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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Peppa62 Seeking advice
  • replies: 1

I have found on my partners phone that he has been commenting on other girls pictures but sexual comments and comments putting me down like my girl isn't like that with a sad face. Asking their names ect. I guess the line that was crossed for me when... View more

I have found on my partners phone that he has been commenting on other girls pictures but sexual comments and comments putting me down like my girl isn't like that with a sad face. Asking their names ect. I guess the line that was crossed for me when 1. the comments became sexual and 2. when he involved me in those comments. I'm so hurt and confused. We have been together 10years and never would I have thought he would say something of the things he has said. A few of the comments and so disrespectful not only to me but the women in the pictures. Its like I feel like hes cheated but not physically. 10 years and I feel like I don't know him. Im really really struggling with how to cope with it and I confronted him about it. He has said sorry but I guess if I hadn't seen them then he wouldn't have ever felt sorry or bad about what he was writing. Like I guess they are only sorry once they get caught. I feel like after 10 years im still getting to know who he is and I don't like it. Its so hard because I love him so much. I aware he hasn't physically done anything but I just feel sick that hes not only looking and desiring other women but hes also taking the next step of leaving a comment. I guess im asking how do I cope with this? Are all men like this? Am I over reacting?

Brookai How do I help my depressed mother and self..
  • replies: 5

My mum, little brother & I have faced ongoing homelessness for the past 5 years. We've been unable to hold a private rental property ever since my mum lost her job due to sexual harassment & unfair dismissal. Despite the job loss, she has tried to ma... View more

My mum, little brother & I have faced ongoing homelessness for the past 5 years. We've been unable to hold a private rental property ever since my mum lost her job due to sexual harassment & unfair dismissal. Despite the job loss, she has tried to make it back in the work force, only to not getting paid from one job, workplace discrimination from another etc. All of this occurred approx 2 years ago, ever since the repercussions have been never-ending. After coming out of homelessness for 6 months, 4 months ago we are trying our best to keep rent paid and move onto normal activities such as returning to school/studies, reconnect with friends/family etc.. all of which is a huge hurdle for us. Then she had her car stolen which has barred us from doing the bare minimum. Also the house we've moved into is riddled with mold/water damage, the house is very old and roofs/walls are cracking and about to fall down. The house is suppose to be demolished, but due to desperation we have to live here. We were promised priority housing from the government but haven't received any to help us rehabilitate. My mother has had a scary cough and illness for weeks now and wont get herself to a doctor to find out what's going on, as we have no car and her inability to take public transport, and we're financially isolated. She had her father pass away and her grandma just recently.. All of this plays a huge role on my depression and anxiety aswell. My mother is her own worst enemy, as am I. And it's not a good mix.. If i'm depressed the slightest, she believes its her fault or that I don't like her because of my inability to express whats on my mind, and I sit in my room for hours unable to understand whats wrong with me, like now. We had an argument this morning and she said she's felt tension from me for weeks ever since I went out with a friend one night. I told her shes being ridiculous. And i'm feeling upset that she doesn't speak to me about her feelings unless we argue. I feel she fears me leaving her while we're in this darkness, but I would never. and that's also my problem.. I can't move from my broken family even if I wanted to. I couldn't establish a life for myself if I wanted to. These things I would never tell her.. she doesn't understand it's not her or me, its the problems were facing that bar us from doing what we need to do to function normally. If i didn't care I wouldn't be here, just as the rest of our family left when things got dark. I just need guidance

Rjade Feeling pretty confused
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. I decided to post on this forum because there isn’t really anyone that I can talk to that know me personally and I feel as though speaking to those who don’t know me will help me to get some things off my chest without being ignored. Two... View more

