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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Bet My son is bisexual
  • replies: 2

Hi , I just want to let some stuff out . my 29 year old son , Who still lives at home told me 2 weeks ago that he is seeing a man and that he is bisexual. I thought I was open minded as I have gay and lesbian friends and didn’t think to much about it... View more

Hi , I just want to let some stuff out . my 29 year old son , Who still lives at home told me 2 weeks ago that he is seeing a man and that he is bisexual. I thought I was open minded as I have gay and lesbian friends and didn’t think to much about it. But this has thrown me. I am crying all the time ,I have sobbed at work and cannot tell m y colleagues what’s wrong . . There is so much back story but I cannot bring myself to write it. I sometimes feel that there is nothing left in my life and that it’s not worth going on. But I would not do anything silly as I would not want my family to feel any guilt. I am trying to act normally around my son but if does not feel genuine and this makes me so sad. I have read story’s online and I realise that I am grieving . Please tell me it will pass and everything will be ok . I have been a single mum since he was a baby. I want him to be happy and he seems to be . But I am just so sad and I know I shouldn’t be

Riggybee Mum is complicated
  • replies: 4

I find it really hard to connect with my mum. One of the things that puts a lot of strain on my relationship with her is her work. It's like she can't switch off properly, so is physically present but mentally not there at all and she doesn't have an... View more

I find it really hard to connect with my mum. One of the things that puts a lot of strain on my relationship with her is her work. It's like she can't switch off properly, so is physically present but mentally not there at all and she doesn't have any hobbies. Sometimes you'll say something and it will take several minutes to get a reply. And when she is not working she is always on her phone playing games or shopping and struggles a lot with her own mental and physical health. Because of this I often get really frustrated and feel like she doesn't care about us but it's just how she is. She can be even worse with my sister. Whenever I try to talk about it with her, she gets really defensive and angry then leaves and gives silent treatment. She also gets angry at me because apparently I use a tone with her like I'm talking to a child, which I don't with my dad. I don't know how to stop doing this but sometimes it does feel like she is the child because of how out of it she is. What should I do? Is it best to just leave it alone? Thanks,Riggybee

_justine_a Controlling mum
  • replies: 7

My mum threatens to kick me out every time i go out she calls me to tell me she is gonna kick me out im a 22 year old female i also pay rent 250-280 a Fortnight im so lost of what to do

My mum threatens to kick me out every time i go out she calls me to tell me she is gonna kick me out im a 22 year old female i also pay rent 250-280 a Fortnight im so lost of what to do

Lee93 Family breakdown
  • replies: 3

I Need help saving my marriage an getting him healthy,Y husband has been struggling since when have had children (6 an 3),But the past few years he really targets the oldest, his expectations for children are to high An he expects them to be seen an ... View more

I Need help saving my marriage an getting him healthy,Y husband has been struggling since when have had children (6 an 3),But the past few years he really targets the oldest, his expectations for children are to high An he expects them to be seen an not herd , he's not wrong in his parenting but he gets very over the top aggressive over the smallest things they do, eg 3 year old wee'd on toilet seat an he didn't want to clean it ,instead of husband showing him a way he can do that with out getting his hands dirty he stood there screaming at him , this has happend time an time again ,were the kids an I are say sorry for him been upset because he gets angry or upset , It took a drastic turn last month we're I askd him to leave, he was been very stand over an we all needed a brake, Iv askd him to go get mental help as he has trouble with controlling his emotions an expects everyone to change with his emotions, How do I support him in getting help an get him to understand 3 an 6 are still so young an his expectations are every high , I love my husband but I can't have him home if we constantly get mental abuse cause he can't controll his emotions ,How do I show him I did the best thing for our bbys, I didn't do it to hurt him but to protect them , my eldest already suffers from anxiety an shuts down when dads yelling he's allready showing signs of not wanting to be around him not wanting to be loved by him , He's blaming me for kicking him out , I understand y he's hurt I completely get that , an I hate that he's hurt but he's lashing out at me now everything I do or say , seems to create a bigger problem, I'm almost thinkn shutting up an letting it blow over is my best option atm , How do I save my marriage but protect my bbys at the same time , I'm not going to let him bully the kids cause he's mentally not ok

NBer Want to separate from a family member with BPD
  • replies: 2

I have a sibling with untreated, but diagnosed severe BPD. Following the most resent episode, I have come to the painful realisation that for my own mental and physical health, I need to permanently separate from this person and focus my attention on... View more

