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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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white knight The best step parent
  • replies: 3

Ive been in a step parent situation 3 times out of my 4 long term relationships and now my wife of 8 years is a step parent to my daughter. She didn't have children. In the first case, in my twenties I was step dad to a boy 2-8yo so for 6 years I had... View more

Ive been in a step parent situation 3 times out of my 4 long term relationships and now my wife of 8 years is a step parent to my daughter. She didn't have children. In the first case, in my twenties I was step dad to a boy 2-8yo so for 6 years I had him nearly 24/7. I was young, jealous and frankly he irritated me. We ended up splitting up for other reasons but, the abrasiveness between myself and that child was a factor. By the time I reached my 40's I commenced a defacto relationship and she had two teenagers. I got on well with both but my partner did not get on with my children so for years I pondered why. I came to the conclusion that a nurturing factor was missing. Also she was jealous of my children as I had 20 years earlier to my first step parent life. Ive noticed this lack of nurturing and possessiveness in many other step parent families. But if the nurturing is there or the step parent is genuinely interested in the child then it can work well. There are tell-tale signs of a possessive partner with limited interest in your children. He/she might not include your childten on holidays and excuses given "not until they behave themselves". They might resent any money you give your kids "you already pay child support". They might not pitch into help eg I couldnt drive due to a broken leg but she wouldnt pick up my kids for any reason. This resentment isnt good and will erode an otherwise sound relationship. My children grew up with some psychological issues due to their step mothers rigid and cold attitude. Me hanging onto hope she'd eventually like my daughters was an unwise thought, it doesnt happen. Meeting a potential partner has its problems compounded when children are involved. Take it slow, perhaps test out his/her attitude in basic short camping trips or holidays. Seek out if nurturing or friendship is present in them before solidifying the relationship. Feel free to get counseling. That chemistry must be there between step parent and children ...must. TonyWK

Confused10101 Getting married to a man who denies he is gay/bi am trapped
  • replies: 6

I am a hiv+ve straight female. This is the second time I have had a partner live a double life on me. The first time my partner came out or rather finally admitted he was sleeping with men after years of calling me crazy. Then we found out he gave me... View more

I am a hiv+ve straight female. This is the second time I have had a partner live a double life on me. The first time my partner came out or rather finally admitted he was sleeping with men after years of calling me crazy. Then we found out he gave me HIV. Jump ahead 15 years and through dating a positive man who vehemently swore he was not bi/gay, my worse fear has come back. I have emails and text messages but he won't admit it. I would cope and stay if he could sit and talk to me. We are getting married soon. He won't move out or let me call it off. I don't have anymore strength to call police or make him leave. I have children and it's my place. I almost hate how he would prefer to lie and make my life hell. Why can't he love me enough to be honest. He knows the hell I suffered years ago. I would support anything if he was honest. I'm just so tired.

Jay_C Good day for Codependants
  • replies: 13

I just want to say, today was a really good day for me. I had a feeling i was watched over when i seen that it was windy and cloudy this morning. I cant stand the heat. I had a centrelink reassessment interview, she was very friendly and understandin... View more

I just want to say, today was a really good day for me. I had a feeling i was watched over when i seen that it was windy and cloudy this morning. I cant stand the heat. I had a centrelink reassessment interview, she was very friendly and understanding. It made me feel valued as opposed to a codependant adult child of narcissism. She validated some of thoughts and i felt like i was moving forward. There are good ppl in this world when you step out of your comfort zone/the narcissists environment. Even though i had a good feeling about today, i still took a drink right before the interview just incase. Which put a dent in my money to eat for the week. What happened later im still coming to terms with.. I met 2 ppl down the street, one which Ive seen now and then. He was friendly and introduced himself, the other one i had a friendly talk with and he handed out $100 to split between us... like wth? He walked off and i feel like i lost genuine person to be friends with and want to pay back

MT1 Sad for my little boy
  • replies: 4

Hello I am so sad for my little boy. I am a single parent experiencing anxiety and depression. I am compliant with medication but have very little support. My little boy (9yo) started back at school two weeks ago. He gave his best friend, S, a hug bu... View more

