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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Manorama Mostly loving husband, sometimes making me feel worthless
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have been married for 3 years now. For the most time, it is a happy marriage and my husband is a good man. Then come the fights during which all he wants to do is push the issue under the carpet and fprget about it, whereas I am the kind of a p... View more

Hi, I have been married for 3 years now. For the most time, it is a happy marriage and my husband is a good man. Then come the fights during which all he wants to do is push the issue under the carpet and fprget about it, whereas I am the kind of a person who wants to talk about things and sort them out. Which he believes is fighting. I have tried to tell him time and again that talking for 5 minutes will help solve the issue but he does not listen to me. I am laregly dependant on my husband emotionally and I moved to a different country for him. When we fight he keeps telling me that he is only staying with me because we are bound by marriage and even my own parrbts will not love me if they were in his place. He tells me to pack up everything and leave. I have nowherr to go. He told me that since I am fighting like a dog he is treating me like one. He stops talking to me and pretends like I do not exist, even though I am right next to him. This goes on for days and I am the one who needs to beg him every single time to stop shutting me out. I have always put him and his needs above mine. I am always there for him but he is here fpr me only when thinhs between us as are good. I feel I do not deserve love. I really need help I feel insecure and helpless. I do not have anyone to talk to.

Tizzie I'm ruining my relationship, and I don't know how to stop.
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I have been dating for around three weeks, but have been "together" for four months. When I first met him, I was really open with my mental health problems, and he was really comforting and helpful. All he wants is for me to feel bet... View more

My boyfriend and I have been dating for around three weeks, but have been "together" for four months. When I first met him, I was really open with my mental health problems, and he was really comforting and helpful. All he wants is for me to feel better. That's obviously not going to be the case though, seeing as I can find the motivation to seek the help that I need. We've had uni exams for the past two weeks and we're both under a lot of stress. We agreed that I would go with him to his exams for support, and he would go to mine. Unfortunately, for this past week, whilst he has had two of his exams and an exam-like interview, I've been overwhelmed with depression and anxiety and I haven't been able to keep my end of the deal. This happens regularly. Last weekend we were meant to go out together to a convention. He was really excited for it, and super happy that we would be going together. Of course, the night before, just as we're going to sleep, I'm hit with a sudden wave of depression. By morning it's so much worse that I can barely get out of bed. I tell him this and it's obvious that I can't go and he refuses to go alone. He's disappointed and upset, but he tries not to blame me. I'm still feeling incredibly guilty for it. I don't know how to stop myself from being dragged down by these wretched feelings, and to just keep my word and promises to him. It's tearing me apart, knowing that I should have gone, and if I had just pushed myself a bit, then I could have been there with him. But no matter how much I know what I should and need to do, I just can't muster up the motivation to actually do it. I want to be there for him, and I want to go out and have fun with him and fulfill our plans and promises.

clownartist Dealing with convert narcissists
  • replies: 19

I am interested in other peoples experience in dealing with convert narcissist and coping strategies .I have been surrounded by family and friends who I now realise have been disastrous for my mental health.My first mistake was choosing female friend... View more

I am interested in other peoples experience in dealing with convert narcissist and coping strategies .I have been surrounded by family and friends who I now realise have been disastrous for my mental health.My first mistake was choosing female friends that were like my mother.I suffer from repetition compulsion and suffer from low self esteem.It has been a huge learning curve .Should I just starve them out with no contact ?Any experience or advice in dealing with narcissists would be appreciated Cheers Clownartist

margaret1 Teachers bullied by 'colleagues'
  • replies: 69

If you’re a teacher being bullied by HOD/ Principal/ colleague I think this may help you. It helped me a lot. I couldn’t understand why when I was such a good teacher I was having such ridiculous, hurtful, nasty, petty, time wasting, health destroyin... View more