Hi everyone. I decided to post on this forum because there isn’t really anyone that I can talk to that know me personally and I feel as though speaking to those who don’t know me will help me to get some things off my chest without being ignored. Two months ago, I got engaged to a man that I love and can see myself having a future with. I’m only 21 and we’ve only been together for just over a year, but a big part of me wants our relationship to work and that’s why I said yes. However, there have been a few doubts that have been creeping up on me recently and I wanted to know if anyone has advice for me as to how I should deal with this situation. His mother kicked us out nearly a year ago and I truly despise this woman for everything that she has done to us. I haven’t spoken to her since, and vow to keep it this way, but my partner does and acts as if nothing ever happened. As a retaliation, he decides that he wants nothing to do with my family, even though they have always been warm and welcoming to him. I really don’t want to end our relationship but his family don’t like me and that puts a huge amount of stress on me when I realise that our families can never really have a normal family life. I don’t know whether I should end it and just move on, or whether we can reach some sort of compromise. I suffer badly from depression and anxiety and this relationship certainly increases the negative emotions I experience. I’m on medication to treat my mental illnesses, but our situation is very stressful and uncertain and makes me feel a whole lot worse. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Sometimes I feel as though being with someone else would solve all of my problems, but I do still love him and I’m feeling really conflicted. I guess I just need advice on whether or not I should stay put, or if I’m better off moving on with somebody else, or even just taking some time out for me. Thanks heaps.

blinkybill86 Partner secretive about her spending, causing issues
  • replies: 5

Hi all, My partner and I have been together four years and we've had a joint account for three of those years. Early on we travelled quite a bit, had a fantastic time overseas but as a result came back with quite a debt (around 25k combined). We have... View more

Hi all, My partner and I have been together four years and we've had a joint account for three of those years. Early on we travelled quite a bit, had a fantastic time overseas but as a result came back with quite a debt (around 25k combined). We have slowly been paying it down ever since we got back, which takes time as rent takes the majority of our combined income. That said, Afterpay has been a constant thing in our lives - in the early days, I was seeing little $11-13 payments coming out of our joint account, I didn't really question it, didn't know what it was, didn't really care due to the amounts. But it began to grow and get out of control to the point where money we were putting into our debt was getting completely cancelled out because she kept putting things on Afterpay. I called her out on it and asked her nicely to stop because we need to get this debt paid down ASAP so we can buy a house. She stopped for a little while, but it has recently started up again. Only now, she has directed Afterpay payments to her credit card, so she's basically putting credit on credit. I have no access to her Afterpay login, or her credit card login (even though I pay them off with her), so I can't see what is going on or where my money is going. Every time I bring it up it ends up in a terrible argument, or she puts it back on me that I am negative and says things like 'all you ever talk about is money' -- totally not true, it's just her way of saying shut up and forget about it. I have tried asking her for access to her CC and Afterpay accounts, she gives me a quick glimpse of her CC but no login, and won't give me her Afterpay login - she has logins for all my accounts. I have tried mentioning counseling to her, perhaps it would take an outside perspective on the matter. She has a clothes shopping addiction and it is evident by the shed full of boxes stacked to the ceiling full of clothes, all wardrobes in the house full of clothes, and quite often our bedroom floor also covered in clothes and shoes. She doesn't want to go to counseling. I am lost and unsure how to approach it from here. Do I do the hostile thing at this point and pull my income from our joint account and just look after myself? Do I book us into a counselor and just go? I don't know

MaiaRose Relationship, Anxiety, Social Anxiety and Family Issues
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm new here and just created an account. I really wish I found this page before. I am 22 and have never really been in a relationship before, I have been seeing this guy for around two months, last weekend we were having a really nice relaxing t... View more

Hi, I'm new here and just created an account. I really wish I found this page before. I am 22 and have never really been in a relationship before, I have been seeing this guy for around two months, last weekend we were having a really nice relaxing time and then he kissed me in a way that made me really uncomfortable then asked me to be his girlfriend. I regret saying yes and all I feel is dread at the thought of seeing him again and stressed about it all. I live at home still and it isn't the worst situation in the world but my mental health is really affected by being here, I have very little means of independence all of which adds to my anxiety and I feel even more stressed about being in a relationship of any sort. My self-worth is not the best and I cannot see what my psychologist says she is seeing about me and my mental growth. I got slightly sidetracked, sorry. The guy I'm seeing, we don't really talk about the major stuff and I don't feel confident or comfortable enough to talk to him about all this. My question or hope is that someone might be able to help, give advice or strategies to help me understand or work out what to do, as these thoughts keep circulating and it's making my anxiety flare up really badly.

