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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lou88 Jealous of my brother - my family doesn’t understand.
  • replies: 1

My brother is having his 21st in a few months. He is a few years younger than me. Organising his 21st was much easier than mine & my parents seem to be looking forward to it much more, they’re less stressed etc. My brother has always been socially be... View more

My brother is having his 21st in a few months. He is a few years younger than me. Organising his 21st was much easier than mine & my parents seem to be looking forward to it much more, they’re less stressed etc. My brother has always been socially better than me - popular at school, lots of friends, charming to adults etc. I messaged my parents (I live overseas from them) and told them I was feeling upset & a bit jealous of my brother regarding his 21st, and thought it was going to be better than mine. Dad immediately got angry at me over the phone. So I tried explaining to mum & dad why I felt that way - ^ reasons above. Through my counselling (I have anxiety and depression), I’ve learnt to communicate my feelings with people early rather than bottle them up & lash out at people. However mum told me that I can’t help what I feel but it doesn’t mean the feelings are right, and I have really upset the whole family. I got upset & told them I wouldn’t be going to the 21st, and told mum to cancel a holiday we have booked together in a few months because I didn’t want to spend time with her. And told my parents I didn’t want to speak to them anymore. I haven’t been able to get out of bed since & feel so depressed. I don’t have many friends either. I don’t see any point in being here anymore. Please help.

KLB How do I tell him its over
  • replies: 14

I separated from my partner of 21 years almost 2 years ago. We have lived separately for 10 months. He has PTSD ( currently untreated). Long story short he wanted space, cheated and lied. He eventually stopped seeing the other woman. I told him he ne... View more

I separated from my partner of 21 years almost 2 years ago. We have lived separately for 10 months. He has PTSD ( currently untreated). Long story short he wanted space, cheated and lied. He eventually stopped seeing the other woman. I told him he needed to sort himself out before we can even think about fixing us. I thought moving out would give him reason to do that. It hasn't. I tried to get him to talk about everything for a while. Now all of a sudden he wants us to start talking about things because its painful for him not knowing what we are doing and we need to either sort it out or move on. His words. I'm worried about his mental state and how he is going to take it when I say we cant be together. He doesnt have any support close by except me and the kids (21, 18, 14). How do I tell him it's over and still be there for him?

Peanuthead Relationship failing from depression
  • replies: 2

I'm not sure what to do in my relationship I feel like it's impossible to keep it healthy. My partner is very helpful with my anxiety and depression, he's very reassuring and patient with me but it's come to the point where I believe there is constan... View more

I'm not sure what to do in my relationship I feel like it's impossible to keep it healthy. My partner is very helpful with my anxiety and depression, he's very reassuring and patient with me but it's come to the point where I believe there is constant sadness all the time and I feel guilty for making him have to put up with me. When i'm happy we are perfect but when I'm not, we aren't at all, and I'm the only one who creates conflict in our relationship from these spouts of anxiety and panic attacks. When I asked him why he didn't ever get mad or annoyed at me he responded by telling me he wasn't an angry person, which is so hard for me because I feel awful every time I randomly go through these moods and am currently ridden with guilt and ashamed of the way I acted recently towards him with jealousy when he did nothing wrong and made a fool of myself in front of all my friends. I am very insecure about our relationship from past incidences with other partners and family and he knows this, but for me it comes easy to blame my actions on my mental health and trauma. I don't know how to face him, I feel so full of guilt it's making me sick. I never want to lose him but I feel like I can't get out of this cycle, I have no idea what to do. help

Anon85 Pregnant and struggling
  • replies: 4

Somebody please tell me I'm not crazy! I'm 7 weeks pregnant, it was planned, my husband and I have been together for 10ish years and he is excited. I'm trying to be...but I'm not. When we first got together I was certain I wanted to have kids some da... View more

