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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Speckles Paranoid Sister
  • replies: 2

I have 2 older sisters, they are 31, 29 and I am 26 years old. My eldest sister and I get along great, however our middle sister suffers from paranoia and tends to fight with us a lot. Most interactions with her result in her getting upset and irrati... View more

I have 2 older sisters, they are 31, 29 and I am 26 years old. My eldest sister and I get along great, however our middle sister suffers from paranoia and tends to fight with us a lot. Most interactions with her result in her getting upset and irrational towards us. Although we try to treat her just like anyone else, she still feels like we isolate her. Most recently, a big fight occurred as she never responded to an invitation I sent out 6 months ago to to join us out at a ticketed event. She didn't understand that the tickets had to be purchased ASAP as they would sell out, and then on the night of the event, she became irrational and accused us of bullying her and excluding her. I tried to explain that I had to buy the tickets at release as they would sell out, and that she had a chance to confirm but never did. I even showed her proof of the message I had sent her which she had acknowledged 6 months ago. I can admit that our relationship is worn thin. When she used to live back at home with me, I constantly was made to feel guilt about her life and lack of friends. She was always at home and it did make me feel uncomfortable as she used to be violent towards me. Fortunately she isn't a violent person anymore, however on countless occasions when we are out as a family at functions, she tends to always get upset and make a scene. She does drink alcohol and there was an incident where she tried to run in front of cars driving on our street, and I had to intervene. After that incident, I have put it in the past and have tried to move on with my own life. She apologised for that and I forgave her, but I asked her to promise not to act like that again. In our most recent fight (about the tickets above), she kept saying that we "bullied" her (I have never said anything ill about her- to her or behind her back) - she labelled me a bully because I didn't follow up if she is coming to an event, even though she is invited everywhere. She has lied about horrible things (her lies lost credibility when her story kept changing) to make us feel bad and try to make us feel sorry for her. I don't want to label her as selfish, but in these situations and arguments, it always revolves around what the world can do for her. I'm here today writing this because I am over being made to feel bad for her. She always gets upset at me for living my life without her. I know she is family but her behaviour is overwhelming and takes its toll on the rest of us.

Lost_2018 Will she be back?
  • replies: 1

My same sex partner & I got together 18mths ago. We were best friends in high school & have known each other 30yrs. We fell back in touch about 5yrs ago & remained distant friends. When we got together, I had been single 2yrs & she was separated from... View more

My same sex partner & I got together 18mths ago. We were best friends in high school & have known each other 30yrs. We fell back in touch about 5yrs ago & remained distant friends. When we got together, I had been single 2yrs & she was separated from her husband for 6mths. Everything was perfect. I helped her through a lot & although it wasn’t easy at times, we always got through it & it brought us closer. 3mths ago, she started distancing herself. Telling me she needed a break. Then a month ago, she breaks up with me via email, telling me she can’t do a relationship with everything she is going through with the divorce. I completely understood, even though it hurt. She has asked to have no contact till next year as she still wants me in her life forever, but not as her partner. I am lost, as I just don’t understand how she can suddenly go from me being the love of her life and talking about a future together, to not wanting to be with me at all. I can’t turn my feelings off like that. I know what we had as she made me believe it and she made me feel it. But now it’s just gone. We had a break earlier this year and she begged me to come back after 2wks. I didn’t feel like it was over then either, turns out it wasn’t. I feel the same again. I just don’t feel like it’s over. I feel it in my heart. I know we shared & although I respect her wishes, I can’t let go of the hope. Can I just maybe have some thoughts?

Ttocs Unfair
  • replies: 1

I am a grandmother to 2 girls, my DIL and I use to get on great, my ex sis in law we were still in touch she has never had children and she gets to act like the MIl and grandmother, recently she repeated something to my DIL which was incorrect and my... View more

I am a grandmother to 2 girls, my DIL and I use to get on great, my ex sis in law we were still in touch she has never had children and she gets to act like the MIl and grandmother, recently she repeated something to my DIL which was incorrect and my DIL has cut me off, but my sis in law is the one who has been saying things to me which is none of my business about my son and til regarding there finances and also lots of other things, she is trying to replaced me as my son's mum til and grabdmother which actually she is the gossiper I've never repeated the things she said but now I feel as if my DIL should know the things she has told me I am gutted that she is being treated like that and I've been cut off. Tiny ex family have nothing to do with my ex sister in law but my son and daughter in law have her look after my granddaughter once a week so they need her as I work full time. Please help any advice appreciated

