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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ssvv24 Do I end it or do I try to make it work? What's wrong with me?
  • replies: 3

I've been in a relationship with this guy for a year and a couple months now and we've both never gotten into a relationship before. About 9 months in or so I've been contemplating whether I even want to be with him anymore. They were just fleeting t... View more

I've been in a relationship with this guy for a year and a couple months now and we've both never gotten into a relationship before. About 9 months in or so I've been contemplating whether I even want to be with him anymore. They were just fleeting thoughts I'd get occasionally though. I've realised lately that I'm kind of on-and-off about my feelings for him. He's always been the optimistic one and I frequently feel like I'm being a burden because I rant too much to him and I have lots of family and friend drama I unload onto him. We've never had any big fights or broken up but I feel almost tired of us at times, or maybe I'm just tired of myself convincing me that I'm dragging us down. I feel terrible but sometimes when he brings up topics I don't like discussing, such as politics or sports, I get annoyed and kind of tap out of what he's saying because I'm disinterested or I don't want to debate or fight. I don't think I enjoy our conversations as much anymore. Whenever we go out together, I don't say much or I'm not as happy or talkative as I was in the beginning. Could someone please tell me if this is normal for a relationship? I don't have a reference so this is something that constantly worries me. He was a bit chubby in the beginning but I didn't care about it until now. He's recently gained about 23 pounds, and I genuinely still do love him, but I've almost completely lost my attraction to him. . It's been months now and he still hasn't done anything to lose a little bit of weight. I tell him nicely to at least reduce how much carbs he's eating but he refuses to because he loves them too much, so I've given up on him losing weight because he's too stubborn. I've accepted that he's going to stay this way now. Honestly, sometimes I feel embarrassed to be seen in public with him because of how visibly fatter he's gotten but it doesn't seem to bother him much because he's confident in his appearance, despite the belly. It irks me a bit because I always try my best to look good for him. I do my makeup and dress nicely whenever we're out and he just wears sweatpants and a shirt as he can't fit his old pants anymore. He says he will be able to dress more nicely WHEN he loses the weight so he won't buy any new pants now... I don't know where this relationship is going. Maybe I'm just bored of it now or maybe I'm not suited for this. Could someone who was in the same boat as me give me some advice? Thank you :c

Tansie Boyfriend fell out of love and is moving onto other girls
  • replies: 7

Hi, Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I decided to break up as a couple. We’d been having a few issues for probably three months before the breakup but he was the one to call it off. We had a really good discussion about it and decided that considering ... View more

Hi, Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I decided to break up as a couple. We’d been having a few issues for probably three months before the breakup but he was the one to call it off. We had a really good discussion about it and decided that considering we’d been dating for three and a half years it was time for us to experience the single life and to get ourselves back on track. Just to focus on us really. We decided we would give it some time before telling people. So two days after we broke things off we went out with the mutual friends to a pub/nightclub (more of a pub with a dance floor). I later found out that the entire night he had been dancing with girls, after we’d had a respectful conversation about not doing just that. When I brought it up with him he claimed he had no idea about the girls or who they were and that people were just making up stories. Then half an hour later a message popped up on his phone from one of the girls, which prompted an argument. Now, two weeks later, I’m still so paranoid about the fact that he is talking to other girls so soon after a breakup. I understand that people heal and move on in different ways, but two weeks after a three and a half year relationship? I just feel so used and worthless, like he’s going around talking bad things about me behind my back. He’s changed into a completely different person in the span of two weeks. I don’t know him anymore but I can’t move on just yet. My heart is still so devoted to him and I find myself constantly thinking about him and trying to find ways for us to work things out, but he is so bad for me. For about the last 8 months of our relationship I was always scared to tell him certain things or felt like I was treading on eggshells around him due to being scared of how he’d react to what I had to say. I can’t just switch off my feelings for him the same way he has done for me. Does anyone have any advice on this or how to move on? We discussed ‘terms’ I suppose, on our breakup, things like we will still support each other and won’t make it awkward when we hang out with mutual friends, and we won’t hit up other people just yet for the sake of focussing on ourselves (his suggestion). But yet he is doing the completely opposites of all of these. I feel so disrespected. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. We still talk but it’s not the same. We have conversations but they’re very blunt on his side and they usually ending up with him getting angry at me.

Britt182 Jumping to conclusions
  • replies: 2

Last night I wrote I miss you to my ex, we have only been broken up for about week now. Our other messages have become non emotional but just last night I needed him to know I do miss him but I’m yet to get a response. And I guess I just jump to conc... View more

Last night I wrote I miss you to my ex, we have only been broken up for about week now. Our other messages have become non emotional but just last night I needed him to know I do miss him but I’m yet to get a response. And I guess I just jump to conclusions in my head about what he’s doing etc or if there’s someone new now. Im just really tired of feel like this, feeling this pain. It’s like he hasn’t have a single care about me after the break up and we were together for 4 years. I guess I just don’t understand this, like okay you don’t love me fine but how can you not care ?

