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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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unicornprincess29 How often is too often?
  • replies: 7

Hey all, just curious on people’s thoughts as to how often is too often to think about what life would be like/if you’d be happier without your partner? (Not necessarily because you have someone else you want to be with). I understand it’s natural fo... View more

Hey all, just curious on people’s thoughts as to how often is too often to think about what life would be like/if you’d be happier without your partner? (Not necessarily because you have someone else you want to be with). I understand it’s natural for some people to have these sorts of thoughts every so often, but how often does it have to be before it becomes attributed to an obvious issue in the relationship?

Washappyonce Lost..
  • replies: 3

On mother’s day I found out my ex had been cheating on me for 4 years with his best friend from school. We have been together 24 years 3 children. I am still struggling. He told me he never loved me our life was a mistake she’s his soulmate and he sh... View more

On mother’s day I found out my ex had been cheating on me for 4 years with his best friend from school. We have been together 24 years 3 children. I am still struggling. He told me he never loved me our life was a mistake she’s his soulmate and he should have always been with her he said we weren’t in the same social class he’s a private school kid I was public, my family isn’t wealthy his is well off. After I found out and kicked him out my younger girls told me that he had been secretly meeting up with her and her children whilst taking my kids out. Then my eldest son informed me he has been bad mouthing me to him for years. I was completely blindsided my children don’t want anything to do with him. I am trying to hold it together barely as he’s all I’ve known he was my first and only love and to be told it was all a lie and a mistake is hurtful. Im trying to cope keep a smile on my face but it is extremely hard. He has told everyone we mutually agreed to seperate as it wasn’t working out and I’m sick of having to explain the truth. I have a good day then I have a lot of really bad days. I feel so alone and I’m trying my hardest to put on that brave face for my kids sake. I know everyone says time heals but he’s all I’ve known my whole life we have grown up together I don’t want to see my friends because I can’t bear going out without him I feel so stupid and embarrassed and ashamed that people know he’s never loved me and he’s left for me for his so called soul mate. What hurts more is there was no signs our sex life was great our life was great or so I thought. I just want to feel normal and not so insecure I feel like I don’t trust anyone anymore that anything anyone says to me is a lie after what he’s done when do these feelings go away. My children have a lot of anger and hate towards him as well and I’m struggling to try and make them try and see him because part of me knows it’s not right he’s still their dad but part of me is angry that he has used my children as a cover to cheat it’s all a big mess

Spring2016 Much needed advice to move on
  • replies: 4

Thanks in advance for any advice given. To make a long story short, early this year I commenced an affair with my “childhood sweetheart” sorry couldn’t think of another term that is not so cliché….. Anyway, I ended the affair a month ago, (we have no... View more

Thanks in advance for any advice given. To make a long story short, early this year I commenced an affair with my “childhood sweetheart” sorry couldn’t think of another term that is not so cliché….. Anyway, I ended the affair a month ago, (we have not been in contact) as much as I desperately wanted to end my marriage and be with this man, I decided to be realistic and do the right thing by my husband and child, and not get all romantic comedy about it. My husband does not know – and as much as I want to tell him – I won’t subject myself to the judgement and ridicule of our family and friends – if I knew that I could tell my husband and it would remain between him and I then I would not hesitate in telling him. What I need help with please is, I still think about this man everyday, I am still very much in love with him, and I still want to be with him. How do I get over him and move on with my husband….? thanks again for any advice.

Lass Hello to all.
  • replies: 3

Hello to those who care. I've had the most hellish past years. Son with chromosomal disorde, I've beat a rare form of cancer, ex cheating on me; and exiting the family; offering no support. My beloved father has just passed away. I truly wonder what ... View more

Hello to those who care. I've had the most hellish past years. Son with chromosomal disorde, I've beat a rare form of cancer, ex cheating on me; and exiting the family; offering no support. My beloved father has just passed away. I truly wonder what I did to be dealt this treatment!!

Marah11 Tired
  • replies: 3

I feel miserable and lost. I want someone to talk too, but I don’t have any friends. I want friends but then when I have friends I just feel like it’s all a competition, and I can never win. I don’t feel good enough, and I can never act myself. My pa... View more

I feel miserable and lost. I want someone to talk too, but I don’t have any friends. I want friends but then when I have friends I just feel like it’s all a competition, and I can never win. I don’t feel good enough, and I can never act myself. My partner just left and all I wanted was some help. I want someone to care for me for a change. I feel so bitter and jaded, I always push people away. I feel so tired all the time, I just wana crawl into a ball for a week and hope I feel better. I can’t ofcourse.

Sims9287 Guilt
  • replies: 2

Hi. First time to this forum so pls be kind. I feel like i'm in a weird spot in my life. A few years ago i cheated on my boyfriend and, even though I told him, I feel guilty. I just want to move on...he has but I can't quite forgive myself

Hi. First time to this forum so pls be kind. I feel like i'm in a weird spot in my life. A few years ago i cheated on my boyfriend and, even though I told him, I feel guilty. I just want to move on...he has but I can't quite forgive myself

BoomJun28 Feel like world's worst mother.
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I have two children ages 2.5 + 8 months. They are beautiful. I have recently gone through family things where I actually have no family members left, I do not speak to a single one of my family members and both of my parents are deceased. My ... View more

Hi all. I have two children ages 2.5 + 8 months. They are beautiful. I have recently gone through family things where I actually have no family members left, I do not speak to a single one of my family members and both of my parents are deceased. My family chose not to show much interest in my first born and then couldn't even visit or a phone call for my second born, hence the cut off. Day to day now though, I now feel anxious and stressed. Lonely and isolated. I don't have many friends anymore either S we moved away. I seem to have little to no patience with my children. I am the mother I said I would never be. The yelly type and I have even given my eldest some taps on the hand recently as behaviour has been out of control and I feel like a complete failure. Today they were both taking ages to fall asleep and I yelled at them and they both cried because I yelled loudly. They don't deserve this, they deserve someone so much better than me. I am horrible at the moment. I have no help day to day as my partner is gone for 12 hours a day. His mother visits one a week or fortnight for an hour or two and that's it. I am going insane. I feel like I am not coping. The issues with my family are never going to be fixed as that's just the kind of people they are. I love my kids more than anything but they are getting the worst me everyday at the moment. I am embarrassed that I am like this. I honestly hate myself. Any advice or suggestions on how to improve myself are welcome.

