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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Across Married but feel alone.
  • replies: 1

Hi I have been married for over 12 years. We have 1 child together. In the last 12 months I feel as though we are drifting apart. We don't really talk much. It feels more like we just live in the same house rather then married. She has also started t... View more

Hi I have been married for over 12 years. We have 1 child together. In the last 12 months I feel as though we are drifting apart. We don't really talk much. It feels more like we just live in the same house rather then married. She has also started travelling a lot for work. I have been feeling rather alone and depressed. We get very little alone time together. Then I started spending time with one of my sons friends parents. I found that I have become very attached very quickly. We have not done anything nor do I know if she feels anything for me but i feel as though I cheating by the way I am feeling. That also scares me. I don't really have many people I can talk to about this.

purplemist Unsupportive In A Time Of Need
  • replies: 1

I broke my femur on Christmas night it just snapped so after major surgery and being told very long recovery period.Approx 2 years He seems to have turned his back and switched off to me and recovery. My daughter has done all the cooking,cleaning,was... View more

I broke my femur on Christmas night it just snapped so after major surgery and being told very long recovery period.Approx 2 years He seems to have turned his back and switched off to me and recovery. My daughter has done all the cooking,cleaning,washing and caring for me.We had to cancel our wedding that was supposed to be on the 6th April.He has other things going on to we run our own business so he is doing by himself but i am trying to help as much as possible from home with that.He got done drink driving and lost his licence almost immediately after i came home from the hospital so he has not been able to help me with getting out the house or much else.Which would make me want to help more and be there more for me at home but he has done the exact opposite.It was also the season where he plays sport, he managed to keep that a major priority going out partying every weekend sometimes not coming home at all or in the early hours of the morning, then sleeping all weekend before back to work , as well as the business but said that because of this he did not have the time for me as he was so time poor doing these things. The fact is he is just very poor at time management and chooses to not make me a priority. Neither of us can move house at the moment so we are stuck in the same house together with my teenage daughter. Everyday i am at home alone while my daughter goes to school and he works very long hours even though half the time it is not necessary, he just prefers to be there than being home with me dealing with my injury and recovery. He is emotionally unavailable on every level and is only concerned with himself and his quality of life and well being and argues with me and makes every conversation about himself. I try to talk to him about how i am feeling but it always turns into an conversation about him and his many feelings and issues.He wants me to support him in every way but will not give an ounce in return and sees no problem with this. My full recovery is 6-18 months away, being able to drive myself is about 3 - 6 months. As i cannot leave until i am able to work and earn an income i need to find ways to deal with the situation emotionally for myself and daughter. I have been doing ok but have started to come unstuck recently.Any ideas of how to stay positive and emotionally stable to help myself and my recovery.

Dazza43 Lost
  • replies: 3

I have been married for 20 years, I have teenage twin boys. I have been suffering from severe depression and anxiety for many years. My past has been all about keeping everyone happy and not looking after myself. I am trying so hard to make my marria... View more

I have been married for 20 years, I have teenage twin boys. I have been suffering from severe depression and anxiety for many years. My past has been all about keeping everyone happy and not looking after myself. I am trying so hard to make my marriage work but I keep letting down my partner. I think about walking away but I am scared of what she will do, I feel I need to find my self and it’s without her. Please help because this situation is making me feel the only way out is the wrong way

MrsBL I'm an adult yet feel like a nobody in my family
  • replies: 2

Long story short- My sister is 3 years older than me and has always been a super star. Grade A student, travelled the world, living the high life. Is on her 2nd marriage (to an engineer on big money) with step-kids, lives in the UK and that's all goo... View more

