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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MYM Hi
  • replies: 3

I don’t know what to do. I feel so meaningless and don’t belong to anywhere. I come from a family, we are not very close and warm, have ok-good relationship, they all live very far. And I have my own family, husband and cute kids. Husband is a nice p... View more

I don’t know what to do. I feel so meaningless and don’t belong to anywhere. I come from a family, we are not very close and warm, have ok-good relationship, they all live very far. And I have my own family, husband and cute kids. Husband is a nice person on his own, he is polite, kind and always willing to help others. But he’s totally different person towards me, rarely treat me kind and not passionate at all. He thinks me like a disgusting person to touch or look. When my children were babies, I was their world. But now they think only their father is their parent and I’m just a nanny/maid/house helper. Husband blame me for the change because, he said, I don’t play with them!! He blames me for every single thing and I’m never good enough. Feel like children copy from dad and they treat me like an extra person. Being left out in every possible way...

anon216 Unhealthy Family Situation
  • replies: 4

My family relationships with my household (brother and mum) are really unhealthy. Both of them work and get home late and so I'm left alone for the majority of time at home. I take care of a lot of the household responsibilities but this usually goes... View more

My family relationships with my household (brother and mum) are really unhealthy. Both of them work and get home late and so I'm left alone for the majority of time at home. I take care of a lot of the household responsibilities but this usually goes unappreciated. After my family is home, our nights can mostly consisting of arguing or avoiding one another (particularly my brother). My mum has some alcohol issues which greatly affect my brother and I's relationships with her. I have a closer relationship with her, but it is somewhat strained and I feel very alone. My brother is extremely verbally abusive, and has also been physically abusive as well. I constantly feel put down and upset and find that I cannot communicate with him without an argument starting. He is aware that what he is saying/doing is wrong, but has told me multiple times that he will not apologise and that he just genuinely doesn't care how I am affected by it. As much as he is my brother and I should believe that he does actually care about me, I honestly don't think that he does. I find that I am scared of him being upset and hurting me mentally or physically. Everything has come to a point where I feel constantly stressed, nervous and scared, even when I am away from my brother. I feel like there is no way out of my situation. I have talked to some close friends and partner about my problem, but I am scared of upsetting them or making them worried. I have also asked my mum to help me get an appointment to see a psychologist who I can talk to these things about but nothing has progressed. I am only 16, so not exactly sure what to do. If there is any information on how I might be able to initiate this myself, it would be really appreciated.

OliviaTS Wealthy boyfriend doesn’t understand financial struggles. Causing mental strain and affecting relationship.
  • replies: 3

I have been with my partner for 6months and I’m struggling because he is from a upper middle class background where he has never struggled financially. He gets mild anxiety but has limited experience with serious mental health issues. He is an extrov... View more

I have been with my partner for 6months and I’m struggling because he is from a upper middle class background where he has never struggled financially. He gets mild anxiety but has limited experience with serious mental health issues. He is an extroverted idealist and loves going out, eating out, going places and trying new things. He very rarely has to consider whether he can afford something and if he wants it, he usually gets it. He works 4-5 days a week, earns good money and lives at home. Meanwhile, I have anxiety and depression which seriously affects my ability to work. I’m from a lower class family who have always struggled financially so I don’t have money to fall back on. I can usually only manage working a single shift a week due to my anxiety and survive primarily on centrelink payments. I moved from home to be closer to university which I’m struggling to complete and 90% of my income goes to living expenses. He is constantly asking me to do things with him and usually these will cost money so my last 10% goes to things I do with him. And he wants even more. He says one day I’ll be able to afford things and he offers to pay for things before then but when he pays for things it makes me feel inadequate. When I’m earning more money I’m worried that everything I earn is going to go to this lifestyle that isn’t necessarily suited to me (an introvert). I want to be able to save money and do things when for him but I feel he is going to suck up all of my money because he doesn’t struggle the same way I do. I don’t believe I will ever be earning money in the same capacity and he seems to think that I will and will eventually be able to pay him back essentially. When I wasn’t in a relationship, even though I was still quite poor, I never really worried about money the way I do now and it’s really affecting my mental health. I don’t know what to do because I love him and we have a pretty healthy, good relationship. I know I need to discuss it with him but it’s hard to know what a good middle ground is that doesn’t end in him feeling under appreciated. Thanks for any advice!

