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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kiyomi Disowned by my own family
  • replies: 11

Its been 8 years since my whole family disowned me (i was 16) and i still feel like i cant let go, mostly because i dont even have a reason for why they didnt love me anymore, i never did anything that would provoke it. I am now married with two beau... View more

Its been 8 years since my whole family disowned me (i was 16) and i still feel like i cant let go, mostly because i dont even have a reason for why they didnt love me anymore, i never did anything that would provoke it. I am now married with two beautiful children but i find every day so hard to cope with. im always in fear that my husband will fall out of love with me, and i struggle alot to whole heartedly love my own daughter and to top it off my 5mth old has born with a deformity and im so scared about the surgeries he will have to have, i feel so alone every time there is a major life event in my life i dont have my mum, dad grandparents etc to talk to and guide me, i have no support my friends think im "fine" even when i have a full on break down in front of them or they just dont care about me and focus on their other friend who is much more important, its driving me nuts. i constantly live in fear that i will lose everything...i guess i just want to know...am i alone?? has anyone ever been disowned by their family?? how do you cope? can you ever overcome the feelings or just manage them? its just so hard to see other people so close to their mums... or grand kids getting spoilt, i feel like my kids got ripped off.

Soberlicious96 My Partner's brother puts him down all the time
  • replies: 3

Hi all. I have an issue, which bothers me, and I don't know if it's my place to say anything or not. I have a wonderful man in my life who is selfless and caring and passionate and reliable and enthusiastic ...... I could add many more, but you get t... View more

Hi all. I have an issue, which bothers me, and I don't know if it's my place to say anything or not. I have a wonderful man in my life who is selfless and caring and passionate and reliable and enthusiastic ...... I could add many more, but you get the gist! I think he's wonderful! However, he has an older brother who speaks down to him all time. He tells him that he's useless and hopeless and that everything he does turns to crap. We are all grown adults - I am in my late 40's and my partner and his brother are both late 50's to early 60's - so it's a well practiced/learnt behavior. His parents are very elderly and in an aged care facility, and a few years ago they lost a sibling to cancer. My partner is also a cancer survivor! But he - my partner - also seems to think quite negatively about himself and other things. For example, any time something needs fixing, he starts out by thinking and saying things like "Knowing my luck, it will go really badly." or "I'll get ripped off". He also seem to have the attitude that the world is a conspiracy and 'out to get him' and is quite mistrusting. I, on the other hand, believe and have great faith in a Higher Power that I choose to call God, although I'm not religious as such, and generally have a very positive and grateful attitude. I don't go to church (but did for a little while), and he was brought up in a strict catholic environment but does not seem to believe in anything like I do. I sometimes feel that if he did have a belief and/or faith in something that it may help ..... But it just really bothers me the way his brother always puts him down. And when I think about us in the future - as in living together - I wonder/worry about how that negative thinking will affect us as a couple. I do hope that I can and indeed maybe even AM having a positive influence on him ..... but in saying that, do I pull his brother up the next time he puts him down? And if so, what do I say and how do I say it? Because a part of me wants to just yell at him and tell him to 'back the hell off'. And because I know that if you tell someone something often enough, they'll start to believe it .......... and I don't want my partner to think he is useless and hopeless, because he is far from that. Anyway, thanks for reading. I look forward to your replies. xox

youcantknow My mum is driving me mad! she can't cope with me!!
  • replies: 4

My mum is the coordinator of the wellbeing centre at my school! i don't understand how she has all the time in the world to talk to them and care about them but then when I'm having a bad day she cants cope with me! we had a fight the other day (one ... View more

My mum is the coordinator of the wellbeing centre at my school! i don't understand how she has all the time in the world to talk to them and care about them but then when I'm having a bad day she cants cope with me! we had a fight the other day (one of many lately) because i was having a bad day (couldn't get out of bed and be just soo sad u know). she starting yelling saying how she doesn't understand why I'm still like this after she has done everything to help me, take me to a specialist and pay for all these medications! she says things like this all the time when we're fighting she doesn't even realise how much it hurts me knowing that she understands that the kids she sees at school cannot be ok but whenever I'm not its the end of the world. or even when my brother comments saying means things like it's not like she eats anyway or just random things about me that obviously means nothing to them but hurts me so much!!!