Hello I am so sad for my little boy. I am a single parent experiencing anxiety and depression. I am compliant with medication but have very little support. My little boy (9yo) started back at school two weeks ago. He gave his best friend, S, a hug but S told him he no longer wants to be his friend. S also told him that S’s parents hate him because they are ‘not a match’. They do have different personalities but I am so sad for my little boy. He is terribly hurt and it has broken my heart to see him experience this I just wanted to share really, just to chat I guess. I hope you are all taking care of yourselves. regards M

australian Need advice to help my wife
  • replies: 3

first time user. ill keep this short. I virtually have no idea about what sort of help is out there. my wife suffers from depression, anxiety that I know of. is unhappy with her self, and unsatisfied with her life since she can remember.. we are both... View more

first time user. ill keep this short. I virtually have no idea about what sort of help is out there. my wife suffers from depression, anxiety that I know of. is unhappy with her self, and unsatisfied with her life since she can remember.. we are both 26 been together since we were about 16, we had both joint goals we built a big home ready to make a family of our own and my wife found out she is "not" able to have children naturally. that has make her feel terrible, really has messed with her head, has made her feel like everything we have worked towards is wasted and she has lost her self and what we have worked for. I love her to bits but I feel like life as we knew it could be over feel like she's after bigger and better things now not interested in our married committed life... she agrees she should talk to someone that could help her / help us both. thank you

Caspar Don't know where I stand with childhood Best Friend
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am absolutely awful at gauging my relationships with other people, and am anxious to reach out from fear of being rejected by some of my favourite people. And so I have this friend in my life, probably one of my favourite people in my life. We ... View more

Hi, I am absolutely awful at gauging my relationships with other people, and am anxious to reach out from fear of being rejected by some of my favourite people. And so I have this friend in my life, probably one of my favourite people in my life. We have known each other since pretty much birth, and were absolutely inseparable during preschool and primary school. We grew up together and were each others only real friends. Then high school rolled around, and as he went off to a private school, I went to a selective one. We still somehow managed to keep a pretty solid connection until at least year 11, messaging regularly and meeting every fortnight or so. But somehow, as if in an instant, we just kinda stopped talking, with no bad blood or drama. But then after about 9 months of practically no contact since our last meetup, he messaged with the whole "its been so long! we should go out". And we went out and had the most fun I have had in a long time. We instantly connected with our old spark, and somehow it had felt like no time passed, and we kept asking each other why we don't ever see each other anymore, and we expressed intentions to resume a consistent friendship. We were both exactly the same as we had been in the early years of high school, and he knew about events that had happened in my life. I know that the feeling was mutual as we both talked about it the next day. And then it stopped again, for about 10 months and here we are today. We exchanged birthday messages but that's about it. I am currently extremely in my head about what his true opinions of me are. Is he still a true friend to me and does he enjoy my company? Because I sure as hell do. I am currently really desperate to reach out as he was technically the last one to do so, but there is a fear in the back of my head that my favourite person will tell me he just doesn't feel the same anymore. It's kind of a crushing anxiety and is trickling into my ability to make new friends at uni. We are both 19 and studying at uni 3 days a week, but I know he sometimes has time to hang out with friends as per social media. I tend to overthink everything. Always. But this person is so important to me that I don't want to damage anything. You can't be rejected by someone if you never reach out, right? Thank you all x

Still_in_limbo 8 year roller-coaster
  • replies: 3

I met my partner 8 years ago and he told me very early on that he suffers from depression, for which he is medicated. We moved in together after 3 years of dating. He is the most exciting, considerate, generous, and intelligent man I know when he is ... View more

I met my partner 8 years ago and he told me very early on that he suffers from depression, for which he is medicated. We moved in together after 3 years of dating. He is the most exciting, considerate, generous, and intelligent man I know when he is healthy. When he is ‘down’ he is cruel and goes into flight mode. He is also a workaholic, especially when he is avoiding anything he doesn’t want to deal with (work or personal). We have grown further apart in the last 6 months and have not been intimate for the last 9 months ago. Over a month ago he essentially moved back to ‘his’ home for ‘some space’. He is unsure about what he wants and whether he wants a relationship. I have booked a couples counseling session but he does not want to come. He is currently avoiding discussions about ‘us’, yet has happily attended social events together. He is 57 years old and 8 years is his longest relationship. I am 51. I love him but I’m hurting; he says he hates hurting me. I don’t know how to get him to open up to me, or to at least get professional advice. Any suggestions?

