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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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PsychedelicFur Absence of mother
  • replies: 7

Recently, at the end of last year when it was Christmas Eve my mother decided to leave my father of twenty odd years of marriage for another man. This other man has not yet left his girlfriend and his little daughter but he takes turns in living betw... View more

Recently, at the end of last year when it was Christmas Eve my mother decided to leave my father of twenty odd years of marriage for another man. This other man has not yet left his girlfriend and his little daughter but he takes turns in living between two houses. As you can imagine my parents separation is affecting me immensely. Growing up my mother had postnatal depression and was extremely emotionally unavailable and distant with me. When I was a baby I rarely received the affection and attention most children get from their mothers. My mother and I never had the bond most children and their parents have. Whenever I cried I was told to shut up. At the time of growing up I never acknowledged or recognised that my mother was distant. I just thought it was her natural way of acting. She never showed me self love. She never taught me that it is wonderfully important to be happy with oneself before you decide to bring others into your life (eg relationships and friendships) When I started secondary school I was not properly taught things girls are meant to know. As a result I would get bullied. And the bullying got quite brutal. I would befriend people who would want to stab me. I left those friendships and relationships because they were toxic and haunting. I have surprisingly enough now taught myself a lot of things. Like how to dress properly, I have taught myself common etiquettes, how to speak well and how to be articulate with my thoughts and feelings. With the assistance of my father too. Thanks Dad. My mother would constantly compare my body to other girls. She would say things that were brutal and sharp tongued when I was upset. Merely telling me I should live in a ‘mental hospital’ because my anxiety and depression was getting quite uncontrollable at this point in time prior to her departure. Then when I attempted to seek help she would just be angry and disappointed in having to wait in the car when taking me to these psychologist appointments. My mother’s absence has affected me greatly. It has not been a pleasurable and enjoyable experience. Most definitely a painful and heart wrenching one to say the least. I just don’t know what to do. My father is great support and has been helping me cope. Hopefully others can leave some advice. It would be most certainly greatly appreciated. Psychedelicfur

Kit_Kat81 Cheated on
  • replies: 12

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, we have 2 children together (I have another 2 from previous marriage). I found out my husband was cheating on my for 3 years, he starting cheating on me after our 4 year old was born and before we got married an... View more

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, we have 2 children together (I have another 2 from previous marriage). I found out my husband was cheating on my for 3 years, he starting cheating on me after our 4 year old was born and before we got married and while I was pregnant with our 9 month old. I have known for a year and I can’t get over it.

8ANG9 Friend has labelled me a compulsive liar
  • replies: 1

Hi all new to the forums, Recently a friend of mine has told me I'm a compulsive liar as I have told some lies recently to remove myself from some situations I find harmful to myself. I have mentioned this several times with said friend but they stil... View more

Hi all new to the forums, Recently a friend of mine has told me I'm a compulsive liar as I have told some lies recently to remove myself from some situations I find harmful to myself. I have mentioned this several times with said friend but they still persist with trying to get me to go along (which I have a couple of times to placate them). I get so anxious about the situation now it has lead to me lying about other situations as well without even knowing it. Said friend finds out about the other situation and that I've bent the truth around the subject and then confronts me about it. Which is fair, not dodging that issue, the scary thing for me is I am unable to now tell that I am doing it. My friend is still very supportive of me and has expressed concern about my behaviours and wants me to get better, I have taken the feedback on board, but I am still really finding it hard to change my ways. Am I being too hard on myself (rome wasn't built in a day) or should I be trying harder to placate my friend and make them comfortable?

pkr00402 I keep pushing people away
  • replies: 1

I feel like I am incapable of being in a relationship. Almost every relationship I’ve been in, it’s like I suddenly drop off from it out of nowhere. Like I can be really into someone one week, then the next I just don’t have any feelings at all and t... View more

I feel like I am incapable of being in a relationship. Almost every relationship I’ve been in, it’s like I suddenly drop off from it out of nowhere. Like I can be really into someone one week, then the next I just don’t have any feelings at all and they don’t come back. This is causing me to really hurt the people I’m with, but I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it.

