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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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single_mum_extraordinaire Feeling emotional and angry
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I’ve decided to join this forum so I can talk about how I’m feeling to people who don’t know me or my story. 5.5 years ago I separated from my Fiancée and father of my 2 girls aged 5 & 7. It’s been tough but I’ve come this far. We used to do ... View more

Hi All, I’ve decided to join this forum so I can talk about how I’m feeling to people who don’t know me or my story. 5.5 years ago I separated from my Fiancée and father of my 2 girls aged 5 & 7. It’s been tough but I’ve come this far. We used to do shared agreement so 50/50 but 12 months ago I took them full time. He has moved to a good 50km from me and the girls with his now fiancée (2 year relationship) and is barely around to help out or be at any schooling events for the girls. I feel like when we decided on me having them full time he would still assist and be there but he isn’t. I feel stuck because I have put my whole life on hold, I have sacrificed so much, I am missing out on things I want to do because I’m raising these girls on my own. I’m emotional and angry at everyone around me because they’re happy, they’re doing great things, they have great relationships, loving normal families, great jobs and here I am just getting through each week financially and emotionally. Am I supposed to feel like this forever? Will things ever get easier. If you’d asked me at 21 where I seen myself at 31, it wouldn’t be here. This isn’t what I planned.

PauloF Girlfriend lives overseas - what do I do?
  • replies: 4

I’m from Australia and a girl from Germany come here on a working holiday. We hit it off pretty fast and cut a long story short we were dating while she was here. She then left to travel Australia for 2 months which we kept constant contact. When she... View more

I’m from Australia and a girl from Germany come here on a working holiday. We hit it off pretty fast and cut a long story short we were dating while she was here. She then left to travel Australia for 2 months which we kept constant contact. When she come back nothing had changed and things had gotten better between us and we decided to try long distance. She has now been back in Germany 2 months and wants me to go visit her around September which is the time I could get off work. I’m worried about going to visit her because I’d have to stay at her family home with her parents and I’m not sure if they would appreciate that all that much. I plan to move to London within the next year to work for a while so we were going to keep the relationship going and then possibly look at other options in terms of moving to where the other one lives if we are still going strong. She insists she likes me a lot and really wants it to work and is pushing me to go over and I want to I’m just worried about such a big trip in case something goes wrong plus the massive cultural difference between Australia and Germany and the obvious fact I cannot speak German. Could someone please give me any advice. I really like this girl and feel a real connection. Thanks

fifowife the struggling fifo wife. The emotional yo-yo of my fifo household.
  • replies: 9

He went back to work yesterday. When I had work, I am normally too busy to feel this sapping, draining flatness that is dragging me down today... and has been since I was made redundant in august. you see, I feel like I can't speak out to people abou... View more

He went back to work yesterday. When I had work, I am normally too busy to feel this sapping, draining flatness that is dragging me down today... and has been since I was made redundant in august. you see, I feel like I can't speak out to people about how him working away can take its toll. "Oh I am sure the money will help ease your pain", "don't complain, you have got it good"...... But I don't. I am in a town 300 km from close family and friends. I have previously struggled with depression after years of trauma due to parental drug abuse, the death of my step brother, and then the crushing pain of watching my mother slowly die for years... until she finally did 5 years ago. I pulled myself put from under the black dog about 2 years back, and have been reasonably happy since. But feeling this way again is just tearing me apart. I know I should keep busy and active to stave off the bleakness, but this weighty sadness and lethargy settles on my shoulders week on week off... and I can't do anything besides the mere essentials... I am fiercely financially independent, and always pay my own way.. and not having an income is wearing me down. I have a job; but no work. I think that is compounding the stress/anxiety/depression weighing on me. I have been trying to quit smoking, to institute new routines in my home (never had one and don't know where to start!) Of exercise and healthy eating and productive use of my time.... I have tried therapists to help me learn to change and follow through on new goals. But I think this fifo lifestyle is not helping. Every week when he leaves, I am flat and lethargic and overcome with sadness for a day or so. The constant changes emotionally is making it hard for me to try and be better, do better, live better. And now we going to try for a family, I am terrified I am going to end up like my mum. Terrified I don't have her around, terrified of doing this alone 6 months of the year. Stressed about money, trying to learn to be a functional adult, trying to learn how to make positive long term lasting life style changes, and every week, I feel like I lose ground. Any other fifo wives or people who can relate to my story, and who share your experiences and what helped you deal with a fifo husband, and making positive changes for the long term? How did you or are you doing it? Note: moving not an option, nor is leaving my marriage. I need to work on me to make this work. OTHER THREADS BY FIFO WORKERS AND FAMILIES Fifo husband left wondering and confused all the time Withdrawing and sadness How to care for myself while caring for depressed husband Struggle street with partner