Somebody please tell me I'm not crazy! I'm 7 weeks pregnant, it was planned, my husband and I have been together for 10ish years and he is excited. I'm trying to be...but I'm not. When we first got together I was certain I wanted to have kids some day and that day has come. I struggled in the last few years about whether or not I wanted kids, I just can't think of any good reasons why I would. It looks like hard work, expensive, stressful, and my own childhood was pretty ordinary at times due to an overbearing and unstable mother. We decided to start trying and I was so excited, then I got pregnant straight away. I was excited when I didn't think about it too much, like the day to day stuff. Now at 7 weeks I dont remember the last time I didn't feel 8/10 nautious, nothing interests me and every time I see a baby on tv or out and about I feel sick and I just cringe. I don't know if I want this. I kind of mentioned to my husband how I was feeling but he got so upset and started talking about abortions and how he will have to leave and find someone who does want kids. He didn't mean it in a nasty way, he was just being practical. On top of this, he has not worked for a year (for medical reasons, still has money coming in), is depressed and going through a lot and has just been diagnosed with diabetes which is really messing him up. He is driving me crazy, I love him, I know logically I do. But I can't stand him right now! I feel like I have no control over my body, my boobs aren't even fun any more, they're practical and sore. I was finally at my goal weight and enjoying the gym. Now I can't bare to even get off the couch. Is this all just hormones? Am I going to want this baby eventually? I feel like I'm ruining my life! Everything is going to change so much and I can't see any positives right now! Suggestions? Thoughts? Help me!

Flangalicious Looking for private health care with good mental health cover
  • replies: 1

Hi All, Newbie here. Please be gentle! My husband is in a really bad spot. He's recently admitted to himself that he has PTSD (from being in the army) and has been issued a mental health plan from his GP. I also feel as though he has bi polar but tha... View more

Hi All, Newbie here. Please be gentle! My husband is in a really bad spot. He's recently admitted to himself that he has PTSD (from being in the army) and has been issued a mental health plan from his GP. I also feel as though he has bi polar but that's for a professional to come to the conclusion to... He doesn't have private health insurance so I'm looking around for him as he can't take on such a big task right now. The mental health plan from the GP will obviously only last for so long. We're based in QLD and he's early 30's (if that's makes any difference?) I have no doubt that this is a thread that will have been asked around a lot and I apologise for anther round of it and appreciate all your help and understanding Flang x

BeginnerHealer34 My parent encouraged me to suicide?
  • replies: 1

In the heat of an argument where both myself and my Mum were in a fight and shooting off swears at each other, my Mum said she regretted feeling sorry for me feeling suicidal. While this doesn’t directly imply she wants me to commit suicide, it’s not... View more

In the heat of an argument where both myself and my Mum were in a fight and shooting off swears at each other, my Mum said she regretted feeling sorry for me feeling suicidal. While this doesn’t directly imply she wants me to commit suicide, it’s not exactly ethical to say even by insult standards to someone who experienced a close brush by feeling suicidal last year. I was holidaying down in Margaret River in Western Australia with my family when this happened and I was NOT enjoying it. The weather was awful, what internet we had was super slow after the first day, pillows got wet through the caravan, I was expected to go down there and set up with my Dad when my Mum and little Brother has little reason to come later, I was expected to stay later than my Mum and little brother even though I hated the place. I could go on, but I was considering catching a bus back to Perth two days in. When they decided to kick my little brother off his bed and remove an undersheet for the sake of “back problems” on their part that was the last straw for me: 1. There’s nothing stopping them from doing the same thing to me further down the line beyond their word. 2. They could easily have experimented with their own bed and sleeping and/or got a new mattress instead of kicking my LB off his bed. When I tried to explain to them my concerns above and why said concerns (along with the other reasons MR was awful above) left me considering never caravanning again, they misinterpreted my argument and claimed I was ungrateful for being unwilling to give up a bedsheet. Please note that it was NOT the taking of the bedsheet that was irritating me, it was kicking my LB off his bed into a less comfortable bed, refusal to consider other options (that I’m aware of) for their bad backs and the above reasons regarding Margaret River that was the cause. If all the above except requesting a bedsheet from me didn’t occur I would have absolutely 0 reason to be upset. As to why I swore at them, a psychologist that I saw last year told me I needed to stop living for others and start living for myself. I interpreted that as meaning I needed a backbone. So if you swear at me in an argument unlike before, I’m now going to respond in kind. Whether they or I swore first I can’t rememberer, if I did swear first I absolutely owe them an apology. So I have options: 1. I go to my Nan’s and stay there. 2. I disown my mother when I’m financially independent. 3. I act like this didn’t happen. Thoughts?

dvdn My boyfriend broke me
  • replies: 3

Hi. Recently my boyfriend and I broke up. We lost our sex life and we both weren’t happy in general. He said he needed to be single and if it wasn’t going to work with me then it’s not going to work with anyone. I still love him and he said he wasn’t... View more