Bluebird_2018 Family drama- it's not just middle child syndrome
  • replies: 4

I am the second child of 3 in my family and due to work purposes I am living 2 hours away from my parents and siblings with my husband. My older sibling left home at a young age, started a family and has been needy of my parents attention ever since ... View more

I am the second child of 3 in my family and due to work purposes I am living 2 hours away from my parents and siblings with my husband. My older sibling left home at a young age, started a family and has been needy of my parents attention ever since (approx 12 years ago). This has only gotten worse in the last few years when the marriage broke down and they have since gotten into a relationship with a person who also has a number of children. My younger sibling is finding their feet but we rarely talk. I have tried on multiple occasions to communicate my frustrations to my parents about spending more time with them and my siblings - it is extremely hard to get them to visit us although we are a relatively short distance away. One sibling has visited us ONCE the whole time we've been married (6 years) and the other has visited us a handful of times. Mum and dad have improved the amount they visit but its maybe once every 2 months. I feel the older sibling uses their children as an excuse every time, and the younger would rather hang out with friends. I understand that yes we are grown up and all are busy with our own lives, but I feel like they don't care. Husband and I used to put a lot of effort into our nieces and nephews for Christmas, birthdays and Easter etc where we'd try and catch up as much as we were able, now we don't get invited to their birthdays anymore. Husband and I want to pull right back now since they don't acknowledge anything (and there's so many of them) I have become increasingly angry/frustrated/hurt the longer this has been going on and am at the point where I want to ignore everything and spend more time with husbands family I have spent hours talking to husband regarding this and he sees how it affects me but honestly I dont know what to do. I could talk to them until I am blue in the face but it won't get through. Thoughts on what I can do?

MadameCholet It's not you, it's me
  • replies: 3

I finally mustered the strength to start dating again & was seeing this guy for about 5 months. We have so much in common, would spend hours talking most nights of the week, couldn't wait to see each other & he said that I was the first person that h... View more

I finally mustered the strength to start dating again & was seeing this guy for about 5 months. We have so much in common, would spend hours talking most nights of the week, couldn't wait to see each other & he said that I was the first person that he'd met who was able to make all the stress in his life melt away; just by being in my presence. He suffers from chronic insomnia due to his stress & depression & claimed that when we spend nights together, were the best sleep he's had in years. Things looked like they were shaping up great! Last Saturday he ends up telling me that he has WAY too much going on in his life between his kids, ex wife, mum & other family issues that he feels like he doesn't have the time to spare to give me the attention & treatment that I deserve. We end up talking about it for ages & he also admits that he doesn't feel worthy of being loved (hasn't his entire life) & doesn't know who he is outside of being a dad; he can't remember who he was before he became a dad either. So in order to protect me, he needs to be alone for a while (don't know how long) so he can figure out his identity & sort out his family issues. I asked why we couldn't work through this together & he said that he doesn't want anyone's help or guidance otherwise "How will I know if that's truly me or just a version of me influenced by someone else?" Apparently he was influenced 2 years ago by a girl he was seeing & he was convinced that that was part of his identity, but a month after we started dating he changed his mind & decided that that part of his life actually wasn't important after all; so now he's questioning everything about himself. He says that he still wants me in his life because he believes he's going to regret losing me, but he still needs to work through this alone. I'm worried about him because he has no support network & doesn't believe in therapy. I don't want to make him feel like I'm ignoring him if I pull back a little, but I also don't want to smother him. All I know is that now we aren't together, I worry about him more since we don't talk as much, we're not allowed to see each other or spend night's together & this has caused my anxiety to go through the roof!

