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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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AngelicDevil My fiancé is a compulsive liar and has a lot of addictions. This is putting a strain on our relationship, and I don’t know what to do anymore.
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I would like some advice as to what I should do. My fiancé and I’ve been together since 2018. We’re getting married in 2020. We love each other a lot, and consider each other as soulmates. However, in the last 4 months, our relationship has b... View more

Hi all, I would like some advice as to what I should do. My fiancé and I’ve been together since 2018. We’re getting married in 2020. We love each other a lot, and consider each other as soulmates. However, in the last 4 months, our relationship has become rocky, and we’re fighting a lot. To start off, my fiancé was addicted to drugs before I met him. He told me about it, and I thought I had nothing to worry about as he seemed to have recovered. We had a very bad argument beginning of 2019, and he took drugs out of spite. When I found out, I was ready to walk out, but he pleaded me to stay and that it wouldn’t happen again. Things were fine for awhile, and then I found out he was back at it again. This happened thrice since we were together, and I have lost trust in him. He lied to me about where he was and where his money went. In addition to that, our intimacy has changed, we used to have sex 2-3 times a week. Now, we don’t have sex for 2-3 weeks and whenever I initiate it, he always say later. I’ve approached him about this, because I feel unwanted and lonely and I feel like he doesn’t love me as much anymore. However, he assured me that it was his own problem, and has nothing to do with me. The problem here is he has a porn addiction and in the beginning I myself watched porn and thought it was okay and normal. However, since we started having intimacy issues, I’ve started disliking his porn usage and have talked to him about it. That maybe Porn was one of the reasons he doesn’t want to have sex with me, and maybe it desensitized him to normal sex. I asked him to stop watching for sometime, till we fix our issues, and then he can go on about it. He would agree and would stay off it for a week or two, but then would get back on it. He would lie to me and swear on my life that he hasn’t watched porn at all or downloaded porn. Usually I have a gut instinct when I know he’s lying, and it has made me snoop into his phones and laptop (drugs & Porn mainly). I was never like this, and I hate doing this. Nowadays, he even deletes everything and purposely deceive me that he is not watching porn and working on our relationship issues. After being lied to week after week these last 4 months, I don’t know how to trust him at all, especially with a history of lying about drugs. I have talked about walking out but could never do it because I love and care for him a lot and truly believe we’re meant to be together. This has just become a vicious circle, never ending.

Candice4 Been in love with my friend for 3 and a half years, but I've never told him how I feel and it's ruining me
  • replies: 9

I was honestly contemplating for a while as to whether or not I should take this kind of step since I've never been the one to seek help especially for an issue like this, but here I am and thank you in advance for assisting me. I'm 24 and I've been ... View more

I was honestly contemplating for a while as to whether or not I should take this kind of step since I've never been the one to seek help especially for an issue like this, but here I am and thank you in advance for assisting me. I'm 24 and I've been in love with my friend for 3 and a half years now, but haven't found the courage to tell him how I feel because I don't want to ruin our friendship. We used to work in the same job, but we've both moved onto different career paths and don't see each other anymore, but we do text and speak almost every day. I really want to tell him how I feel because it's killing me inside every single day and I can't move on with anyone else because I love him. I don't know what to do. I've already lost my best friend this year, too.

Cancer02 Adelaide
  • replies: 2

Hi Im really struggling. I’ve just left a 10 year relationship I wasn’t happy in. My kids now stay at thier dads 3 nights a week. Those nights I fall into a hole and get so depressed. I know I should go to the gym or do things I can’t when I have the... View more

Hi Im really struggling. I’ve just left a 10 year relationship I wasn’t happy in. My kids now stay at thier dads 3 nights a week. Those nights I fall into a hole and get so depressed. I know I should go to the gym or do things I can’t when I have them but I feel so empty without them. But when they come back home I’m angry all the time. I don’t mean to be but everything ticks me off. I’ve come to realise I’m pushing everyone away from me and it scares me so much I moved to Adelaide 3 years ago and I’m so lonely and this has made my depression get worse and it contributed to my relationship breakdown I’m looking for anyone who can give advise or can help thank you

ghostdad64 How can I make things better ? I'm at a total loss.
  • replies: 2

Hi all, New member of the forums here and to be honest, this is a big step for me. I am an estranged father of two children who are now 26 and 20 years old. I left the family home in 2006 not knowing this would mean I would essentially also be divorc... View more