I have a sibling with untreated, but diagnosed severe BPD. Following the most resent episode, I have come to the painful realisation that for my own mental and physical health, I need to permanently separate from this person and focus my attention on supporting and protecting my nephew. I realise this seems harsh, but I do not want to share details of the horrendous and ongoing devastation this person has caused to our family and others. They also refuse to seek or engage in treatment. The issue I have is extreme guilt, not only for wanting to permanently separate, but also because I am so much happier and relaxed since making this decision. The other issue is that my mother does not understand my position as I have been the key support for this person, and this is causing friction and a deterioration in our relationship. I have looked around for support through this process but have not been able to find any. I have looked at Spectrum but other than information about carer self care, there is no information on point. I cannot afford to see a counsellor about this at the moment. I’m wondering if others have made this painful decision and what supports they were able to locate. Thank you

Ralb How do I toughen up mentally
  • replies: 6

Over 20 years ago my now ex wife suffered what I believe was post natal depression. She had wild moods swings and ended up "falling in love " with a woman overseas whom she met on a Johhny depp fan forum. To cut a long story short to get me out of th... View more

Over 20 years ago my now ex wife suffered what I believe was post natal depression. She had wild moods swings and ended up "falling in love " with a woman overseas whom she met on a Johhny depp fan forum. To cut a long story short to get me out of the picture so she could connect with this woman my life was turned upside down. I was regularly have police interview me about alleged assaults, she also reported me to DOCS and police (reported this incident 5 years after it allegedly happened). I went to extreme lengths to prove my innocence (I moved interstate without telling her and allegations were made about me physically intimidating her and finally police stopped taking her seriously and gave her a warning about wasting police time when knowing she would make a complaint about me on my birthday i sat in a police station waiting room to ensure I had a water tight alabi.. I left her keep the house, paid thousands of dollars a month in maintenance and paid off the mortgage. I did this to hopefully show my daughter i am a good man. It's now 18 years later and during this time I saw my business destroyed thanks to Victoria criminal knockdowns. My daughter is brainwashed about how evil i am. I have been living in my car and cooking on a small gas cooker and I park near beachside amenities. This has been the case since COVID. I had no money to make support payments so she sold a house for $3.5m and brought a replacement for $2m so they have plenty of money. In my situation with the bank seizing them business assets and garnisheeing a large amount of my now salary and crap credit history i can't get a home. It's impossible to meet people in my situation and even if I did they would ask me about my circumstances and frankly it's embarrassing. I have played mind tricks for years.. planning for a better future, reconnecting with my daughter etc but it's hit me now that's impossible I have had to resign from jobs outlet of embarrassment as if the ex finds out where I work she sends my employer vile lies about me. Police are not interested I would never self harm as its against religious beliefs and I believe you do the right thing in this life then the next life will bring rewards. So what I'm need is advice on how to be mentally tough enough to accept my situation and fight my way though it. Thank you

Quiettall Handling a very determined wife
  • replies: 1

I have a difficult situation where my wife of 20 years has chronic illness. She is using that as an excuse to be very determined, difficult and dictatorial. For example, she has decided to arbitrarily sell off what she calls "excess" items in the hou... View more

I have a difficult situation where my wife of 20 years has chronic illness. She is using that as an excuse to be very determined, difficult and dictatorial. For example, she has decided to arbitrarily sell off what she calls "excess" items in the house without discussing with me. I have asked that at least we should talk about it and agree on things we dont need and can sell. She is also totally dismissive of my voluntary work or anything I do around the house, constantly criticising and telling me she wants this or that and I dont seem to be doing anything right in her eyes. At this moment I am feeling very frustrated, if not angry and looking to take a few days away to get respite and give her time to reflect and realise what she is doing. Normally I am very calm and logical but finding myself constantly watching my back, readying myself for another instruction or criticism

izzy Loneliness
  • replies: 1

Hello, I just hopped on here after almost a year, im now a fresh 17 year old and i feel myself falling down a hole again.. Im not really an emotional person, i am on the inside but on the outside you wouldn't ever guess that. I don't really cry, i fe... View more