Susiec My depressed husband wants to leave, but won’t leave.
  • replies: 8

My marriage is an absolute mess right now as my husband says he doesn’t love me and wants to leave. He said he wants to find peace on his own, He says everything about me irritates him and that he is so unhappy, this has been going on for the past 6 ... View more

My marriage is an absolute mess right now as my husband says he doesn’t love me and wants to leave. He said he wants to find peace on his own, He says everything about me irritates him and that he is so unhappy, this has been going on for the past 6 - 8 month, but he won’t leave and thinks I should, as he doesn’t want to leave the kids. Everytime we communicate right now, about anything, he turns it around to talk about himself and wanting to leave. He says very mean things to me, is angry and his first reaction is to yell at all of us. Tonight we had a behaviour issue with our son, I tried to discuss this calmly with him, but he can’t cope and turned it again to our marriage. He even said he was opting out of parenting. He has a history of bipolar, but has convinced himself he is over that, takes no meds, does not look after himself and is a binge drinker and will not seek any help, even though I believe he is crying out for help. Our home life now is unbearable, we all walk on egg shells waiting for the next explosion. i am so stressed and the kids are withdrawing from their Dad. I am at a loss as to what to do, I try and be strong, but I’m exhausted now and no idea what to do next. i would appreciate any advice from others who have been in this situation.

Nomdad Feeling isolated and controlled
  • replies: 2

A bit of background info. My wife and I have been married for 9 years. She suffers from anxiety, depression, and OCD to varying degrees. She refuses to treat these with either medication or therapy. I entered the relationship with a very naive view t... View more

A bit of background info. My wife and I have been married for 9 years. She suffers from anxiety, depression, and OCD to varying degrees. She refuses to treat these with either medication or therapy. I entered the relationship with a very naive view that I could help her work through her problems and eventually "fix" it. For the first 6-7 years her condition was quite bad. She suffered frequent panic attacks, isolated herself (and me) from everyone, and required constant support and attention. The only way I could deal with this was to disconnect from friends, stop speaking to my family, give up my hobbies, and focus solely on her and keeping her happy. This worked well at the expense of my individuality. I was now a robot that would work, cook, clean, and give any spare moment to her. I tried a number of times to bring up my feelings but was shot down immediately and told I was being horrible and making her feel worthless and depressed. Whenever I got too fed up and went against what she wanted, she would tell me she has nothing left in life and would threaten suicide. In more recent years her condition has improved. I'm still doing everything but the panic attacks stopped and her depression was under control. Things seemed to be going well, my robot ways had improved things. We now have 2 kids together. My wife decided to be the stay at home mum while I work. However, with the added burden of looking after 2 kids, I have been getting overwhelmed with everything. I am also taking over looking after the kids when I get home on top of everything. Most nights I am still awake doing chores when I need to feed my child at 1am. This leads to a 2am bed time when I have to be up at 5 at the latest to get to work. When I bring up how exhausted I am and ask for help I get told that her friends partners are doing everything for them and that I'm a chauvinist for expecting her to do anything after she has looked after the kids all day. Her anxiety is at a stage where I need to make late night trips to shops and pharmacies to stock up on spare formula or nappies because she doesnt want to risk something going wrong and being left without them. This is seen as normal. I brought up my concerns that her anxiety might be stating to get worse again and I have been told that I'm gaslighting and if I bring it up again I will be reported to the police for domestic abuse. I dont know what to do and I cant really talk to anyone about it.