JasmineC Trust issue in relationship
  • replies: 5

My husband and I have been married for more than a year, but 2 years before the wedding I found out that he cheated on me with another girl when he went overseas for a holiday. So we broke up after that. Fast forward about a year later, we got back t... View more

My husband and I have been married for more than a year, but 2 years before the wedding I found out that he cheated on me with another girl when he went overseas for a holiday. So we broke up after that. Fast forward about a year later, we got back together, things were cleared up as I understood that we were not that serious in our relationship, also his mum did not approve of our relationship, plus I still loved him so I forgave him, well I thought I did. Not until recently I find myself constantly go on his facebook messenger and check his messages because that was how I found out about the previous cheating scandal. I found one of this message in his facebook messenger. He was saying "I miss you" to her out of nowhere and I don't know if I'm just over thinking but the messages sound a little bit flirty. Should I be concerned? After what happened in the past, I can honestly say that my trust issue hasn't actually been repaired yet, but I really don't know what to do now. I really love him and he has been a great husband since we got back together again. I just don't want this trust issue of mine to ruin our relationship, should I see a counsellor?

Guest_7403 Step son accusations/lying
  • replies: 13

Hi all haven't posted a thread for a long time on here, not because I haven't been struggling...more because I know my issues and what I should be doing but something happened on Sunday that has thrown me completely and myself even wife don't know wh... View more

Hi all haven't posted a thread for a long time on here, not because I haven't been struggling...more because I know my issues and what I should be doing but something happened on Sunday that has thrown me completely and myself even wife don't know what to do about it exactly. We have two 6 year olds (my daughter) and my wife's son....we also have a 6 month old together. We have split parenting so the bigger kids are only here 50/50 My wife messaged her ex Sunday because she had caught her son telling little white lies (about eating his snacks etc) and that his behaviour and mood has changed and his lack of interest in school (grade 1) to find out if his dad had noticed any changes His dad replied saying that a week ago his son told him "I sneak down to the toy room and push him to the ground constantly" he then stated that I "make him cover his eyes and walk into things as punishment". Now I and my wife know that these are complete lies, and even his dad stated he's sure that I'm just playing around with him. But the thing is when it comes to the step son I have a no touch policy, I don't play pretend fights with him, I don't touch him jokingly...I just don't find it appropriate and I do it that way to avoid things like this. I also let my wife discipline him, I don't like to discipline someone else's child unless necessary. So my point being kids can miscontrue things, but in this case he can't be confused as I don't remotely do things he's referred too. So my wife msged the ex and told him what I'm like with him. 10 minutes later the ex calls her apologising saying he's just challenged him on what he's said and he's admitted to making the whole thing up because "his brain told him too" I'm very concerned about this as I spend a bit of time alone with this child when mum's at work. At the moment we've cancelled his birthday party this week, and asked that he stays at his dad's for two weeks as a repercussion and learning experience. Too which his dad feels is appropriate. My main concern moving forward is what to do and how to act with this child now, I don't trust him and have told the wife I won't be putting myself in a position where I'm alone with him to have anymore accusations thrown at me I'm aware he is only 6 but I guess my concern is the seriousness and details of the lies that worry me about getting in trouble with dhs etc I also feel sick to my stomach that he's done this to me, as I do alot for that boy and it really is a slap in the face

MummaPetal Difficult in laws and marriage
  • replies: 7

I'm thinking of leaving my husband of 10 years because I am so tired of feeling alone in the marriage and battling my in laws. We have a child. I'm not a confrontational person and I have a MIL and SIL who often challenge me. They want their own way ... View more

I'm thinking of leaving my husband of 10 years because I am so tired of feeling alone in the marriage and battling my in laws. We have a child. I'm not a confrontational person and I have a MIL and SIL who often challenge me. They want their own way constantly and can't place themselves in anyone else's shoes. They have judged and belittled me. My husband works long hours during the day. I truly appreciate how hard he works for our family but he shuts off when he gets home. He is often on his phone but doesn't use social media. We have no intimacy in our relationship. It doesn't help that we don't get many opportunities for date nights. If we do get any time, he will be on his phone. He helps a bit around the house but I do most of the parenting. I am happy with my role as a parent but I want an equal partner. And, to be honest, I want some TLC every now and then too. My SIL said her mother was always telling them what to do and always nagging when they were younger. I can only guess it could be why my husband won't listen to me. I'm at my wits' end.

