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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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anonymous8038 Attention seeking boyfriend, help
  • replies: 5

My long term boyfriend has problems with other women. It started with him wanting to be with and chasing another taken girl while we were together, he ended that after her boyfriend found out. He has always gotten secret attention from other girls on... View more

My long term boyfriend has problems with other women. It started with him wanting to be with and chasing another taken girl while we were together, he ended that after her boyfriend found out. He has always gotten secret attention from other girls on social media, like Snapchat and dms on facebook and Instagram. He has stopped now because I told him that he can have the attention from them, but he can’t have me as well. Now it is more in person. He always tries to make eye contact with girls to get their attention and shows off a lot when there are other girls around. He acts super flirty. He doesn’t see it like that but many of my friends have commented on the fact that they’ve noticed it too and that he has flirted with them as well, they feel extremely uncomfortable about it. He is still doing this to most girls that he sees, whether I am with him or not. My self esteem is at the lowest it’s ever been and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m not good enough. How do I help him? How do I help myself? What should I do in this situation? Please help any advice would be really appreciated

kek Housemate is making me feel mean towards her and I don't like how I react around her
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have a housemate who is frustrating to be around and I find myself getting really passive aggressive towards her. I don't like how I react to her and she makes me feel like a horrible person because I'm so mean to her and it really gets me down... View more

Hi, I have a housemate who is frustrating to be around and I find myself getting really passive aggressive towards her. I don't like how I react to her and she makes me feel like a horrible person because I'm so mean to her and it really gets me down. I'm not sure what it is about her that brings this out in me. I want to go home to relax but I find myself getting more tense when she is home. I have been living with her for almost 2 years now. I have a FIFO job so I'm not always at home. Over the past two years I have had two other housemates come and go. They have said independently and without any prompting from me that they feel like they are being mean to her and don't like how they respond. So I don't think that I am 100% the problem in this relationship. She's been bullied most of her life from what she said and it sounds like her family is not very supportive either because she says they constantly cut her down. I can see the growth in her since she's moved in and she is a lot easier to live with now but it's still hard and draining. She thinks everyone is always cutting her down and judging her. I can't explain it and I feel horrible saying it but it is so easy to do. She is very reliant on other people opinion and doesn't seem to help herself. I am really struggling at work and desperately need to quit my job and have a career change for my own mental health. But to do that I need to rent out my other spare room to pay the mortgage. Right now my 2nd housemate is planning on moving out because she can't live with her anymore. It's making for a very tense household. I'm not sure how to approach her and ask her to leave. She will take it really personally and will be devastated, thinking no one likes her. She was a friend (not super close) before she moved in so will be really hurt and I will continue to see her afterwards in my friendship group. She will also probably move back in with her parents which will not help her self esteem at all and I don't want to be responsible for that. I feel like I can't kick her out because I'm the mean one not her. But my other friends can't live with her so am I justified in wanting her to leave? How do I ask her to leave? She will know it's because I don't want to be around her because I'm not going to ask the other housemate to leave. I feel horrible about it and it is making me feel sick. I really need to quit my job but I can't do it while she is living with me. Any advice?

Shockwave Could somebody please give me a name for this kind of person.
  • replies: 8

Often complains they are not being treated with respect or that others are rude to them. Will fly off the handle at the most minor of problems, or jump down another's throat when asked a basic question as if to convey a message to the effect of "don'... View more

Often complains they are not being treated with respect or that others are rude to them. Will fly off the handle at the most minor of problems, or jump down another's throat when asked a basic question as if to convey a message to the effect of "don't disturb me" Even if a problem is an accident (like, for example, dropping a dinner plate on the kitchen floor and breaking it) the person will be annoyed and make a fuss as if you dropped it on purpose. Not making an effort to get on with their partners family and/ or friends to the point they will not attend important family events and you end up having to go alone. Will run off after a disagreement and not talk to their partner , for sometimes for up to a week or more !. When asked are you ok, their response is usually "I'm fine, I just need my space" When told about an issue you're facing with them, rather than take it on board, they will almost always come back with a similar thing that you've done to them. Like they have a pressing need to get even rather than deal with the issue raised. Complains that you have a compulsive obsessive disorder for a certain life activity yet they also do it, probably more often than you do . For example, wife complains to husband that he is on his smart phone far too often but wife is the same and will often go to the extreme of picking up her phone and writing a text message while in the middle of eating a meal at a restaurant.

