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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Flowergirl97 Narcissistic family members
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone,I am in my late 20s, have experienced generalised and social anxiety and depression at times in my life. I always felt inferior to my older sibling growing up and that one of my parents simply didn’t ‘get’ me. But I have noticed that my s... View more

Hi everyone,I am in my late 20s, have experienced generalised and social anxiety and depression at times in my life. I always felt inferior to my older sibling growing up and that one of my parents simply didn’t ‘get’ me. But I have noticed that my sibling has been extra stressed recently and has obviously been taking issues out on me (getting angry at me about normally insignificant things that aren’t my fault and insulting me). And this got me curious and wondering WHY is this happening. WHY would my sibling take issues out on me? So I did what most people do when they are curious about something, I googled it. And in my reading, narcissism came up as a reoccurring theme. I have been aware that my sibling lacks empathy towards me for a long time, but it has come as a big shock to realise- oh this has actually been an ongoing experience in my life- of my sibling belittling me, insults, telling lies, manipulating me, changing an opinion, anger when they don’t get their own way, expecting me to do things for them. 100s of experiences I have had with them have flooded back into my brain and it is concerning. I knew one of my parents was similar due to more recent experiences of manipulation, selfishness, and lies from them, but now my sibling as well?If anyone out there has a similar family dynamic, how have you coped? What have you done to prevent being manipulated?How did you realise your family member was like this? Or is there any advice you can give me?

Guest_64596266 Feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 2

Would love some advise I've been dating my partner for almost four years now whenever we lay in bed and hug it's more like his lening on me with a close fist whenever I see him hug his family he has open hands. Whenever he sits next to me on the loun... View more

Would love some advise I've been dating my partner for almost four years now whenever we lay in bed and hug it's more like his lening on me with a close fist whenever I see him hug his family he has open hands. Whenever he sits next to me on the lounge he loosely holds my hand if he sits and holds the hand of his Nan mum daughter etc he holds them tightly My partner also really gets into wanting sex with me when he works around women he'll come home wanting it where if he isn't working he rejects it so much Lately his been having a lot of sexual dreams over the years when he has wet dreams his never ever told me they are about us he just says he don't have them however for the first time the other day he said I'm intiled to have a dream every now and then This man knows I've never been loved never been treated like a woman he knows I adore him so much he sees it and states it because it's true I love him so much I just don't feel the same in return I feel like I'm just here if he needs something yes I've talked to him

Guest_07427988 Toxic brother in law
  • replies: 1

Hi all.. Me and my family have recently moved in with my toxic brother in law. It's been a few weeks since moving in and I have had alot of problems with him so far. I will.tey my best to start at the start but do bare with me as it's a very long sto... View more

Hi all.. Me and my family have recently moved in with my toxic brother in law. It's been a few weeks since moving in and I have had alot of problems with him so far. I will.tey my best to start at the start but do bare with me as it's a very long story. My brother in law and twin sister has had a rocky marriage for the last few years me and my family decided to leave our home and move in with them to help them out. But it took alot of planning and organising to get us down here. In the process of this my twin sister ended dup leaving him and everything behind and now lives in a refuge. Because this plan was already in place we still moved down to help him keep his house and mortgage hoping my sister would return. It's been 2 months and she's not returning back. It has made the living situation bad for my family at his house. I recently got a casual job and paid rent weekly to him to keep a roof over my family. Myself and brother in law had a run in yesterday where I yelled and screamed at him for the right reasons. He then called the police and now he has an AVO against me. I am now staying an hour away from my family as I have nowhere else to go. My wife and kids are staying there as I don't want them to be homeless for my brother in law though am I able to take any steps to put in a complaint or report him for any reasons? His very possessive and controlling. I am concerned for my niece as she is his care. He has pushed my sister out of her home and now has pushed me away from my family. I am really concerned about the children's welfare. He works a rotating roster one week day shift next week night shift. It feels his using my partner to look after all his kids whilst his at work but yet he wants the youngest in his care just another child my partner will have to attend to whilst his at work. I really don't know what to do. I'm homeless and seperated from my family because of his choices

Guest_77252445 Struggling and worried
  • replies: 1

hi so last week I have been feeling sick in my stomach and very anxious and it's gotten a lot worse since my Gf removed me on her snap map without saying anything. I have given her space I have seen her since and things very good with us. we still ha... View more

hi so last week I have been feeling sick in my stomach and very anxious and it's gotten a lot worse since my Gf removed me on her snap map without saying anything. I have given her space I have seen her since and things very good with us. we still have that connection. and talk on the phone every night. I keep thinking that I've done something wrong and overthink that Shes going to leave me it's affecting me mentally and I'm worried I'm going to lose my relationship. I do get diagnosed with anxiety when i was young. and this is also my first relationship.

