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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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PS03 Struggling with motherhood
  • replies: 12

Hi I do not know how to say this or if I will be judged for saying this - I hate being a mother. I am a mother of a one year old and a 4 years old and I love my children. But being a mother is a constant struggle- every day and every night. Sometimes... View more

Hi I do not know how to say this or if I will be judged for saying this - I hate being a mother. I am a mother of a one year old and a 4 years old and I love my children. But being a mother is a constant struggle- every day and every night. Sometimes I feel I wasn’t meant to be a mother. I had a great life before kids. I miss those days. I am miserable and my kids see this and I am terrified that it will affect my kids mentally and emotionally. I want to scream and throw things and I can’t do this.

Guest_598 Bargaining Stage of Grief
  • replies: 5

Hi All, do you have experience with the stages of relationship grief? When people go through the bargaining stage, are they likely to return to their partner even if they were the ones that separated? If a person says that their ex is causing only an... View more

Hi All, do you have experience with the stages of relationship grief? When people go through the bargaining stage, are they likely to return to their partner even if they were the ones that separated? If a person says that their ex is causing only anger and sadness in them, but that they need to understand how the relationship broke down and that that means working through it with their ex (i.e. talking more to them), does that mean they want to get back with them. Or just that they have a need to understand why they have to go through all the pain? Thanks.

Beeky94 Depressed partner doesn't know whether he wants me and our family
  • replies: 3

Ok Guys, this one is a doozy so settle in. Background on me: I got married to a mentally abusive ex because I fell pregnant. It was a mistake - he was cheating and living multiple lives with other girlfriends. I found out via one of the girls becomin... View more

Ok Guys, this one is a doozy so settle in. Background on me: I got married to a mentally abusive ex because I fell pregnant. It was a mistake - he was cheating and living multiple lives with other girlfriends. I found out via one of the girls becoming suspicious of him and investigating. Anyway, I left and copped continuous abuse via txt. He is to only contact me via email regarding our child and his supervised visits. I had panic attacks and serious anxiety from 6 years of horror starting as a teen. I went through therapy and medication and met current partner. My daughter sees him as her father of her own accord and we have a baby son together. Now, fast forward, our son is 1, daughter 3 on her way to 4 and i've watched my partner become withdrawn, irritable and mean. Its been about 3 months of spiralling and arguing because I did my best to engage and try and talk to him to only be talked down to, ignored or fought with so then i also withdrew after experiencing a BPD ex who used downs as ways to make me stay and feel worthless myself. I have since realised I need to step up and became aware of the differences in the fake depression used against me to this very real, heartbreaking illness and want to support and help. However my partner has decided he wants to leave and is further withdrawn and refuses to even sit near me. Its hard to even get him to engage with two children who are sitting right next to him asking for his attention. I try and speak to him to only hear he doesn't know if he wants to be with me or be a parent or that this life is enough for him which hurts me beyond belief especially for my daughter. He says he still loves me and can't live without me but he needs to leave because his head tells him to. Its breaking me because I want to be with him, I want our family and he just says he can't be with me and needs to leave but I feel that leaving is wrong and that if he does then that is it. There is no coming back. He is also blaming me for a lot of the problems because I started fighting, however I don't fight with him, I ask questions and try to engage in a conversation and he ignores me or is snide or rude and I get upset and hurt. He does not see the things he has done and that I've been trying to help or find out what is going on. I feel horrible because sometimes I desperately want him to just go away because I already feel like a SM of 2 anyway. He is saying i've changed as well. I haven't? advice please!!!

Hopless Unable to think anymore
  • replies: 1

Long story short...... kind of.... I made a mistake of having an ex as a friend on FB and commenting or liking some of his status's over a period of 7yrs (as well as commenting on other friends status's). My hubby then got FB and looked through my pr... View more