Just_me85 Need advice about family 
  • replies: 1

Please can someone help me. I'm done waking up early in the morning stress because my husband is just yelling and swearing at me. I had enough! He is an angry monster when me and our kids will not worship his daughter who is 28 and his grandkids. He ... View more

Please can someone help me. I'm done waking up early in the morning stress because my husband is just yelling and swearing at me. I had enough! He is an angry monster when me and our kids will not worship his daughter who is 28 and his grandkids. He even swear and call our kids a liar and a traitor because our girls is on my side not his side everytime we have a fight. Everytime we have a fight because of his daughter(28) he always say I'm the worst person/wife in the world. I woke up 5AM just to prepare his food and his stuff for work. Give him a massage when he goes to bed after his work because he is tired, wash his clothes and work clothes and more just to take good care of him. He doesnt appreciate that and I'm so done with this situation. My plan is to take the kids with me and then I will do all the custody stuff after we moved out. Will I get in trouble for doing that? I asked him if we could talk but he just shut me out calling me names when I tried to talk to him. I do have a phone recordings of him swearing at me and to the kids.

Andy_G How to undo designated role of Family scapegoat Identified Patient or Symptom bearer
  • replies: 5

Hello I was raised as the Identified Patient, Symptom Bearer (Bowen Family Systems Therapy), and family Scapegoat - a serious family dysfunctional problem in which one member of the family a child is blamed, shamed, bullied for small things, picked o... View more

Hello I was raised as the Identified Patient, Symptom Bearer (Bowen Family Systems Therapy), and family Scapegoat - a serious family dysfunctional problem in which one member of the family a child is blamed, shamed, bullied for small things, picked on and constantly put down. It's a generational pattern of abuse that is passed down to the children. As I suffered hidden abuse, my family see my mental illness as proof I am a black sheep and insane. my large extended family enjoy my suffering and take great pleasure in my mental illness. They act normal around normal people Mum is a Nurse Manager Dad a successful business owner I chose to be homeless to avoid them but it was difficult. I do love them but they are genuinely hooked on shaming me, how do I overcome this and stop family scapegoating of me, I really need restorative justice and resources or specific strategies to make my family acknowledge the past so I can heal and please have a healthy future relationship with them?

Sunshine981991 Finding it really hard to go no contact with my mum
  • replies: 3

I’m finding it really hard to go no contact with my abusive mum, it is heart breaking my heart but she has always been very nasty and makes me feel awful about myself so I feel it is the best decision to never talk to her again but I don’t know how t... View more

I’m finding it really hard to go no contact with my abusive mum, it is heart breaking my heart but she has always been very nasty and makes me feel awful about myself so I feel it is the best decision to never talk to her again but I don’t know how to cope with that. Feeling extremely anxious, sad and mixed emotions. Does anyone have any suggestions to get through this and to cope? Feeling isolated and like no one else understands as their mother would never do what mine has. Thank you

zunflower Separation is the best answer for everything? Just need someone to talk or listen
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone. my husband and I married for almost 9 years now. I am not sure if im suffering from depression or self esteem i feel lost i dont know what im feeling right now. When we started i let him control everything because i taught that is best f... View more

Hi Everyone. my husband and I married for almost 9 years now. I am not sure if im suffering from depression or self esteem i feel lost i dont know what im feeling right now. When we started i let him control everything because i taught that is best for us, because most of the time i dont wanna have fight so i didnt fight back or talked about what i want. Just go his way, but now i feel lose. I feel like he stole something from me, my independence i guess or who i want to be? But i let it happened right and at somehow i deserve this because i didnt speak out sooner. But everytime ill speak out where just going to have a fight and he makes me feel guilty and put in a corner. Because whatever he decides i dont have the rights and blames me with evrything goes wrong. When we go out, he preffered to go to casino and play. So i let him because i believe he will be good in card games and yes while waiting for him i will play the pokies. Just buying sometimes. Most our visit at the casino i need to wait for him til he finished playing like 3-4 am in the morning. we go for travel like boat cruised thats all he wants to do drink and gamble. I tried to control him, and tell him i want him to spend time with me. When he does hell sit with me for an hour makes me feel guilty that is bored then he will left me at the bar and go to the casino. so much more to talk about i guess. Sorry if im mimicking, because i am evaluating myself right now. Thank you for ur feedback.