missmyman My man is depressed and has stopped communication
  • replies: 11

I've been seeing the most incredible man. We have plans for him to move in with my kids & I. He had depression in the past and is on medication. He got 2 serious illnesses within 3 weeks and I suspect the heavy medication to help him stopped the anti... View more

I've been seeing the most incredible man. We have plans for him to move in with my kids & I. He had depression in the past and is on medication. He got 2 serious illnesses within 3 weeks and I suspect the heavy medication to help him stopped the antidepressants being helpful with his depression. His messages and contact started to lesson. He became silent and unresponsive for 2 weeks. He had asked me to please not stress that we are ok & he loves me. I continued to gently message him every few days, letting him know I'm here, I love him, I'm going nowhere. He's been cheated on by previous partners. After 2 weeks he sent me a message saying he missed me too, he was seeking professional help, my messages had helped him and he was sorry, that he hoped to see me the next weekend. I haven't heard from him since, it's been 2 & 1/2 weeks. I don't think he will self harm, I just think he's dealing with this the best he can (by himself and seeking professional treatment - which I'm grateful he does). My question is, I don't want to harass him, but, I don't want him to feel abandoned either. I love & miss him so much and there's been no indication he wants to break up, just I guess he needs to do this alone. I've been reaching out between every 2-4 days, I mainly text, but, did call & leave a voicemail & also sent him a song. Those who shut down and throw themselves into work, how long do you think he's likely to take to start responding to me again? He lives alone & his family and friends are interstate, we are over an hour apart from each other & I don't want to just turn up on his doorstep & freak him out. I have mild anxiety and the drop in communication is hard for me as I just want to be there for him & help. If you are someone who pushes away those you love, do you appreciate messages of love & support, should I expect he will eventually find his way back to me?

Aisha181 Depressed partner needs space/broke up with me?!
  • replies: 1

I don’t know what to do. We are both 29 and been together for over a year. I thought we were so happy together but over the last two months we have had one minor issue which I couldn’t seem to resolve with him. Every time I tried to bring it up he wo... View more

I don’t know what to do. We are both 29 and been together for over a year. I thought we were so happy together but over the last two months we have had one minor issue which I couldn’t seem to resolve with him. Every time I tried to bring it up he would shut down and cry/hyperventilate/get angry. Then I would end up comforting him but he wouldn’t tell me a thing. He had been talking about the future with me and giving me a key to his place just a week before he ended it. Then two nights before we were supposed to go away, he did something that crossed my boundaries(so obviously) We had our first proper fight. The next night he came over a blubbering mess and pretty much ended it. He was digging for problems and making out like I was this person that I’m not. He said he can’t keep seeing a psych(first time I’d heard about it) he could barely stand he was that upset. He ended up running out on me as he couldn’t handle it. I was so distraught I was left wailing in the corridor of my apartment. He came over last night for a chat. He looked terrible. He hugged me so tight. He said he knows I love him to bits. I said I want to do it with you. I want to be RIGHT beside you. I held his hand and he pushed his face into mine. Hes had it for over 15 yrs. He refuses medication because it only masks the problem?! I guess something really dark has happened to him when he was young. He won’t talk about it though. He’s such a private person and only one person knows about how much he suffers. He’s been hiding it for YEARS. He tried to explain it to me.. that he can’t see colours.. all he sees is darkness. He can barely get himself out of bed to eat breakfast. He said he needs a break from everything. I understood him. But I could tell he didn’t want to tell me where I stood. I got up and asked if he needed space from me and he nodded. He told me he had been sleeping on my pillow all week. I asked why and he said he didn’t know. I asked him if he still loved me. He said he thinks he does but he doesn’t know because he can’t feel anything. He just cried and I hugged him and said he has way too much to live for. He was so sad and looked so hopeless. We hugged and cried for about 10 minutes. I am so broken for him. I know deep down he loves me dearly. I just know. It worries me that no one knows and he’s determined to keep it to himself. I told him I don’t ever want to lose him from my life and that I am here. I’ll give him space but am I supposed to check in with him?

willieollie Partner wants kids now, I want kids later
  • replies: 5

Hello.. I'm in a very confused state. My partner and I are in our early 30s.. I understand that her biological clock is ticking, I completely understand it. She wants kids very soon, in the next few months. I'm feeling like I'd be happy to try for a ... View more