Long story short- My sister is 3 years older than me and has always been a super star. Grade A student, travelled the world, living the high life. Is on her 2nd marriage (to an engineer on big money) with step-kids, lives in the UK and that's all good. Good on her! I on the other hand left school early, liked to party and enjoyed myself. Had a stable job for years, live comfortably. Married my partner and we have 2 kids, a cute cottage on land, I am a stay at home mum and study full time, my husband is the sole bread winner. We are all good, until we have to see my family. We moved interstate 13 years ago to escape them. We saw them this week and they constantly belittled and berated us. Made us feel like sub standard humans. Photos of my sister and her husband and step kids every where. A few photos of my 2 daughters and photos of me and my husband propped up behind the leg of a desk in the office. Every time we see them they carry on about this person and that who have this house and that car and earn that much money. They then say oh well, not everyone can have the good life. Had enough of being belittled and want to stop all communication with them. Don't want their money and I don't want to feel small and insignificant. I am confident and happy when I don't see them. Only problem is my kids miss out on grandparents. We have people we know here that treat our kids like their own grandchildren and to be honest act more like real grandparents than my parents. My parents throw money at them and that's about it. The pretend grandparents spend time with them, talk to them and play with them . Am I wrong in wanting to cut off my family because they make me feel so bad about myself at the expense of my kids? I know blood is thicker than water, but sometimes family are crappy. A side note- I am more than half way through a uni degree, and not once have my parents asked about it. They are more interested in my sister and her husbands new engineering job- of course the money he will be earning and the things they can do and buy with that. My parents friends had no idea I was even studying (I started in 2016 and finish next year) yet they know about my sister and her husband and all their travel and their financial highs. Hard to feel like a worthy being living in my sisters shadow for 42 years! I am only truly happy when I am not in contact with any of them. I want to cut them all off yet I am also scared of doing it- Why? I really don't know!

JD75 DNA surprise
  • replies: 2

I recently decided to take a DNA test to discover more about my family history. I knew my father had died when I was 5 and was keen to find relatives and learn more about him. My stepfather and I enjoy a great relationship, but I guess there are part... View more

I recently decided to take a DNA test to discover more about my family history. I knew my father had died when I was 5 and was keen to find relatives and learn more about him. My stepfather and I enjoy a great relationship, but I guess there are parts of my personality that I can't account for and thought finding out more about my biological father may help. I became aware quite quickly that my mother didn't approve of me doing a DNA test, stating that they are science fiction, and that I wouldn't get an accurate test because I had had an operation. I found this strange, but thought nothing more of it. Long story short. The results revealed that the person I had been told my entire life was not my father. My biological father is in fact alive, well and a lovely man to boot, albeit 78 years of age now and suffering early onset dementia. Both my Mother, stepfather and certain family members knew the truth already. I had even called my "grandparents" whilst they were still alive and my mother knew about this and encouraged it, all the while knowing it was a lie. I feel totally betrayed, yet willing to forgive, understanding that the past is in fact irrelevant to me now. However, I have started to think of an affair my wife had nearly 10 years ago and have started noticing little lies she has been telling. I feel that the betrayal by my family have altered my trust outside of them, and i have been feeling like everybody has been lying to me about things. I am 44, and my mother admitted, had it not been for the DNA test, she would have never told me the truth. Now I feel if my mother could be so mean, why couldn't everybody else?

IreneM Put-down and Judgemental Language by Jehovah's Witnesses
  • replies: 21

Hi everyone I am fairly new and this is my first personal post. I have been a Jehovah's Witness (JW) for quite a few years. I ever since I was a kid was raised in a spiritual family who had a love of God and the Bible. I always had an appreciation fo... View more

Hi everyone I am fairly new and this is my first personal post. I have been a Jehovah's Witness (JW) for quite a few years. I ever since I was a kid was raised in a spiritual family who had a love of God and the Bible. I always had an appreciation for what the bible ways even though I may not always understand it and I love the principles and tips that it contains. In recent times, since I received my transplanted kidney and, at one stage, lost 70% of my hair. This has made all of the other Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs) in my congregation frown upon me, talk down to me, and judge me, telling me to stop my medical treatment. They just don't seem to have any love, unlike some of the other churches that I grew up in. I was just wondering, regardless of whether you are religious or have a love of spiritual things, have you ever experienced hurt from JWs, not so much when they come to your door, but in passing, on the street or elsewhere. Do they boss you around? or Do they talk down to you? anything similar?