Dorian_Gray Good Relationship but issue threatening depression trigger
  • replies: 2

Hi All, Been a while since I’ve been on these forums as things improved a lot for me, most notably got a promotion and then a girlfriend for the first time in a very long time (to all the people struggling being single of which I was one definitely t... View more

Hi All, Been a while since I’ve been on these forums as things improved a lot for me, most notably got a promotion and then a girlfriend for the first time in a very long time (to all the people struggling being single of which I was one definitely try online dating here are genuine people out there, the rest are fake!) The issue I have now that had caused me to start to feel the stirring of depression again is my having failed twice to actually make love with my girlfriend. First time I sort of got might have been too ambitious, and then there was no opportunity for another month (don’t live together, illness in between etc.) second time didn’t work either from my side, kept ‘losing it’ and got really frustrated and defeatist cause I wanted to so much especially as we have had so few chances. I feel like I’m totally failing her, and though she is super supportive her words don’t cut through and I’m worried about falling into a cycle of lacking any confidence. Has anyone else out there had similar issues and specifically know how this can relate to re-triggering depression, cause I’m also now worried that it will trigger another depressive period, and is difficult not to ruminate on failing twice? Everything else between us is really good, emotionally, mentally and affection wise, we are both very affectionate/sexual people so not being able to do this is really disappointing. While I have no problem going to a doctor if things keep failing…just looking for any advice anyone might have at the moment for the next few times and specifically around any ideas to try and ‘immunise’ myself form this one issue retriggering general depression (which for me takes the form of nihilistic apathy)? I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of falling into a depressive cycle and holding onto the hope it will work itself out yet worried that a third failure will push me off….any advice?

Lolue Sister Needs Help
  • replies: 1

My sister for a long time has always struggled in life from constantly doing courses and dropping out to repeatedly dating men with drug problems. It has reached the point where she is now 30 years old just out of relationship and with no job. Her la... View more

My sister for a long time has always struggled in life from constantly doing courses and dropping out to repeatedly dating men with drug problems. It has reached the point where she is now 30 years old just out of relationship and with no job. Her latest relationship she had done cocaine with her ex. I am trying to be supportive but I am also frustrated as every advice I give my sister she immediately shuts down. She is currently in a cycle where she sees herself as a lost cause and compares herself to people her age from highschool who are now married with kids or compares herself to Instagram influencers. I want her to see a psychologist and to take a break from social media but she refuses. I'm unsure how to help her as she has been repeating the same cycle for the last 10 years. Hoping I can find some advice in what to do in this situation

NKB My partner is a recovering addict
  • replies: 5

Just to be clear straight up I do not have an addiction but I’m here for support as my partners addictions have really effected our relationship and my trust towards him since everything’s come to light. My partner and I have been together for just o... View more

Just to be clear straight up I do not have an addiction but I’m here for support as my partners addictions have really effected our relationship and my trust towards him since everything’s come to light. My partner and I have been together for just over 3 and a half years and we have have a 18month old child and I’m currently pregnant with our 2nd. However the last year has been nothing but a roller coaster. My partner had somewhere along the way become addicted to meth and gambling... it has been an extremely hard road just getting him to somewhat admit he has a problem but unfortunately for me I have felt so alone, I feel angry, sad and then sometimes I honestly don’t even know how to feel. I knew my partner had been lying to me but I had no proof and then the times I caught him out or was able to prove he’d been lying were the only times I could somewhat get the truth. The hardest thing I’m struggling with now is the trust because it’s totally gone from my end.... My partner has started to see a doctor which whilst I acknowledge this is a step in the right direction I’m still finding a lot of things so hard.... a perfect example of this is like the other day I asked him when he’d be interested in the both of us going to go and speak to someone professionally and he turned around and said I thought I was doing ok... this upset me because yeah the last three weeks he’s been clean and stopped but that hasn’t solved all of our now problems. I feel quite lost atm and I know at times I am probably taking my emotions out on him but I really don’t know how to be and everything he said he would never be he became and worse and I will admit I’m struggling to let some stuff go. if anyone has any advice please help.