Hello.. I'm in a very confused state. My partner and I are in our early 30s.. I understand that her biological clock is ticking, I completely understand it. She wants kids very soon, in the next few months. I'm feeling like I'd be happy to try for a baby by the end of 2020 (just for personal reasons). My partner has responded by stating that she understands my point of view and doesn't want to pressure me into having a child earlier than I want. Immediately afterwards she says that she's going to go and find a sperm donor because I dont want a baby just now. My reaction was feeling hurt and angry, but I've composed myself and now I just feel numb and confused, whether I have the right to feel angry or hurt, or if it's all just my fault and I need to respond to this by agreeing to have a baby soon. The hurt and anger comes from me feeling like she's going to have a baby with someone else while still with me. I know that's not how it actually is.. but it's just the feeling I have. Can someone please give their thoughts on this situation? I have no clue how I should react.

ssvv24 Feeling trapped in my relationship. Is it salvageable?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I’m really stuck right now... i feel conflicted with my feelings because I’ve been in a relationship for almost two years now and for the past couple of months, I’ve felt a loss of attraction and I think I’ve fallen out of love with my partne... View more

Hi all, I’m really stuck right now... i feel conflicted with my feelings because I’ve been in a relationship for almost two years now and for the past couple of months, I’ve felt a loss of attraction and I think I’ve fallen out of love with my partner. I feel conflicted because I don’t know whether I should put effort into fixing our relationship or breaking it off. I did try a week ago to talk it out with my partner but they ended up wanting to fix things and they still love me so I didn’t have the heart to break up with her/him. I didn’t have the courage to tell him/her I didn’t feel like I loved them anymore either. I just said I was unhappy in the relationship, bored, tired and losing attraction due to certain things. In the pit of my stomach, I felt like I wasn’t happy with my decision to continue our relationship but I felt guilty as they’ve never truly wronged me and have been quite patient and loving. He/she has never abused me and we’ve never had terrible fights where we’d insult each other, which is partly why I thought I owed them a chance because it felt as though I didn’t have a good reason to end things.I thought at least I gave them a chance to try to mend things and hopefully I’d somehow love them again but I just feel suffocated and trapped. I think I’m just staying out of guilt because my partner is clearly very much in love with me but I don’t feel the same... please help me. I feel miserable and tired of faking still being in love with them. How can I say how I truly feel in the most gentle way possible? Or should I give my relationship two weeks to see if it’s still salvageable?

jessemjim Why would he not ask me first????
  • replies: 6

Im 49 and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, We don't live together because he is a baker and starts at 3am. I live with my daughter and 3 year old grandson and my boyfriend wont move in with me because a toddler in the house doesn't suit his s... View more

Im 49 and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, We don't live together because he is a baker and starts at 3am. I live with my daughter and 3 year old grandson and my boyfriend wont move in with me because a toddler in the house doesn't suit his sleep routine. So we work in the same department and see each other everyday at work although we don't work specifically together. We both work full time and our work week is Sunday - Thursday. We both have Friday and Saturday off as our weekend so that is when we see each other as partners. We spend Thursday night, Friday, Friday night and Saturday together. We enjoy our weekends together and always make the most of them. I do not see him outside work Sunday - Wednesday due to his sleep routine aswell as some health issues he has and the appointments he needs to attend. My problem is recently there have been some changes as work and my partner has asked if he can change his roster to work Monday to Friday and work has agreed to it. He did this because the hours they were offering suit him better and he feels like with some changes to penalty rates on a Sunday its not worth working Sundays anymore. He didn't tell me he was going to do this he just did it and told me. It means we only have Saturdays when we can see each other and when I asked him why he did this without talking to me and asking me how I felt about it he said he didn't really even think about it and the fact we would only have one day a week together as a couple. Im gutted and beyond hurt that he didn't consider our relationship or my feelings before making such a big decision. I have ended our relationship still trying to stay friends because of seeing him at work but im devastated. Why would he do this. He tells me he loves me. Am I wrong to be completely stunned and hurt by his decision and his lack of consideration to our relationship? Why would be do this??? Surely im not overreacting.

