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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Burdy Finding freedom from NPD parent
  • replies: 4

Hello here goes.. I'm a 45 yr old woman who has struggled the majority of my life with a NPD mother. I really do not know where to begin to try and explain the last 45 years with her. She parentally alienated my biological father when I was 12, remar... View more

Hello here goes.. I'm a 45 yr old woman who has struggled the majority of my life with a NPD mother. I really do not know where to begin to try and explain the last 45 years with her. She parentally alienated my biological father when I was 12, remarried and then alienated my step sister, she had my brother convinced I was at fault on so many occasions and at one point she convinced him to uninvite me to his wedding as it made HER uncomfortable if I was to be there, she with held my son from me when my husband and separated and then offered him money to go me for custody. She flirted with all my boyfriends and said to one that if we ever broke up she knew it would be my fault. She constantly put me down or laughed at my dreams and achievements in front of company. This is just a small sample and I could go on and on... I have spent years questioning my own sanity, questioning if I am a narcissist and struggling with things I see in myself that take after her as I have always been told I'm so much like her. We have had limited contact over the last few years but after a horrible family lunch on Saturday I really can not continue to do this, it makes me so anxious on the lead up to seeing her then leaves me so angry by the end as she spends the whole time just being nasty to and about everyone. When I pull her up for being nasty I then get a call later from my step father with the guilt trip of hurting the mothers feelings and everything they have ever done for me blah blah blah. I know I should permanently cease all contact. Problem is I still feel guilty to a point, I'm still afraid of hurting her feelings, I'm still dominated by her, I'm still afraid of her I guess. And I worry about my step dad, he is another victim and the only real parent figure I have had. I feel stuck.

Stephyy Depression, how can my husband walk out on our marriage like that?
  • replies: 1

About 4 months ago now my husband went into a deep depression and told me he was unhappy in our marriage. It was like a switch went off that day and he became a different person. He stopped touching me, kissing me, became so cold and distant. I held ... View more

About 4 months ago now my husband went into a deep depression and told me he was unhappy in our marriage. It was like a switch went off that day and he became a different person. He stopped touching me, kissing me, became so cold and distant. I held on as long as I could but he wanted out and I couldn’t change his mind. I know it’s the depression and he will come out of this and realise he’s made a huge mistake. This isn’t the first time this has happened but I honestly thought the last time would be the last time. I can’t believe someone can walk out of a marriage after 10 years, how someone could hurt me like this. I keep messaging him, hoping he will see this is all as a huge mistake, but then I think, what if we did get back together, again, would this always be my life?? This guy who promised to be my forever and always, constantly switching off on me? Surely I deserve better? I know he’s going through something massive but he doesn’t want me there as support, he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Do I just give up?

Maccas1 Confused and depressed
  • replies: 2

Hi guys first time poster. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life. A year ago I seeked help and was put on anti-depression medication. Over the past 6 months my depression has been worsening. To the point where my wife has told me to p... View more

Hi guys first time poster. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life. A year ago I seeked help and was put on anti-depression medication. Over the past 6 months my depression has been worsening. To the point where my wife has told me to pull my head in or her and my kids are leaving. which has left me confused so I have seeked help again and talking with a physiologist once a week. Which she said it sounds like I’m soul searching. Now I’m confused even more. I think I’m ready to lose them and focus on myself is that selfish. I just want to feel happy again. I have taken some positive steps and joined a gym as I really loved that pre children. And am starting to care about my appearance again please be honest if you think I’m making a mistake of giving it all up cheers

katbar Insecure partner
  • replies: 4

Hi First time to post here on the forum for me. I am a 43 years old married for nearly 20 years with 3 teenage children. My partner has been displaying insecurities within our relationship for a few years now and I am at a loss as what to do. For exa... View more

Hi First time to post here on the forum for me. I am a 43 years old married for nearly 20 years with 3 teenage children. My partner has been displaying insecurities within our relationship for a few years now and I am at a loss as what to do. For example today I purchased a new outfit to wear out to a work dinner to which he is not attending. He asked me why I am getting "dressed up" and who was I trying to impress. He also wants to know why I am buying new clothes when I am not going out with him. I have been off work for a few weeks after surgery and the only reasons I bought new clothes was because I wanted to feel nice when I went out. No other reason. There are other examples of his insecurities and it is becoming very frustrating to deal with.