SLC28 I have just REALISED my partner has Bipolar and I am being ABUSED
  • replies: 1

Wow where do I start. I can’t begin to tell you just how low and numb I am feeling. I am 34 with a 3yo little girl. my partner and I have been together for 6 years. Got engaged when I was 7 months pregnant. I love this man wholeheartedly and have sto... View more

Wow where do I start. I can’t begin to tell you just how low and numb I am feeling. I am 34 with a 3yo little girl. my partner and I have been together for 6 years. Got engaged when I was 7 months pregnant. I love this man wholeheartedly and have stood by him during some pretty rough times and he has an anger issue. I have always see the good side, and felt so very loved back in the beginning. Ever since our baby girl was born I feel he has grown less respect for me somehow. For 3 years now I get reminded that he has to pay my way was well as his and as well as our little girls. i also get reminded that I don’t look like I did when he met me. His hyper mania episodes started about 3 months ago. his scattered state and inability to complete anything he starts at home is increasing daily. He is often accused of being on drugs. Which I have not seen him do, but who knows. Major symptoms / actions are:- - multiple ups and downs on a daily basis - very loud and demeaning yelling at me, blaming me for everything in life - then 1 hour later will try hugging me - starts multiple projects at once, never completes them - sick obsession with making money - talks over Everyone - angry and easy irritated - weird / unnecessary fixation on having ALL the clothes washing completed on a daily basis. - bang on his chest really hard and yell so loudly - BEAST MODE BABY - IM A BEAST. - he has 14 journals.... Every day is getting worse, he sometimes stays up all night without sleeping, “working”. Im worried for him, I love him dearly. But I am starting to worry about myself. I can’t take anymore abusive comments, or hypocritical jabs. Says one thing one minute, but will change his mind the next day to suit himself. I want to move out, but I have no income currently. I can’t be beat him when he’s in an elevated state. It’s too hurtful now. I have been taking this emotional and mental abuse for nearly 3 years, but I have only come into realisation last week. But the last 3 years of abuse is now taking its toll on my mental state of being and my emotions. I have given up everything, and I am left with self hatred. I’m hurting.. badly. My anxiety attacks are increasing in frequency. I don’t want to be yelled at anymore, but I also am having difficulty in believing that overnight he doesn’t want this relationship anymore.. please, any advice on getting him tested or diagnosed? I don’t Know what to do? SLC

seachange123 Confused, please give advice and help.
  • replies: 2

Hi all this is my first foray into discussing online my personal situation so please bare with me. I'm 46, married with 2 grown kids (living at home 19 & 16), and my 87 year old mother lives with us, has done since November 2018. I've recently (6 wee... View more

Hi all this is my first foray into discussing online my personal situation so please bare with me. I'm 46, married with 2 grown kids (living at home 19 & 16), and my 87 year old mother lives with us, has done since November 2018. I've recently (6 weeks ago) gone through severe anxiety and depression, though thankfully it only lasted a month or so. We have just built a beautiful house that we are moving into in 2 weeks, so are all set for the change. I don't want to be with my wife, I've known this for a long time. But having 2 kids you want to make sure they have the best possible life growing up, right? I have slept with several women over the years (3) and am constantly online chatting with women, trying to find my soulmate. We have constant arguments and disagreements about little things, and we don't spend quality time together, because I don't really want to be around her. We sleep together, but it's been over a year since we were intimate. I've always been the affectionate one in the relationship, and she admits that she is not, and has never been. This has been the case since we started dating. I've never felt loved, in fact I really don't know what love is. We have spoken about this numerous times and she said that's how it is, and she shows me love in other ways. Those other ways don't and have never cut it. I have tried leaving her several times, the last time was about 18 months ago when I suggested that I go away for a week. Her response was if you leave I won't let you back in. I saw a psychologist about 2 years ago for relationship help, and have confided by phone to an employee assistance program through my employer. It's always the same answer, try repairing the relationship/do what you think is right. My heart and soul have never really been in this relationship. We've had massive medical hurled to overcome, with my wife battling breast cancer twice, but she came out the other side stronger than when she went in. No doubt I played a part in that. I have much more to my story, but for now I will see what responses I get. Thanks for reading SC.

Jmemaree Is my partner's mental health hurting our relationship or is our relationship hurting my partner's mental health?
  • replies: 2

Hey Everyone Just looking for some advice, direction, opinions and thoughts. I could write forever but I'll try to keep it short. At a glance, my partner and I have been together for 3.5 years. He is an asylum seeker and has been on a TPV for 6 years... View more