Long story short...... kind of.... I made a mistake of having an ex as a friend on FB and commenting or liking some of his status's over a period of 7yrs (as well as commenting on other friends status's). My hubby then got FB and looked through my profile and my ex's profile going back 9 years. He believes I have betrayed him, been disloyal and disrespectful in doing so. There was nothing at all that I wanted to hide. But I blocked my ex (at my husband's request) and have had no contact since. My hubby believed I'd cheated on him by doing this. Whenever we argue, he brings it up. Then he will call me horrendous names (I can't even repeat them) and mentally pound me into the ground. We move interstate (after my hubby agreed) due to my elderly father. Now every time we argue, he throws that and the FB issue up at me. How I took him and the kids from their home, work, friends and his adult children. He has packed his stuff and left me twice and has threatened to do this numerous times. He has now had to go and work away for about 6 weeks due to lack of work here. Now he's lonely. He got angry because I didn't call him before I looked on FB in the mornings (he worked nightshift). So I start to send him a message at 7am daily. Even so, he will still check at all times in the day/night whether I am on FB or messenger. If I am, he accuses me of chatting to people and not making him my priority. So I call him or message him before I look on FB. I barely talk to anyone on messenger now because he thinks I'm up to no good. Then he's not happy with the amount of time I spend on my phone. So I limit that. However, he can be playing his games on the ipad whenever he gets a spare minute. We have been to get help, but he never likes the people or they are costing money when he can watch motivational stuff on youtube. Bottom line is, I can't even think for myself anymore because my brain is like mashed potato. If I say what I think, he says my psych told me that. If I tell him how I feel, he responds with how I should imagine how he feels. He says that we wouldn't be like this if I hadn't have "chatted" to my ex or we didn't move. Maybe so, but he has chosen to stay with me so should he not let it go???? There is so so much more, but what I have written is enough for now. Sorry. I need some serious advice (good or bad), I can't do this by myself. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to seek help

Lozzy44 How do I support/contact boyfriend who has asked for space?
  • replies: 4

I have been seeing my boyfriend for the last 6 months. We don’t live together but have keys to each other’s apartments and have a holiday to Bali booked in 6 weeks. He works 6 nights a week and only gets Saturday night off so our weekends have been f... View more

I have been seeing my boyfriend for the last 6 months. We don’t live together but have keys to each other’s apartments and have a holiday to Bali booked in 6 weeks. He works 6 nights a week and only gets Saturday night off so our weekends have been full on. The routine has become texting in the morning when he finishes work and phone calls at night when he’s on the way to work. When we first got together, he”warned” me that he had come out of a bad breakup 3 years ago with his ex of 12 years and that combined with the death of his mum caused him to seek some counselling. He has purposely “hidden” away by working nights and doesn’t want to get hurt again. He told me about his low self worth and we shared our fears and concerns with each other. Despite this, he has let me in and we’ve developed really strong feelings for each other. I know he loves me and I love him. A few weeks ago he met my mum and not long after that he started to break routine and go silent. We ended up talking and he told me he’s in a dark place again and not sure about being in a relationship even though he loves being with me. He said things like “you’re born alone and we die alone so what’s the point of relationships when we just end up getting hurt?” Last week he told me he needs to be alone right now to get his thoughts in order. I have not been in contact for over a week now and I’m struggling with what to do. I am trying to give him space but I’m scared that too much time without contact will make him feel like I don’t care and that he’ll just keep lines of communication shut because of fear and embarrassment. I’m also really stressed because we have this non refundable holiday booked in 6 weeks. I don’t want to pressure him with questions about this but I don’t know what to do. Would it be ok to send him a text just to check up and let him know I miss him? Or would that be too much for him right now? How much time do I wait? What should I say? I think he’s protected himself by hiding away the last few years and then I’ve come into his life. We’ve made plans together and had amazingly happy times together and I’ve changed his routine. Has this scared him back into that place of anxiety and depression that he was in before? It all feels so sudden to me. We’ve gone from having plans, happiness, love and loads of affection to completely shutting me out. Any help would be so appreciated. I can’t stop thinking about him and worrying about where he’s at.

DaylightAmy I hate that I don't get along with my mother
  • replies: 2

I am desperate for an insight that can relieve the immense guilt and sadness I feel over this situation. I am sorry about the length of this post, I feel like a lot of these small details are important to the whole picture. I am my parents' only chil... View more

I am desperate for an insight that can relieve the immense guilt and sadness I feel over this situation. I am sorry about the length of this post, I feel like a lot of these small details are important to the whole picture. I am my parents' only child and moved abroad about 10 years ago (I am in my 30s). My mother had an extremely traumatic pregnancy and birth, and suffered from very severe postpartum depression while I was growing up. Without meaning to sound harsh - there is no nice way to say it - she has always had a victim complex. When her mother got sick she moved in with her to care for her, and then spent years resenting her mother for it. She stayed with my dad (who is a supportive, caring partner) after falling out of love with him and then years later said she felt 'forced to stay'. That's just how she is. I have always been the opposite (which is far from perfect, but the point is it's very different from her). My mother cannot handle difficult conversations. Any criticism to her feels forceful and abusive, and results in her crumbling, crying, making a list of reasons why the critic is an abuser and remaining quietly resentful for years. I have seen her do this to her own siblings, to my father, and to others. Which is why I have never been able to just be honest with her about how I feel without creating a HUGE situation. The problem is since I hit puberty, she has made me "feel small". As a teenager I just wasn't very wild - I wasn't all that interested in boys, I didn't care for partying. I loved studying and reading. Throughout my very insecure teens she literally forced me to go to parties, and implied that there was something "wrong" with me mentally. Now as an adult she thinks my husband is a loser (he has anxiety from damage after a brain tumour), she constantly passive aggressively implies my life is unimpressive... I am happy, damnit. I love my life. I love my husband so much. My dad is very proud of me and my life. I have wonderful friends. I have travelled all over the world. And still every time I call her, all she asks about is the things she disapproves of. I avoid calling her now. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I tell her how she makes me feel, the situation WILL spin off into years of passive aggressive resentment from her (which, yes, is worse than what we have now)... but I don't want to avoid my mother for the rest of our lives and then regret that we didn't get along when she is no longer here.