Chickem100 Crossing the line
  • replies: 6

Morning all, I need some advice. I'm happily married with a young daughter and my family life is fine and I'm very happy. I have a very close female friend of mine who I went out with her and few other friends over the weekend and we all had a good t... View more

Morning all, I need some advice. I'm happily married with a young daughter and my family life is fine and I'm very happy. I have a very close female friend of mine who I went out with her and few other friends over the weekend and we all had a good time. Now my wife didn't come and I didn't think this was an issue. Now I thought she knew my female friend was coming out to this function but turns out I was wrong.....the following day I heard about why I'd go with her and not invite my wife, how she needs to back off a little bit as we do chat everyday and she should know better to not contact a married man a regularly as she does and she clearly has feelings for me and how would I feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Now I'm probably being a bit naive here by thinking I've done nothing wrong and I don't see the issues as I was just hanging out with mates but if my wife is upset then this is something I don't want to happen again. She obviously sees something in my friendship that has her thinking this way. For context my friend is 10 years younger than me and single which I believe could have something to do with it. Cheers.

Lotus1 Partner Shutting Down - At My Wits End
  • replies: 2

My partner suffers from depression. And I am at my wits end, I don’t know how to keep caring when his depression is also hurting me. I know it sounds incredibly selfish but I don’t know what else I can do for this man. I cook, clean, go out of my way... View more

My partner suffers from depression. And I am at my wits end, I don’t know how to keep caring when his depression is also hurting me. I know it sounds incredibly selfish but I don’t know what else I can do for this man. I cook, clean, go out of my way to make his life easier and I get a deafening silence in return. Rather than seek help he self medicates with binge drinking and other things. If his friends have a few beers at home he must turn it into a bender and doesn’t get home until 5am at the earliest - and then I can not bother him while he recovers or I get told how irritating I am. I try not to push him because I hate to se him suffer but when I ask to talk he shuts me out even further, saying that if I ask him to talk it makes him do the opposite. HOW do you help someone who seems to refuse to help themselves? He is not the man I fell in love with, he has no energy for life. I have asked what it is I can do to help and he says space- so I give it and nothing changes. I feel like I am only making things worse for him. But I also feel desperately alone in this relationship, it’s so one sided. It is literally like loving a brick wall and always hoping one day it will speak. I try to very softly suggest other weekend activities rather than alcohol which always makes him worse but he shuts me down. I try to eliminate all house work and chores but he still says I nag him for help. I don’t know what else to do. I walk on egg shells because I know this isn’t him but it’s been over a year of misery and he has NO emotion about anything. The light in his eyes is off and he stares right through you. What can I do for him? How do I help him? I am so worried that something bad will happen, I am so scared that I am ruining him. I don’t know how I can continue without snapping and screaming for something - anything - any emotion at all. I try not to push him further away and every time he shuts down even more. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Dtmah Seeking tips on learning to be less apologetic
  • replies: 3

Often when my partner gets irritated or angry with me, I tend to apologise immediately and then I would hate myself for being so apologetic because in hindsight I don't think I am either the sole person at fault or have actually done anything wrong. ... View more

Often when my partner gets irritated or angry with me, I tend to apologise immediately and then I would hate myself for being so apologetic because in hindsight I don't think I am either the sole person at fault or have actually done anything wrong. What can I do to be more respectful to myself? Sample scenario: I find it hard to show appreciation for my partner in a way that they could understand. I have been feeling quite down about this problem in our relationship, but still committed to try to change and improve my communication with them. So I decided to write it down as a thank you note so they could read it when they are ready. (Because at the time they are really busy with work). My partner saw me passing them the note and without reading it, reacted really strongly and negatively, assuming it was a negative note. I mumbled that it was a thank you note. But they continued to react in an irritated way, telling me they have this work that they are doing and now they have to deal with this note. I was feeling quite hurt and rejected by then. But my immediate response was to apologise for disturbing their work and having poor communication skills. I hate myself for saying that because I feel like they should also take responsibility for overreacting despite feeling stress about work at the time. Any thoughts/ suggestions on what I should have done/could do better for next time? Thanks.

