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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Total_disbelief Feeling down
  • replies: 1

Hi I have been married to my husband for 32 years when about a week ago he came home from work and he is leaving he didn't give me any chance to speak just said he had had about of fighting and yelling when we hadn't had a fight for about a month he ... View more

Hi I have been married to my husband for 32 years when about a week ago he came home from work and he is leaving he didn't give me any chance to speak just said he had had about of fighting and yelling when we hadn't had a fight for about a month he gave me no reason p that than he had had enough and was done when I ask him to stay and work on it together he said no when I ask him if he lived me he said no I don't know how to have a l hide without him

Lost_Wanderer How should I move forward?
  • replies: 1

About 1.5 years ago I split up with my partner who was a narcissist. The road to recovery has been rough with several relationships that didn't work (due to my trust issues) and an increasing alcohol reliance. I've made or thought I made some ground ... View more

About 1.5 years ago I split up with my partner who was a narcissist. The road to recovery has been rough with several relationships that didn't work (due to my trust issues) and an increasing alcohol reliance. I've made or thought I made some ground lately with a sense of peace. Since then I've entered yet another extremely difficult relationship with a direct report at work. Initially I was avoiding doing it but after losing a close friend we connected as she comforted me. The person in question here pushed hard to initiate the relationship. Since then it has been a rollercoaster of emotion with her letting me know she has social anxiety specifically around the thought of this. I feel like walking away is ridiculous as this is the first person I've had an emotional connection with like this in so long, but continuing to try is killing me. Continuing to attempt to make this work is causing me stress, I don't know if I can talk to her about stuff or count on her for support nor where we stand any of the time. In addition to this I run several companies, one of which is going through a very rough patch causing stress also. There are a number of family issues with my extended family with regards to health that I am also attempting to assist with. I'm trying as hard as I can to be a rock for everyone I can and hold everything together but my sleeping has gotten more and more erratic, I've started to feel sick through the day and when eating, and I've been getting headaches. Last night I bumped into this woman whilst catching up with some friends, I didn't know if I would be intruding if I went over so I left it up to her to come to me. She said she would but never did (shouldn't be a big deal). After sitting there and wondering (for about 2 hours) if she would I realised that the only reason I was even still there was to see what she would do. Most the people I liked had left and I was now hanging out with mostly people I neither knew nor liked.

running_girl Is my mum being unreasonable?
  • replies: 8

Hi, it's been a while since I posted. Things are good. I have a nice partner who I've been with for a year and a half. He lives in his place and I live in my place with my elderly mum who is partially dependent on me for things like showering, shoppi... View more

Hi, it's been a while since I posted. Things are good. I have a nice partner who I've been with for a year and a half. He lives in his place and I live in my place with my elderly mum who is partially dependent on me for things like showering, shopping, dr's appointments etc. I love my mum and I try and go out of my way to show her this. I like taking her out and including her with certain of my social events with friends, etc. She has social anxiety and has no social life except through me. My partner has invited her to things with me and his family on occasion, but not on every occasion. My partner's parents are coming to stay with him for a while and when they arrive he has arranged to take them and me out to lunch. Mum is very upset that she's not invited and explained that she was also hurt when not invited to previous events. She's not stopping me from going but she I can see that she may be beginning to dislike my partner. Is she being unreasonable? Should my partner have invited her to lunch with me and his parents? It's hard for me to be objective and I just feel torn between them. I would really appreciate others' advice and/or opinions. Thanks, Running Girl

Anywhere Overwhelmed with settlement
  • replies: 2

Hi, ive been separated from my husband over a year but have only just gained the courage to go up against him for my share of the house etc. lawyers keep asking for money, I have hardly any hours at a stressful job, etc etc. I’m just overwhelmed and ... View more

Hi, ive been separated from my husband over a year but have only just gained the courage to go up against him for my share of the house etc. lawyers keep asking for money, I have hardly any hours at a stressful job, etc etc. I’m just overwhelmed and on my own through this. So hard not to get down about it all.

Guest_598 He knows what he wants but cannot decide
  • replies: 4

Hi All, my partner knows what makes him happy, i.e. the relationship we have and the dreams of a future with me that he has. However, his ex-wife is causing him to feel a lot of guilt and obligation which stops him in his tracks. He feels so bad abou... View more