Hi. Recently my boyfriend and I broke up. We lost our sex life and we both weren’t happy in general. He said he needed to be single and if it wasn’t going to work with me then it’s not going to work with anyone. I still love him and he said he wasn’t breaking up with me because he didn’t love or care about me. Suddenly a few days later he said he came to realise he had fallen out of love with me ages ago and only just realised. This hurt. But I only found out that he had slept with someone the night before he told me that. He has been in a musical duo with this girl for 6 months. They spent lots of time together because their music became a part-time job. I was hesitant and had a bad feeling about her so kept my distance. She was constantly messaging him and wanting to hang out with him and generally said she didn’t want me around. I couldn’t go to his gigs because I work all weekend nights and that’s when they were on. 4 days after we broke up she confessed his feelings for her and she confessed hers to him. They slept together. Now he’s saying he might want to date her. Even though I KNOW he’s still hurting from our break up because me and him were best friends and partners for nearly 3 years. All my friends and his think that she is shady and has been gunning for him from the start. Is it silly of me to think he’s just lost and thinking this friendship is love?

Michacat 2nd major relationship failure
  • replies: 14

Hi this is my first time on an online forum. I am 45 and 7 weeks ago my partner of 14 years said he didn’t love me anymore and was leaving. There is no other person involved. He has been living in another room for last 6 weeks while he find a rental ... View more

Hi this is my first time on an online forum. I am 45 and 7 weeks ago my partner of 14 years said he didn’t love me anymore and was leaving. There is no other person involved. He has been living in another room for last 6 weeks while he find a rental now he has finally moved all his stuff I’m broken again. I’ve suffered with depression since my twenties had 3 overdoses and two mental health unit visits in my twenties. I have been seeing a psychologist and my gp and I’m an antidepressant. My partner says we are wired differently. He has lost the emotional connection to me because over the years I’ve done and said some things that hurt him. He said he should have left years ago but was too scared about being in his own. I just can’t stop crying have lost 4 kg in weight and see no hope for the future without him. I have negative thoughts of guilt and regret. I seem to be to blame for it that I’m not affectionate enough or supported him emotionally enough. Really struggling to want to live.

Need_help20 Partner pushing me away due to his depression and thinking I'm cheating
  • replies: 1

Hey there, My partner and I have moved apart into different states and it's been a tough few months. Lately, I've noticed he's been getting depressed again and he really pushes me away, I feel like I can't say anything right. He has told me it's beca... View more

Hey there, My partner and I have moved apart into different states and it's been a tough few months. Lately, I've noticed he's been getting depressed again and he really pushes me away, I feel like I can't say anything right. He has told me it's because he can't find a job/ is lonely in his country town/ needs his learners hours up and money, and it's always been a tough thing for us to get through. Recently he called me and we both got emotional and clashed a little ( we never have really fought in the 2 years of being together) and afterwards I decided to message him on the lines of " I know nothing I'm saying seems right at the moment but I'm always here and will support you no matter what, talk when you're ready" etc. After a while I was concerned about him and messaged both his older sister in the town and his best guy friend, just to see if they could check up on him and stuff and remind him it'll be okay. And his friend bluntly shared that my partner thought I may be cheating on him with my best guy friend, I was shocked. It was someone he doesn't trust but I would never ever do that to him. His friend also said he didn't want to seem like a jerk but I should be feeling horrible... it made it seem like we were going to break up. I'm so confused about this whole situation. I don't know how I will drift away from my friend and also I don't understand why he would ever think that way about me. He's never done it before to my knowledge. I want him to trust me and I'd like to know some ways I could be supportive of him during this painful time for him even when he pushes me away. It really does clash with my anxiety too. -Thanks

Vantez66 Adult sons lying
  • replies: 8

This is tough. We have just found out that our 22yo son has lied about his university course, to the point where he told us he was invited to do first class honours for which he received a distinction mark. He failed subjects in his second year and b... View more

This is tough. We have just found out that our 22yo son has lied about his university course, to the point where he told us he was invited to do first class honours for which he received a distinction mark. He failed subjects in his second year and by the time third year came around he was asked to leave due to continued failure and poor performance. We found out he lied because we asked him about the graduation ceremony which he lied about too. He broke down and told us he had lied because he couldn't cope and felt like a failure.This has been quite a sad blow for us as parents, the lies have snowballed and we are feeling like terrible parents, as though we have made it difficult for him to come to us for support or help.Are we bad parents? Where can we go from here? I have suggested some counselling for him and ourselves because we are swinging between angry and sad. Our trust has be broken, it's devastating. Any help would be appreciated