Louise33 Lost at what to do anymore
  • replies: 3

I'm new here & to all of this, I'm at a loss and don't know what else to do My husband of 5 years (together 16) has a problem with porn & chat sights, to the point I'm feeling neglected & unloved & feeling like I don't matter What so ever, I have con... View more

I'm new here & to all of this, I'm at a loss and don't know what else to do My husband of 5 years (together 16) has a problem with porn & chat sights, to the point I'm feeling neglected & unloved & feeling like I don't matter What so ever, I have confronted him about it all about 12 months ago and told him How I feel & that I love him and don't want to be without him but if this keeps up I'm done! He cried & said sorry & we spoke it through for hours, things went back to Normal... but now I'm pretty sure it's back to where we where before I found out everything! If I bring it up he gets all shitty & walks away and won't talk about anything, we have a child who is 4 so things are tense and we don't talk about serious stuff until our babe is in bed. I just can't help that think it's gone next level & maybe he's cheated on me or is cheating, I just don't know there's so much more to this story but it's late & I'm upset tonight so can't put my words together. I understand men watch porn that's fine but this is just ridiculous !! If I try to seduce him he's "not in the mood" but yet I get up too grab a drink at 1am & he's sitting there watching porn, like I'm your damn wife

GLJ Will my husband ever come out of his midlife crisis?
  • replies: 7

Basically, hubby,42, has been moving in and out of our family home in excess of 30 times in two years. He left to “get space” back in 2016. I caught him having an affair. He came home and said he ended it. Long story short, he stayed in this affair f... View more

Basically, hubby,42, has been moving in and out of our family home in excess of 30 times in two years. He left to “get space” back in 2016. I caught him having an affair. He came home and said he ended it. Long story short, he stayed in this affair for two years. Leaving me, then leaving her. (Tripod affair) We have been together 18 years and he has now decided he has been unhappy that entire time. He says I trapped him with our first child, and the second was a mistake. The kids are 17 and 12. They are gutted to see the change in their dad these last two years. When he leaves, he is gone for about a few days to a week, then he comes back sorry, depressed, upset, promising me he loves me and the kids and he will put more effort in to our marriage and family. This lasts a week then he withdraws and leaves. Cycle repeat. The last two times he has been violent to me. I decided to take out an AVO. More to stop myself from taking him back this time. I fall for his words every time. I believe him. i decided this time if I keep him away and see that he has lost his family then that may be what leads him to hit rock bottom and come out of this crisis. Am I stupid to think this way? I have been single parenting the kids anyway. I’m not afraid to be alone or independent. But I just cannot completely give up on him. Im hoping what I have done is the right thing. And I’m hoping I need to be cruel to be kind. Every other time he has left I’ve just taken him back. Even when I asked him to move out for three months, I still allowed him home every weekend for family fun time. I realise I have enabled this pattern, and it had to stop. Am I stupid to still hold out hope?

EzzBea Newly Separated
  • replies: 11

Hi all, I am unsure of what I need but need a place to let my hurt out. My world as I knew it came crashing down 3 weeks ago. An argument about trust and poor judgement turned into me finding out that my husband of 17years (20 yrs together) kissed ou... View more

Hi all, I am unsure of what I need but need a place to let my hurt out. My world as I knew it came crashing down 3 weeks ago. An argument about trust and poor judgement turned into me finding out that my husband of 17years (20 yrs together) kissed our 20yr old aupair (he's 40). I didn't see it coming. We where having a rocky patch but wasn't major and nothing we hadn't got through in the past. He says he took the cowards way out. I deserved so much more respect and so did our children. Our marriage is over and unsalvageable but all these emotions are kicking my arse. We live in a small country town and no one I know saw this coming but them. We have 3 children, 14, 10 & 8. I stayed in the family home with them for routine and stability. How do I get through this. TIA

JonBrickWalker Retroactive Jealously
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been in a relationship for 7 months now we get along really well, deeply in love. If we have a problem between us we always discuss and found a solution so we never have a fight. One day we had a conversation about our past rela... View more

My partner and I have been in a relationship for 7 months now we get along really well, deeply in love. If we have a problem between us we always discuss and found a solution so we never have a fight. One day we had a conversation about our past relationship and sexual experiences and I had discovered that that she had slept with a old close friend of mine. I have never blamed or verbally abused her for her because she was just living her life and I was not in the picture during that time period of her life however I find this topic come up within my conscious on a day to day basis and I can't seem to let go. I've read multiple forums about retroactive jealously, become healthier and more fit in attempt to combat the vulnerability and insecurity I have but I found all of this is just temporary relief for the consistent pain I undergo. My partner is aware of how feel and is miserable about it because she knows its a topic she can't fix. I continually assure her that none of this is her fault or problem it's completely me. Would love to hear if anyone is in or was in the same boat I am in and how you overcame this issue as I love my partner to death has she helped me grow and become a better person