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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Tash93 Getting over an Epic Love - What a joke
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I am not usually the type to seek comfort or support online however, since i have been trying to find different coping mechanisms, this is something i wanted to try. Unfortunately, i have had 3 things happen to me in the last month which... View more

Hi Everyone, I am not usually the type to seek comfort or support online however, since i have been trying to find different coping mechanisms, this is something i wanted to try. Unfortunately, i have had 3 things happen to me in the last month which have caused me to spiral. Depression & Anxiety seem to be what i have gained out of the experience, according to professionals. 1. Relationship Breakdown (Main love) Was in a relationship from a very young age (19). Was with my first love for 5 years, broken up for 2, but still in contact. During the 2 year break, we were seeing and speaking to eachother (rookie move) and we even tried again last year in June to be in a relationship. It lasted a whole 3 months before he kicked me aside again. The relationship broke down because we were young, the trust was tested and he played the victim card. What i mean is, he always said i was in the wrong FOR EVERYTHING. If it rained, it was my fault. And i still loved him. Anyways, when i was overseas in November, he was sending me messages saying "Why can't i love again", "i miss you" etc. Sending me love songs. Flash to a month later, i'm back in Australia and he is in a relationship. With someone else! Who is the complete opposite to me! I'm shattered. He keeps saying "Do you want me to be alone forever!" "You did this" "Your fault" "Don't you think sometimes i ask myself what im doing". Classic. I always thought we would find our way to eachother. Make it through. I saw him as my soul mate, but i guess i wasn't his. Now i'm suffering everyday, thinking about him and this new girl. The hardest part of losing love, is seeing them with someone else. That is true pain. Along with that, when i was overseas i had a family health issue. My grandmother had a heart attack and i was the one who found her. I had to hold her head forward while she vomited all over herself. I had to lose a part of my childhood, seeing her suffer. And i have nightmares everyday. It triggered this depression. Because all i can think about is the sadness i feel for her, myself and everything that happened to me last month. Usually, my character is strong and i always manage to get myself through the hard times. In fact, everyone relies on me to give them advice, help them out...but lately i cannot seem to get myself out of this place. I feel sad, angry, depressed, hopeless, confused, torn, stuck. STUCK. I feel all of those things and i can't seem to find joy in anything. Help

Carolyn_Rae Is he controlling or am I just sensitive?
  • replies: 38

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. I used to be scared of him - as in he was quite critical of how I would go about doing certain things for eg how to make dinner. We purchased a second-hand boat and I don't have much experienc... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. I used to be scared of him - as in he was quite critical of how I would go about doing certain things for eg how to make dinner. We purchased a second-hand boat and I don't have much experience with boats. Each time we have taken it out I have found him to be bossy, critical (not having much patience when teaching me the ropes) and if I do something 'wrong' he belittles me by saying things such as, 'As per usual, your doing things half-assed'. I'm dreading the day we get our motor boat back from getting fixed, as I don't want to go out in it as each time we've gone out, I've felt so stupid, small and dumb. The boat has been away for fixing for 3 weeks now, during which time I've resumed training for a 10k fun run and doing yoga. Doing these things has given boosted my self-acceptance and self-esteem....so much so that whenever my boyfriend talks down, gets bossy or insulting towards me, instead of cowering and saying 'I'm sorry', I've gone the other way and have gotten reactionary. My behaviour is now '....and that's another thing I've done wrong' or getting defensive and angry. My question is, is his behaviour deemed as emotional abuse? Also, how can I find a middle ground for myself - by not allowing his behaviour to dictate how I respond?

