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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_93753106 Marriage melts
  • replies: 1

I found out my husband was dabbling with drugs with my best friend/bridesmaid and partner whilst looking after our kids collectively. I was mortified but also drank a fair bit so felt voiceless. my not the husband had an argument with these people wh... View more

I found out my husband was dabbling with drugs with my best friend/bridesmaid and partner whilst looking after our kids collectively. I was mortified but also drank a fair bit so felt voiceless. my not the husband had an argument with these people which caused me to lose my bridesmaid three weeks before the wedding and all respect for him. I did t want get married but everything was paid for and I didn’t want to let everyone down. Such a push over. I hated our wedding. Especially after I carefully curated my vows over months, before these events, and he spat out the generic crap handed to him. the next five years of marriage was just that! he hurt him self doing pull ups whilst drinking. Six months off and Surgery. then he got back on drugs. Two years and I was stuck with this during lockdown so I started drinking again. Finally got him out but I’m such an idiot and let him back. I went away for one night in. Three frickin years and got a call from my seven year old saying dad’s really hurt. He was drinking on a bike in back yard and completely cracked his sternum. Time off again and so much anger towards him. then he has internal issues. Granted the procedure to correct is very painful but I am done. I keep thinking when he gets better he will do more. Rubbish! I want out. I do absolutely everything! From cleaning, cooking, school stuff, medical stuff, finances, showering, homework, basic hygiene, run a business, pay the bills, and the list goes on. He won't even make breakfast or change nappies! I may as well be a single mum and not have him to look after.

Kingsley Help with relationship issue
  • replies: 2

I would appreciate an unbiased opinion on an issue that has caused a rift in my relationship.It may seem trivial but it has caused a major problem between myself and my partner.She has started a new job that is a long distance from me.I loaned her so... View more

I would appreciate an unbiased opinion on an issue that has caused a rift in my relationship.It may seem trivial but it has caused a major problem between myself and my partner.She has started a new job that is a long distance from me.I loaned her some money to ensure that she could buy a reasonable vehicle to get there safely.She has loaned money before and has paid it back in full so I felt no worries about it.She told me that she was already in debt and it would take a while before she could pay it back.I waited until she had settled into her new job and then sent her a text saying "Are you planning on paying off your vehicle loan?"[exact words]This made her extremely upset and caused her say that I was using the loan against her and that she should not have borrowed the money.I took her words seriously and felt that she was actually saying that I was abusing her in some way which of course upset me very much.I sent the text because I thought it was a good idea to be clear on the details of the loan to avoid any problems later on.Do you think that she was right in being upset?

Guest_65763526 My bf broke up w me bc of his anxiety
  • replies: 1

My bf broke up with me last night. I’m distraught, I thought I supported him and did the best i could. The thing about him is he has a bad past with anxiety and is an extreme overthinker, he has seen several psychologists about it and has anger issue... View more

My bf broke up with me last night. I’m distraught, I thought I supported him and did the best i could. The thing about him is he has a bad past with anxiety and is an extreme overthinker, he has seen several psychologists about it and has anger issues. Because he is an overthinker in the relationship he used to overthink a lot of things. He kept saying “u deserve someone better” “someone who gives me more time” “he doesn’t want me to deal with his anxiety” I told him and reassured him I do deserve him and he gives me plenty of time and I’m there to support him. He kept saying he doesn’t deserve me, and how I deserve someone better. Not my best moment but I was begging for him back, why did he break up with me what did I do wrong???

2xmumma A real messy situation - advice please
  • replies: 1

I am I need of advice. It's a long one. I dont even know if anyone can help with insane mess I'm in right now. Backstory - I started dating my husband 17 yrs ago. We married 10 years ago. When we met he had a drug problem but got help and overcame it... View more