Andthen8 Being accused of having an affair
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner for 19 years the last few months he has been very obsessive he has been going through my phone , demanding that I text him when I finish work and again I need to text when I get home he has been calling me at random times ... View more

I have been with my partner for 19 years the last few months he has been very obsessive he has been going through my phone , demanding that I text him when I finish work and again I need to text when I get home he has been calling me at random times to see what I’m doing when I’m at work - I have not done anything or been with anyone since we have been together I just don’t understand why he accuses me of having a affair and he tells me he is feeling insecure but I’m tired of defending myself for things I have never done.

Ellecat-_- My adult life feels like i have nothing to show for it now.
  • replies: 1

Hi. Im 28. I feel like my adult life has just slipped away. I was with the same guy for the past 8 years and we recently went our separate ways. I didnt feel sad or upset when we came to an end because i had in my head felt like we ended much earlier... View more

Hi. Im 28. I feel like my adult life has just slipped away. I was with the same guy for the past 8 years and we recently went our separate ways. I didnt feel sad or upset when we came to an end because i had in my head felt like we ended much earlier and i didnt really mourn him at all. Since him i meet a guy, i didnt really let him in and pushed him away. He wanted to be something but i pushed and when i was ready he said i had ruined it for him by pushing him away. I have never felt so rejected in my life. This one guy who has only had a small print in my life, barely 6 months and i felt like my whole heart had been pulled out and broken to pieces. He says im killing him and now some how i need to let go but its really hard.. why is this breaking me ? is it a combination of all my pain rolled into one and hes pushing me off the edge? i just dont' feel okay. i dont feel okay. i feel like i could disappear and nobody would notice.

purplepeopleeater dealing with an alcoholic girlfriend and mental health issues
  • replies: 3

hi all its been a long time since i have been here i have been dealing with loads of mental health issues for such a long time that i cant even say when they all started - definitely over 10 years ago, i have long time absolutely horrible insomnia an... View more

hi all its been a long time since i have been here i have been dealing with loads of mental health issues for such a long time that i cant even say when they all started - definitely over 10 years ago, i have long time absolutely horrible insomnia and im lucky if i can get 5 hours sleep each night most of the time its 4 or under, up and down depression that follows my insomnia (when i can get sleep i feel much better about things) as well as a bit of anxiety that is manageable it has been a long road but up until about 3 years ago i was starting to manage things, i was in no way "better" but i had an understanding of myself my needs and what i need to do - i dont know the right words but im sure theres a few people out there that know what i mean. 3 years ago i met my girlfriend and she was fairly upfront that she drank a lot and as someone who likes the occasional drink (not too much though to keep the insomnia under control) i thought "cant be too bad" but i was wrong my girlfriend is an alcoholic - she drinks 4x5ltr casks of wine in around a week or less and she just drives me totally bonkers, we argue and fight almost non stop when she is drunk which i can honestly handle as i know its the alcohol because we get along so well before she starts to drink again in the afternoon what i am struggling with however is that she also keeps me up until crazy hours (4am+) which is destroying me as i cant just sleep in like she does - one time i kept her up after her antics going until 4am (i know it was the wrong thing to do but i was pretty angry at the time) when she tried to sleep and she went mental at me and blamed me for everything and told me its my own fault i cant sleep (i could get into more detail but i dont think its needed) she is also has medical issues and is on medication (trying to be vague as possible to be as anon as possible) as well as takes drugs and smokes a lot - she easily gets addicted she doesnt want help she doesnt want to even try i am a very patient and understanding person after going through what i have been through but even i am losing my patience, i have no money left credit cards are maxed my overdraft is maxed and i recently lost my job because the company i worked for went broke and as a cherry on top a close cousin recently died from alcohol i know the advice will most likely be to leave, but i cant do it i dont want to give up on her like many have given up on me how can you help someone who doesnt want help?