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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Nelly-Kelly2 2 awesome men in my life and struggling
  • replies: 5

So I’ve been in a relationship with a man (man 1) for 12 years. I love him but not the way he wants me to love him. He’s like a really good friend.Recently I started a bit of a fling with another man (man 2) that I’ve known for 20 years and we both g... View more

So I’ve been in a relationship with a man (man 1) for 12 years. I love him but not the way he wants me to love him. He’s like a really good friend.Recently I started a bit of a fling with another man (man 2) that I’ve known for 20 years and we both get along soo well it’s ridiculous. We get each other. We both love each other but some of my family are trying to persuade me otherwise. ‘Man 1’ is very clingy and i feel like he watches me like a hawk. He is so detail oriented and I feel like I can’t do anything because he is so attentive of everything I do and I feel like he’s watching me like a hawk. Man 2 lets me be who I am and doesn’t judge me. I feel like I can be myself. I’ve moved in and moved out half a dozen times since this has all been going on and I have a lot of issues like anxiety and depression and I don’t know if I should let man 1 go so he can move on but I’m scared that it might not work with man 2 and I end up being sad and alone.

Guest_23347732 Husband cant regulate his emotions and is negative and sometimes verbally abusive
  • replies: 3

Been married for over 18 years and to cut to the chase my husband is someone who I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells in case I say or do something that triggers him to fly into a rage or become quite rude towards me and my family. He's h... View more

Been married for over 18 years and to cut to the chase my husband is someone who I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells in case I say or do something that triggers him to fly into a rage or become quite rude towards me and my family. He's had some counselling over the years and has gotten better in the past 4 or so years despite this he still has periods of time where he is quite irrational in his emotions and it is now impacting my teenage daughter. Just when he seems to be calmer and in control (usually lasts anywhere from 3-6 weeks) he then has periods 1-2 weeks where he is so negative, angry and sometimes verbally abusive. He has upset my teenage daughter several times when driving her to school. She approached the school councilor and despite thinking we might actually get some additional help via the school interjecting (to say his actions are impacting my daughter) they decided not to get involved and referred me to an organisation who contacted me telling me how to escape the marriage a. This wasn't what I needed. As there is no physical abuse and 80% of the time my husband is okay I've endured the relationship. My daughter is entering year 11 and I do not what to separate at this time as I know the huge impact it would have on her life. I'd much rather see out the next 2 years then make a decision. Is there anything in the meantime that can assist me and my daughter? Perhaps family counselling - I feel my husband needs a professional to tell him straight that his inability to regulate his emotions is harming our daughter and myself. When I suggest this he gas lights me and makes me feel like I'm to blame!

Guest_89100265 Don't know how to feel.
  • replies: 1

Ever since me and my husband have been together there was always fighting. When I was pregnant with my daughter i caught him messaging other women trying to have physical relations 1 week before our honeymoon i had a women msg me and tell me he was m... View more

Ever since me and my husband have been together there was always fighting. When I was pregnant with my daughter i caught him messaging other women trying to have physical relations 1 week before our honeymoon i had a women msg me and tell me he was messaging her on a dating app. He was always angery and abusive, we got toxic, I got cancer and he got worse and worse I couldn't handle it so i left. He told me it was his wake up call and he would get help to do what he can to change and be a better person for me and the kids. Last week I found out he was on dating apps and had slept with someone. I thought leaving was the right thing to do, I stayed for as long as I could because I loved him. I didn't really think he would change but I didn't think he would move on to someone else still while telling me he loves me. He said it was a mistake and he regrets it and he only wants me and loves me and wants us to be a family. But I don't think I can ever forgive or forget anything he has ever done to me especially when I had cancer. I don't know why I'm really writing this here maybe to get someone else's opinion because I honestly don't know what to do because I wanted our family so bad it's so hard to think of selling our family home and actually getting a divorce.

