a really minor comment that leads to something bigger... so am I just not meant to have anything to say? I’ve tried that as well, and then he thought I was being uninterested. So really not sure where to go from here.

L1onsD3 My partner is mentally abusing and sofocating me
  • replies: 3

My girlfriend of almost two years is running me into the ground. I’m 21 years old and I am extremely fearful of not being able to live my life. Everytime I want to go somewhere with a guy mate (I can’t even have girl mates) she always has to make me ... View more

My girlfriend of almost two years is running me into the ground. I’m 21 years old and I am extremely fearful of not being able to live my life. Everytime I want to go somewhere with a guy mate (I can’t even have girl mates) she always has to make me feel bad about it. I always ask her to come but she never feels up for it, but in the mean time forces me to stay home. When I am with a friend and she happens to be there, she always seems to get angry at me and says I don’t give her enough attention as what I do to the other person. Every time I have a good mood it always seems to be brought down by her. Every time I try to explain to her how I feel I always get it turned around back to me. It’s like nothing mattered on what I just said. She gets angry when I tell her what’s she’s doing is no good for my mental health, but it just doesn’t seem to get through to her. I’ve really been feeling down the past 3 months, Ive been thinking of ways to get out of this relationship without talking to her, as I really do fear for my life. We always have to she each other everyday in her eyes, then she complains when the conversations run dry. I can’t see my friends, I can’t go to the gym alone because of other girls there, I can’t go to other events by my self or with a friend such as soccer and footy. I want to tell her that I need space but I’m scared to do that it’s come to a point where I don’t want to see her, ive really lost interest in our relationship. two weeks ago she was just abusing me verbelly and a little psyical , I thought in my head to go punching her or push or something like that. I didn’t hit her but afterwards I broke down because I knew that wasn’t me, I knew I was stronger then that. I fell asleep after 12 hours of work and I needed to wake up early the next day, I fell asleep then I got this slap across the face and her telling me that I didn’t care about her because I was sleeping im scared to just brake up with her because of she might do

Anxioussinglemum How do I get it through to my ex that it is over.
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, I am nearly at my wits end. My ex partner and I separated on boxing day of last year. I had had enough of his disrespect, selfishness, lies and drug use. We had been together 14yrs and have a beautiful little girl about to turn 4. Our le... View more

Hi everyone, I am nearly at my wits end. My ex partner and I separated on boxing day of last year. I had had enough of his disrespect, selfishness, lies and drug use. We had been together 14yrs and have a beautiful little girl about to turn 4. Our lease hasn't run out and both our names are on it, so neither of us has moved out yet, but we are in separate bedrooms. I fell out of love with him a couple of years ago, due to the disrespectful way he treated me, squandered our family money for drugs, didn't make an effort to get work and watching him not put our family first, I didn't feel like I or our daughter were a priority in his life. So after a shitty Christmas where he treated me and my family like dirt, and decided not to spend Christmas day with me and our daughter, I decided enough was enough. He is still trying to get back together, he asks for intimacy which I deny as I don't want to give him any false hope. He tells me that our daughter deserves both of her parents together and in a loving relationship. He tells me that I am choosing to shut him out, and not love him. He sucks the life from me and I feel like I am about to break. My anxiety was great earlier in the year, nearly non-existent, after getting over the initial shock of it all, I was so excited to just do me and not have to worry about him anymore. But then a month or so ago my anxiety has become almost unbearable, my GP suggested hospitalisation, that I didn't go along with as I don't want to give my ex anything he may be able to use against me. I know it doesn't help that I am working and trying to complete a Post-grad degree as well. He also uses that against me, that I am putting uni in front of my family. I am doing this for me and my daughter, to make sure I can provide a good life for her and I spend loads of time with her. He has tried to say that our daughter cannot spend alone time with my family because my brother and his fiance are poly-amorous, but not currently, and my mum likes a wine or 2 once to twice a fortnight, sometimes not even that often. I think he is just trying to find anything to get at me. He has said if you don't want to be with me then kick me out. I have told him many times I don't want to be with him and I have asked him to leave before, but he won't and it's like he forgets all this and then says I am stringing him along for my own convenience. I don't want to live with him, he is not making my life easier. How do I get him to see it is over?