Mira61 Estranged children by a Covert Narcissist
  • replies: 5

I have finally decided to tell my unbelievable story. It's unbelievable because of the invisible damage my ex-husband of 24 years has caused me, my children and my family. We have been separated now for 6 years and last month I suffered another PTSD ... View more

I have finally decided to tell my unbelievable story. It's unbelievable because of the invisible damage my ex-husband of 24 years has caused me, my children and my family. We have been separated now for 6 years and last month I suffered another PTSD flare-up due to a new evolution of his abuse. F (my ex-husband) is a depressed covert narcissist. His demonstrated fake "love" for me and my children (one 23 yo boy and one 19 yo girl) was unparalleled. My own family thought that he was an angel. When we visited them interstate, he would sleep on the floor. I did not feel the need to point out that he sometimes slept on the floor at home. I tried to support him in his depression but he refused my help because "it's none of my business". So I put up with his lethargy, apathy, putting me down, gaslighting me, picking on what I say and do with my beloved children, mocking my ethnic background for 15 years. Then he started cheating on me at the same time I was getting international recognition for my work and he became more abusive in private. I pulled back from work and tried to "save my marriage" but he became abusive in front of my children. I asked my brother to talk to him, but F told him how I am impossible to live with (sleeping on the floor was evidence of his martyrdom). My brother was also convincing me at the time to try harder to please my ex-husband to spare the children from a broken home. My brother now also believe that it was all my fault. One year after the break-up my daughter was admitted to hospital suffering from PTSD. Living mostly with him (the children were with him during the week with weekend-stays with me then) he took over her treatments with the help of a psychiatrist that he briefed who subsequently banned me from seeing my daughter. I was so distressed firstly for my concern for my daughter in the hands of a depressed narcissist and second for not being able to see my daughter. I suffered severe trauma as a result of the separation. My relationship with my daughter, my son, my brother and mother (who lives with my brother) is now estranged. I tried so hard to support my children even when they were nasty to me but they continue to treat me with contempt. I feel alone and I have lost hope of ever repairing the love my children and I had for one another. Thankfully, 2 friends who have known us for decades and my counsellor validate the abuse I suffered. I don't know what the next step is in my recovery but I'm trying it here as well.

LadyFlower Fear of dating
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I’m in my 20’s and never been in a relationship. I have considered joining online dating to meet and talk with people. However, the thought of it and then potentially going on a date makes me very anxious. To the point that I would rather n... View more

Hi there, I’m in my 20’s and never been in a relationship. I have considered joining online dating to meet and talk with people. However, the thought of it and then potentially going on a date makes me very anxious. To the point that I would rather not meet anyone. I’m scared at the thought of introducing to my family, I won’t have enough time, I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?

egyptian_writer Support groups
  • replies: 1

Good morning friends I am here to ask if anyone knows support groups for children age 11 unfortunately I can only find groups for young children till age 6 or teens. So I would appreciate it if you provide me with any information thank you

Good morning friends I am here to ask if anyone knows support groups for children age 11 unfortunately I can only find groups for young children till age 6 or teens. So I would appreciate it if you provide me with any information thank you

somebun Betrayal Trauma?
  • replies: 4

I've been umm'ing and ahh'ing about whether to post this for quite some time. It's something I haven't told family or friends, so I guess I just need somewhere to vent, and hopefully get some advice or reassurance. I recently discovered that my husba... View more

I've been umm'ing and ahh'ing about whether to post this for quite some time. It's something I haven't told family or friends, so I guess I just need somewhere to vent, and hopefully get some advice or reassurance. I recently discovered that my husband of 14 years has been doing some things behind my back that I find unacceptable - both the behaviours and the fact that he was doing hurtful things behind my back, and lying to me when it was discovered. In a nutshell, he's become addicted to porn and perving online, and was becoming infatuated with a female friend of his (thankfully she's a lot younger and way out of his league, so it was unreciprocated otherwise I think I'd be dealing with a full blown affair). Hi behaviours are all centered around online/social media use including regular online porn use, pornographic emails, googling images from skimpy to pornographic, looking up women on facebook through groups and suggested friends list and going through their photos, plus the private messaging and obsessive 'likes' of his female friend. All these behaviours were behind my back which tells me that he knew they were hurtful, and I wouldn't like him doing it. If he wouldn't sit there next to me going through countless images of women he finds hot, then he probably shouldn't be doing it? I discovered his behaviour by chance - I opened my eyes one morning in bed to see him scrolling through his suggested friend list and opening every hot chicks profile, going straight to photos and opening all the ones he wanted a better look at. Then onto the next woman.. After this discovery it all came out in dribs and drabs (along with lots of lies) about everything else - the porn (emails and websites), the facebook perving, the googling, the obsession with his female friend. I'm not totally naive, or a prude. It's fine to appreciate an attractive woman passing by, on TV etc.. It's incidental and fleeting. But to go hunting for them everyday, in secret - I don't think this behaviour belongs in a marriage. Even porn, we watch together every now and then to spice things up, so why go behind my back? Would love to know your thoughts. I feel so betrayed because of the lying and deceit. My self esteem has taken a huge blow - I feel like I'm not good enough, and if I'd been more attractive he wouldn't have done what he did.