Katyonthehamsterwheel Christmas Dread
  • replies: 39

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't... View more

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't help that everything stops/closes for a period, contributing to that sense of isolation. I try and tell myself "it's just another day" and it's not even today, or tomorrow, but my body and mind are unconvinced, and I feel rubbish. I'm doing whatever it is I would normally be doing, but not feeling good. And I've ordered some yummy food to eat Christmas Day and bought myself a gift, but just can't shake the grossness and not sure what else to do.

what2do How to have good relationships with family when there are so many complex issues
  • replies: 1

I love my family, but unfortunately many family members have complex mental health issues - I don't want to talk about them specifically, but basically they include multiple problems like a severe mental illness such as schizophrenia or bipolar, PTSD... View more

I love my family, but unfortunately many family members have complex mental health issues - I don't want to talk about them specifically, but basically they include multiple problems like a severe mental illness such as schizophrenia or bipolar, PTSD and addiction, as well as things like ASD/ ADHD/ ODD/ Tourette's syndrome etc. Many of them struggle to get good care from a psychiatrist and live very dysfunctional lives with minimal support (most of their partners have left them and taken the children so they either live alone or in a precarious situation with family/ friends). As such, most of my interactions with them concern things like - hospitalisation due to drug overdoses/ self medication, psychotic episodes, severe mood disturbances, extreme relationship drama with family/ friends, legal issues due to being arrested for their behaviour/ symptoms in public etc.Most of the carers in my family (including myself) also have mental health issues or things like ADHD/ ASD (just less severe), have physical health issues, and/ or are 80+. Because of my conditions, after dealing with them I feel like I soak up the negativity like a sponge and feel really outraged by the situation or anxious to the point I can't sleep, have a lot of physical stress symptoms almost to the point that I feel like I'm having a heart attack, hallucinate that they're calling me or at the door, and it sometimes takes me a day to recover or feel right again. There is also little I can do practically due to my health - I am flat out caring for myself.All of this leaves me feeling extremely guilty, helpless and resentful. I want my family to be the best it can be. I want to enjoy things with them in some way. I also want to be a good support to my family, especially as I am a bit younger than most of the people in caring roles, but don't know how. I have tried counselling but they keep saying my family members are not my problem and just to set extreme boundaries or cut them off entirely. I feel like this is wrong as it's not their fault and I wouldn't want to be treated that way. Does anyone know of any counsellors or support groups who deal with really complex family issues? I feel like a lot of resources make the assumption that a person with a mental illness exists in a vacuum and all other family members/ carers are healthy, capable etc. I find that support from government and private services is limited and hard to access and quite frankly not sufficient for our situation.

Ilovedoogos My husband loves his hand more than me.
  • replies: 5

I’m writing this post more to just vent and talk about my feelings. I’m young but have been with my husband for a very long time. We love each other very much and I don’t doubt that. We are like best friends. But the intimacy has gone. He doesn’t hug... View more

I’m writing this post more to just vent and talk about my feelings. I’m young but have been with my husband for a very long time. We love each other very much and I don’t doubt that. We are like best friends. But the intimacy has gone. He doesn’t hug me, kiss me, cuddle me. I just don’t feel like he lets me in. I really don’t mind if my husband watches porn. But we don’t have sex a lot. So it make me feel so inadequate and unattractive. I feel like he prefers to just do it on his own than be close to me. I woke up to him in the bathroom doing it. It made my fears feel real. When he came to bed I ended up having a panic attack. But I didn’t say why. He was so sweet talking me through breathing. I guess im just struggling with my feelings of not being good enough or attractive enough for him. I feel angry and sad and a little lonely. Please tell me someone out there is feeling like this?

blueraven No family, no close friends or others
  • replies: 15

Hi, because of my toxic family situation I had to leave them. I found myself among some toxic people after that several times over and learnt the lesson that I had to leave them too. I now live by myself and other than 2 not-so-close friends, I don't... View more