Anonymous01012 Insecure Girlfriend
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, I have been dating this amazing girl for a year and bit now and she is everything I want in a girl; beautiful, funny, smart, instinctive. The list just goes on. She also makes me extremely happy. I am having a problem with her self-beliefs ... View more

Hey guys, I have been dating this amazing girl for a year and bit now and she is everything I want in a girl; beautiful, funny, smart, instinctive. The list just goes on. She also makes me extremely happy. I am having a problem with her self-beliefs and jealousy/insecurity as she is constantly upset. I tell her how amazingly beautiful she is slyly. She lost her father when she was 10 and has never seemed to overcome it, which I completely understand. She hasn't done well in school due to this and the laziness became a habit or as she thinks apart of her personality. I see amazing potential in her but I just am struggling to help her find this. She also gets jealous easily, believing i'm looking at other girls on social media. I just want her to know she's the only girl I want and need and that she has the world at her feet. Thankyou.

fox_in_the_meadow Broken friendship and confusing behaviour
  • replies: 2

Hello all, I'm new here and this is my first post and was seeking advice. I've had a 4 year friendship with this guy and we would talk almost everyday, plus we would play games together over mic (just gaming buddies). I am going to be visiting his Co... View more

Hello all, I'm new here and this is my first post and was seeking advice. I've had a 4 year friendship with this guy and we would talk almost everyday, plus we would play games together over mic (just gaming buddies). I am going to be visiting his Country in a few months with my boyfriend and we had planned to hang out together (the 3 of us and perhaps others since we are a small group of gamers). When he talked to me about my trip he asked me for a sexual favour during my visit and I couldn't answer at that moment/didn't even know what to say, but the next time we talked I asked him about his question and he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. His brother joined our chat not long after and let it slip that he has a new girlfriend. He had failed to mention this new girl to me and I didn't even know he was with someone... He went really silent in the chat and in fact, he isn't really talking to me much at all anymore (once a week - once a fortnight) and this has been since I asked him about the sexual favour, not since he's been with his girlfriend. Assumptions usually make me uncomfortable but to be honest I have assumed he didn't want me to know about her at all. He invited me to talk a week later (to my surprise) and he was saying things like "you're my favourite girl", "I really wanna play [this] game together", and now I'm just feeling really confused and stressed about why he is acting weird towards me. He had told all of his other friends about his amazing new girlfriend, he's showed them photos and videos of them together, but didn't mention it to me at all nor have I seen or heard anything. We were never in a romantic relationship or anything like that, so I don't understand why I'm suddenly being excluded from everything. We've been gaming buddies for the past 4 years, but now I feel like I'm being treated like I'm a jealous ex girlfriend or something like that. If I ask about it or even say anything at all I would simply be accused of being crazy, spiteful and out to ruin their relationship. His friends who had joined our most recent chat were congratulating him on his "win" with this girl he's "scored" with and I just feel like an awkward memory. My anxiety is through the roof, I don't even want to play my games anymore but deep down I want to hear from my friend eventhough he probably doesn't care about me anymore. Any advice/knowledge is appreciated, please help. - Fox

Cookie182 A year after long-term breakup
  • replies: 2

Hey all, first time poster here. About a year ago, I had my 10 year relationship end pretty suddenly. We were together since 17, emigrated together, built a house together, were engaged and had almost anything you could ask for at our age. In hindsig... View more

Hey all, first time poster here. About a year ago, I had my 10 year relationship end pretty suddenly. We were together since 17, emigrated together, built a house together, were engaged and had almost anything you could ask for at our age. In hindsight, I could see that there were a few issues with our relationship that really just fell down to two people growing apart and wanting different things in life. However it didn’t end anywhere near as amicably as it should have - mainly down to her being involved in an online relationship with someone else, which of course made me feel cheated. There was probably a month and a half from when we ended until she finally left the country, and I moved out in this time, leaving her to continue her online relationship in our house. I also discovered her plan was to travel to live with the guy from her online relationship in yet another different country. I was a mess. This only got worse after she left; I came home to find literally 10 years worth of photos together and anything sentimental filling the bin outside. A few months later, I was told that they were engaged. At this point I was emotionless; running on autopilot. I went for a few sessions with a psychologist which help somewhat. It was around this time that it dawned on me, this was the first and only real relationship I’d ever had, my first and only real sexual experience with anyone. The age when my friends were going out and experimenting, I was already in a relationship. Now at 28, I have no idea how to date and no confidence in my sexual ability. I thought this would all pass with time, but a year later and I still have absolutely no confidence. Despite losing 12kgs and making huge leaps in my career, I still have next to no self esteem. I’m honestly at the point where I just cannot understand why anyone would ever be interested in me. Is there anyone that can relate to this? Or can anyone tell me how long feeling like this will last? I feel like I’ve done so much, and yet I don’t feel any better. I appreciate any insight you guys can offer. Thank you.