Annie75 Seeking new friends
  • replies: 4

Hi,my my name is annie, I am 49 female, i am very shy and have issues meeting new people, i don't really have any friends, so I am seeing if I can make new ones, online to start with, as I am to scared to meet face to face, I am happy with anyone

Hi,my my name is annie, I am 49 female, i am very shy and have issues meeting new people, i don't really have any friends, so I am seeing if I can make new ones, online to start with, as I am to scared to meet face to face, I am happy with anyone

Anonspooky Breakup
  • replies: 2

Never posted on any kinda forum this is weird. Will probably forget I've posted.I started dating my now ex 3 years ago. I moved cities and moved in together and stuff was good. We both have our mental health bits. I get pretty anxious at times and ha... View more

Never posted on any kinda forum this is weird. Will probably forget I've posted.I started dating my now ex 3 years ago. I moved cities and moved in together and stuff was good. We both have our mental health bits. I get pretty anxious at times and have some moments where I can be pretty depressed. They have a lot going on with an eating disorder.We ended up breaking up. Over a lot of things. My self doubt mostly.They were intimate with others in our time apart. All I could do was think about them. I'd moved back home. 3 months went by and I get a message. We ended up back together and I thought things were going well. We had a cute little trip to Sydney together. There I was told they had a bit of a crush on someone they saw when we were apart. I spent the next day doing my best to pull them out of a rut so we could have a nice time. They really wanted to make things work still and had a message all typed to send to their crush. Offered couples counseling and wanted to keep trying. A week later we were meant to be going to a gig. Lots was happening that week. 3 days from then was my dad's birthday who no longer with us (story for another time) I spent the day trying to work out some cute things to do for them and feeling kinda hopefully. Met up with them when they finished work. I got a bit overwhelmed but was still keen on the gig just got quiet. This caused a really big argument. Something my anxiety quite often did. I'm usually okay once I get to a place the build up can be a bit of a fun one for me though. All I needed was just a lil bit of hey ya heads being dumb you've done this a million times it's gonna be fun. Anything which we had a long discussion on but instead they blow up. We called off they night. I feel like garbage we argued. I said how I feel like I'm not good enough for them they agreed. I asked to be blocked on everything, which they finally have done. But 3 days after they are with their crush. Just feel like I spent 3 years madly in love and that on the opposite side of things I really did mean nothing? Am I an idiot for being so ready to do it all a 3rd time? I don't get how we can say things and they don't really have meaning to them? I'm 34. Not really been in many relationships. People are weird and I don't like being touched so was easy being single. But they came along and a lot of that changed? Spent 5 years before them single and really only one other relationship before that. I dunno what to do now? I was really excited for this future together that we talked about. They were the person I wanted to experience life with. Felt kinda pointless before feels a bit the same again now

ABC01 Can Love Your Family,But Don’t Have to like them as People
  • replies: 36

Dear All,I have been told by many people including mental health professionals,that you can love your family members, but don’t have to actually like them as people. Or even choose them as friends or people you would interact with otherwise. I am fin... View more

Dear All,I have been told by many people including mental health professionals,that you can love your family members, but don’t have to actually like them as people. Or even choose them as friends or people you would interact with otherwise. I am finding this very truthful at the moment. Throughout the years, I have consistently lowered my expectations and they still haven’t been met. And if I were to label them from an outsiders pov, narcissistic,debasing, gaslighting,enabling and the ability to not be empathetic would be words I’d use to describe some of my family. Sometimes I have come to accept that this is a certain aspect of this person and still find a way to love them,knowing they won’t change. It hurts and it takes some time to come to terms with. What are your experiences/thoughts on this titled topic?And when if you wouldn’t stand for it from a friend or acquaintance,do you not stand for it from family?And then what choices do you have?Thank you.ABC01

Breegirl Physically leaving husband - how?
  • replies: 7

Hello I have posted on here on another thread talking about leaving my husband. I had cheated on him which he knows about, we were trying to work things out, I fell out of love along time ago and had tried leaving him twice before but he has a strong... View more

Hello I have posted on here on another thread talking about leaving my husband. I had cheated on him which he knows about, we were trying to work things out, I fell out of love along time ago and had tried leaving him twice before but he has a strong personality and I just stayed for convenience and the kids. I don't want to stay anymore! I spoke to him last night, told him it is over, and that I will leave - he then tells me he wants to take our son and I can have our daughter (that broke my heart) I know it is out of anger and hurt, he then turns it round onto me saying how selfish I am, to try harder and appreciate what I have. I need a few days to rest and rebuild my strength, but I don't know how to get it through to him that it is over, who moves out? Who stays? Do I just get a rental now and move in so he sees how 'real' I am??? I just want to move onto the next phase of this, I hate being in this stagnant place and my 8 year old daughter knows and her anxiety levels are high, all the more reason to get it done ASAP Thank you for listening to my vent, just in a confused place