Hi, because of my toxic family situation I had to leave them. I found myself among some toxic people after that several times over and learnt the lesson that I had to leave them too. I now live by myself and other than 2 not-so-close friends, I don't really have any other friends. I've tried getting closer to these friends but they have their own problems. I feel so alien, like there's no way I'll ever be able to have a close family-like group of friends or a partner, even though that's what I ultimately want. I put it off for many years because I was doing my own healing work, but each year that passes by the more alien and undeserving I feel. Now with covid also, it's getting very hard to meet others. I don't feel capable of working. I do have professional support, that's about it. I was wondering if anyone else is in the same boat? No one close. Is it possible to live like this? If I died perhaps no one would even notice for days...

NKB My partner is a recovering addict
  • replies: 7

Just to be clear straight up I do not have an addiction but I’m here for support as my partners addictions have really effected our relationship and my trust towards him since everything’s come to light. My partner and I have been together for just o... View more

Just to be clear straight up I do not have an addiction but I’m here for support as my partners addictions have really effected our relationship and my trust towards him since everything’s come to light. My partner and I have been together for just over 3 and a half years and we have have a 18month old child and I’m currently pregnant with our 2nd. However the last year has been nothing but a roller coaster. My partner had somewhere along the way become addicted to meth and gambling... it has been an extremely hard road just getting him to somewhat admit he has a problem but unfortunately for me I have felt so alone, I feel angry, sad and then sometimes I honestly don’t even know how to feel. I knew my partner had been lying to me but I had no proof and then the times I caught him out or was able to prove he’d been lying were the only times I could somewhat get the truth. The hardest thing I’m struggling with now is the trust because it’s totally gone from my end.... My partner has started to see a doctor which whilst I acknowledge this is a step in the right direction I’m still finding a lot of things so hard.... a perfect example of this is like the other day I asked him when he’d be interested in the both of us going to go and speak to someone professionally and he turned around and said I thought I was doing ok... this upset me because yeah the last three weeks he’s been clean and stopped but that hasn’t solved all of our now problems. I feel quite lost atm and I know at times I am probably taking my emotions out on him but I really don’t know how to be and everything he said he would never be he became and worse and I will admit I’m struggling to let some stuff go. if anyone has any advice please help.

Flower Step parent stress
  • replies: 3

Hello,I'm just really having a hard day today and needed to find a space to let it out. I am super stressed over my partners kids. I have none of my own, only one previous partner had a child and it didn't get serious enough to meet said child. Partn... View more

Hello,I'm just really having a hard day today and needed to find a space to let it out. I am super stressed over my partners kids. I have none of my own, only one previous partner had a child and it didn't get serious enough to meet said child. Partner and I have been together over a year, now live together - happened organically - we love it. Met his kids from day one. Teen son goes up an down - normal teen stuff. I can handle it.Teen daughter on the other hand is very difficult. I very much want to have a good relationship with her ( and boy but you know - girl stuff). I understand she has stuff going on. Typical teen girl stuff, previous life stuff, non healthy relationship with biological mother but the way she can absolutely rage on me is heart breaking. She can make me feel as small as an ant. I want nothing but the best for both of them. I try to find them alternatives to school cos they don't like it, i try to help them set up for a decent future, she shrugs it off saying she will just go with the flow. Her dad has said she always tries to run off partners of his. I get it. She doesnt want to be "replaced" and im not here to do that.im not trying to replace her mother or her relationship with her dad. I have told her that, tried to show her that. Sometimes she is sweet as pie and sometimes she is yelling and throwing things. She says some absolutely vile hurtful things. Partner has spoken to her to explain that I am not here to replace anyone I just want to help everyone be their best like a family should. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I just had a moment today where I told her her she needs to stop face timing a friend while she was doing her online schooling and she went off. I can't even fake neutrality anymore and said I was sick of her shit and she said that I'm the one with shit because I make everything difficult and about me...I don't know how. Maybe because Im bringing up stuff with her dad and he tells her off when usually he wouldn't say as much cos he too is tired of her shit. What am I doing wrong? Do I distance myself? I cant keep trying with her much longer and getting shut down because it hurts my heart. I honestly want nothing but the best for these kids, I love them. I just dont know what to do. Maybe just let it all go and if she ends up a deadbeat then thats the road she wanted. My partner and I are both exhausted with her.