ZARA73 My Ex
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I’m feeling really depressed after finding out my ex partner of 25years is dating my sisters best friend, I don’t understand why they think this is ok, I am really struggling with this, does anyone else think this is morally wrong? I don... View more

Hi everyone, I’m feeling really depressed after finding out my ex partner of 25years is dating my sisters best friend, I don’t understand why they think this is ok, I am really struggling with this, does anyone else think this is morally wrong? I don’t know how to deal with it, my mother says you need to move on but it’s easier said than done, what can I do?

Dante2k My girlfiriend is depressed, through a complicated relationship
  • replies: 1

Hey guys, ive experienced a tumultuous relations over the past year. We did long distance for the better part of 8 months of our relationship from the beginning, the spark at the beginning was something that I’ve never felt even though I’ve been thro... View more

Hey guys, ive experienced a tumultuous relations over the past year. We did long distance for the better part of 8 months of our relationship from the beginning, the spark at the beginning was something that I’ve never felt even though I’ve been through HEAPS of relationships with women in the past, it felt amazing. Slowly things began to surface between us.. insecurities due to past relationships, lack of trust, lack of support.. even though all the while I was being my best self and all I could ever be as a partner and supportive and loving and kind. Towards the end of the year it begun to be really hard. I continued to try and be supportive and everything but I found I’d built a certain resentment toward the relationship, even though all I want is to be with this person, how do I move past such things that have affected my life so greatly? to begin with due to her past experiences she hated relationships because she’s had some very bad ones. So is it up to me to cure these? As much as I tell her I love her, she will never believe me. And now that I have lost that love.. I’m getting blamed for falling out? I feel as if I’m stuck in a very hard place, and grated I have gotten very frustrated and angry at times when I have merely tried to help and it’s backfired in a very bad way.. like suggesting help or talking with her mother who which she completely cast out of her life after her and I spoke... unsure on what to do as she has also through the very down periods suggested very dark comments which puts me in a very difficult position. It really does hurt as you put so much energy into a relationship and love someone, and after so many hurtful relationships with people you really think you find someone who you connect with and find passion. Through it all, I feel exhausted and out of what I can possibly do to get through. I ask to put her in my mind and only if she could see what I truly and actually feel, then it’d finally be ok! What do I do! Do I leave the relationship? Do I stick by? Please bear in mind that I’ve been blamed for most of the relationship failing, also her study failing, her metal health, her relationship with her Mum, and know that HONESTLY I feel I’ve tried to be nothing but supportive. Bar the last couple of months when things have been very, very hard. I’m doing my best, cheers.

VariMas Going through divorce, need advice
  • replies: 1

Divorse suck.... Especially when you are the one that didn't want it happen... My husband of nearly 5 years (thou we have been together for 9 years) have came to a face the sad truth that he is not happy anymore, we have nothing in common and not enj... View more

Divorse suck.... Especially when you are the one that didn't want it happen... My husband of nearly 5 years (thou we have been together for 9 years) have came to a face the sad truth that he is not happy anymore, we have nothing in common and not enjoying life... The only thing we have in common is our 'child' we are just coexisting as he put it....he said he love me still just not romantically anymore, he just not happy and want out. We tried to give it a try but it just seems worst... There are no intimacy, everything just point to the fact that our path had comes to an end. But why is it so freaking hard for me to accept it? Im ok one minute and then im an emotional mess the next.... It not helping that we still have to live together because of financial situations... In top of it, my in-laws live with us as well. I feel like i cant escape anyway and have no one to talk too. I dont want to burden my parents as mum suffering from depression and I just lost my grandma a month ago so I really dont want to pile this on them as well.... All my close friends are either live oversea or in another state... I feel I have no one at all... Right now i just dont know what to do..