RosyRose AVO against controlling ex-partner
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I'm reaching out to see if anyone has had a similar experience or can offer any advice. I've recently taken out an AVO against my ex-partner who started stalking me after our breakup. In our relationship he was very controlling, with him... View more

Hi everyone, I'm reaching out to see if anyone has had a similar experience or can offer any advice. I've recently taken out an AVO against my ex-partner who started stalking me after our breakup. In our relationship he was very controlling, with him being verbally, psychologically and on one account physical abusive. Despite showing no interest in me during our relationship, he fought aggressively to get me back whenever I tried to end things. He would get new phone numbers to harass me after I blocked him and even showed up at my door unannounced. Within just five months, I found myself back with him due to his relentless harassment. When I finally broke it off for good, he made it extremely difficult to get rid of him. He followed me to dance events and repeatedly initiated contact despite my clear instructions not to. I often threatened to call the police to get him to back off. During the relationship there was also an issue of him intentionally getting me pregnant. I never wanted anything but an abortion. He refused to use protection, which was always a significant point of contention for me and made me very angry. Some weeks after I blocked him and broke off for good, he sent me an email outlining a detailed plan to get engaged, married, have kids, and buy property together—all within six months. This email came even after I had warned him about calling the police if he didn't stop contacting me. A couple of weeks later, he followed me to another dance event, which was the final straw. His behaviour was incredibly creepy, and I went to the police to get an AVO. He didn't show up at the court hearing and seems to be ignoring the AVO altogether. Now, I'm scared because I know he is very narcissistic and won't take this restriction lightly. I'm worried about potential repercussions since he cannot "lose" or be limited in his movements without reacting. I'm considering removing the AVO, but the police informed me that it can't be revoked through them and would need to go through the court, which could take up to 18 months. Has anyone been through something similar? Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation?

Tillie2 Same sex relationship and ASD and ADHD & PTSD
  • replies: 1

Hi all I have been with my wife for almost 13 years and for the most part has been a wonderful journey. She had a late diagnosis of ASD/ADHD/PTSD after a pretty big burnout. We have had ups and downs during the past 2 years with her discovery that sh... View more

Hi all I have been with my wife for almost 13 years and for the most part has been a wonderful journey. She had a late diagnosis of ASD/ADHD/PTSD after a pretty big burnout. We have had ups and downs during the past 2 years with her discovery that she is not broken and not having to mask up, we have been to counseling. Me on the other hand is struggling to find my way, I have a narcissist mother, feel emotionally disconnected from family and friends and really just can’t find my mojo for much at all really these days, this impacts our connection greatly. Emotionally I am struggling to just get through my days. I have just started talking to a psychologist so I’m hopeful they can help me combat my inner self demons. I guess what I’m asking is when do you know you are done in a relationship.. even though I love her greatly we just can’t seem to get that once truly connection back again and maintain it

JenG My partner has a porn addiction
  • replies: 3

I have just discovered that my boyfriend of 2 years has a porn addiction. My partner and I have only been dating around 2 years now, he’s the kind of person that I love with all my heart and I know he loves me too. We get along so well and it’s too d... View more

I have just discovered that my boyfriend of 2 years has a porn addiction. My partner and I have only been dating around 2 years now, he’s the kind of person that I love with all my heart and I know he loves me too. We get along so well and it’s too difficult to think of life without him in it - the person that I will marry. Our life is virtually perfect - except for the fact that we only have sex once every 2-3 weeks. This is something I’ve talked to him about before as I am always the one trying to initiate but he rejects… this HURTS. We’ve talked about it 4/5 times maybe but last night I snapped and told him to figure out why he doesn’t want to sleep with me and how it shouldn’t be so hard to have sex with the person you love. He finally admitted that he thinks he may have an addiction to porn and that because it’s affecting our relationship that he needs to figure it out. We’ve talked it through a bit but there’s so much I want to know and even more that I don’t. I obviously can’t turn to anyone I know, but I’m a deeply emotional person. He told me how awful it felt for him and that he can’t stop but I know it sounds bad - I don’t know if I can trust that. I’ve made so many ideas for our future and planned to have him in it, I mean it when I say he’s the love of my life but I need some support. I WANT to be able to handle this and help him but it’s hard. I have researched and I know the steps to recovery but I really need someone to tell me everything’s going to be okay. I need someone to tell me he’ll get better and that our future together isn’t going to crash and burn.Please tell me it works out for porn addicts and their relationships.