ShellyShelly New phase of relationship
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend told me that he is not interested in sex with me or anyone and he thinks that I'm asexual. He's had a rough past with an ex-girlfriend. They were together for 8 years and ended when he fell for her younger sister who moved in with them. ... View more

My boyfriend told me that he is not interested in sex with me or anyone and he thinks that I'm asexual. He's had a rough past with an ex-girlfriend. They were together for 8 years and ended when he fell for her younger sister who moved in with them. He said he felt a connection and that they slept together but it didn't keep together like he thought they would. The fall out was dramatic as you would think. However, he still sometimes in contact with the family (not the sister who has moved on). I'm only slowly getting these details now. I've been with him for 6 months but have known him a year beforehand. He believes that physical intimacy ruins relationships so we have not been intimate so far. For me, this was partly because I wanted to get to know him first, I don't feel much desire if there's no connection. However I'm concerned that he is a liar by omission and has lingering feelings for his ex-girlfriend's sister. I'm also concerned that he's projecting on to me. I'm not asexual and I'm not happy he entered a relationship with me without dicussing his intimacy issues. I've had a rough time with an ex too, which is why I wasn't keen to rush into anything. At first I did not want to persue a relationship with him but he was persistent. I've been introduced as his girlfriend to his parents and close friends and extended family. But his ex has no idea. He said that she has boarderline personality and didn't want to trigger her. He's generous and supportive but I feel like he might be manipulating me to fill a void. When we were talking about his past he spoke about his disappointment and hurt that things with his ex and sister turned sour. He told me that his ex-girlfriend's sister was beautiful but when I asked if he thought I was too he said 'not exactly'. I'm confident in my appearance but his answer seemed to indicate a lack of interest in me. When I started to tear up he told me he loved me for the first time and that I was the most level headed relationship he's had. About a month ago I let him know that a girl friend of his made me uncomfortable as it was clear she had feelings for him and she was pushing my boundaries so she could thirdwheel. He was mature and validated my feelings. We haven't had problems with this friend since. I'm about to have a career change and would like to avoid unnecessary baggage and stress. Is this an honest relationship recap or am I being taken for a ride?

buxomshadow Time to permanently distance myself from my last toxic relative? [Trigger Warning: abuse]
  • replies: 5

My brother and I are in our 50s. We had an extremely abusive childhood, ending in our father's suicide when we were young teens. I copped most of the abuse from our mother. He was the GC. I was old enough to leave home but being 17, she needed me to ... View more

My brother and I are in our 50s. We had an extremely abusive childhood, ending in our father's suicide when we were young teens. I copped most of the abuse from our mother. He was the GC. I was old enough to leave home but being 17, she needed me to rort her pension. I was always a convenience to her. By the time I was 40, I'd had enough of her N, self-serving abuse to last a lifetime. 13 years ago the abuse reverted back to physical. And sexual, again. I walked away, lest I hurt her in turn. DB stuck around because he has kids. In the last two years, DB has tried to kill us both while driving on two occasions. He won't allow his children to thank me for sending them gifts so I haven't gifted them for years. I'm old school and believe in thanks but he said I just want to furnish my ego. I've had breast cancer, twice, in the last 12 months but because I didn't need chemo (just rads) he thinks I am OK. He has always been ashamed of me and never introduces me to friends he runs into. I do that! People are amazed that I am his sister but he is embarrassed. This has gone on since he married up to middle-class and his now ex-wife poisoned him against me. His new wife hates me but it doesn't stop my brother from telling me about their amazing sex life. He also perved on me in the shower, telling me how I am not as pretty as people say I am. I've had no well-wishes from his family at all. They don't know what I have been through, nor do they know that I will have a double mastectomy before the end of the year. I don't want him around by then. I am literally sick of his constant passive-aggressive criticism of my life and of me. He is feeding off my cancer like it is a novelty. He fled from our mother a year ago and a few weeks later, while we were driving in the city, he tore me to pieces on the way to my radiotherapy appt, telling me I am just like her and to never ever compare him to her. I turned up at the clinic in tears. The problem is, he is just as N and hateful as she is. Now I find out he received a cut of our grandfather's inheritance 12 years ago and he insists I get my cut. He never told me of this at the time. I'm too sick to confront our mother about the money, which I sorely need. It is how she wants it, anyway. I'm quietly doing my own research in order to get it without having to see her at all. To me, this is DV and I need to get away regardless of the nature of our relationship. Rant over. Opinions?