Simfa Husband is controlling and moody
  • replies: 9

First time poster. My husband can be incredibly moody. I often feel like he treats me disrespectfully, he doesn't listen to what I have to say as he always thinks his opinions/ideas/concerns are far more valid than mine. He gets really angry really q... View more

First time poster. My husband can be incredibly moody. I often feel like he treats me disrespectfully, he doesn't listen to what I have to say as he always thinks his opinions/ideas/concerns are far more valid than mine. He gets really angry really quickly and talks down to me, swears at me, points his finger at me and basically just shrugs off anything I am trying to tell him that I am feeling. He takes exception if I try to tell him what is making me feel the way I do and takes EVERYTHING as a personal attack. Then he shuts off from the entire 'conversation' and gives me the silent treatment for however long it takes him to calm down. He NEVER apologises. I feel that he is a really high conflict person. If we disagree about something to do with the kids (discipline, schooling etc) then he takes it upon himself to email the school without consulting me first or disciplines the kids the way he wants to without discussing it with me (we have very different ideas about discipline). He always wants to be in control, in charge, the boss. I dont fee that he ever takes my thoughts or feelings into consideration. He just pushes to do what he wants. Of late I have noticed that I feel anxious most of the time...I feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him so we dont have another argument about something. I dont want my children to grow up in a broken family. I want to try and manage this, I just dont know what to do. There is NO WAY he will attend any type of counselling because he wont admit to having a problem. I always feel that his wants are most important to him and what I think or want is 'stupid' or doesnt matter. I dont want his irrational mood swings to affect the kids - they are THE MOST important things in this world to me. Can anyone help me manage this?

tevr111 I'm worried about my boyfriends sexual fetish
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend of a year and a half has a sexual fetish. Hearing stories of people who have sexual fetishes don't really affect me, each to their own. But around 7 months ago my boyfriend opened up to me that he had a fat fetish. This concerned me at t... View more

My boyfriend of a year and a half has a sexual fetish. Hearing stories of people who have sexual fetishes don't really affect me, each to their own. But around 7 months ago my boyfriend opened up to me that he had a fat fetish. This concerned me at the time because I was not fat. However, he proclaimed his love for me and for my body then and it wasn't really touched upon much until recent months. Whenever I put on weight he says he's really proud of me and such. He constantly brings it up when we are getting intimate and grabs my stomach and sides and says how hot it is. He even dirty talks by saying stuff like "Are you gonna get fat for me?" I'm now at a point where I'm starting to get uncomfortable when he says it. I don't mind the way I look in certain areas, I actually believe it looks nice. Some areas I'm embarrassed of but my bf always says it looks good and sexy. I've sat down with him and talked to him about how I don't want to be outside my healthy range and he says that's totally fine but then brings up how I would look good with a few more kgs on me. It sends me mixed signals. He gets upset and says stuff like "Well you don't want to lose weight do you?" and that I should put more effort in. If I can't finish a meal he gives me a nudge and says "C'mon you can" even though I could be feeling absolutely full to the brim and if I eat any more I'll be sick. Now whenevr I look in the mirror I see a skeleton. Whenever I don't eat for a few hours I swear it feels like I've lost kgs. I don't want to leave my bf but at the same time I'm so worried I'm never going to be good enough for him.

AspyGirl Hubby doesn’t seem to understand my wants
  • replies: 1

Hi, my name is Mel. I have been with my hubby now for about 16 years and been married just over two. He was awesome, up until recently. We both had stable jobs, building a house but we weren’t happy. I was travelling nearly two hours each way for wor... View more

Hi, my name is Mel. I have been with my hubby now for about 16 years and been married just over two. He was awesome, up until recently. We both had stable jobs, building a house but we weren’t happy. I was travelling nearly two hours each way for work I didn’t have a life, see my son or my hubby. Hubby also works in pubs so we could go weeks and never see each other. Then I got offered a job in Townsville. We decided, as a family, that I should take it and we relocated. Love Townsville. But he took 6 months to get a job and we are now massively in debt - to the point where we’re are now selling our house to save ourselves - and the job he has is only casual. Several times over now, he has been overlooked for a permanent position at his work and he just won’t fight for one. He’s been there over 12 months, with fairly regular shifts, so is entitled to request permanency under a Fair Work ruling. He just refuses to do it. The job I moved for is just awful. The people good but the way it is run is just barbaric. I don’t want to be there anymore. But given that we have a 9 year old and financial issues, I am trying to make myself as indispensable in the job as possible and gain promotions. So far, I’m not sure I’ve succeeded in either task. My contract is up in 5 days, I am under review for a permant position and I’m REALLY scared that at the end of next week, I’m going to be completely out of a job, with a kid, a mortgage, rent, bills and a hubby who can’t see that it is about us not him. I want to leave my job. I want to try to work at other places and find a job I actually enjoy. But while he’s casual, I just don’t feel safe enough to take that risk. This issue caused a fair shouting match tonight and my poor kid is stuck in the middle. Am I being stupid? Or does he just need to stop being so selfish?