I am I need of advice. It's a long one. I dont even know if anyone can help with insane mess I'm in right now. Backstory - I started dating my husband 17 yrs ago. We married 10 years ago. When we met he had a drug problem but got help and overcame it. After we had our 1st child in 2015 he started acting strange and saw a psychologist who diagnosed him with post-partem depression. I was not aware men could but they can and it's due to the change in a relationship after a baby. He started using drugs again and we seperated. During that time he committed high value theft crimes with some "mates". He was arrested in 2018 and released on bail 3 mths later, I supported him and we gave it another go. He was fantastic throughout his court proceedings saw a psych but ultimately received a sentence of 5yrs with parole after 2.5yrs in 2020. He was devastated as was I and I made the choice to support him having been back on track for so long prior. He got parole in July 2022 and we had a son in May 2023. From then he was fantastic as it was prior to the relapse in 2018. Early April 2024 his mother passed away, he was with her when she passed and had agreed 2 days prior to place her in palliative and felt guilty for her passing. He went to counselling to try to help, family issues with her will prevented her from being buried right after the funeral (new rules the private cemetery she had a prepaid plot with) My Pa passed suddenly early May who he was very close to. The following week was Mothers Day and it hit him that day that he had nowhere to lay flowers or visit his mum and he used ice again which triggered the last relapse. He went downhill quickly and nothing I did seemed to help. He ultimately found himself passed out in a parking garage panicking on how to get out and had the police called on him. As he had drugs in his system that was an instant breach of parole and the 2 years he has been out has been erased and he is back in until June 2026. This happened 2 weeks ago. I was still struggling with the fact I'm a single mum to 2 kids suddenly then 3 days ago, I found out he had sex 3 weeks ago with someone who has been his friend for a long time and in her own relationship. She came to visit me the night he was arrested to support me which has messed with my head even more now knowing this.

Ashmar Blame game
  • replies: 3

Hi, I can’t seem to find a solution to this problem of blaming in my relationship. Everything that goes wrong is ALWAYS my fault. I am the type who will try and find a solution or a reason why, so when I do this…I get blamed for excuses or not owning... View more

Hi, I can’t seem to find a solution to this problem of blaming in my relationship. Everything that goes wrong is ALWAYS my fault. I am the type who will try and find a solution or a reason why, so when I do this…I get blamed for excuses or not owning up as well! Nothing is ever his fault, even when it was initiated by him. Let’s take a hypothetical example… He introduced heroin and I partook. I got addicted, so now everything is my fault: the police raid, the screenshots on my phone that incriminated him, his loss of work, his hefty court costs and fines, but never ever the fact that he gave me and showed me how to use a syringe for the heroin in the first place. (No I have never done heroin in my life) am a late discovery ADHD, PTSD and MAJOR Depression Disorder person. I suspected something wasn’t right after my adult child was diagnosed as well. I also suspect that my blame-shifting partner is a narcissist. He lacks any type of empathy or emotion except when he was love-bombing at first early on.How do I attempt at fixing this???

Guest_82741891 Marriage meltdown after 25 years and so many hurdles, how to cope!?!
  • replies: 1

I’ve been married for 25 years so there’s no way to condense all that into a brief bio.I’m currently seeing a psychologist and a peer worker at a government Mental Health Hub as well as a drug/alcohol counsellor at another community centre.These sess... View more

I’ve been married for 25 years so there’s no way to condense all that into a brief bio.I’m currently seeing a psychologist and a peer worker at a government Mental Health Hub as well as a drug/alcohol counsellor at another community centre.These sessions are generally once a week which sounds like a lot of support, but I still feel like I’m lacking something and am grasping at straws hoping for a quick fix which I know isn’t possible. I’m posting this in the hope that I will find someone in a similar situation that I can chat to.My marriage has been fraught with many issues including an emigration I wasn’t happy with and numerous moves since then. In the process I became very dependant on alcohol. Yes, a very unhealthy stress relief option but so be it.We have now built a new house in the country and a week after moving in I got a letter from my husband’s lawyer placing our separation date on record since you need 12 months of separation before you can get divorced in Australia.I’ve been like an ostrich since then, in complete denial even 2 months after the fact.I have never ever, in all this time suspected that he would have an affair but the sudden determination and urgency at ending our marriage got me rethinking that. Since yesterday I have 2 very compelling reasons to believe that there is in fact a third person in this marriage.He denied it, of course and in a weak moment said “we are legally separated, I can do whatever I want” which was pretty telling.I am so very alone, I have no idea where to go from here! I know acceptance is the next logical step but I can’t find a way to get there.Our kids are mostly grown up and will mostly be fine without us. Yes, there’s a bit of “empty nest syndrome” there but there’s also a feeling that no-one needs me and they’d all be better off if I just wasn’t here anymore. Sure, they’d be sad for a while, especially my mum, but ultimately that’s the best situation I can picture right now.I have called Lifeline once before and they were more helpful than I expected them to be. What’s ultimately keeping me from doing anything stupid though isThe thought that someone I love will have to find me after the fact and deal with all of thatThe extreme pain it would cause my mum and, to a lesser extent other family membersThe pressure of having to write letters to my kids and other family members explaining why I did what I did and attempt to absolve them of any guilt