Leilani_Rose I love my children, I feel trapped sometimes in my marriage.
  • replies: 7

I am 33 years old a mother of 3 beautiful children, 11, 9 and 2 years of age. We have been married for 12 years, it's been wonderful , we have had our ups and downs we have fought hard to keep our marriage strong. I don't who to talk too because my f... View more

I am 33 years old a mother of 3 beautiful children, 11, 9 and 2 years of age. We have been married for 12 years, it's been wonderful , we have had our ups and downs we have fought hard to keep our marriage strong. I don't who to talk too because my family will say you get through this, it's part of being married, what about the kids?? 2 days ago i had a break down i was so exhausted being a full time mum is a hard job, but i love spending time with the children. As he was getting ready for work, he asked me whats wrong , I said it's nothing he just stared at me and got ready for work i felt like screaming out loud and saying i am so tired it would be nice for once you could help around the house, we have a daughter she has ADHD it's so challenging sometimes, he works night shift Monday to Saturday when he comes home he sleeps i do my daily run school drop off etc.. he comes with me to pick up kids after school, he hangs with the kids than goes sleep. Today we picked up the kids we got into an argument i started crying in front of the kids, I told him to leave me alone lately he has been saying to me i work, i pay the bills it really hurts because what am i doing at home nothing?? When I say im tired he would respond i do 12 hour shift? I always look at my kids, don't want to hurt them, I have no job to support them if i say to my husband i want to separate there are times i love my kids , my daughter who has adhd is close with him. He is a great father, wonderful but our relationship there's no communication, i dont know what to do

grt123 How do you know when it's time to leave?
  • replies: 13

I was married for over 30 years. I was as loyal as a Labrador and wouldn't let go no matter how bad things got. Then one day 'bing' - I was done. The trigger was insignificant - no argument or fireworks. It was like I'd been on a journey and I'd quie... View more

I was married for over 30 years. I was as loyal as a Labrador and wouldn't let go no matter how bad things got. Then one day 'bing' - I was done. The trigger was insignificant - no argument or fireworks. It was like I'd been on a journey and I'd quietly pulled into the station.

Nat11 Stop caring what people think
  • replies: 5

How do I stop caring what people think I feel it consumes me and defines how I feel on a daily basis. I know it’s lack of confidence of myself I have struggled my whole life to like myself I find it hard to accept when I make mistakes I always want t... View more

How do I stop caring what people think I feel it consumes me and defines how I feel on a daily basis. I know it’s lack of confidence of myself I have struggled my whole life to like myself I find it hard to accept when I make mistakes I always want to be perfect and if I am not I tend to want to give up feel worthless feel no one wants me or I am just a big disappointment how do I find away to be confident and stop caring what others think is it I need to change my attitudes towards myself I’m sick of going through life feel unsatisfied and always sensitive to everything

kate5281 partner has depression, is irrational and im struggling
  • replies: 1

Hi, this is my first post, but I need some help and advice! my partner and I were together for a year before a series of events caused him to start to change, I lived with this for 6 months trying to support him, trying to prompt him to get help, tel... View more

Hi, this is my first post, but I need some help and advice! my partner and I were together for a year before a series of events caused him to start to change, I lived with this for 6 months trying to support him, trying to prompt him to get help, telling him he had changed but he didn't see it, until one night he got really drunk and I had to call the police. this was a defining moment for him and for us I guess. he realised he had an issue and he sought help. he has been through counselling how effective I don't know as he never discusses it with me or even tells me when he is has been going, he is medicated also. this has been 12 months now and to be honest it has been hell! he has improved slightly but he surely isn't that person I fell in love with. I am constantly guilt tripped. I cannot do anything alone and even just the mention of I am going to visit a friend creates issues, he claims he doesn't have an issue with it but comments and immediate change in attitude says otherwise. he says I don't involve him in mine and my children's (teenage kids who aren't his ) lives, I am not sure what he means by this comment as he is actively involved in every decision I make or any thing I do. he will attack me for something that I am not doing, and it always turns out he is doing it. for example I have a male friend at work, purely platonic strictly work related no outside work place involvement aside from social media friends, and I also have a large number of female friends from work who I socialise with outside of work, he took my phone one night whilst I was in the shower and scrolled to find a text from the male friend (quite old I might add) all work related but went off. skipped the female friend messages. and justified it that we are talking and he wanted to know so he could find out what he could talk to me about! just last week after months of me stressing about money, we have some big expenses coming up and me being unhappy in my job like im loosing sleep. he attacked me for trying to work out our finances a& not spending time with him (FYI sitting on the couch with him!) and then I found out later he had spent over $2500 on a hobby in that past week behind my back. I am such a fool. he claims I am over reacting etc this is out of control now our relationship is hanging by a thread and I cannot get through to him. there is 2 sets of rules. well one his! please help!