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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lozzy44 How do I support/contact boyfriend who has asked for space?
  • replies: 4

I have been seeing my boyfriend for the last 6 months. We don’t live together but have keys to each other’s apartments and have a holiday to Bali booked in 6 weeks. He works 6 nights a week and only gets Saturday night off so our weekends have been f... View more

I have been seeing my boyfriend for the last 6 months. We don’t live together but have keys to each other’s apartments and have a holiday to Bali booked in 6 weeks. He works 6 nights a week and only gets Saturday night off so our weekends have been full on. The routine has become texting in the morning when he finishes work and phone calls at night when he’s on the way to work. When we first got together, he”warned” me that he had come out of a bad breakup 3 years ago with his ex of 12 years and that combined with the death of his mum caused him to seek some counselling. He has purposely “hidden” away by working nights and doesn’t want to get hurt again. He told me about his low self worth and we shared our fears and concerns with each other. Despite this, he has let me in and we’ve developed really strong feelings for each other. I know he loves me and I love him. A few weeks ago he met my mum and not long after that he started to break routine and go silent. We ended up talking and he told me he’s in a dark place again and not sure about being in a relationship even though he loves being with me. He said things like “you’re born alone and we die alone so what’s the point of relationships when we just end up getting hurt?” Last week he told me he needs to be alone right now to get his thoughts in order. I have not been in contact for over a week now and I’m struggling with what to do. I am trying to give him space but I’m scared that too much time without contact will make him feel like I don’t care and that he’ll just keep lines of communication shut because of fear and embarrassment. I’m also really stressed because we have this non refundable holiday booked in 6 weeks. I don’t want to pressure him with questions about this but I don’t know what to do. Would it be ok to send him a text just to check up and let him know I miss him? Or would that be too much for him right now? How much time do I wait? What should I say? I think he’s protected himself by hiding away the last few years and then I’ve come into his life. We’ve made plans together and had amazingly happy times together and I’ve changed his routine. Has this scared him back into that place of anxiety and depression that he was in before? It all feels so sudden to me. We’ve gone from having plans, happiness, love and loads of affection to completely shutting me out. Any help would be so appreciated. I can’t stop thinking about him and worrying about where he’s at.

DaylightAmy I hate that I don't get along with my mother
  • replies: 2

I am desperate for an insight that can relieve the immense guilt and sadness I feel over this situation. I am sorry about the length of this post, I feel like a lot of these small details are important to the whole picture. I am my parents' only chil... View more

I am desperate for an insight that can relieve the immense guilt and sadness I feel over this situation. I am sorry about the length of this post, I feel like a lot of these small details are important to the whole picture. I am my parents' only child and moved abroad about 10 years ago (I am in my 30s). My mother had an extremely traumatic pregnancy and birth, and suffered from very severe postpartum depression while I was growing up. Without meaning to sound harsh - there is no nice way to say it - she has always had a victim complex. When her mother got sick she moved in with her to care for her, and then spent years resenting her mother for it. She stayed with my dad (who is a supportive, caring partner) after falling out of love with him and then years later said she felt 'forced to stay'. That's just how she is. I have always been the opposite (which is far from perfect, but the point is it's very different from her). My mother cannot handle difficult conversations. Any criticism to her feels forceful and abusive, and results in her crumbling, crying, making a list of reasons why the critic is an abuser and remaining quietly resentful for years. I have seen her do this to her own siblings, to my father, and to others. Which is why I have never been able to just be honest with her about how I feel without creating a HUGE situation. The problem is since I hit puberty, she has made me "feel small". As a teenager I just wasn't very wild - I wasn't all that interested in boys, I didn't care for partying. I loved studying and reading. Throughout my very insecure teens she literally forced me to go to parties, and implied that there was something "wrong" with me mentally. Now as an adult she thinks my husband is a loser (he has anxiety from damage after a brain tumour), she constantly passive aggressively implies my life is unimpressive... I am happy, damnit. I love my life. I love my husband so much. My dad is very proud of me and my life. I have wonderful friends. I have travelled all over the world. And still every time I call her, all she asks about is the things she disapproves of. I avoid calling her now. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I tell her how she makes me feel, the situation WILL spin off into years of passive aggressive resentment from her (which, yes, is worse than what we have now)... but I don't want to avoid my mother for the rest of our lives and then regret that we didn't get along when she is no longer here.