Hi All, my partner knows what makes him happy, i.e. the relationship we have and the dreams of a future with me that he has. However, his ex-wife is causing him to feel a lot of guilt and obligation which stops him in his tracks. He feels so bad about hurting people that he stays in a state of indecisiveness. He has gone to numerous counselling sessions with her now during which he told her that he does not love her anymore and that he would not date or marry the person she is these days. However, it makes him feel so harsh and bad, that he cannot get himself to tell her that the one-year separation will remain in tact for good. He will now go and spend two weeks with her and others over Christmas, just to get 100% clarity that the feelings are gone (he doesn't trust himself because he is so confused, but all signs show he has no love and trust left) and in the hope that she will realise that it would not be nice to be with someone who doesn't love her. I think he is hoping for her to say, ok, this isn't working anymore. However, I doubt that will happen because she holds on and forces him into more sessions and time together. I told him that I will have to make my final decision if he still cannot tell me that it is 100% over with her after Christmas. They have no warm interactions, no physical contact, nothing. They live in different states but it is almost like he feels guilty for leaving her abruptly a year ago and now has to give you any opportunity to talk etc. possible. He feels incredibly obligated after over 13 years of marriage but is incredibly happy whenever we are together. His best friend says it is like night and day when we are together vs. when he meets her for the counselling. So, I believe the love is definitely gone and will not return during those two weeks. But how can a man finally get himself to make the decision that he already knows is required? He already talks about selling their house, having to give her lots of money, getting lawyers etc. The only problem is, he does not tell her because he feels guilty, obligated and worried that it will hurt her. And that even though she hasn't been nice to him and she caused a lot of damage to their marriage due to her alcoholism. He is seeing a psych but what could I possibly do to help him get this done? I have been waiting for us for a year. We are absolutely great together but I cannot constantly wait until he finally makes the inevitable decision. How can I support him make a call?

Guest_9043 Stuck mentally and emotionally. Need to make a decision.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm baffled as to what to do. It is my niece's graduation from Primary School in two weeks. My sister sent me an invite if I want to attend. I want to be there for my niece. At the same time I'm in therapy over long term family abuse. I'm struggl... View more

Hi, I'm baffled as to what to do. It is my niece's graduation from Primary School in two weeks. My sister sent me an invite if I want to attend. I want to be there for my niece. At the same time I'm in therapy over long term family abuse. I'm struggling with guilt if I don't go. I will send her a gift and card marking the occassion. To turn up by myself to a big event with lots of people will be hugely overwhelming for me and on top of my mental health and well being will just be too much on my heart and mind. My sister attempts to make me feel guilty. Yet, she chooses when I was able to see my niece and when I wasn't able too. I still kept in touch with my niece as best I could. I'm in a place where I'm trying to deal with unresolved deep pain over their choices. The past abuse runs rampant in my head when having to make these decisions. I can't have this ongoing stuff in my head. It needs to go as I'm already facing so many difficulties and challenges. I have my therapist and other professional supports but no friends or family. It's all just gone. It's hard on my own.

collie32 I have a problem with lying
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I don't know whether this the right thread to post in but here goes Im really lost at the moment and am just needing some sort of help. My girlfriends and my relationship has been destroyed because of my lying and dishonesty. I feel like I li... View more

Hi all, I don't know whether this the right thread to post in but here goes Im really lost at the moment and am just needing some sort of help. My girlfriends and my relationship has been destroyed because of my lying and dishonesty. I feel like I lie to get out of trouble most of the time but it's now got to the stage where I am creating scenarios in my head to try and cover my lying or at least, excuse it. I had emotionally cheated on my girlfriend a few months back and instead of telling her straight away I decided to keep it a secret until a few weeks ago. It wasn't until she fessed up about doing something which she regretted that I had the guts to tell her. I knew that I should have told her straight away and over time the guilt of keeping a secret like that started to build up. But even still, I didn't tell the whole story, just parts of it. I was scared of how it would have effected her but I think I am more scared of the repercussions. She values honesty above anything else and she is always honest with me even if she knows it will hurt my feelings and I respect that about her but I can't seem to do the same back. It's been going on for the entire 6 years that we have been together that I would tell little white lies to get out of trouble or to avoid conflict with her. This time though was the last straw with her because of the cheating and the lying about it. I've just had enough of being this person who can't be honest with the one person they should be completely honest with. I just don't know what to do to get better. Collie32

No1nosme I want to take a break from my marriage
  • replies: 5

My husband and I have been married for 6 years, together for 10. These last 5 years, I have struggled with multiple addictions that have placed huge financial and emotional stress on our marriage. My gambling addiction caused my husband to find it ne... View more

My husband and I have been married for 6 years, together for 10. These last 5 years, I have struggled with multiple addictions that have placed huge financial and emotional stress on our marriage. My gambling addiction caused my husband to find it necessary to take control of my finances, with my salary being paid directly to our joint account and my every spend monitored. For a short time, this method helped stop the gambling. However, over time I grew resentful at being surveiled and like a child, I would at times rebel. On top of that, I also use recreational drugs. This is a huge issue because he and I have differing views on the subject, and while I can see and understand his point of view, he never even tries to understand where I am coming from. So again, I get surveiled and monitored and told what to do. Because I am studying at the moment, he is heavily supporting me, and whenever I step out of line I get restricted access to the car or the finances. I even get told who I can and can not have in the house...My house. (E.g certain family members). So a week ago, I asked to take a break from our marriage. I explained how there is a huge power imbalance in our relationship, and I needed to be apart so I could prove to myself, and him, that I am capable of making it on my own. I told him I felt as though he relished in how broken I am because it makes him feel superior by being the one who "fixes" me. I absolutely do not want a divorce, he is actually a wonderful man, and I love him completely. But I can't go another 10 years feeling like a worthless piece of crap who is indebted to her super hero husband. I actually explained it a lot better to him last week. I poured my heart out actually. And all he could say was "You just need to finish uni, then things will be better". Ugh Is it viable to have a trial separation? Is that a thing?

