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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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KyleO Feel like I'm trapped in my own mind, can't stop mentally hurting my mother.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, first post so I apologise if its wordy, I've got a lot on my mind though and need to get this out. So to give some context, my Mum has raised me by herself since I was born, my other two siblings moved out very young and so it's been bas... View more

Hi everyone, first post so I apologise if its wordy, I've got a lot on my mind though and need to get this out. So to give some context, my Mum has raised me by herself since I was born, my other two siblings moved out very young and so it's been basically just me and her in a very isolated home for 16+ years. She's done absolutely everything in her power to give me a comfortable life as I've always been very lonely, and she was abused as a child and became very protective of her kids as a result. She has been so protective, in fact, that I have been spoilt rotten and don't know anything that an independent young man should know. I don't cook nor clean, she had to homeschool me from 8 years old because I was bullied, and because I was (and still am) addicted to video games, I found it very hard to focus. Which brings me to my current state, and hers too: We've both got severe depression, and a lot of negative thoughts each day. I beat myself up mentally because I've become a pessimist and slob over the years, that issue goes far deeper and I won't put it here unless people are curious. Anyway, we both hold a lot of pain inside, but for some reason, I can't interact with her with the amount of love she deserves. I'm extremely lazy, as a result of being coddled since birth or depression I don't know, but if Mum asks for the smallest favor I react negatively. She asked for a coffee because she was mowing the lawn (something she's wanted me to do for years which I avoid like everything else) and I reacted almost in a hostile way. I didn't mean to, it just happened, and I didn't register it at the time, but later she came inside and I just felt off, she was upset. I have always done this...I don't celebrate her birthday (or my own, given the choice.) I don't give her gifts. I don't do anything a loving son should, but every time I hurt her I feel it, I want to smack my head against something as justice for harming this angel that has raised me. I've hurt her so many times that 'I'm sorry.' is no longer a phrase that can be said in our house. So I hid in my room, and listened with a mind crying out in self-hatred as she cried. I don't know why I am like this, I've got friends these days, games to entertain me, a bike to ride, and yet I am so angry and sad inside, and keep hurting the one closest to me as well. Apologies if this upset anyone, but I just needed to get this out there, relieve a little pressure from this broken mind of mine.

Moesha Staying with my bipolar husband is making me sick
  • replies: 10

Hi guys, I am new to this whole forum, telling people my story thing so am a bit scared but, I need help and it’s now or never. i married my husband 16 years ago. In the first 11 years of our marriage he had 5 different affairs, had all the traits of... View more

Hi guys, I am new to this whole forum, telling people my story thing so am a bit scared but, I need help and it’s now or never. i married my husband 16 years ago. In the first 11 years of our marriage he had 5 different affairs, had all the traits of bipolar highs but wasn’t diagnosed until I wanted a divorce and he finally got help and a diagnosis. We have 4 children ages ranging from 15 to 8 years. This is my second marriage and have tried very hard to keep my family together as I know the pain divorce can have on children and didn’t want this to happen to my kids. My problem is, I have all the responsibilities of this family, from bill paying, to home schooling to grocery shopping, kids doctors appts, (my 10 yr old has ASD, 16 yr old has Anxiety & my husband who has just gotten a full time job, to rubbish disposal and the list goes on. He does nothing around the house and when I ask him to, he gets angry and abusive. He watches tv, plays games and is teaching our 10 year old the same lifestyle while spending no time with the girls. He constantly picks on our 15 yr old daughter and says she’s just like his older sister with whom he has no relationship and disposes. I want to leave but I’m scared my kids will be affected badly by it. We live separate lives, sleep in different rooms, he sleeps with our son, and I’m so tired of holding up the front especially in front of our religious friends and congregation. Separation is something you don’t do. I’m not in love with him but care for him as we’ve had some good times. I’m just over the lies, the money spending, the joy he gets from playing the happy charismatic guy to others and the lazy, selfish husband that’s at home. How do I leave when I feel so trapped?

sunnybeach19 Coping with being kicked out/ Verbal abuse/ Not sure how to start over
  • replies: 1

My mum kicked me out in May, and I moved in with my dad. I don't know why I wasn't good enough to stay with my mum, I don't know why she doesn't me. For the last 6 years, I've been subjected to verbal and emotional abuse, and every day, her words pla... View more

My mum kicked me out in May, and I moved in with my dad. I don't know why I wasn't good enough to stay with my mum, I don't know why she doesn't me. For the last 6 years, I've been subjected to verbal and emotional abuse, and every day, her words play through my mind. She believes she can do no wrong and that's what is getting to me the most because I don't get why she has to hate me. With her, something is always wrong, everything had to have a label. And that's what she made me believe. She drilled it into my head that something is wrong with me and that I'm not normal and that no one likes me because I never got invited anywhere, I never got invited places because I had no friends because I couldn't keep them because every time I made a friend she made me feel like shit for having them and I just want one day where I don't hear her words in my mind and stop thinking everything is my fault.