Hi all, New member of the forums here and to be honest, this is a big step for me. I am an estranged father of two children who are now 26 and 20 years old. I left the family home in 2006 not knowing this would mean I would essentially also be divorcing my children. There was no domestic violence. I would never raise a hand to anyone let alone a woman. At the time, my children were 13 and 7. After a protracted legal battle where my ex was asking for sole custody, the judge decided that, in light of my son's age, he could see me "in accordance with his wishes"; he decided that would be never. Naturally he was never encouraged to maintain a relationship with me. My daughter, was ordered to spend every second Saturday with me. Based on the angst it would cause her, overnights were ruled out by the judge. She complied with these orders and despite being civil with me during these visits, the relationship was always strained. When I picked her up, she sat in the back seat always. She never called me dad. There was never any hugging or signs of affection. Not so much as a card for Father's day, birthdays or Christmas. As her 18th birthday approached, I enquired what would happen when the orders no longer applied. She informed me that she would no longer be seeing me. I had lost her as well. It has been 2.5 years since I've seen my daughter and 13 years since I've seen my son. I doubt I will ever see either of them again and the pain is more than I can bear. I don't know where they live and, honestly, would not feel right reaching out to two people who despise me so much. People often tell me things will improve. But how ? When ? I can't see it. I'm re-married with two adult stepdaughters but I miss my children. I want them to love me and include me in their lives. I doubt, if I died, they'd even come to the funeral. Sometimes I sit and just wonder what I did to deserve the cycle of pain that I have endured and will probably continue to endure until the day when it all just comes to an end. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'll take any advice I can get.

Nothappyuni So am I just a winger, or is it abuse? How do we know what mental abuse is?
  • replies: 7

25 years with my now X partner (separated for 5 weeks) and she contacts me to say I should just get over it and stop being such a winger. It was not every day, but it was often that I was called stupid or my ideas/suggestions were labeled "stupid", i... View more

25 years with my now X partner (separated for 5 weeks) and she contacts me to say I should just get over it and stop being such a winger. It was not every day, but it was often that I was called stupid or my ideas/suggestions were labeled "stupid", it was not often but it happened once or twice a year that the kids were told "your father is a ***". Towards the end, every week I was called horrific names and told I was useless, or not providing enough for the family, or that she wished she had never met me, should have known when she met me I was a no hoper, etc (We owned our mansion outright). I did as much as I could around the house to help, feeling I was such a weight upon the family, but everything I did was shot down with cruel comments, "what a bad job", "you didn't do it properly", "you have done it wrong" etc, I could never get it right no matter how hard I tried. Often I was told that I was hated by our children, and lately I have been told I ruined every holiday we ever had (and we had many), yet I can clearly remember the kids having the best holidays with me, in 19 years with the kids there are only two instances that anyone recalls that I got upset and yelled on a holiday. Lately through all this I have studied getting a GPA of 6, I had 72% Distinctions over 26 subjects. But even this was put down, as I was told university is easy, most people do it and two or three jobs on the side. I just make it look hard (no my x has never been to university). I asked whether these people with multiple jobs were Older students, and had family concerns, looked after other family members and cooked and cleaned, maintained 2 houses, did renovations, and transported children. I never got a response. So, I am asking you, am I a winger? Am I really just blowing things out of proportion and should I shut up and wake up to myself? My x tells me it is normal in all relationships that couples stop having sex or feeling emotion for one another, sadly she can quote too many people we know for me to argue against her point. Are relationships supposed to be loveless once you reach a certain age? It does look that way. The separation has reached the head games point, but I truly wonder: Am I just a winger who needs to get over it? It wasn't until I studied psychology that I thought of name calling, or not being shown any affection as abusive. Is my X correct to state that university F'ed me up? At times it really feels that way.