If you’re a teacher being bullied by HOD/ Principal/ colleague I think this may help you. It helped me a lot. I couldn’t understand why when I was such a good teacher I was having such ridiculous, hurtful, nasty, petty, time wasting, health destroying problems at work. Anyway here you are; this is why we get bullied: Teacher bullies in schools “fear exposure of their perceived shortcomings, such as inadequacy and incompetence, and these people bully not for fun but in order - they think - to survive. Competent colleagues fuel the bully's fear that shortcomings in their capabilities will surface, so they tend to select targets who fulfil some of the criteria below. Being competent, that is being good at their job, often excelling; being willing to go the extra mile and expect others to do the same; being successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude; being imaginative, creative, innovative; being able to master new skills; thinking long term and seeing the bigger picture; being helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience; being diligent and industrious Being Popular with colleagues, pupils, parents, Being regarded as an expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional, having a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness Having strength of character displaying integrity, honesty,intelligence and intellect; having a well-defined set of values that they are unwilling to compromise; being trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable; a sense of fairness: willingness to tackle injustice, low propensity to violence and strong forgiving streak, refusing to join an established clique; being sensitive, having empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance, being slow to anger, showing independence of thought or deed, refusing to become a corporate clone and drone, having high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent

Doingitforthekids Trying to help my children
  • replies: 1

Hello All, I am a mother of three children, aged 9, 11 and 13. Their father has suffered from significant depression all of their lives. He is also verbally abusive towards us. Although we are separated (due to his issues), I am concerned about the w... View more

Hello All, I am a mother of three children, aged 9, 11 and 13. Their father has suffered from significant depression all of their lives. He is also verbally abusive towards us. Although we are separated (due to his issues), I am concerned about the way he speaks to our children. He swears a lot in their presence, and throws items at them and talks down to them. I know this because I hear it while I am on the phone to the children, and they also tell me or call me when he has abandoned them while he is in a rage. I have raised my concerns with my GP, and he suggests I need to try to be more helpful to take the load off my ex-husband. I need to have the kids in my care a bit more (to protect them) while not making their dad feel incapable (as I am always walking on eggshells). My children's friends have also commented that they feel my ex-husband is 'scary'. This upsets me. I am after some advice as my ex will not seek professional help, but I feel I have a duty of care to protect the children. I work and am also at university so I do not have a lot of flexibility, but my priority is the well being of the children.

Hmr The day everything changed
  • replies: 3

So 15 months ago my partner and I got the caring responsible of his 4 siblings. They where never shown how to look after themself. So they don't clean up, don't do washing ,do cook,don't do dishes leave rubbish everywhere. I'm constantly asking for t... View more

So 15 months ago my partner and I got the caring responsible of his 4 siblings. They where never shown how to look after themself. So they don't clean up, don't do washing ,do cook,don't do dishes leave rubbish everywhere. I'm constantly asking for them to do stuff it is starting to make me so annoyed. Because we also have a 8 yr and a 7 month old and there bad behaviour and attitude is rubbing off. I'm tired of saying the same thing over and over some days I don't want to be in this house. Which upsets me because I love my partner that much I said yes but the strane his siblings Are doing to our relationship and my mental health is overwhelming. They always think we owe them everything so entitled and I feel as if my 8yr old is Missing out on so much. I have gone back to work to get some alone time but My mental health is that bad I'm molding most of the time I cry every day or night . I don't know what to do anymore . Because I love my partner so much but I don't want To live with teenages who don't care that our 7 month old will never have a bedroom While they live with us or the fact my 8yr is sharing a room with the 12yr and lost All her space she went from the only kid to 5 extra.

Damien2812 Negative thoughts about my Fiancee
  • replies: 38

Hello all About 2 months ago I feel into negative thought patterns about my fiancee. My thoughts were- Do I want to break up?, Do I want to get married?, and Do I love her? Anyone else fell into this before marriage? Damien2812

Hello all About 2 months ago I feel into negative thought patterns about my fiancee. My thoughts were- Do I want to break up?, Do I want to get married?, and Do I love her? Anyone else fell into this before marriage? Damien2812

Jeljf Narcissistic abuse co parenting
  • replies: 2

Hey I just wanted to see of anyone can give me advice on dealing with a narssisstic ex husband when it comes to children. I have days that I just feel like giving up because feeling like this is so hard to deal with somtimes. My kids are everything t... View more