Dk96 Struggling with my anger issues
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone. I'm 23 years old and have been struggling with anger outbursts since I was roughly 15-16. I was in a 5 year relationship at a young age where it ended because of my outbursts over little things and constant over thinking of situations a... View more

Hey everyone. I'm 23 years old and have been struggling with anger outbursts since I was roughly 15-16. I was in a 5 year relationship at a young age where it ended because of my outbursts over little things and constant over thinking of situations and arguments. I'm so confused with why these outbursts happen and I'm always regretting my actions after they happen. I recently broke up with my partner of 2 years for the exact same thing. Over thinking, things not playing out how they do in my head, me going berserk over dishes, or laundry that has been there for multiple days. When I lose my temper I say things to deliberately try and hurt my partner to get back at her for making me upset and angry. I regret what I say as soon as they're said. I feel confined to my own thoughts and honestly don't know how to talk to someone about my problems as I don't know how to explain how I feel. I spoke to my partner before we broke up and she wanted me to talk to a doctor and get help. I said I would do this but feel embarrassed on what I have done and don't know how to talk about how I feel. I hope this makes abit of sense and look forward to hearing back from anyone who has been in the same situation as me or can explain to me on how to talk about what's going on when I don't really understand on what's going on.

krsm First night going to a shared house bed, and not my home
  • replies: 2

Recently separated and so many horrible little milestones on the way to recovery. Leaving work today will take me to a room in a shared house, somewhere to sleep and give my wife space... this is so far removed from driving home, hugging my kids and ... View more

Recently separated and so many horrible little milestones on the way to recovery. Leaving work today will take me to a room in a shared house, somewhere to sleep and give my wife space... this is so far removed from driving home, hugging my kids and getting a lovely peck to welcome me home.

Somuchlovetogive Broken up and feeling broken
  • replies: 4

Hi all. man, life has just done a big flop for me. Today was going to be our 1 year anniversary for our relationship and he broke up with me on Monday. Our relationship hasn’t been easy, we “broke up” nearly every month but always fixed it within a f... View more

Hi all. man, life has just done a big flop for me. Today was going to be our 1 year anniversary for our relationship and he broke up with me on Monday. Our relationship hasn’t been easy, we “broke up” nearly every month but always fixed it within a few days. The last break up was big but had a big resolution with him in tears, telling me he loved me and then we hadn’t broken up for 3 mths. I had thought we were doing well. that I was doing well. I have had chronic pain for the passed 8mths which I just had surgery for 3 weeks ago. I also had diagnosed depression. But I was seeking help for all of that and felt like I was actually improving and doing so well. He went away for a 4 day trip and I didn’t fall apart (again massive progress on my part) and he come back telling me he loves me and kissing me and going on dates. Then I had been looking up something on his phone and saw a message to someone else come through that he was planning to break up with me. He says he feels like he has lost himself. Because I’ve been struggling, he has been struggling and not becoming the person he wanted to be. I had already seen this happening and again, had been trying to make improvements on it. It had just been difficult because I was in pain and recovering from the op. It’s like he expected it to happen overnight. now I’m hurting. I’m hurting so much. He was my first love and I can’t believe I have lost him after a year. It hurts because he gave up on me. On us. how can he throw us away after a year? We could try living separately or seeing a counsellor but he ist up for any of it. He just wants to be friends. Cause he still loves me and thinks a future relationship is better built off a strong friendship. And not only did I lose him, but my whole life. I had to move out of our beautiful apartment (that I chose because I fell in love with it) because I can’t afford to stay there because I can’t work due to pain. I’ve lost my amazing housemates. I had things happening in the area. I am only 19 and I was just building a life for myself (as best I could) and now I back to living with my family and lost all that independence. It hurts because I love him so deeply. And he didn’t see the best me. I got unwell just 2 months after meeting him so majority of our relationship has been the struggling version of me. And I hate that he has to base his decision off that. I have a psych but she is away for another week or 2. I have amazing family but feel so lost and broken.