pfuddy How do I stop this behaviour? Parents gaslighting (28 years old M)
  • replies: 5

Saying that I'm not on medication when I am on the maximum dose (I gained 20 kg on the medication). Using that as leverage to tell me that I keep eating a lot, don't save money (I have $10k saved in the bank and $13k in stocks). Yes I eat junk food -... View more

Saying that I'm not on medication when I am on the maximum dose (I gained 20 kg on the medication). Using that as leverage to tell me that I keep eating a lot, don't save money (I have $10k saved in the bank and $13k in stocks). Yes I eat junk food - but generally really cheap. Constantly checking on me - telling me to brush teath, wear pyjamas etc. Phoning at night and asking me where I am. Sometimes coming into my room at 1am to see if I am sleeping waking me up. Telling my sister I am suicidal and that my personality has changed (i.e. I have been eating out lots due to hunger from the medication) - telling my sister I am going to die if I don't stop eating out and its part of my mental illness - my sister did not know about this before and just told them about this just yesterday. She came into my room balling her eyes out thinking I was going to die. Then proceeded to repeat what my parents said. I was checking for ID in the house for when I move out permanently - dad has a folder of letters I wrote to myself when breaking up with my girlfriend - this was from 10 years ago when I was in hospital. I also lied about having auditory hallucinations in the hospital which in actual fact were me just thinking about the girl. They still think it was some sort of psychosis I had these past 10 years. I also made up all the other symptoms just to make sure, I have been going with this for a while and don't want them to know about what girls I should date - I am a med student so know what symptoms to say. They want me to date some sort of model. Saying that if I leave the house "they would rather die without me" I wanted to change my medications (approved from psychiatrist) to another medication which has a better side effect profile however my father said "your mum can't sleep at night if you do that." I checked on my mum 10 mins later and she was sleeping just fine. Saying that I need to support myself and they can't afford to support me because money is low - meanwhile dad has a BMW and we live in a mansion and have 3 houses. I have also just finished medical school and secured a job as a doctor and lecturer at the uni. I am keen to move out permanently. Also really need my own space it is suffocating living here and I am getting way too sheltered.

Winter_Dai Struggling with my partners distant and depressed moods
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been together for 1.5 years, for a good chunk of that I have spent away on deployment. Her mother has never accepted her being attracted to the same sex - she is extremely narcissistic and bipolar. She plays mind games with her ... View more

My partner and I have been together for 1.5 years, for a good chunk of that I have spent away on deployment. Her mother has never accepted her being attracted to the same sex - she is extremely narcissistic and bipolar. She plays mind games with her and sends her presents on her birthday and Christmas but neglect her any other time and tell her she’ll never love her again, there’s no way they’ll ever be the same again etc. My partner has never been a good talker and finds it hard to communicate her feelings, I often have to pry it out of her what she’s feeling and what’s upset her. We recently had a bad day the other day, she said she needed go through everything alone without my support ie breaking up. She doesn’t have much other family. I’ve tried getting her help through beyondblue and they directed her to headspace but she doesn’t have any drive or motivation to do anything about it. She is extremely distant and won’t hug or kiss or speak to me like she used to. I’m completely at a loss as to what to do, I’m trying to be patient and understanding but I’m also so heartbroken I can’t stop crying or having panic attacks over the fact she wants to leave me because of the hurt her mother is causing. She says she’s numb and doesn’t want to exist. This hurts way too much.

Jhc Unable to stop crying
  • replies: 13

Hi, my partner of two years who I love so much has broken up with me this week. Two months ago, out of the blue he told me he wasn't happy. We met in another State to where I live. When we met it was like a film, romantic and perfect. After calling a... View more