Dk96 Struggling with my anger issues
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone. I'm 23 years old and have been struggling with anger outbursts since I was roughly 15-16. I was in a 5 year relationship at a young age where it ended because of my outbursts over little things and constant over thinking of situations a... View more

Hey everyone. I'm 23 years old and have been struggling with anger outbursts since I was roughly 15-16. I was in a 5 year relationship at a young age where it ended because of my outbursts over little things and constant over thinking of situations and arguments. I'm so confused with why these outbursts happen and I'm always regretting my actions after they happen. I recently broke up with my partner of 2 years for the exact same thing. Over thinking, things not playing out how they do in my head, me going berserk over dishes, or laundry that has been there for multiple days. When I lose my temper I say things to deliberately try and hurt my partner to get back at her for making me upset and angry. I regret what I say as soon as they're said. I feel confined to my own thoughts and honestly don't know how to talk to someone about my problems as I don't know how to explain how I feel. I spoke to my partner before we broke up and she wanted me to talk to a doctor and get help. I said I would do this but feel embarrassed on what I have done and don't know how to talk about how I feel. I hope this makes abit of sense and look forward to hearing back from anyone who has been in the same situation as me or can explain to me on how to talk about what's going on when I don't really understand on what's going on.

krsm First night going to a shared house bed, and not my home
  • replies: 2

Recently separated and so many horrible little milestones on the way to recovery. Leaving work today will take me to a room in a shared house, somewhere to sleep and give my wife space... this is so far removed from driving home, hugging my kids and ... View more

Recently separated and so many horrible little milestones on the way to recovery. Leaving work today will take me to a room in a shared house, somewhere to sleep and give my wife space... this is so far removed from driving home, hugging my kids and getting a lovely peck to welcome me home.

Somuchlovetogive Broken up and feeling broken
  • replies: 4

Hi all. man, life has just done a big flop for me. Today was going to be our 1 year anniversary for our relationship and he broke up with me on Monday. Our relationship hasn’t been easy, we “broke up” nearly every month but always fixed it within a f... View more

Hi all. man, life has just done a big flop for me. Today was going to be our 1 year anniversary for our relationship and he broke up with me on Monday. Our relationship hasn’t been easy, we “broke up” nearly every month but always fixed it within a few days. The last break up was big but had a big resolution with him in tears, telling me he loved me and then we hadn’t broken up for 3 mths. I had thought we were doing well. that I was doing well. I have had chronic pain for the passed 8mths which I just had surgery for 3 weeks ago. I also had diagnosed depression. But I was seeking help for all of that and felt like I was actually improving and doing so well. He went away for a 4 day trip and I didn’t fall apart (again massive progress on my part) and he come back telling me he loves me and kissing me and going on dates. Then I had been looking up something on his phone and saw a message to someone else come through that he was planning to break up with me. He says he feels like he has lost himself. Because I’ve been struggling, he has been struggling and not becoming the person he wanted to be. I had already seen this happening and again, had been trying to make improvements on it. It had just been difficult because I was in pain and recovering from the op. It’s like he expected it to happen overnight. now I’m hurting. I’m hurting so much. He was my first love and I can’t believe I have lost him after a year. It hurts because he gave up on me. On us. how can he throw us away after a year? We could try living separately or seeing a counsellor but he ist up for any of it. He just wants to be friends. Cause he still loves me and thinks a future relationship is better built off a strong friendship. And not only did I lose him, but my whole life. I had to move out of our beautiful apartment (that I chose because I fell in love with it) because I can’t afford to stay there because I can’t work due to pain. I’ve lost my amazing housemates. I had things happening in the area. I am only 19 and I was just building a life for myself (as best I could) and now I back to living with my family and lost all that independence. It hurts because I love him so deeply. And he didn’t see the best me. I got unwell just 2 months after meeting him so majority of our relationship has been the struggling version of me. And I hate that he has to base his decision off that. I have a psych but she is away for another week or 2. I have amazing family but feel so lost and broken.

DrLukey I can’t stop my emotional outbursts towards my partner. I need help.
  • replies: 6

I am posting this in desperation. Every few days, I have these emotion outbursts towards my partner. The cycle starts with me, after having had the previous emotional outburst, feeling very shameful and remorseful, and believing to my core that it wi... View more