Reaching_out Where did I go wrong
  • replies: 4

Where do I start? Have two kids under 5 with my wife. Been married for 7. Wife is suffering from PTSD and also lost someone really really close to her a few years back. She has high anxiety too. She’s been to drs for meds but doesn’t want to take the... View more

Where do I start? Have two kids under 5 with my wife. Been married for 7. Wife is suffering from PTSD and also lost someone really really close to her a few years back. She has high anxiety too. She’s been to drs for meds but doesn’t want to take them. She doesn’t currently work and our youngest has special needs I thought that I was doing my best at trying to support my wife in everything - with the kids, with work, with her life in general however my wife has so much resentment towards me, and everything thing I do makes her angry. I’ve stopped all my hobbies and contact with friends (and I don’t mind doing this as I want things to get better). when I say something or try and compliment her in some way, she takes it totally opposite of what I meant and takes it as an insult. When I try and be reasonable and find out what the issue is, she cracks it that I have to be right all the time. I don’t care about right or wrong I just want to know the issue and how to resolve it. There are many occasions where I am confused as to why something is an issue. I work 5 days during week and our kids are up early in the morning so I get them ready and feed them hoping that my wife gets some rest before I head off. When I literally come home I put them to bed and we hardly have time to ourselves as she is exhausted from the kids (understandable). She he told me she doesn’t want to be with me by wants to stay peaceful for the kids. My kids are the world and I want them to grow up in a loving family. I want my kids but I want my wife too. I don’t even know where to start or who to turn to, as I am worried for my wife’s mental health, but if I show her my concerns she will get insulted that I think she has some issues to sort out. I thought I was doing everything I needed to be doing, but obviously not.

Waste_of_Time I need.... Something
  • replies: 5

I dont no how to do this or what to say, I need help but dont no where to go or start so I came here and I guess I will start from the beginningish Im in my mid 20s. My parents broke up when I was young. My parents are both addicted to different ille... View more

I dont no how to do this or what to say, I need help but dont no where to go or start so I came here and I guess I will start from the beginningish Im in my mid 20s. My parents broke up when I was young. My parents are both addicted to different illegal drugs At age 10 I found a person who I treated and called my foster mum. I was very close with her while I was younger At 14 I got into a relationship with someone who was very abusive and violent, this lasted a little over ten years. During this time I pushed away all of my friends because I didnt want them to worry about me and the only friend I have left I re-met after leaving the abusive relationship When I was 18 my foster mum had a stroke which killed her. The night before she died wed had an argument about my abusive partner and that argument still plays through my mind My birth family dont care about me, every time Ive asked them for anything theyve told me no even when I just needed someone to talk to. The only person who cared about me is dead and died thinking that I hated her I dont no what to do my old friends all hate me because of my ex, I have anxieties out the rear end as well as depression among other things and I have no one. I thought I could get by without my abusive partner but things have gotten worse since I left, Id rather be physically and mentally abused than feel like this the loneliness is unbearable but I dont want to go back either because it took so much to get away My friend doesnt understand and seems to only care for herself I have no one to talk to Im sick of crying sick of being alone sick of hearing that disappointed voice in my head on loop I dont no what I need, I just no I need help and my GP doesn't seem to care. Thankyou for reading this and thankyou for any help

Dibs so many thoughts
  • replies: 5

the beginning is to far back so I am 62 single female, always been independent & planned my financial security after divorce at age of 30, never remarried & that has always surprised me I loved being married, I belonged, maybe my distrust showed and ... View more

the beginning is to far back so I am 62 single female, always been independent & planned my financial security after divorce at age of 30, never remarried & that has always surprised me I loved being married, I belonged, maybe my distrust showed and I was not aware, never had children as did not want to have them outside a family unit. I never thought I was good enough after the divorce so always found partners who needed support & to be cared for, only to have them run free once they were strong again to face the world both financially &emotionally, so I stopped doing that as it was not good for me I finally realised. Then at 48 breast cancer hit only 6 months after my big sister died from the same disease , she lasted 6 years so I panicked & though I needed to be near my only living relative my brother so sold my little cottage on coast NSW and moved to country QLD , purchased a fixer upper and got done well & truly by the builder financially, I should have stayed in NSW as friends supported me through the breast cancer, my brother did not care where I lived then I realised that I was the same issue to him as I was when I was 15 when our mum died - I was to young to be left alone and to old to be taken in . After 12 years in hot isolated QLD town I sold for a loss , I move back to a coastal NSW town bought a cheap unit and though I would have no problems finding work as I have always worked but over 60 nobody wants you. So 9 months and 95 job applications later using all my savings to support myself I obtain a 6 mth temp job which ends in January, so I have to sell now because I wont have a wage, but now I doubt myself, my capabilities, my worth, my value my decisions ,I have no self confidence, I dont feel I fit anywhere I feel like I have to make excuses for myself - but I dont know who me is, the only common denominator in my life has been me so it must be my fault, I have always lived alone but never felt lonely ,but this past 5 years & especially now I am lonely and scared as I am losing all I worked for bit by bit and cant seem to stop it - I dont want to be 63 & financially insecure and of not value anyone. the thing that saddens me is I could get in the car & drive and I would not be missed only by work & no one would know where to start looking . I have withdrawn more and more as I felt I did not have a place or purpose so I guess this situation is my own doing so I shouldnt complain- sorry for the ramble

kittykibble My mum’s Schizophrenia has triggered my anxiety
  • replies: 1

I’m 27 and mum has had schizophrenia since before I was born. She has been financially looked after and had her behaviour enabled by her mother her entire life, until now. Her untreated behaviour has alienated everyone in her family, but me (includin... View more