Hey Everyone Just looking for some advice, direction, opinions and thoughts. I could write forever but I'll try to keep it short. At a glance, my partner and I have been together for 3.5 years. He is an asylum seeker and has been on a TPV for 6 years. We both come from very traumatic childhoods (emotionally and physically abusive). Our relationship hasn't been easy as we both have unhealthy relationship habits. However, we have been to couples counselling and have grown a lot and stopped a lot of the heavier unhealthy habits (control issues, anger issues, some physical abuse). We got engaged last year but once that happened everything went downhill. He proposed but then became resentful of being engaged. He has control issues due to being excessively controlled as a child. Things climaxed and we broke up. He came back and wanted to talk and we decided to give it another go. We both agreed to call off the wedding because we weren't ready and still had to deal with our childhood trauma. For the last year, he has been saying he's not OK. Feeling low, wanting to take recreational drugs more frequently, anger issues. The recent federal election was a serious blow for us in terms of visas. Another 3 years of stress, concern and anxiety. I have been encouraging him to seek help but he finds it hard to be motivated. I am also feeling overwhelmed. I work in community services and I also deal with chronic pain. As a result I have had to quit sport and exercise and have put on weight and I am also a emotional eater. Calling off the wedding was really hard for me. I was 100% in but my partner never showed my enthusiasm at one point saying I wasn't allowed to mention the wedding. We had invites sent out and I ordered a dress which was delivered a few weeks ago. We called off the wedding in February. The dress arriving was really hard for me and he didn't seem to get it. After we broke up in February and got back together, we moved into a new rental for a fresh start and gave it another go. I really tried to change my communication strategies but my partner seemed more distant and disconnected. His became violent again on a few occasions (smashed his phone and some plates on another occasion.) More details in first reply below.

Mitch_D Advice for Separation
  • replies: 5

Hi, So I am going through a separation at the moment that is not even a week old. A bit of a back story is that we have been together for just over three years and engaged very early in the relationship. Last year I found out that she slept with some... View more

Hi, So I am going through a separation at the moment that is not even a week old. A bit of a back story is that we have been together for just over three years and engaged very early in the relationship. Last year I found out that she slept with someone from her work. After a few heated discussions and a lot of emotion we decided to try and work through it. We did couples counselling through the start of this year and have been planning on a move to Sydney at the start of next year as she is a GP in the army. We have had a few arguments as of that and have been questioning our relationship and if it is worth going through these hard times. At the beginning of last week I told her that I am not sure if I can do it anymore as I still think she is hiding something and I am struggling to get through that and so we decided that we should separate. I feel as though I was more reluctant to this as I just had a lot of hope for us and I was really looking forward to building a life together. I was still a little suspicious on why she was so strong on this and I found out that she was talking to another guy from the army. So I confronted her about it and asked her to leave. We bought a house 18 months ago so now I am wondering what to do with it all. She has paid a lot more than I have but she is now offering to buy me out for half of the profit that it would sell for. Close to 30k. We also have a cat and a dog that she would like to keep. Taking the money almost seems like the easiest thing to do but at the same time I am not sure that I want to know she is living in the house we bought together. Plus I will most likely be living in the same area and I am not sure if I would want to know where she is living etc. Looking for advice and past experiences.

Eliza_Kate Separated and alienated from children
  • replies: 3

Told husband of 20 years I wanted a separated at end of last December. He then refused to allow me entry into our rental home giving me just my clothes and some personal things. He is a manipulator and has my parents and siblings support. My children... View more

Told husband of 20 years I wanted a separated at end of last December. He then refused to allow me entry into our rental home giving me just my clothes and some personal things. He is a manipulator and has my parents and siblings support. My children 16 18 and 20 live with him and blame me and this rarely see me. Have been trying since separation to get the rest of my personal things with a solicitor friend acting on my behalf. No court as yet. Every time I get an email from his solicitor I fall in a heap and become severely depressed and suicidal. On medication. I feel like giving up. It's affecting my work. I don't know how to go on any more.

Anon2118 What are we to do?
  • replies: 3

My husband is facing redundancy we have 2 kids under 4 and a mortgage I am unemployed at the moment and I fear we'll be homeless and lose everything we've ever worked for. I just don't even know where to start... I've already applied for every job po... View more

My husband is facing redundancy we have 2 kids under 4 and a mortgage I am unemployed at the moment and I fear we'll be homeless and lose everything we've ever worked for. I just don't even know where to start... I've already applied for every job possible with nothing of offer just yet... What else can I do? I'm finding it extremely difficult to sleep and switch off my anxiety and stress of losing everything...

Whiskey1982 Overwhelmed - realisation you're dating a narcissist.
  • replies: 12

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this, had my first therapy session regarding my hopefully permanent break up from a long term relationship that has had devastating emotional consequences for me. As suggested by my psychologist I have done some research into ... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this, had my first therapy session regarding my hopefully permanent break up from a long term relationship that has had devastating emotional consequences for me. As suggested by my psychologist I have done some research into NPD and I am feeling shocked, used and abused. It hurts to know the facts but also helps to have some clarity on the confusion I have suffered in regards to this 6 year long on again off again relationship. It has now been 2 weeks NC but on his terms and if history tells the story that won't last too much longer. I feel alone, and I know that when/if he contacts me I will find it hard to disconnect.