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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bushboy2016 Struggling after affair.
  • replies: 11

Hi. I'm a divorced father after my own doing. I was married for 10 years with 2 children and had an affair with a work colleague almost 6 years ago. I couldn't handle the guilt and told my wife about the affair at the time. initially she wanted to tr... View more

Hi. I'm a divorced father after my own doing. I was married for 10 years with 2 children and had an affair with a work colleague almost 6 years ago. I couldn't handle the guilt and told my wife about the affair at the time. initially she wanted to try and work it out which we tried but things didn't work out. I ended up leaving the relationship and am now married to the lady from the affair. Since then we have had 2 children. About 18 months ago I discovered that my current wife was having an affair. She wasn't happy with how the relationship was going and sort another man. At the time we'd only be married for about 14 months but had a 2 year old child. For many years I have been struggling with clinical depression and aniexty. And had been going through a really bad down time leading up to he affair. I acknowledged this and promised to try harder in controlling my depression and being more open about it. I asked her to stay and promised to work on the relationship. Since then for the last 18 months I have struggled nearly everyday to come to terms with the affair. Both with trust issues and regrets. I suppose it could be said it's just karma coming back to bite me after I left the previous marriage in the same circumstances. However one of the reasons I left was that I knew the trust issues would be hard to over come and they were for my ex wife , just like they are now for me. I struggled with the speratiom from the kids with my separation and admit a huge reason I begged my current wife to stay was because of the kids. I suppose what I'm asking is has anyone been through a similar situation and how long am I going to feel this void from the affair. I know it's double standards since I had an affair and basically treated my ex wife the same way I've been treated now. I don't know if I should just leave and start again. I can't help how my depression and medication makes me feel sometimes.

Fleur1992 how do we know when we are being emotionally abused?
  • replies: 14

Hello everyone, I would like to know how do when we are being emotionally abused when we suffer from depression. Because depression makes you overly sensitive to criticism and causes frustration for our family. When I described my situation to three ... View more

Hello everyone, I would like to know how do when we are being emotionally abused when we suffer from depression. Because depression makes you overly sensitive to criticism and causes frustration for our family. When I described my situation to three different psychologists, all said I was being emotionally abused. These incidences were; my partner went and received a a sexual service when we were in an online relationship, before we met in person, and claimed he's done nothing wrong because he didn't consider us in a relationship at that time; several occasions he has blocked my number and ignored me for 3 days at a time when he got angry at me- he claims everyone gets angry in relationships and why does it hurt just not speaking for a few days? and lastly, he said I'm lazy and not meeting up to his expectations because I'm currently off sick from work. I don't know how to differentiate what is acceptable and what isn't because of my state of mind. He said the idea he is being abusive is absurd because he never shouts or hits me. He thinks emotional abuse is a fake construct. Thoughts?

homerj Trust? Relearning what that word means.
  • replies: 3

Hey, I’ve be learning a lot of new things lately and this online communication thing is another. So I’ll start by saying that I’ve been my own worst enemy throughout my adult life. Being a constant abuser of alcohol for the past 15 years has seen my ... View more

Hey, I’ve be learning a lot of new things lately and this online communication thing is another. So I’ll start by saying that I’ve been my own worst enemy throughout my adult life. Being a constant abuser of alcohol for the past 15 years has seen my life spiral all the way down to rock bottom, that was 5 months ago. Alcohol almost ended my life and my marriage. Since then I’ve managed to curb my drinking so much so that I haven’t had a drop for 3.5 weeks. My wife and I have been seeing a marriage counselor, which my wife arranged, for 3 months and things were getting better, until... 4 weeks ago I found out my wife had slept with another man 3 weeks prior to me finding out. I was gutted. She was talking with other men online, hence why she wanted marriage counseling. I wasn’t giving her what she needed, attention, because I was so engulfed in my alcoholism. So now I’m working on staying sober and keeping my marriage alive. She has been fantastic, honestly doing anything she can to help me through both situations. But I just can’t seem to trust her at all anymore and I find myself obsessing over her whereabouts constantly. I really want to be able to get enough trust back so we can move on with our life together. Any advice would be awesome, thanks for reading.

