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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kazzylou Hello new here! Trust! Loving my cheating partner
  • replies: 7

Around two years ago I found out my partner was having an affair with my best friend! Not his first affair! But long story short I love the man and he is good to me we have a great life and says he’s not going to do it again. But it dosnt matter how ... View more

Around two years ago I found out my partner was having an affair with my best friend! Not his first affair! But long story short I love the man and he is good to me we have a great life and says he’s not going to do it again. But it dosnt matter how much I try I can’t get thoughts of them both together out of my head! I feel I’m going mad! With angry outbursts and accusations I’m scared I’ll lose everything. I don’t really want to go on meds but I don’t seem to be getting any better. I constantly work on self love but I can’t help the self hate instead! I can’t talk to him ! He just thinks I should be over it. Kaz

Kate1984 Working mum guilt
  • replies: 1

Anyone ever feel so guilty leaving their kids at Daycare that they cry? I do, especially when they scream for me to stay. I do love my job but I love my kids more.

Anyone ever feel so guilty leaving their kids at Daycare that they cry? I do, especially when they scream for me to stay. I do love my job but I love my kids more.

TSVNT01 Marriage Seperation, am I holding on for no reason?
  • replies: 5

Hi, recently my wife of 9years has told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore. To give some context, jealousy has become an issue for me over the past 4/5 months which has caused me to get depressed and angry. We have argued and finally after one ... View more

Hi, recently my wife of 9years has told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore. To give some context, jealousy has become an issue for me over the past 4/5 months which has caused me to get depressed and angry. We have argued and finally after one of her coworkers told me she was thinking about leaving, mentally I collapsed and became a person I have never been (paranoid and anxious). Finally after a horrible Christmas pretending everything was ok an argument brought our relationship to a head. She has told me that she doesn’t want to work it out as I won’t change, we have two kids and I’ll do anything to make sure they have a great life with a loving family. I feel like I am getting mixed signals from her, she is hot and cold, still wears her rings and calls me for little things.... am I clinging onto these things as hope or should I just forget it and move on? I have asked to take her for dinner or lunch to discuss things but keep getting told she isn’t ready? I’m trying to be patient but the clock is ticking I feel and I’m fighting the male urge not to demand an outcome... help, any advice from people who have been through this? Ask questions and I will answer truth fully as I would love to reconcile!

scruffa Feeling of failure
  • replies: 1

Hi, Firstly a bit about me. I suffer from depression and have done since 2000. I am currently married (6years) and have 2 children. Recently we have moved states and I have started a new job. This was extremely difficult for me as I did enjoy what I ... View more

Hi, Firstly a bit about me. I suffer from depression and have done since 2000. I am currently married (6years) and have 2 children. Recently we have moved states and I have started a new job. This was extremely difficult for me as I did enjoy what I was doing and where I was living. However the opportunity came up to move back closer to family (mostly for our kids sake) and we took it. I'm still not sure it was the right move. Anyway on with my story. I feel like my family relationship is really struggling and has been for about 1 year. I feel like I am failing as a father because all I seem to do is get angry and cranky at my kids and just feel like it's too much and I'm over it all. I think this is also reflecting in my kids, particularly in my daughter as she is reacting angrily to situations a lot and on the other side of the coin acting as though she is scared of me. This breaks my heart because I love them both so much and all I can think about is it's all my fault and am I scarring these kids for life. My relationship with my wife is also stretched as we don't seem to have anything to talk about anymore. Most nights when I get home the conversation is minimal and in all honesty I don't have the drive to encourage it. Over the last couple of months we haven't even kissed each other goodnight regularly. I feel like it's all starting to fall apart and is just a matter of time before it does. I have little interest in anything or anyone and feel like I am to blame for all our issues. I seem to be tired, anxious and angry all the time and it really sucks. In just can't pull myself up out of this rut.

Rjade Overbearing housemates
  • replies: 4

Hi there, My fiance and I just moved in with two friends and we’ve quickly discovered that they are the two most inconsiderate, selfish people we’ve come across. They’re messy, they’re loud, they use our things without asking and they take up so much... View more

Hi there, My fiance and I just moved in with two friends and we’ve quickly discovered that they are the two most inconsiderate, selfish people we’ve come across. They’re messy, they’re loud, they use our things without asking and they take up so much damn space it’s like we’re guests in our own house. They also have a habit of copying things that we’re doing. They literally do everything that we do, including vacationing where my fiance and I got engaged, despite showing no interest until this happened, and copying our date nights and even things that we’ve bought. We both want to bring up the issues we have with them but we don’t want to create any tension. I’ll be the first to admit that I am quick-tempered, so I don’t want to go into any conversations with them blind as to how to approach it maturely. Does anyone have any ideas as to why they’re acting this way and what we can do about it, or has anyone experienced similar? We feel so alone and we don’t want our home or lives to be miserable. Thanks in advance...