Hi, my partner of two years who I love so much has broken up with me this week. Two months ago, out of the blue he told me he wasn't happy. We met in another State to where I live. When we met it was like a film, romantic and perfect. After calling and messaging each other for months he then drove from one side of the country to the other to move in with me. He got a job here and seemed happy. I thought we were happy. We talked about and made plans for the future. I met him when I was 48. I felt so lucky to meet him and felt it was meant to be. Neither of us had children or previous relationship baggage. We shared many goals and values. Then out of nowhere he told me he wasn't happy and his feelings for me had changed. He wanted to go back home and see how he felt but didn't want to break up. I was away for work for two weeks and he told me he would wait until I got home. But at the airport he messaged me to say he had already left because it was 'easier for him'. It broke my heart. I came home to an empty apartment with all trace of him removed. Then the next week he called to tell me it was over. Like so many others here on the forum I can't understand how he can just switch off. Only two weeks before he first told me he was unhappy he had pointed to an old couple holding hands and said that will be us one day. I've been through relationship breakups before but at the time I knew that person wasn't right for me. But this time I just feel so incredibly sad and empty that he is gone. I feel I didn't get given a chance to fix it. Now I'm 50 and the future just looks so empty and bleak as I know I'll never meet someone like him again.

Justme67 Son gave me impossible choices
  • replies: 3

I had a good relationship with son. Normal ups and downs however always good. I admired the man he became truly felt blessed. Night before Xmas I found out my ex was invited to Christmas lunch. explained I can’t be there to my son, my ex and I mainta... View more

I had a good relationship with son. Normal ups and downs however always good. I admired the man he became truly felt blessed. Night before Xmas I found out my ex was invited to Christmas lunch. explained I can’t be there to my son, my ex and I maintained a friendship leading up to Christmas I helped him it was also an opportunity for the granddaughter to see him, quality time with her may help. it didn’t. he had taken her to ride her scooter, on the way lends her scooter to another girl so they could go where He was taking my 5 year old granddaughter. Whom he returns home with taking her nowhere and giving her scooter away . She was upset and told me what he done, he then lied infront of her, about what happened inwas furious by what he done.Wrong to be angry ? was I wrong not to be able to enjoy Xmas with him.?Am I wrong to be hurt my son chose him over me.? A man he never has a kind word for. Whom has not been an issue before. I need advice to try move past this. Things can’t be as they were with my son whom normally would understand. I can’t even bring myself to look at him. I have never been hurt like this and don’t know how to deal with it

SeekingInsight Some perspective please ...
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone, My situation I'm sure is by no means unique and surrounds a dispute with my sister - I'd really appreciate others perspectives to give me some clarity. I'm a 40 YO F from the UK, had a great upbringing and have an older sister (43YO) who... View more

Hi Everyone, My situation I'm sure is by no means unique and surrounds a dispute with my sister - I'd really appreciate others perspectives to give me some clarity. I'm a 40 YO F from the UK, had a great upbringing and have an older sister (43YO) whom I was very close too. In 2014 I left the UK after a turbulent relationship moving to WA where I've been lucky enough to meet my soul-mate and partner for life. We've been together for 4 happy years. My family visited last year (2018) for Christmas and New Year meeting him and his family. During this time; they stayed with us (boyfriend and me) in our home for a protracted length of time, we went travelling on a road trip together and had frankly what I thought was a fantastic time! My family all said how great my partner was and he purposefully used all his annual leave up just to meet and spend time getting to know them ... the issue arose however when my family left. My sister created a wall of photographs of their time here with us in her home but cut my partner out of any photo he was in! When i asked her about it she said he wasn't part of our family and it was her house and wall and she could do whatever she liked. I told her I thought it was nasty and hurt by what she'd said I bit back and told her she should only have her photo up as she clearly had no care for anyone else - she hung up and we haven't spoken since (it's been over 3 months now). I have been hurt by this and out of care for my partner haven't told him - he'd be gutted! My Mum and Dad think I'm being silly. I feel my partner is family and I did the right thing defending him but ... where to from here? I'm feeling stuck and pretty sad how things have gone ... over the years I have done many things for my sister including paying for her trip here and also for my entire family to go to Disney world in Florida just so I could see them - sometimes I feel like she has a short memory and I'm doing all the work. Am I being too sensitive and silly? Would you have defended your partner? - all comments / advice welcome and I can clarify any bits if needed ... I'm a 1st time poster so please be kind. Thanks for reading.