Chulito Mi wife left me to go with his lover
  • replies: 2

After 14 years of marriage she cheated on me. I gave up my country, my career, my family, my life for her. She wanted to come back to live to Australia. I am now left with my 3 children. She said she is in love with someone else and still love me but... View more

After 14 years of marriage she cheated on me. I gave up my country, my career, my family, my life for her. She wanted to come back to live to Australia. I am now left with my 3 children. She said she is in love with someone else and still love me but the desire for being with the other guy is stronger than her desire to stay with me and the kids. She said she loves the kids, although I am not sure because she always regretted having them, she loves them but doesn't have a connection with them. First time she left she didn't even wanna be with the kids. She call me and she felt guilty and wanted to come back, I let her back but she just last two months and she is left again.

Duesentrieb Silent treatment and communication issues...
  • replies: 2

My wife and I are married for 18 years. Since the beginning of the marriage, we have had a problem with conflict and communication because she does not like to talk about problems (she is from Singapore) and she likes to use Silent Treatment. At the ... View more

My wife and I are married for 18 years. Since the beginning of the marriage, we have had a problem with conflict and communication because she does not like to talk about problems (she is from Singapore) and she likes to use Silent Treatment. At the beginning of the marriage, these things were not so bad. Her Silent Treatment was pretty short and we were quite busy. Moved twice between two continents, job, our son, house and therefore relationship problems were never really a topic. Since 5 years, we are more established and now these problems are getting worse. I under her silent treatment, which can take up to 5 days. I was always patience, have tried to approach her, but she was often cold as ice. So, I started researching and found that she may have narcissistic tendencies. I think she's pretty dominant in our relationship. After another silent treatment episode (6 months ago), I told her that I would not pursue or approach her anymore during these episodes. Then I did some more research and today I think I may be too weak, as I have never learned to fight for my interests, needs, etc., and that's the reason why she seems so overpowering. Admittedly, my love for her has changed and today I see her differently. I have also changed, trying to be more assertive and I feel better now. But often I react more aggressively than I want. She has been very unsettled since those 6 months. Tells me often I would not love her anymore and she is quickly irritated and more aggressive, too. I think that we are totally in a circle and really do not know how we get out of it. Often the mood at home is toxic and cynical. When I look at our relationship I become quite sad and I feel helpless. Any ideas?

Girlani Feeling as a bad person for my family
  • replies: 1

Hi, I just had a fight with my 13 years old son, following my fight yesterday with my husband. I told my husband to leave or I would. My son yes... fighting with my son, what kind of mother I am. My son in the past always destroyed the presents/cards... View more

Hi, I just had a fight with my 13 years old son, following my fight yesterday with my husband. I told my husband to leave or I would. My son yes... fighting with my son, what kind of mother I am. My son in the past always destroyed the presents/cards that he made for me from school, when he’s mad at me. I don’t have any of mothers’ day card, birthday card to keep anymore, all have been ripped. It’s school holiday and I am at work, but he’s been playing XBOX non stop for 6 hours, I warned him since last week, I will took the keyboard away that he uses if he is not taking a break every 2 hours, but he ignored me. So this morning, I took the the XBOX controller first, the. he got mad, kicking the walls and start swearing. He then cut and torn a birthday card for me from him, his brother and my husband. Things got uglier the thrown and damaged our family photo album. I can’t go to work. I feel I am to blamed for this mess, as I am a bad tempered person, i cannot control my anger, and I am too arrogant to admit my mistake. I am pushing everyone around me and I treated my family worst. Other people think I am a nice person but I think I treated my own like garbage. I need help, before I harm my family emotionally or even physically. I feel ashamed of myself now, and really don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading.