Britt182 breakup
  • replies: 1

My partner of 4 years broke up with me last week. He says that he still loves me and that he didn’t want to break up but reckons it was the right choice to do so. He reason was he doesn’t believe he is right for me and thinks I deserve better, and th... View more

My partner of 4 years broke up with me last week. He says that he still loves me and that he didn’t want to break up but reckons it was the right choice to do so. He reason was he doesn’t believe he is right for me and thinks I deserve better, and that the relationship wasn’t healthy. I reckon it’s due to his depression getting to him and that there is more to it but I don’t think anyone else was involved, I still very much love him and I don’t want us to break up but I’m not sure what to do . He seem very determined with his choice.

Guest_598 Partner is afraid to push me away
  • replies: 4

Hello, my partner and I got together in January after forming a very close mental and emotional connection from October 2018 onwards. He was just about to separate from his alcoholic wife at the time (nothing happened between us before that) and even... View more

Hello, my partner and I got together in January after forming a very close mental and emotional connection from October 2018 onwards. He was just about to separate from his alcoholic wife at the time (nothing happened between us before that) and even though he is happy with the decision, he still needs to go through a lot of emotional processing, including separating property, finances etc. In the coming weeks, he will sell his place so that he can give money to his ex-wife and complete the full separation. He is worried about money, her constant texting and mood swings and his own psychological stress. When we are together, we are absolutely great together. We are both very happy and caring people, so we have our little haven away from the outside factors. But the upcoming sale and everything he has to manage sit heavy on his chest and he is scared that he may be emotionally overwhelmed. He does not want to push me away if that happens because he sees a future for us - as do I. We have created strategies, e.g. him taking some days for himself, so he can process everything and have the space to do that. I am very happy for him to do that, because I want us to work out and I would like to support him, even if that means that he cannot fully dedicate himself to me right now. I separated from my husband last year, so I understand what he is going through and how much emotional turmoil that can bring. I guess, the only question I have is whether it is a real risk that his final separation activities and the emotions that come with them may lead to him changing his mind about me. Is that likely? I have zero indication that I am only an escape or that he is not truly happy with me. We have not spoken about love because it would be too early and, at the moment, he cannot go there as long as his old life has not concluded yet. But the signs I get from him indicate to me that there is some sort of love growing slowly. I have known him for years, so I know he is not a player and very considerate. I actually believe he is purely preparing for the worst case so that he can manage it appropriately but I have a feeling that it is unlikely his feelings would change. Do you think it is possible that he suddenly turns around and says he feels nothing? Or is it more of a coping mechanism to make sure he does not push me away because he says he does not want to do that by accident because he cannot deal with his emotions. A little advice would be very much appreciated.

ScarlettR Starting a family while experiencing mental health issues 
  • replies: 1

After I was discharged from a mental ward at age 20, I talked with my mum about starting a family of my own in 10 years. Mum said that the mental therapy clinic I was seeing may not let me become a mother. I had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophr... View more

After I was discharged from a mental ward at age 20, I talked with my mum about starting a family of my own in 10 years. Mum said that the mental therapy clinic I was seeing may not let me become a mother. I had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and, a few years later, depression. It seems when a person is diagnosed with a mental illness, there are social constraints - they can't drive a car or have kids, due to the instability of their psychiatric condition. Would you say this is true? I think if a person has thoughts of harming themselves or others it would be of concern. I have never had thoughts of harming myself or others, I'm too sensitive to even dream it. I lack training in looking after others, but the worst that could happen is if I temporarily forget something or get exhausted easily.

MisterM Single, never been in a relationship, feeling like there is no escape from my hell
  • replies: 119

I am 31 and never had a girlfriend. I am unemployed, live at home with my parents (have never moved out) have very little friends, I'd say one friend and few acquaintances. I just don't see anything in me that a woman would find attractive, who would... View more

I am 31 and never had a girlfriend. I am unemployed, live at home with my parents (have never moved out) have very little friends, I'd say one friend and few acquaintances. I just don't see anything in me that a woman would find attractive, who would want to go out with someone like me, a loser? I don't understand how to get a girlfriend, what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do when I talk to women. My friend thinks I come across too needy, desperate which scares women away. I also feel that women are scared of me or something like they run away or avoid me. I have read online sites on dating, seems so mind boggling when it comes to dating, a lot of rules. I hate mind games and playing a game. I am not good at that. I don't know how one actually makes a date a partner, what is said to her to make her a girlfriend. I don't understand it at all. I feel so low on confidence that I don't think I will ever find love, it's an everlasting hell of pain and suffering and loneliness and shame that I am in. I see guys I know break-up with a partner then find a new girlfriend so quickly and effortlessly, it makes me feel worse about myself. And worse my mum keeps thinking I am gay as I have never had a girlfriend, her and my dad are ashamed of me as I haven't given them a grandchild yet.