Loulou_bell Never good enough
  • replies: 2

My whole life ive felt like a let down, but latley my partner and my own children make me feel unworthy. I wake up everyday and play pretend but inside im hurting so much i wish i could be want everyone wants me to be.

My whole life ive felt like a let down, but latley my partner and my own children make me feel unworthy. I wake up everyday and play pretend but inside im hurting so much i wish i could be want everyone wants me to be.

Rihanna_-_01 Single and depressed
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm a 26 year old female - I graduated this year and I'm doing well academically. Despite my achievements, I have been going through endless cycles of depression/anxiety as all my relationships seem to fail. I find I always attract the wrong type... View more

Hi, I'm a 26 year old female - I graduated this year and I'm doing well academically. Despite my achievements, I have been going through endless cycles of depression/anxiety as all my relationships seem to fail. I find I always attract the wrong type of men - the aggressive/possessive/jealous/narcissist type. I feel drained, upset and broken as though I will never end up in a relationship. I have men compliment me on my looks etc. and I truly dislike it because everything just seems so shallow. I feel as though I just get used then tossed around. My problem is that I'm also very shy and polite. I just feel so hopeless and pathetic. I feel like a failure. All my friends seem to be getting through well - some married/engaged/pregnant/in long term relationships etc. I feel happy for them but I feel as though there is something wrong with me; especially when they question me 'how can you be so pretty and single'. Makes me feel worse. At this time, I have my eye on a guy I've seen several times at the medical centre. But it stops there. I'm so shy/hopeless that I bet I would never be able to approach him.

Tiger101 Long distance relationship but I'm scared
  • replies: 2

I met my partner 5 years ago, it all happened very fast and we fell so involve, for the first year we lived together and it was perfect. He was given a job travelling around Australia and I was so proud of him. Unfortunately it came to an abrupt end ... View more

I met my partner 5 years ago, it all happened very fast and we fell so involve, for the first year we lived together and it was perfect. He was given a job travelling around Australia and I was so proud of him. Unfortunately it came to an abrupt end when he was diagnosed with cancer and had to come home so we could do his treatment, it was a very hard time for me in my life and whilst laying in the hospital bed he was offered another position in a mine 20 hours from me, of course he took it as he always does and once he left hospital he was gone almost straight away and I felt very alone after going through the cancer together then being left to myself. He has always wanted me to move up there with him but I was so frightened because it was such a small town away from my whole family however we talked and we were almost ready for me to move which I felt I had no say in, when he decided that he would apply for another job 2 hours from where I lived, I thought it was perfect even though I was upset that I had no say in this place we would live either but I was so excited for us to be closer to home. He has now told me that the job is going to move him to Victoria and if offered a position he will move there without considering my feelings about the move yet again. I have now fell for my best friend, she has been there for me throughout everything and has admitted to me that she loves and I love her too, but I love my partner so much and have always pictured our lives together. I feel as though she however wants the same things that I do, to start a family, to be close to home and she wants to be together. But I love my partner so much and we have been through so much together, I go back and forth everyday about who to be with and I am so scared of hurting either of them. I don't really know what our life would be like together because I haven't moved to try but each time I do another location comes into play. I feel like I can be more myself with her but I feel so happy when im around him he makes me get out of my comfort zone and takes me everywhere around the world to experience.life and his personality is contagious. I think I am involve with two people at once but I don't know who to choose. I need help because I can't do this to either of them anymore they are both so perfect that they both deserve to be happy please help me this is ruining my life.