Earthangel1111 My fiancé never touches me...
  • replies: 1

I am having a difficult time understanding why my fiancé never wants to have sex with me. He calls me gorgeous and even told a guy today that when he had his accident that the only two things he cared about was if he could still drive and if he could... View more

I am having a difficult time understanding why my fiancé never wants to have sex with me. He calls me gorgeous and even told a guy today that when he had his accident that the only two things he cared about was if he could still drive and if he could have sex. He’s an incomplete quad and is a very head strong guy who wasn’t familiar with an “emotional” woman. He knows what my needs are, I know what his are and I do so so much for him and I’m lucky if I get a passionate kiss or sex once a month. When I moved here from america and we got engaged I learned he had lied to me about relationships with other women before I got here. I let it slide figuring since he was lonely and unsure I’d follow through on my promise to come here that he was just lonely and wanted some female attention. Yet here I am and he can have me every day if he wanted to and yet nothing...I don’t know if I lose too much weight and he likes bbw women? He use to do so much with the gal he was seeing before me and I just feel like shit on the bottom of his shoe and I don’t understand. I almost left once back in June but he told me he and our dogs would be “screwed” without me and that if I left he’d hurt himself. Although he says ppl who do that are weak... I feel like an idiot. I feel so alone and scared and I have nobody to talk to he is emotionally inept. He treats me well and is an ass to everyone else. I can’t help but wonder if I’m being used. Please help me. The feelings of rejection and being so far from home and his words have me at a loss.

IHaveNoIdeaWhatsGoingOnEv Why Are My Family in Denial About My Experiences?
  • replies: 1

When I was in my teens, my mental health was considerably more destructive than it is now. My depression was overwhelming, I attempted suicide, formed a drug addiction and developed schizophreniform disorder. Ended up eventually dropping out of schoo... View more

When I was in my teens, my mental health was considerably more destructive than it is now. My depression was overwhelming, I attempted suicide, formed a drug addiction and developed schizophreniform disorder. Ended up eventually dropping out of school (glad I did). I still have depression but it's nowhere near as bad as it was (no suicidal ideation, can function, more mindful etc), I've been completely sober for almost 4 1/2 years and, after extensive mindfulness practice, my schizophrenic experience subsided after around 5-6 months. I don't talk about it all very much because the past is the past and I'm a lot more concerned with the practice of living in the moment, but I still know it was one of the biggest battles of my life; yet for some reason, my mother and sister always deny it. My mother even flat-out lies to extended family members when things about the past are referenced in relation to me. She even convinced me, when I was younger and in a fragile state, to lie to my extended family and friends about school because I would've been “harshly judged” and it would've “emotionally burdened” my grandparents. I understand they’re in denial about my experiences, but why? Whenever, on odd occasion, I’ve had to re-explain certain things to either of them, it’s like talking to a brick wall. And trust me, it’s not a comprehension issue. Note: they complain about things all the time, whereas I almost never complain about anything around them because I’m scared of sounding like them, and I’ve had fibromyalgia for years. I’m even feeling extremely insecure right now about sounding like I’m complaining here, I just have no one else to say this to. If I say a single thing to them I’m either treated as a hypochondriac by my mother or I'm only half-paid attention to by my sister. I personally don’t think people should define themselves by their experiences and am very careful not to romanticise things, but these past experiences are still very important to me in retrospect, having played a big part in the development of my understanding of things both emotionally and philosophically. So I find this behaviour from my mother and sister to be very confusing and, if I’m being honest, a little hurtful and invalidating; especially since it’s coming from my family. The amount of courage it took for me to admit certain things to them in the past and they don’t even regard it sincerely. I’m not asking for a trophy, I’m just confused. Why do you think they do this?

Nil How to look after a depressed person after an affair?
  • replies: 3

hi all, I'm nil and I'm new here. I desperately need some advice... My family is overseas. I have just found out that my dad had an affair while my mom was away on a 2 months trip (to visit me in Austraila). He has been talking and chatting to my aun... View more

hi all, I'm nil and I'm new here. I desperately need some advice... My family is overseas. I have just found out that my dad had an affair while my mom was away on a 2 months trip (to visit me in Austraila). He has been talking and chatting to my aunt ( my mom's twin sister!). we reckon this has been going on only for 2 weeks or so and after my sisters found it out by checking their mobile phones they talked to the aunt and asked her to end it and never let my mom know about it. they asked her to end it without letting him know that my sisters are aware. and she did that and stops using social media and texting him from the day after (June). my mom went back home and apparently, dad was being very nice to her for a month and being very supportive and my sisters could feel him being regretful and ashamed at that stage. ( before this they have always been nice and friendly). last month, aunti suddenly told everybody that she is getting married and since that day dads mood changed. He is very depressed, he even cried the day after and he is not nice to mom anymore, doesn't talk much, doesn't care about anyone, having earphones all the time and being rude. its been 2,3 weeks that they don't sleep in the same bedroom and they hardly talk together and mom confused and sad. On the other hand, mom complains that Aunti has suddenly stopped coming over, she doesn't talk to me like before and I feel like something has happened and she is annoyed of something but it's not me. she is thinking too much about the changes and wonders why her sister is so depressed ( aunt is her twin sister, 50 years old, widow, has 3 children and the youngest is 20. she used to be very talkative and happy and now seems to very very quiet). I and my sisters don't want her to find out what had happened and why are they changed but we don't know if she has noticed because she loves dad and this could kill her. Dad very much looks like he is deeply depressed and we are afraid he might commit a suicide but we can not talk to him about that and we don't want him to know that we knew about this. We don't know how to make him feel better and come back to routine life. we hate and love him at the same time... but all we think about it not letting mom know anything and also look after dad. we have time to be angry at him later. What do you think we should do? how can we help? aunts wedding is soon, maybe is 2,3 weeks and we are so worried if he does something ...