Oldboy Kanga
  • replies: 1

I have a 46 yr old son living in a flat out the back. He doesn't pay rent and has been out of a job for 9 months . I know he smokes weed but don't know if he is on any thing else. He has now become very abusive ,yelling and swearing at the top of his... View more

I have a 46 yr old son living in a flat out the back. He doesn't pay rent and has been out of a job for 9 months . I know he smokes weed but don't know if he is on any thing else. He has now become very abusive ,yelling and swearing at the top of his voice even threatening violence. He has damaged the flat thru anger. He blames everyone but himself for his situation. He has alienated any friends he has had including girl friends. He blames me more than anyone else .He hates my partner of 40 years! But is still happy to live on our property for nothing.I have suggested he go And see someone to help him he refuses as he says he doesn't need help. I am getting more scared everyday for his safety and mine.What can I do?????

theothermother Paying maintenance on estranged adult stepchild is eating away at our marriage
  • replies: 2

My DH has a daughter and has been in and out of her life since she was 3 due to issues with his ex. They tried to make it work for her sake after the 1st split but ended up making each other miserable for another decade until they divorced. When I me... View more

My DH has a daughter and has been in and out of her life since she was 3 due to issues with his ex. They tried to make it work for her sake after the 1st split but ended up making each other miserable for another decade until they divorced. When I met him the SD was 13 and wanted no contact. 6 years on and we have a son aged2 who the SD has never met. She was welcome to be in our son's life but his ex sent an abusive text to say that under no circumstances are we to consider her as a sister to our son. In the past 6 yrs he has seen SD a few times around xmas and bdays so she can collect an extra gift. She ignores him for the rest of the yr. There's a constant "you left us, you owe us" attitude and I doubt we'll ever see the day when they consider that debt squared. I know parents with children would say "I would never choose my new partner over my own child". But I think he believed that he had a chance at repairing their relationship as SD grew older. He promised me that child support would stop when she reached 18 and we could relax our budget a bit. I have since found out that after she reached 18 he has secretly bought her a car, paid the her bond and is paying her $500 monthly while she's studying. We've been scrimping like mad to make sure the mortgage is paid. We're sharing a bathroom because the ensuite hot water is glitchy and we don't have money for a plumber. I've been putting off getting my wisdom teeth out because we don't have enough $ as a buffer in case of emergencies. Sometimes at night I'm so crippled by anxiety that I can't breathe. My DH's good company, he still makes me laugh, he's a good father to our son. But the good moments are shadowed by the constant worry more $ will be siphoned off. As it stands he promised monthly support until the end of this yr while she finds her feet. I worry that she'll cut off contact if he stops paying so he'll sacrifice our security to keep her in his life. I have no problem with him having a relationship with her. I do have a problem with him splurging money on her and then telling me I have nothing to worry about and that we've still got enough. He still doesn't see where he went wrong, just that he's trying his best to do the right thing by her. But it's broken my trust and I don't know how to relax my guard around him. I look at the lovely house that we've bought, our innocent son and I fight the urge to just break things off so I'm not constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Thoughts?

MrCatfish Difficulty living with inlaws
  • replies: 1

I have been married for two years with a one year old daughter. I am a successful person (PhD and financially secure) and my friends and family consider me to be a caring and considerate person, but I am not able to get along with my in-laws. Part of... View more

I have been married for two years with a one year old daughter. I am a successful person (PhD and financially secure) and my friends and family consider me to be a caring and considerate person, but I am not able to get along with my in-laws. Part of the issue us cultural differences, my wife is Chinese, and I have not passed many of the requisite Chinese manners. Part of the issue is a fundamental difference in values. (Father in law values wealth, image, strength, competition, I value simplicity, creativity, collaboration. My father in law called off our wedding several days before it was scheduled. Our marriage went through about a year later without his blessing, and he continues to think poorly of me. My in-laws visit six months every year and live in our guest bedroom. My wife is in her mid thirties and this has been her practice for her adult life. Her parents, and particularly her father, have no real live beyond their daughter. At least no aspirations, goals, or other long term engaging activities. My wife always envisioned continuing to live with her parents like this her whole life. We had some discussion of this arrangement before we got married, and she agreed to have them live with us for shorter periods, but we didn't discuss the issues fully, or establish clear expectations for after our marriage. However, nothing has changed, and they continue to visit for six months every year. My father-in-law varies between ignoring me open hostility, but usually stays on the ignoring range. My mother-in-law is a bit easier to live with, with her temperament oscillating between disapproval and approval, but at least she doesn't ignore me. Whenever they visit I grow slowly more distant to my wife, and whenever they leave our relationship slowly repairs. But even when they are gone I sometimes think about how long until they come back and I start to feel trapped and anxious. I asked my wife to have them stay in an apartment when they visit, but she says that if we do that she would have to live with them, because they can't care for themselves where nobody speaks Chinese. This situation is really depressing (although I don't know that I am "depressed." I feel like I am stuck with two bad choices. I want to be free to be myself with my wife and daughter, but that is very hard under the oppressive weight that comes with my in-laws. I also want to respect my wife's needs and culture, especially given her fear that her parents may pass soon.