maggie9 Lonely
  • replies: 2

Hi, i just really don’t know what to do anymore. It feels like every weekend I’m crying at home alone. My few friends that I have have their own friendship groups who they prefer to hang out with. My partner has his friends who he hangs out with. Eve... View more

Hi, i just really don’t know what to do anymore. It feels like every weekend I’m crying at home alone. My few friends that I have have their own friendship groups who they prefer to hang out with. My partner has his friends who he hangs out with. Every week I’m left with no one. I feel so alone. Yes I have friends but I hardly leave my bed except for work. It can’t be healthy crying alone in bed every weekend. My partner always tries to be supportive but everything he says is a lie. He says my friends all love me. That can’t be true if they never want to see me, always coming up with some lame excuse, but never seems to have an excuse when they have their better friends they hang out with. I just don’t know what to do I feel like I have no one.

tiarhnad I feel unwanted and abandoned
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend of 4 years constantly finds ways to not be there for me when I am having what we could call an episode. As we all know we have days when it is all way to hard for us to do things. Today was one of those days for me and I let my partner k... View more

My boyfriend of 4 years constantly finds ways to not be there for me when I am having what we could call an episode. As we all know we have days when it is all way to hard for us to do things. Today was one of those days for me and I let my partner know that I really needed him today to comfort me as I’m not having a good day. Every time I’m having one of these days when I need his support he turns his back on me and says he is tired or his mum won’t let him (his almost 20). It makes me feel like he is avoiding trying to help me and everytime I mention this he says he is being helpful and that he loves me. I can’t help but feel so let down and abandoned like I’m too much but this is when I need his love most. I’m not asking for much. Just his love, attention and time. Am I being crazy? I just need him with me. He takes the ease of my anxiety and depression. Does anyone have any advice?

SparklySushi I feel like I’ve had to accept marriage isn’t going to happen
  • replies: 1

I am 26 (27 in 2 months) he is 27. He lives at home still with his parents and I was out of home but decided to move back with my Dad so I could save for a house so basically both me and my partner don't get no real privacy or be treated like adults.... View more

I am 26 (27 in 2 months) he is 27. He lives at home still with his parents and I was out of home but decided to move back with my Dad so I could save for a house so basically both me and my partner don't get no real privacy or be treated like adults. We have always done long distance been together for 2 years this November so we only see each other on the weekends. We had planned on moving forward and myself moving to his city. This was back in November 2018 where I put my transfer form in (I can transfer with my work) and that was unknown how long it would take. My partner has since swapped jobs 3 times and still is job searching and is never happy and now is money struggling and he finally admitted it was to much pressure for him so I took my transfer out and we would wait again. I feel like since this has happened I feel like it wasn't only the transfer form I took away but my chance of marriage and kids...I have this thing even before my partner I wanted to be married before I was 30 otherwise I wouldn't want to at all and I feel like we won't live together til I'm nearly 27.7 years old and he probably won't propose for a few years which means it won't happen and then I'll have to be pushing kids out when I'm in my mid 30's. I see other couples who haven't been together nearly as long as us and already pregnant or engaged and everytime I see this it makes me feel like we won't ever move forward. He keeps promising me it'll all work out but I just don't know my depression is eating me alive because of this and he cracks up when I say if I'm not engaged by this time next year (I'll be 27.5 ) then I won't accept anything later. Has anyone else been similar to me or is it just me? My plans were to start studying nursing when I'm in my 30's not only getting married and having kids. I feel like because I have to wait for him why should I do his timeline and not mine? Help I don't know why I'm stuck on this and constantly thinking about it making myself feel worse. Just to be clear my partner wants to get married and doesn’t see age an issue.

sheree_f i got broken up with, no warning or explanation
  • replies: 2

my boyfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me 2 months ago. we never really fought or had problems other than just basic bickering and then one day he came over and told me that he had been unhappy for 3 months and didn’t know what to do. he sa... View more

my boyfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me 2 months ago. we never really fought or had problems other than just basic bickering and then one day he came over and told me that he had been unhappy for 3 months and didn’t know what to do. he said he didn’t know what made him unhappy but it wasn’t anything i did (??????) but he just didn’t see us working anymore. i was obviously extremely upset, i loved him so much and always did everything in my power to make him happy and make him feel loved and appreciated he still wants to be friends and obviously i want that too because he was my best friend and i don’t want to lose him and have this stupid hope that we will get back together which is stupid thing to even think because it probably won’t happen but i just cannot stop thinking about him. every day i just wait to see if he will message me and i just want to talk to him and see him and i just don’t understand how someone can talk to you every day and tell you that they love you and then turn around the next day and leave you high and dry and the worst part is that i never wanted to depend on someone to be happy and i didn’t think i did but this has broken me in a way that i didn’t think i could ever feel and i am just constantly sad. i know that there’s so many worse things happening in the world and that so many people have it worse than me but i am literally just so sad all the time and i don’t understand why this has happened to me when all i ddi was love him and care for him and try my hardest for him everyone says it’ll get easier but it hasn’t and it’s been 2 months. i am such a hug believer in everything happens for a reason but i just can’t see the big picture and why i would need to go through this terrible pain to learn some sort of lesson :(((