BD93 New Dad - feeling left out amongst other issues
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I'm a new dad at 26 years old. My wife and I have have been together for almost 8 years now, and inside those 8 years we've been through some crap, 2x miscarriages and fertility issues just to name a few. 4 months ago we finally had our son... View more

Hi there, I'm a new dad at 26 years old. My wife and I have have been together for almost 8 years now, and inside those 8 years we've been through some crap, 2x miscarriages and fertility issues just to name a few. 4 months ago we finally had our son who I love more than anything, but I'm struggling on a few fronts; - Firstly. Feeling like the useless and unloved 3rd wheel. I know that our relationship has changed by introducing our son, and it's not like I didn't expect it. But now I feel like maybe I wasn't expecting the more important things. - My wife is doing an amazing job with breastfeeding only. But this means that she has to be awake for every feed, so obviously she's tired and that's fine I get that. But I'm also working 60+ hours a week to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads and I'm just as tired but I don't feel like I can tell her I'm tired because she's got it pretty rough too, so I go to work, then come home and try to be the best dad I can and often feel like I'm falling short, only to wake up the next day, even after a solid 6-7 hours sleep feeling just as drained just to do it all again. - When we are home together I can't help but feel like it's Her and bub then me, I feel very little love, even at bedtime, I know she's tired but I don't even get a kiss goodnight or "I love you" something we've always done and I've continued after birth of bub but it feels like it's all on me to make sure she's feeling loved even though I'm not. And I think this is causing me to want sex just to feel loved which leads to rejection whether it's bubs presence or wife not wanting it and I feel like I'm only going further down the rabbit hole into feelings of being unloved - I've tried to explain to her just how useless I feel when I can't settle him and have to give him back and how I feel guilty that sometimes I feel like she's doing all this on her own to which she generally replies with "I try to let you help out when you're home" or "You're a great dad" but I still feel like I'm letting everyone down. I don't know what I want out of this post, maybe just a vent to get it off my chest but thanks to those who took the time to read. I've always struggled with sharing how I'm feeling or asking for help. I just wonder am I thinking about it to much, is this how most dads feel?

Wonderland I'm unhappy
  • replies: 1

I have been depressed for little over a year. In this time I lost my self care and my will to do, well, anything. I have gone days without showering, weeks without brushing my hair and God knows how long it has been since I actually did all of my lau... View more

I have been depressed for little over a year. In this time I lost my self care and my will to do, well, anything. I have gone days without showering, weeks without brushing my hair and God knows how long it has been since I actually did all of my laundry. I am trying to get better and have seen my GP, started st John's wort, and am waiting to see a psychologist. But during these hard times my SO has been taking care of most housework. We fight about this a lot. I have broken down so many times and apologised and explained how hard I'm trying but he doesn't get it. He doesn't believe me. we have had so many hard times. I am currently crying every night because he quit his job and we can't afford our rent. I work as much as I can bit as I'm a uni student as well, it's not enough to pay all the bills on my own. When I get upset about money or bring up expenses in any way he gets angry with me and tells me to relax and says it's annoying that I'm constantly worrying about it. I feel like I can't stop though because I'm the only one who pays all of our bills and rent. He also bought a new phone on zip pay (after I begged him not to) a few days before he quit his job and I still have to worry about paying it off. I feel like I have never been in the right place through our relationship (I have had anxiety for years and have been realising through therapy that i was abused as a child). But I feel like I'm at an all time low. And I also feel like my SO has lost his patience with me. He is frustrated with me because I don't look after myself. And i am so broken because I feel like the world is crushing me down. I feel like our relationship has to end. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel here. We have been fighting constantly for a long time now. I don't even know when it started. We have had a lot of deep conversations where I cry a lot and he says he understands, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. He has some anger issues that he admits to, and every time he yells at me I just start repeating in my head "I want to break up, I want to break up" but at the same time, when I really think about it I don't know what I would do without him. I feel so dependent on him for stability and support because we have been together through some of the hardest years of my life as I have struggled to live with depression and anxiety. And I don't know what to do. Has anyone had a similar situation? What did they do in the end?