Envision How we can make life long friends
  • replies: 2

Ok so this is something different to my other posts and I just watched this TedX talk and it has opened my eyes and I have realised why I have no friends. Go watch this talk and then come back to this or none of about I’m going to say is going to mak... View more

Ok so this is something different to my other posts and I just watched this TedX talk and it has opened my eyes and I have realised why I have no friends. Go watch this talk and then come back to this or none of about I’m going to say is going to make sense. [Mod note: we have embedded the Youtube clip into this post] If the link doesn’t work you can just search “Frienticemy TedX”. Ok assuming you have watched the talk now relate the 3 things in the triangle to every happy friend group you have seen. 1. Are they mostly possitive? 2. Do they always spend time together? 3. Do they share their thoughts, feelings or who they want to be with their friends? Ok, for the mojority of that the answer should be yes and me who has no friends can be a comparison. I’m 80% positive. I don’t drive nor have a job at the moment so I don’t see anyone that often (I’m 15). I have never shared anything of how I feel. To put that in perspective 1/3. Now test it against me, reply below if you would be friends with someone like me disregarding my age and gender. Someone who is mostly positive but only sees you lets say once every one or two weeks and only goes out with you once every two months. Is always there for you (over text) always replys to you within a day (over text), is loyal and generous. Also this “person” doesn’t talk about how they feel, but is open to talk about anything else no matter what it is. So to sum up that, basically an online friend who you see on occasion and do things togeather rarel, someone who is always there for you and willing to talk about anything. For the most part positive, loyal and generous. Doesn’t share their feelings but will share anything for the most part and will talk to you for hours. Ok just awnser yes/no with why you chose this. Apart from that now use it with you and your relationship with your friends and see how you have compared. If you know of some really close people compare it to them and if your willing to share say what you got out of 3. For example I got 1/3 comparing it to my one friend who I have been friends with for about 9 1/2 years. Thanks for any replys, if this was helpful for you to adknowledge what good friendships all have in common than I hoped this was worth your time reading.

Soberlicious96 He hasn't yet said "I Love You"
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I have a little issue that circles around in my head a little bit. A bit over a year ago I met a wonderful man via an online dating site, and we have been together as a monogamous couple since our first date. From our first meeting I felt saf... View more

Hi all, I have a little issue that circles around in my head a little bit. A bit over a year ago I met a wonderful man via an online dating site, and we have been together as a monogamous couple since our first date. From our first meeting I felt safe and secure with him, and indeed feel very much loved by him. He opens doors for me and is affectionate and pays for everything when we are together. We live 100 kms apart though so we do only see each other a couple of times a week. I mostly travel to his place because of our work rosters; he works Monday to Friday with a 7am start time, and I work a widely varied roster, with lots of weekend work. He usually insists on paying for my fuel every time I see him! He is honestly so lovely and selfless. He's into healthy eating and exercise, as am I. We seem to be the perfect match! We have both been married before though and are both divorced. 'So what's the problem?' I hear you ask. Well, like I said we've been together for a year now, and not once has he said those three magical words: "I Love You". And neither have I ....... well, not directly to his face anyway. I have put it at the end of the odd text message and voicemail, written it on cards and at the end of notes, and even quickly said 'love you' at the end of a phone call, but he has not once said it to me. And yet he acts so lovingly toward me and I FEEL very loved by him. Should I be concerned? I mean, I am happy with a slow-moving relationship because we've both been hurt before by others, and it's only been one year, not several. And I do most certainly feel love for him. I feel so safe with him, and I can talk to him about stuff and he talks to me about things on his mind too ..... we've got it all bar those three little words. Anyway, over to you, and your experience/thoughts on the matter. Thankyou in advance.