Jimmy744 Lonely and unwanted...
  • replies: 12

Like others here, I find myself in a marriage devoid of any sort of love, attention, or affection. My wife has lost all interest in me and I have no idea why or what to do about it. A total lack of affection or attention towards me has left me feelin... View more

Like others here, I find myself in a marriage devoid of any sort of love, attention, or affection. My wife has lost all interest in me and I have no idea why or what to do about it. A total lack of affection or attention towards me has left me feeling desperately lonely and with a constant feeling of rejection and depression. I honestly don't remember the last time she cuddled up to me just because she wanted to be close to me. It would have been a couple of years ago at least... On my birthday or our anniversary she'll always post some "lovey dovey" message on facebook where anyone who read it, would think we were teenagers in love, however the reality at home is vastly different where I'm lucky if I get a passing cuddle. I often try to cuddle up to her in bed but when I do, she either totally ignores me like I'm just not there, or she pushes me away almost like she can't bare for me to touch her anymore... A cuddle while she's cooking in the kitchen or laying on the couch results in her either walking away, or just totally ignoring me. Never will she just cuddle me back. We still have sex, probably every couple of weeks on average, but I know shes just letting me out of a feeling of "duty". The last time she initiated having sex was probably 5 years ago. When we do have sex, it's always something I initiate. I help out around the home and always make sure she knows shes appreciated. Sometimes I pick some flowers out of the garden or take her out for a romantic dinner or give her a back rub while laying in bed, stuff she used to enjoy and appreciate, but nothing seems to have any effect anymore. I've even tried giving her space, almost to the point of staying well clear of her for a few weeks like a kind of a "let's see how you like it" kind of a thing, but in all honesty, I think she enjoys the separation. I still love her and don't want to leave her but it's left me desperately wanting to feel the love and attention she once gave me. I'm almost at the stage where I feel like looking elsewhere to find the attention and affection that I so badly desire. It's not that I want someone else, or that I want to cheat on her, but I am desperate to find some love and affection again and feel the touch of a woman who wants to be with me. I feel kind of stupid posting on here because I know there are many people doing it a lot tougher than I am. However, this feeling of desperate loneliness is starting to have an effect on my daily life. How do others cope???

_78lost_ Advise
  • replies: 3

I feel like his not as affectionate as he use to be. We use to always hold hands and cuddle I have brought this up and he said it's too hard now with the kids. I understand it's part of his job to work away from home but last time suggested we go too... View more

I feel like his not as affectionate as he use to be. We use to always hold hands and cuddle I have brought this up and he said it's too hard now with the kids. I understand it's part of his job to work away from home but last time suggested we go too as he was only going for 3 days but he kind of shut me down and said it will be better if he goes alone and stays with the other guys to keep the accommodation cost down. I feel like he likes to go away because he can go to the pub with the guys he works with and live the single life he usually rings us when he gets back to his room whenever they close the pub yet when his home his always in bed by 7:30pm and always says his tired and has to get up for work were I can sleep till whenever I want as I'm on maternity leave. Which anyone with small kids know this is unlikely to get a sleep in. I get really jealous when he goes away 1 because I'm worried what his getting up too and 2 I think it get a bit jealous that he gets a break. I'm aware my jealousy has caused a lot of the issues. Which I have probably brought on myself I have searched his phone before and found he looks at a lot of porn like it's a couple of times a day and he is on private pages on Facebook and I found a message he sent to a woman who put a message with a photo of herself on one of these pages on Facebook asking the group how far have you travelled for sex and he wrote that he would travel across australia for her. This to me was a form of cheating but he said it was just a jokemail and would never cheat on me because he would want me to do the same to him. I've also found messages from his work friends where there talking about me and he has called me an offensive name when I questioned this his response was I was reading it wrong. I feel so disrespected and can't get over these two incidents he has apologised but I don't understand how he could do it in the first place. Last night we had a fight over money as he always says things like I pay the bills and my money I told him it should be our money and I pay things too as with my leave pay I paid our bills until I go back to work plus I buy the groceries he pays the mortgage but it seems to be always his money we have separate accounts when I suggested we get a joint account he said no if you want money just ask me and I will transfer some into your account or get you a card for my account. I love him with all my heart but feel like I'm losing him he tells me i never say sorry andidn't I'm stubborn.