Hey I just wanted to see of anyone can give me advice on dealing with a narssisstic ex husband when it comes to children. I have days that I just feel like giving up because feeling like this is so hard to deal with somtimes. My kids are everything to me and keep me going every day but today is a hard day and everything feels scary and bad and if anyone has tips to get out of this feeling it would be so grately appreciated. Tia

Celia_A Living in a non intimate marriage
  • replies: 9

Hi, just seeking some advice to help me go through this. I have been with my partner for 10 years, we met young and fell in love young. We are still in love have an amazing connection, the only thing is we are not intimate. I first thought that it co... View more

Hi, just seeking some advice to help me go through this. I have been with my partner for 10 years, we met young and fell in love young. We are still in love have an amazing connection, the only thing is we are not intimate. I first thought that it could be because he has a porn addiction which started when we were 20, I have spoken to him about it making me feel uncomfortable he said he would give up and over the years every time I brought it up, just ask if he was still doing it he kept defending it. I'm a strong believer in not forcing people to change they have to do things on their own will, so I know this is something that will never change because we've been over it many times it's not negotiable. I have stopped asking him to change years ago. So me still loving my husband stays with him and fights the pain of it everyday. 3 years ago I noticed he completely withdrew from sex from every week to once every 1 or 2 months, and when he did it felt like pity sex because he never finished the deed, chuckedme off him and never seemed satisfied. This hurt me so much that I don't even want to think about sex with him anymore, but still love him. I got pregnant with him on purpose for the sake of having the child we had always wanted and for the whole pregnancy he didn't even touch me and used it as an excuse to not have sex. He also completely withdrew from doing all the intimate things like hugging me, kissing became a chore for him, saying I love you just anything intimate he withdrew. I asked him why, but he believes that i should be the one asking for attention if i want it. I have tried asking but his attention is still not there and he treats it like a chore which has discouraged me to even have any intimate feelings for him. I saw this coming and look I have always loved myself, I don't need a man to tell me I'm beautiful I know I am, I can see so many men gawk at me even when I was pregnant I felt even more beautiful because my body was actually being put to good use, not wasted in the closet like it was for so long, I felt I had a purpose. Just seeking some advice.

Unicorns_Rainbows Narcissist Father and Last Chance to See him
  • replies: 5

So basically my father and i have a rocky relationship. If he wasnt my father i would have nothing to do with him. He is a typical narcissist and gasslighter. Without fail makes me feel like shit about my self and doubt me and my decisions and bluntl... View more

So basically my father and i have a rocky relationship. If he wasnt my father i would have nothing to do with him. He is a typical narcissist and gasslighter. Without fail makes me feel like shit about my self and doubt me and my decisions and bluntly lies and manipulates. Most of my life he has made me feel crap about myself. Ive tried to talk to him but its always my issue and im too sensitive. the last few years i have really really stepped back. However earlier this year he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He has been devious and lied and with held information and played the 'but im so dumb i just dont understand' card when ever ive been upset that he hasnt given my sister and i information thats accurate and current. He lives in WA 5 hours drive south of perth. i live in NSW 2.5 hours drive north of sydney with 2 kids. im debating about going over to see him for one last visit. i already know the trip is going to leave me destroyed emotionally and ripped apart or in an arguement and im worried my kids will see that. the only reason im thinking about going is for my kids. to see their pop one last time. my dad thinks cause he is my father he is entitled for me to financially ruin myself if need be to get there to see him. my job is uncertain at present and I dont even know if ill have the money to get there as it is. But we are nearing the point of no return and I am seriously being eaten about this whole situation. even through this my sister and i have been dealing with comments and remarks that we arent there and my brother is the one looking after him. My brother is the same as him and basically thinks love is doing what ever the other person wants even if it means destroying others or your own life. In my heart i dont think i want to see him. I have let him make me feel like shit and like im not enough for years and even this is another thing he uses to make everyone feel bad for him and again we arent enough as we arent there. I just dont know if its something i will regret. or will my kids hate me for not taking them. This whole things is eating my day and night. Because of my work situation i cant afford to talk to my counsellor. I just dont want to be a grown up and have to make this choice. how do i do it?!