Ruby2018 Ill health = depression and want relationship to break down
  • replies: 6

Hello, I’ve just joined. From the quick browse, I imagine I will receive heartfelt and considered replies. That alone worries me as I have zero, nothing, nada in the tank to help others. I’m at rock bottom. Have a serious illness and have given up wo... View more

Hello, I’ve just joined. From the quick browse, I imagine I will receive heartfelt and considered replies. That alone worries me as I have zero, nothing, nada in the tank to help others. I’m at rock bottom. Have a serious illness and have given up work for the time being. Pain, I’ll health - it’s all too much, my disease is incurable. In a de facto relationship, approx five years. Want to end it. He is financially draining me. I’ve given too much and can’t and don’t want to anymore. He told me yesterday when I said I wanted to end it, he would get legal advice so he knew his rights. He came to me with nothing. Lives in my home. Has paid zero towards mortgage, rates and insurance. Occasionally bill money drifts by and occasionally food. I know by now you all think I’m stupid. I’ve been googling de facto rights and I’m terrified he can take some of my assets. I havebeen a fool. I know that. I just want him to go and leave me alone. I’m on fairly heavy medication for my disease and for pain relief. May or may not get back to work. I don’t know. I’m 50 and can not afford a free boarder!

sop My Children are addicted to IPad /iPhone
  • replies: 8

Hi, i just wonder if anyone has the frustration with their kids using iPad/ iPhone etc. I have two young children (aged 6 and 9), it appears nothing wrong with them, school doing perfectly and excellent behaviours. However I am annoyed with them addi... View more

Hi, i just wonder if anyone has the frustration with their kids using iPad/ iPhone etc. I have two young children (aged 6 and 9), it appears nothing wrong with them, school doing perfectly and excellent behaviours. However I am annoyed with them addicting to iPad from time to time. It seems that every single minute when they are free, they can’t sit still but take the ipad and start watching YouTube, computer game, movies etc. everything I see, I stop them but it’s very annoying for me to do this. They hate me of course. I tried to hide the iPad somewhere but it won’t work. They will try to find them out anyway and play again. My key concern is that iPad affects their eyes (vision problems) so the vicious cycle goes on and on etc. I am seeking some advice / recommendations if anyone hasan idea how to control their children when it comes to iPhone iPad etc!? thank you.

AussieMum2000 Feeling lost and confused.
  • replies: 6

Hi there, Im a 39 yr old mother of two teenage girls. After almost 20 years together and 14 years married, my husband and I have recently separated. This was my decision due to me being gay. Anyhow, I do/did have a girlfriend. I’m honestly not sure e... View more

Hi there, Im a 39 yr old mother of two teenage girls. After almost 20 years together and 14 years married, my husband and I have recently separated. This was my decision due to me being gay. Anyhow, I do/did have a girlfriend. I’m honestly not sure exactly if I still have a girlfriend or not. I’m so confused. My girlfriend of 5.5 months was admitted to hospital recently due to her severe depression. Before she was admitted she told me she was done with our relationship. I’m not sure if that was her depression talking or she really wanted to end our relationship. We had a very close bond and spent a lot of time together over the past few months. I told her I loved her in August this year and on the same weekend, she told me she loved me too. Since she has been admitted, i’ve messaged her everyday and she has only messaged me once during this time. She still reads every message I send her, she just doesn’t reply. I believe she still loves me, but I’m struggling with her lack of communication and I’m feeling lost and confused.

Lost27 Bad relationship, feel alone
  • replies: 2

Hello, I just got out of a long relationship because it was getting bad and I wasn't treated very well and he blamed everything that happened all on me. Even tho everything he said and treated me really bad I want to be with him and love him but I wa... View more

Hello, I just got out of a long relationship because it was getting bad and I wasn't treated very well and he blamed everything that happened all on me. Even tho everything he said and treated me really bad I want to be with him and love him but I want it to stop. I know I shouldn't want to be with him and I want my feeling for him to stop. I put up with so much over the years of emotional abuse but I still want to be with him. How can I make it stop.