megan123 ROCD or something wrong with relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi, Ive never written something like this before but reading some of them have really helped me in the past. I've been dating my current boyfriend for a over a year now, and so far it was great, we met overseas and he decided to come to Australia to ... View more

Hi, Ive never written something like this before but reading some of them have really helped me in the past. I've been dating my current boyfriend for a over a year now, and so far it was great, we met overseas and he decided to come to Australia to live with me around 7 months ago. It couldn't have been better. His visa is only for a year so we've always had the issue of what happens later over us but we always knew that as long as we loved each other we could make it work. I'm about to begin studying so we also had to factor in that maybe it would be our life here in Australia or maybe it would be moving to Europe and me studying there. Over time this began to cause me more and more stress, I've been dealing with what I believed to be moderate anxiety for most of my life and I started to notice my symptoms were becoming slowly worse and worse. Our relationship was great until one evening we were discussing what to do about his visa and a thought came to my mind like "you don't love him you have to break up right now", it felt like someone had shot me and I then went on to have the worst panic attack I've experienced to date. I knew I loved him so much but I just couldn't shake this thought. I didn't even realise but I started to do little routine checks to see how I felt about him, none of them helped though and over time I began to feel more and more anxious just at the sight of him. I couldn't touch him, ever night I wake up at 4 am in sweats, analysing why I didn't dream about him and if that means my relationship is over. Its gotten to the point I can't even see the point anymore. Some days are worse than others but none are good, on the not bad days I'm still not happy, or even sure I want to be around him. It sucks so much because before all of this I was so sure I would have such a bright and happy future with him and now I don't know what to do. I tell him about how I'm feeling and he stays strong but I can see I'm breaking his heart, I just want to feel happy with him again and for these thoughts to stop. I cant distinguish between thoughts and feelings anymore everything just feels grey. I'm scared I found out about ROCD too late and that maybe I've already let it ruin my relationship and the way I view my partner. Any help would be so appreciated I have no idea what I should do

Brando442 Help me understand?
  • replies: 2

My sister and her partner moved away 2 years ago in that time they had a child and they have decided to come back in with my parents. Since being here my parents have forked our 11 grand most of that was a car my dad got my sisters partner so he coul... View more

My sister and her partner moved away 2 years ago in that time they had a child and they have decided to come back in with my parents. Since being here my parents have forked our 11 grand most of that was a car my dad got my sisters partner so he could start work as a courier, he’s had the job for 20 days and has taken 8 days off in that time, He’s come home because it’s ‘too hot’ he has over 1000 dollars in fines and his mentality is “let them come after me, they can’t make me pay it” and my sister views everything he says as he wrote the bible My sister stays in bed all day whilst my mum and dad cook, bath, baby sit and shop for my niece. The parents don’t do a single thing for her. They put her to bed and then go out and smoke weed My mum always enjoyed a drink but since they’ve moved back in she’s drinking all day everyday my dad is unhappy most of the time. My sister and her partner don’t do anything around the house, you can’t say anything to them because I’m their eyes “they do stuff, and do look after their daughter” My dad loses it whereas my mum says she just switches off whilst she downs another drink. This all stresses me out because they keep giving and giving and getting used, treated like garbage but won’t put a stop to any of it because they’re scared to lose their grand daughter, which I understand but how far can they go with no money? I’m 26 with a partner of my own and we stay in between houses, we pay our way etc. it sucks I don’t want to be in my own home anymore. I feel like distancing myself from my family and not getting involved. I don’t know what I can really do. Nothing seems to change.