Fiki Am i the toxic one in the relationship?
  • replies: 4

Hi this is the first time I’m posting on this forum. I’ve been married for 14 years and today I told my husband that I think we should separate. We have 3 kids and I’ve been struggling with depression for the past 6 months. I have episodes which last... View more

Hi this is the first time I’m posting on this forum. I’ve been married for 14 years and today I told my husband that I think we should separate. We have 3 kids and I’ve been struggling with depression for the past 6 months. I have episodes which last a couple of days where I can’t eat I want to stay in bed all day with a book and I can’t even get myself to smile at my children. It’s been really hard and I’ve been trying to fight these episodes by eating healthier, doing exercise and I’ve even joined martial arts classes. But Sometimes I feel I wouldn’t have these down moments if I wasn’t with my husband. We can never agree on anything and everything is a battle to decide on. I have problems with his family as I feel my husband always puts them first. They live overseas. He sends money to them every month, talks to them on the phone 4-5 times a week, they come and stay at our house for 3 Months at a time and my husband goes there every year for 3 weeks by himself. I first started having my episodes after his father came to stay with us for 3 months in which time my husband and I had a lot of problems as I felt neglected. I feel complete trapped where I can’t be free to do what I want and wear what I want. I feel like I have to do the right thing so my husband doesn’t get upset and then he’ll ignore me even more. Whenever I talk to him about my problems he tells me it’s always him that is doing something wrong. When I ask him to tell me something about me that upsets him he says he’s very happy with me and the only thing he can say is that he wants me to be Happy whenever he goes to see his family. He says I should be thankful for everything I have and I shouldn’t be moping around. He is very helpful at home and does a lot of housework and he loves our kids. He has a good heart and he is honest. I feel like maybe I’m the one causing the toxicity in our relationship. I love him and it’s so hard to work past these feelings that I have. I hate feeling unhappy all the time that’s the reason I suggested the separation. I want to be able to be happy with my kids and for them to have a normal Mum who isn’t always trying to escape reality. My husband told me I have to stop thinking about me and think about the kids will they be happier with only me or with both parents. I feel like I’m going crazy I don’t know what to do or how to fix myself... I just want to be alone and for this feeling to go away.

Melstar I think my husband is cheating
  • replies: 29

My husband has become very good friends with a neighbor they sit up drinking together the snap chat each other and I’m not even friends with him on snap chat he calls her and messages her he has he is just helping a friend through a hard time but I f... View more

My husband has become very good friends with a neighbor they sit up drinking together the snap chat each other and I’m not even friends with him on snap chat he calls her and messages her he has he is just helping a friend through a hard time but I feel she is priority over me he is now saying he doesn’t know if he wants this (us) and he needs space to figure out what he wants I keep having arguments with him because I want him to stop we have started counseling but I feel he is only doing it for me he says he loves me and that I’m his best friend but again I feel like he is just telling me this we have been together for 23 years and have 3 daughters do I let him go and work out what he wants or do I keep being miserable and just guessing what is happening I feel if we have a break he won’t came back to me I cry all the time I’m very anxious and I’m servilely stressed we don’t have sex a lot as he has issues there or are the issues just our problems that are going on or that he just doesn’t want to be with me

Nearly_Free How do I convince the court that my soon to be ex has NPD and is a danger to my child
  • replies: 7

I am currently going through the courts in a custody battle. My affidavit outlined all of the ways in which he made our lives terrifying and traumatised. The judge asked "did you do these things?" He said no and was awarded the time he asked for. Our... View more

I am currently going through the courts in a custody battle. My affidavit outlined all of the ways in which he made our lives terrifying and traumatised. The judge asked "did you do these things?" He said no and was awarded the time he asked for. Our child is 10. After I left him, she was finally free to talk about how much she had been frightened of him and about the things he said and did that made no sense. Being terrorised by him was our normal. I have only realised what he did to us after I left with my mental health in tatters. How can I make people in the legal system realise that I am not a vengeful, vindictive woman, but a mother who knows now just how much our lives were damaged by this man and how much he can still do if I am not able to prevent him? His driving is terrifying because he thinks he is the only one who can drive despite three car right offs all with our daughter in the car; misjudging, arrogance,refusal to wait, driving while tired. His tirades and tantrums are sources of pride for him and he adores the way people rush to appease him. He is a victim in all areas and that is how he is currently selling his story in the courts. His lack of ability to tell the truth even when faced with proof of his wrong doing is breathtaking. There is no lie he will not tell to avoid taking responsibility for the destruction in his wake. He also knows that the way to destroy me is to hurt our daughter. My lawyer told me that the way the divorce process is going is not normal even in angst filled separations, but really, it is normal for me. Has anyone any ideas, anyway to enlighten, anyway that the blinkers can be removed so that they see him as he truly is? The court appointed psychologist caught a glimpse but also thought it could be a defense mechanism. Why can no-one see that the quickest way to see him clearly is to say no to him?