Clarerosie Lost the love for my husband of 20years
  • replies: 1

My husband and I recently embarked on an open relationship, originally to spice things up, we’ve had a couple of hook ups and it seemed to be working. No jealousy and it was purely a sexual orientation we chose. My dad is now in his final stages of A... View more

My husband and I recently embarked on an open relationship, originally to spice things up, we’ve had a couple of hook ups and it seemed to be working. No jealousy and it was purely a sexual orientation we chose. My dad is now in his final stages of Alzheimer’s and lives in the UK, my depression is unbearable as is my anxiety. This coincides with a sexual partner I had leaving the country - I had no idea i had become as attached to him but now he is away for a few weeks, I miss him so much it’s agonising. My husband doesn’t know I developed these feelings for someone else. i cannot imagine having those physical feelings for my husband .... I love him as a partner and father of our 3 beautiful kids but I’m so conflicted. I can’t eat, I can’t stop thinking about the other person who I don’t want to live without. Ive been denying feelings of loss of attraction to my husband for many years and now feel like it’s undeniable. I just don’t think I have enough love left or it is this just grief and depression talking??? Thank you for listening.

BeeMac83 I'm a crap parent
  • replies: 6

I'm a bad parent. I try hard to be good and feel I try as much as I can but I feel so under-appreciated and that I'm falling short.I recently fell very short.I have depression and anxiety. I have had these for just over 20 years. I feel poorly about ... View more

I'm a bad parent. I try hard to be good and feel I try as much as I can but I feel so under-appreciated and that I'm falling short.I recently fell very short.I have depression and anxiety. I have had these for just over 20 years. I feel poorly about myself, useless, and I fuss about keeping things clean because I have a fear of people thinking I am unclean, among other things. Keeping the house clean is important to me as is looking after possessions because my husband and I work hard at our jobs to be able to afford things for our kids so I want them respected. When I ask my two kids to help out or do chores I get met with complaints and resistance. I keep asking for the same things to be done and I get ignored. I asked politely and calmly and only when I raise my voice do they act. Tonight I was getting cross about some sticky drink that was taken onto carpet and spilt on the floor and the wall and they were laughing and saying they didn't know who it could be. It most likely happened one or two days ago and they would not take me seriously and kept laughing, with the conversation getting to the point that they expected I would clean it up because they didn't know who did it, even though it was clear it would have been one of either of them. I rang my husband, who was away, so that he could talk to the boys because I was getting cross and needed to step away. He was no help and seemed to be listening more to the boys' side of things of them not knowing how the sticky drink and mess appeared on the wall and carpet. My kids were still laughing and I was getting more cross because of this and not feeling supported. I ended the phone conversation and told my kids to brush their teeth, but one-at-a-time because otherwise they are silly and make a mess, or get into a fight, in the bathroom. I told my first kid to go and brush his teeth and get to bed and as he came to walk past me he rolled his eyes and said, 'Fine'. This was the last straw and I put my hands on his head and told him not to roll his eyes because it was disrespectful. I then pushed him to get moving down the hallway. I didn't push him hard or hit him but I did push him and it was wrong. And I swore. I feel like absolute crap. I don't know how to be a parent. I'm a crap parent and I want to leave. I am so mad and ashamed that I pushed my son. I'm a hypocrite and I want to get in the car and go away. I don't know if my kid will forgive me. I can't forgive myself. I feel like a piece of crap.

Chantel40newlyseparated Just separated wanted it but now he left instead
  • replies: 3

Hi there, After being together and married for 24 months I moved into our granny flat as I felt unloved in our marriage but stayed for kids. My husband is not a bad person and I still loved him just not inlove anymore. After moving he tried really ha... View more

Hi there, After being together and married for 24 months I moved into our granny flat as I felt unloved in our marriage but stayed for kids. My husband is not a bad person and I still loved him just not inlove anymore. After moving he tried really hard to change my mind but I felt numb to his efforts. He stopped trying after a few weeks and we continued living this way for 8 months. A few weeks ago he said he couldn't do this anymore and moved out to gain space from me although he said it was only for few weeks. Idk what his intentions are after that time frame. I felt so broken when he did and I asked for him to reconsider but he said he can't although he is extremely upset and on a emotional roller-coaster himself. He is emotionally exhausted he says. I know that once his mind is made up there's no going back. He now ignores my texts most of the time even if they are about the kids. I have said some horrible things to him out of emotion and apologise. Now I am trying not to do that and hide bitterness but he chooses what to respond too. I now am so miserable, constantly crying and on a emotional roller-coaster. I also feel lonely and regret my initial choice to move into granny flat. Idk if these feelings are genuine for the separation as initially I thought I was finished. I'm so broken and miss him so much. Please help if you can. Thank you