Guest_76191066 Lost myself loving someone who cant live without me
  • replies: 2

title. 24/mgoing to be a bit long winded need to get all of this outpeople seem to come to me when they have problems, depression especially. ive helped close friends come out of their "holes" unhealthy, over weight, isolating themselves. I felt like... View more

title. 24/mgoing to be a bit long winded need to get all of this outpeople seem to come to me when they have problems, depression especially. ive helped close friends come out of their "holes" unhealthy, over weight, isolating themselves. I felt like i had the key to happiness, like it was simple. small steps every day to feel better. listen to the birds, appreciate the suns warmth.I met a girl. its been 2 years and we live together. she has diagnosed issues and I try and have tried everything i know how to help her. it feels like nothing i do is enough help her be happy. I love her. but i dont think i can be with her. its seeping into me and im losing myself my friends my hobbies my love for life. and she says she cant live without me. I cant get over how i would be making a choice to leave a choice to be selfish and give up. it would destroy her. ive tried to get her back to therapy and ive tried every trick to get her up and out the house to hear the birds and feel the sun. she needs help and i thought it could be me to save her. i try to be who she needs, working for our future but i get the same resistance to positivity. im failing what i thought was my lifes purpose. to help someone. im lost

Guest_78532480 Lying
  • replies: 2

I’ve had problems with addiction since I was probably 16, I got clean off of a certain anxiety medication about a year ago and I’m super proud of myself, but that’s not where the addiction stops, I have problems with vaping, I’ve tried to stop and I ... View more

I’ve had problems with addiction since I was probably 16, I got clean off of a certain anxiety medication about a year ago and I’m super proud of myself, but that’s not where the addiction stops, I have problems with vaping, I’ve tried to stop and I just can’t I’ve tired Nicolette chewies, I’ve tried cold turkey. it’s now effecting my relationship with my girlfriend because I’m lying about it, idk why I keep lying but I do, she’s caught me with vapes on multiple occasions where I’ve said I don’t have one, idk what to do to help save my relationship and to help me quit them, it’s effecting my mental health as well as hers

Guest_67869874 Life after abortion
  • replies: 2

Hi, I had an abortion 6 months ago. I found out I was pregnant late one night and was quite happy. I told my partner but he wasn’t as keen and said he wasn’t ready. We discussed our options but ultimately settled for an abortion (I suffer from anxiet... View more

Hi, I had an abortion 6 months ago. I found out I was pregnant late one night and was quite happy. I told my partner but he wasn’t as keen and said he wasn’t ready. We discussed our options but ultimately settled for an abortion (I suffer from anxiety and have c/hood trauma). The next two weeks were the worst of my life. I agreed to an abortion but I didn’t want it. I spent days crying and throwing up until I ended up in hospital from dehydration (3 times) I felt so helpless in the hospital. Due to my anxiety I couldn’t stop vomiting after the abortion either. I ended up back at the hospital after the abortion and felt so ashamed and embarrassed, like the whole world was looking down on me. I tried to go back to work but I couldn’t keep it together, every pregnant woman every child, I cry. I lost my job. Tried to exercise exclusively to distract myself and wore myself out. I stopped exercising about two months ago and now I feel lost, I’ve gained weight which only makes me feel worse. I last about a week between hysterical breakdowns about the abortion (I didn’t want to have an abortion, it’s destroyed me emotionally) I don’t have any friends so all I do is think about it. I want to be able to get past this but I feel like I’m frozen in time. The worlds so fast paced I feel like I’m drowning.

naralle I'm struggling
  • replies: 2

I'm not coping at all with my husband drinking and he needs help. He knows he's an alcoholic but won't get help.

I'm not coping at all with my husband drinking and he needs help. He knows he's an alcoholic but won't get help.