Guest_598 Feelings developing for married man
  • replies: 19

Hi All, I would love your advice and please do not judge me too harshly. I have recently separated from my husband of several years. I am in my late thirties and I am really enjoying my new life. I love my freedom and the fact that the pain has subsi... View more

Hi All, I would love your advice and please do not judge me too harshly. I have recently separated from my husband of several years. I am in my late thirties and I am really enjoying my new life. I love my freedom and the fact that the pain has subsided. I am making the best of my new situation with friends, hobbies and focusing on my work which I really love. I have a very nice manager who, in the past couple of months, I have really become quite friendly with. Nothing untoward, we only joke and laugh a lot and I feel valued based on the work I do with and for him. He is married, I believe fairly happily, and he is very professional, i.e. not inappropriate. Over the past few weeks and months, he has really noticed my new me and we have had quite honest, down to earth chats about life. Especially following what I have gone through. He has been a great support and most of all, the fun at work has been a real motivator. We have now started to share more personal details. Nothing sexual but just personal thoughts, dreams, wishes and considerations. I greatly enjoy that because we seem to have an amazing connection with a lot of, nearly eerie, similarities. I really like him and I feel a warm connection towards him. Nothing has happened between us and I think he would be fairly reluctant to do anything that is considered of "bad character" and so would I. We both have very strong morals, however, we cannot deny that there is a special connection between the two of us which links us more closely regularly. Today we went for a drink after work because I had a bad experience with a co-worker. We had a really nice time although I believe he was sometimes a bit concerned about keeping the necessary distance. I guess, the reason why I write this is because I would like some advice. I very much enjoy that special connection with him and I believe so does he, but I am worried about where this may lead. And I don't want to make a fool of myself either. I am not a homewrecker or flirt, but I hardly ever got along so well with someone. I find myself a little confused. I am not interested in a relationship at the moment, but I do very much enjoy the "thing" that seems to develop between us and I cannot even define what it is. He makes me smile. Maybe he is really just a nice guy and I'm completely misinterpreting. But he told me I am attractive and sophisticated and that I am a lovely lady. What should I do? I am keen to continue but don't want to do the wrong thing.

Mandyjb Mother In Law Causing Tremendous Strain
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I know that I am not alone in experiencing issues with their in-laws, but I feel as though things have hit a crescendo of late. Issues with my MIL started to surface just before I was married. We were visiting her house for the weekend and ... View more

Hi there, I know that I am not alone in experiencing issues with their in-laws, but I feel as though things have hit a crescendo of late. Issues with my MIL started to surface just before I was married. We were visiting her house for the weekend and her partner inquired about my husband's employment situation as he had recently lost his job. I told him that my hubby had been exploring applications to the police force. My MIL overheard our conversation and came into the lounge room and pulled a face at me. I followed her to see what was going on and she walked over to me and hurt me. She had a couple of drinks at that point, but I later found out that I wasn't supposed to talk to her partner about my husband's interest in the police until it 'actually happened'. My hubby had just forgotten to inform me. As the years have gone on and we have kids, things have continued to go sour. I am British and she has a strong jealousy of the relationship we have with my parents, despite them being in England. A few of the issues we have had over the years; she blanked my parents at the wedding as she felt we had sat them on a more superior table (which wasn't the case), she has refused to have celebratory drinks with us on the birth of our son because my parents were there and we hadn't invited her in the 'right' way. The most recent issue we have had was over the name of our baby daughter. We told her the name whilst I was pregnant and she was very vocal about her dislike of it. We thought this would change once she was born but it didn't. Instead, she starting calling her 'B', her initial. Both my hubby and I were offended by this and so he raised it with her which resulted in a row. She later text him to say for us to not contact them again to which he followed up with a kind, but focused email the next day. She replied with a list of issues she has with me and the time spent with my family . She denied her nicknaming of our daughter as being anything other than affectionate but later states that my hubby's father was just as disappointed in our baby's name as she was. We suggested group counselling which she ignored. She has since blanked my husband for 9 months, ignoring texts and emails. And now she wants contact again, but we want this limited which has angered her into silence again. I suffer anxiety and cannot bear to be in the same room as her. Can I justifiably put some space between her and I? I feel like I am suffocating.