I am posting this in desperation. Every few days, I have these emotion outbursts towards my partner. The cycle starts with me, after having had the previous emotional outburst, feeling very shameful and remorseful, and believing to my core that it will never happen again. I devise strategies to ensure it never happens again. Yet, something might happen where either my partner will not answer my text messages quickly, or I wont hear from her for half a day, or I discover she has gone out to brunch with a male friend, or something else that triggers these feelings of insecurity in me then leads me to have this overwhelming feeling that she might be cheating on me behind my back, or ready to break up with me. Once these feeling take hold, my mind cannot get away from them and I end up asking her things like ‘Are you developing feeling for your friend?’ Or ‘Are you ignoring me?’. My partner doesn’t like when I ask these questions, and she might either ignore them or tell me she doesn’t want to engage in them, and this triggers me to have an outburst over text, where I might threaten to leave her, or say nasty things to her, or I might try calling her incessantly. It is emotionally abusive on my part, and I am desperate to stop this behaviour, but for whatever reason I have been unable to stop. I have seen a psychologist, and tried many things, but I just feel this overwhelming feeling of anxiety when I am insecure, and it is almost like I become a different person, and I believe all the conspiracy theories in my head as to what might be going on. When I am not like this, my partner and I share a very mutually beneficial relationship. We have helped each other in many ways and love each other dearly, but my behaviour is driving her away, yet she has not given up on me even though I have been doing this for well over 1 year. There have been times I have not been like this; it has not been like this constantly, but I always keep coming back to it once we get sufficiently close. If anyone has some advice, or similar experiences, I would greatly appreciate it.

PilbaraMumma Accepting it is hard for my support
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I struggle with anxiety and somewhat with depression. I can see the toll it has on the relationships around me and it breaks my heart. I know it must be a huge sacrifice to support someone like me...but recently in a heated exchange I felt li... View more

Hi all. I struggle with anxiety and somewhat with depression. I can see the toll it has on the relationships around me and it breaks my heart. I know it must be a huge sacrifice to support someone like me...but recently in a heated exchange I felt like that point was made and I just died inside. I really didn't find it helpful to be reminded of how difficult it is for my spouse to support me - I understand that it is, I know that it is, but to have it put out there like that, I couldn't deal with it. Does anyone have any advice on how to thank the people who support us and show them I understand how difficult it is? Without having it thrown in my face to send me into a spiral?

PilbaraMumma How much do others need to take responsibility?
  • replies: 5

Hi all, Wondering if anyone has any advice/thoughts on this topic. I am really confused about how much other people need to take responsibility and be mindful about someone with anxiety. I find in a lot of relationships, pretty normal standard things... View more

Hi all, Wondering if anyone has any advice/thoughts on this topic. I am really confused about how much other people need to take responsibility and be mindful about someone with anxiety. I find in a lot of relationships, pretty normal standard things can trigger my anxiety particularly in social settings and family settings. So how much do the people around you need to be sensitive and how much do you need to try and manage your reaction? For example I have a sibling who is extremely sarcastic. Everyone else in the family finds it funny but it sets off my anxiety, largely because it has been at my expense over a great many numbers of years. The family consensus is that I'm too sensitive and need to take a joke better but it hurts that I don't feel safe in my own family and that they don't seem to be sensitive to my feelings at all. And this seems to be quite regular - I'm very sensitive to criticism and feel like everyone hates me if they criticise anything. sometimes it's justified but i feel like my defence and offence cant take even constructive criticism. How much of that is on me to work on and how much is on others to work on? Anyone have any ideas? Thanks.

Jilted Lonely in marriage and no purpose to life
  • replies: 16

Hi everyone. Looking for help to get through constant feelings of loneliness, low self esteem and worthlessness To keep things short, I am unhappily married - my husband is a good man but we are more room mates than anything else. This is my second m... View more

Hi everyone. Looking for help to get through constant feelings of loneliness, low self esteem and worthlessness To keep things short, I am unhappily married - my husband is a good man but we are more room mates than anything else. This is my second marriage and we are married 10 years. I’m in my late 40’s. I recently reconnected with my high school boyfriend and have had a whirlwind affair. He is also married and has children. I have no children. He has said he can’t offer me anything more than ‘friends with benefits’. I can’t cope with that and want more. Yes, I know this is wrong and am working my way out of the situation and feel I should also leave my marriage. I wish it could be different though with my high school boyfriend. I look at his life and realize how little I have in my own life except for work. I have a couple of close friends spread over different countries but that’s it. I feel I haven’t achieved anything - no kids, no contribution and no strong connection with family. I feel very lonely, without purpose and just want to isolate from everyone because I feel uninteresting to others, a bad person, and too emotional and messed up for anyone to be around me Any advice please?

Nikkeh Ex boyfriend serious issues
  • replies: 1

So im a 26 year old girl who has recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years we have no children and we both live with our parents we have never lived together i had to break up with him beacuse he became so controlive and possive he wouldnt let m... View more

So im a 26 year old girl who has recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years we have no children and we both live with our parents we have never lived together i had to break up with him beacuse he became so controlive and possive he wouldnt let me out with my friends there was no trust he would message my friends to confirm i was with them.about a month ago i started going out with my friends going to the city clubbing and not telling him were i was beacuse he said if he found me he would hurt me.. i feel like i should be happy being out of this relationship but its making it worse ilmy anxiety is bad im fighting with my family i just want to be happy