Hello, I just hopped on here after almost a year, im now a fresh 17 year old and i feel myself falling down a hole again.. Im not really an emotional person, i am on the inside but on the outside you wouldn't ever guess that. I don't really cry, i feel the need to a-lot but it just doesn't happen. Everyone around me tells me that i keep everything to myself and carry a-lot of weight, being my own and everyone else's, i pile up and cant let it go, i hold onto things.. big or small, and think about it non stop. But lately i feel lonely, not lonely like i want someone here, lonely like there is none else on this earth for me. Im no-ones first choice.. i have amazing friends who make me laugh everyday but i still feel so incredibly lonely. At home i don't really have anyone to talk to, my little sister is my mums jewel who has her eye all the time… which isn't a problem because my sister needs help, she is 15 but still depends on her and i'm more independent.. i love my mum tho, she is amazing i just feel that i cant connect with her. Which also means that i get blamed for everything. I ask something simple and i get attitude. I get in trouble for everything and it seems in that household of 4 that i’m the punching bag of the family who gets blamed and gets everything put on them. At my dads its sorta the opposite, my dad is divorced from my mum and struggles with money a-lot, so i try help out but i just get called lazy, i definitely connect more with my dad but we are barley at his. Don’t get me wrong i love my family it just feels like i have none in this world. Like i said i am nones first choice and that hurts like a hole in my heart as it is. But to then feel like i have none and to be a failure it kinda feels like i should just give up. Im about to go into year 12 which is so scary. I feel like i cant do it. I really cant describe the feeling i feel everyday endlessly, but it sucks. i just really don't know if i can do this.. i just feel shitty a-lot of the time. Im about to go into Christmas holidays for school.. so if you have an suggestions or like activities i can do to pass time and get my mind away from it, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Alvi Hi i dont know what i should
  • replies: 2

Hi after years of emotional abuse in my marriage i have checked out mentally. I recently have made up my mind to divorce him. However recently he hired a mind coach to help him navigate work life balance. Now he is suddenly trying to improve by think... View more

Hi after years of emotional abuse in my marriage i have checked out mentally. I recently have made up my mind to divorce him. However recently he hired a mind coach to help him navigate work life balance. Now he is suddenly trying to improve by thinking he can just waltz in to my life by suddenly starting to do the affectionate stuff. The thing is i have been stuck in similar loop for so long of abuse then as soon as he realise i am leaving he will be good. I am worried its the same thing. TBH i cannot take this anymore. I am having mental breakdown , constantly crying and feeling extremely unsafe mentally. His mental coach reached out to me to get an idea of marriage to which he has a good idea. But the things he is making my husband do are making me feel unsafe and uncertain that the previous things will repeat. I have made a safety bubble for myself which he wants to get in for ex coming to my gym, wanting to sleep in same bed. Havent shared bed in past 2 yrs. The abuse had intensified in last 6 months and again coming to point that he wants to be nice which i think is again part of his manipulation.

Bryant My wife seems to resent me and I’m worried
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone, sorry this is long and disorganised… I’m just not sure what to do My wife and I are young (~24yrs) and have been married for 4 months. We have two young kids (1 & 2yrs).The past 6 months have been incredibly difficult for me as my wife ... View more

Hey everyone, sorry this is long and disorganised… I’m just not sure what to do My wife and I are young (~24yrs) and have been married for 4 months. We have two young kids (1 & 2yrs).The past 6 months have been incredibly difficult for me as my wife snaps at me for absolutely everything I do and say… I only have good intentions and am trying my hardest to do everything right. I just want to be a good husband and father and I love them all more than anything. it’s even been so bad that in an argument she has told me she doesn’t want this anymore (told me the next day over the phone that it was just out of anger) and also said that she won’t apologise for it as I said hurtful things as well. (I told her she needed to try and think about things with more optimism and be more reasonable) everything has been fine up until the birth of our second child.. since then I have slept in the spare room as she insists both of the kids sleep with her. (I go into them anytime she calls for me through the night or early mornings and help in any way she needs). We have very little intimacy and it’s only when she feels guilty and tells me she is only doing it because of guilt so even then it doesn’t happen because it’s not right. I am high up in my position at work and heavily relied upon. She works where the kids go daycare. I just don’t know how to tell if things will ever get better, I am constantly trying to better myself every day for them but she only thinks it’s me that needs to keep doing better and change. I feel defeated and lost and worry I will lose everything. Sometimes she is in a great mood and everything is fine but I might make our son a bottle of formula the wrong way or use the wrong toilet at the house or pick up something I shouldn’t have touched when tidying up and then she will just snap and stay in a horrible mood that can last from 12hrs to 3 days. I just can’t win with anything and I don’t know what to do. Just for context, it is loud screaming and some of the insults are “just use your brain, it’s not that hard to do things the right way” and “you’re so f&@king dumb” - it’s all dependant on her ways of doing things. Just to add: if the roles are reversed and I am struggling with the 2 kids, if I call out to her for help with something, she will shout at me and tell me she’s busy or to just figure it out. Whereas anytime she asks for anything I will run to her aid. thanks for reading, it’s all over the place but hopefully understandable.