Ringarosie When is an affair an affair?
  • replies: 6

Several years ago I discovered my husband was seeing his ex girlfriend, he had ask me to check something on his computer and I found their emails, they had been meeting for lunch and this had occurred at least 4 times. I confronted him with the infor... View more

Several years ago I discovered my husband was seeing his ex girlfriend, he had ask me to check something on his computer and I found their emails, they had been meeting for lunch and this had occurred at least 4 times. I confronted him with the information and he told me I was overreacting, that they were just old friends and nothing had happened. I was gutted, my husbands first wife had an affair and broke up their marriage, I thought my husband would never ever do anything like this because he felt so betrayed by his first wife that he would never be able to put me or anyone through the same pain. He was never able to apologise about the secret meetings sufficiently to me, he always said “ I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, BUT I didn’t do anything wrong!! i know that I began to withdraw and withhold my affection afterwards because I felt so betrayed. Fast forward 6 years , I was getting something off his phone yesterday and I see he is still communicating with her, she has moved back to Melbourne and has suggested they catch up. I know nothing physical has occured, but still I feel so betrayed, am I overreacting? Should I just let him go and have lunches with her? We have 3 children, the youngest is doing vce this year I am reluctant to cause the upheaval of a separation til the end of the year, but I am so distraught and disappointed in my husband I’m not sure I can last the year

pop1999 I say I cannot put up with him anymore...so why do I?
  • replies: 5

For the last few months I've been thinking that I really don't know what to do in terms of our relationship. We've been going out for a little over a year now and it's never been fantastic. I don't like aggressive conflict (I shut down and have troub... View more

For the last few months I've been thinking that I really don't know what to do in terms of our relationship. We've been going out for a little over a year now and it's never been fantastic. I don't like aggressive conflict (I shut down and have trouble voicing my opinions when in arguments with him and him only) and he constantly starts conflict. He also constantly calls me names when arguing with me, which I have time and time again told him that it's unacceptable to do and he says "Well that's just me, that's just how I deal with stupid arguments" and I say again and again that it's not healthy and he cannot treat me like that but he always comes back with that. Honestly, I use to just put up with it because I use to have very bad anxiety. Now, however, I fight back but he just laughs at me and brushes me off as 'emotional'. I do love him but it's hard to feel the love in it's entirety. He does other things that completely turns me off him too, like when he drinks he cannot control himself at all and drinks until he's toppling over. He constantly talks about himself and he's very egotistical. For example, my friend's new boyfriend met him for the first time and my friend's boyfriend said he gave a terrible first impression because he non stop talked about himself and how he's going overseas soon, how much he makes at work, how he went to a private school, how he's to 'only one' that actually works hard in his advanced degree... and it embarrassed the crap out of me. It's one thing to talk about yourself and your accomplishments but he just met the guy literally that night. I know he is boasting because sometimes he'll meet people and he will literally say he's better than them and it turns me off COMPLETELY. I'm so sick of him but at the same time I can't find the courage in me to leave him, which I can't understand considering I like being alone and doing things alone and he's my first boyfriend so before him I was completely alone. I feel guilty because I keep thinking about how easy single life was when I didn't have to worry about someone else. I'm just not happy anymore BUT I cannot leave him and it frustrates me that I find myself in such a stupid dilemma. He's actually good to me when he's good mood, he's nice and caring but really I'm starting to feel like everything else outweighs that unfortunately. Am I just being really unreasonable about this? Am I only focusing on the negatives? I'm so utterly frustrated that I feel so hopeless...

Alien1927 Hard to cope all at once
  • replies: 4

Recently saw a psychologist for my anxiety needs and depression, right now my family situation is changing real fast. i live with my 2 older sisters and mum and her boyfriend, found out that my mum and her boyfriend are moving out and I'll be with my... View more

Recently saw a psychologist for my anxiety needs and depression, right now my family situation is changing real fast. i live with my 2 older sisters and mum and her boyfriend, found out that my mum and her boyfriend are moving out and I'll be with my sisters. my sisters both have jobs, me I'm 24 and never had a job because I let my anxiety hold me back for to long. I'm trying to find a job but my mums boyfriend doesn't want me living with them and my sisters telling me to get a job or I'm out on the street. It's a lot to deal with all at once and I'm scared I'll be kicked out on the street and all I see there for me is death. I don't know what to do and I guess I'm looking for any advice or tip about keeping ur self motivated or determined? I feel that I'm 24 with no experience, who would hire me anyway.