I’m 27 and mum has had schizophrenia since before I was born. She has been financially looked after and had her behaviour enabled by her mother her entire life, until now. Her untreated behaviour has alienated everyone in her family, but me (including me at times, but she’s my mum), her only child. It has been a really rough year for both of us. It started in January when we both went to my grandads funeral. My mum was my nanas carerer and my nana and grandad were separated for more than 20 years, but she wanted to go to the funeral, so we all flew there. Nana decided to stay with other family in what was now her house (even though they were separated, the never divorced). Mum was now alone. She flew back and forth to get nana to move back, partly so she could keep her Carers payment from the government, but she refused, then a family member told Centrelink that nana was no longer living with her, so she lost her income. This is the moment I got her to see a psychiatrist for the first time. Unfortunately the psychiatrist couldn’t pay his rent and closed his practice, so she’s no longer able to see him. She can’t afford to pay for a psychiatrist so she has to wait on a list to see a bulk billing one in February. She’s not doing well, she has little money, the family is having to pay for her rent, because she can’t get work due to her mental state; she wants to move in with her mum, but the family won’t let her, she is very lonely. 10 years ago I had very bad anxiety, that I overcame, this whole year has completely triggered it again, I just don’t know what to do, I feel backed into a corner, wishing someone would reach out and save me from drowning in problems. Her expenses are so high and her medication isn’t really working, no one will see her and I’m the only person she can lean on. Her delusions are usually about God and being one of his elect, usually it’s she doesn’t have to take action to fix a problem because God told her the world is ending soon so there’s no point. Due to this problems, especially financial ones, get out of control. I’m still trying to figure out how to balance my own life while dealing with a mum who has schizophrenia. Does anyone have any advice for coping?

Rex_R A not so nuclear family
  • replies: 3

I've a bit of a tale to relate that's long, painful and maybe even a little cliche. About three years ago my partner of five years, with whom I have a child, and I separated after a long stretch of what I can only describe as comfortable misery. Our ... View more

I've a bit of a tale to relate that's long, painful and maybe even a little cliche. About three years ago my partner of five years, with whom I have a child, and I separated after a long stretch of what I can only describe as comfortable misery. Our relationship before that period was a happy one, although unhealthy in other aspects (I was cheated on twice). She was a self-destructive and often careless individual, whereas I was patient, angry yet ultimately forgiving in nature. We had a child, and things stabilised for us for a time, but over that year we began to drift apart and were both too stubborn, foolish or ignorant to address it and work through it. It ended and we went our separate ways, yet remarkably managed to maintain (and do to this very day) a healthy and active parental relationship for the good of our child. Over the last three years I've had lovers (as I'm sure she has, as is her right) but I've pushed away anyone who has tried getting close to me, feeling more as though I was simply trying to fill a massive void within myself with whoever. The big problem here is that I've never truly fallen out of love with my ex. I have never, and fear that I WILL never, love anyone as intensely as I did (do? Did? I dunno) her. The frustrating thing is that after having a discussion with her about two years ago, it became apparent that we'd both had thoughts of getting back together, but the issue was that we'd had these thoughts at different times and the notions never quite met in the middle. Bummer! Admittedly I've had a tendency in the past to try and get things moving again, but to no avail. Earlier this year I was told that it would be great to be together again, but she simply wasn't physically attracted to me anymore, so it wouldn't work. That's fair enough. (still, though. Ouch!). The next complication is that over a year ago I started actually dating someone and we're still together. She has plenty of her own problems that complicate the relationship,too, but that's another story altogether. The thing is I find it hard to commit myself fully to a relationship, especially this one, while my greatest love exists on the fringes. The MOST difficult part occurred recently when my ex made her new relationship known. It froze my heart and twisted my Rotten guts, to paint a vivid picture. Realising today that she's never likely to reach out to me again as she has in the past is killing me. What little hope I once held is gone. This is rough!

T40 Dealing with Teenagers
  • replies: 5

I have 2 teenage kids age 20 and 18 years. Since its holiday for them they are at home everyday (one works casual job) and just on social media, digital entertainment all day. Occasionally they go out with friends, the trouble is they are in bed unti... View more

I have 2 teenage kids age 20 and 18 years. Since its holiday for them they are at home everyday (one works casual job) and just on social media, digital entertainment all day. Occasionally they go out with friends, the trouble is they are in bed until 10 am every day, eating when ever they feel like and don't want to do any house chores and lots of reminders which is frustrating and causing lot of headache for me. They tell me they should be left alone - the way they want to live their life which I don't agree with. This is resulting in lots of arguments. I would like to hear your thoughts - I am wrong here? Am I being a helicopter parent? or do I just have to learn to ignore their habits and way of living?