Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Shockwave Online Cheating
  • replies: 17

I've known my wife for 10 years and married for three of those. The marriage is a lot like others in that it has had its share of ups and downs. There has been more downs this year where not a week has gone by where we don't argue about something, us... View more

I've known my wife for 10 years and married for three of those. The marriage is a lot like others in that it has had its share of ups and downs. There has been more downs this year where not a week has gone by where we don't argue about something, usually something minor, but still love her dearly and dread the thought of ever having her out of my life. Anyway my Mother and her never saw eye to eye and unfortunately died last year, 2018. Mothers Day this year was my first without her, and a week prior would have also been her 80th birthday , so naturally I was feeling quite down around that time. That was not acknowledged by my wife. Around the same time a property she was interested in buying came off the market . The place was around 100km in the opposite direction to where we currently live. I wasn't keen on the idea because of the extra travel to/from work among other things but she was adamant she's moving with or without me if another place were to come up for sale. Anyway feeling down and certain she was considering leaving me I joined up on a dating site to see what life would be like if I was single again, and got to chat to women online, probably more out of loneliness than wanting anything romantic or sexual. Anyway, a friend of hers not known to me, noticed me on the site and informed my wife . To make matters worse I had sent a "hello" to this woman. Now my wife wants the marriage over. I'm the "scum of the earth" , "a loser", "a cheater"….Fair enough I did the wrong thing and will be my biggest regret I've ever had. I never meant to hurt her and would do anything to get her back. I know I'm not going to get much sympathy on here, and I don't expect it. But interested to hear of others in a similar situation.

aomame-rhi Was confessed to, things have spiralled.
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, For context, my partner (let’s call him Steve) and I have been together for almost 4 years. My friend I’ve known for 6 years now, we’ll call him Jon. Steve and I on paper, would seem a perfect relationship. We’re quite different people a... View more

Hi everyone, For context, my partner (let’s call him Steve) and I have been together for almost 4 years. My friend I’ve known for 6 years now, we’ll call him Jon. Steve and I on paper, would seem a perfect relationship. We’re quite different people and don’t have much shared interests that lead to us spending quality time together, but we have a stable, healthy relationship with regards to honest communication and respect. But I feel like something is missing and this feeling isn’t new. Jon confessed he has feelings towards me and I do feel affection towards him. We have a great friendship, and we share a lot of hobbies and since then I’ve become so confused about what I want that my mental health has spiralled. I’m dizzy and retching in the mornings, I can barely eat. What’s the scariest is I don’t know what’s real anymore. I know I’ve gone through the same feelings of lacking in my relationship but I feel like I gaslight myself on them. Or that I shouldn’t expect more from my relationship and should just be happy. I feel like fear is currently keeping me in place because I don’t know if I’ll find anyone better to me than Steve and I love him dearly. I feel love from him but not romance, and I was raised by a mother that thinks love and feelings are stupid and it only matters that you have someone that will take care of you. I don’t know what to think. Nothing feels right. I’m really scared and can’t see where to take the next step. I didn’t want to overload with detail so it might not paint a clear picture. But I appreciate any replies and thank you in advance.

RaLpHyBoy Broken Dad needs Advice
  • replies: 1

A big hello to everyone, I’m new to this site as of today. I am having issues at home with my wife of 6 years and my 3yo daughter. Neither of them listen to anything I say and daughter is out of control with her attitude towards myself and my wife do... View more

A big hello to everyone, I’m new to this site as of today. I am having issues at home with my wife of 6 years and my 3yo daughter. Neither of them listen to anything I say and daughter is out of control with her attitude towards myself and my wife doesn’t back me at all. I discipline my daughter if and when she does something wrong by sending her to her room for time out only to be told by my wife that all I do is discipline her and yell at her...even tho I never yell at her. This has now made me to scared to discipline my daughter because I know if I do my wife will cause an argument with me, them we don’t talk and my daughter tells me to find somewhere else to live or go to my room. My wife last night txt my mobile saying She’s had enough and doesn’t want me around anymore. The issues are endless and the list goes one and one and on. I can never seem to make my wife happy and if she’s not happy my daughter sees that and takes it out on me and starts yelling at me. I’m scared my daughter will grow up disrespecting men and end up hating me as she gets older. I would love to hear from anyone that has had the same problems. I’m normally a very strong person but now feel totally broken and just not sure how much more I can take and don’t know what to do. Please Help !

LoveSeeker Experience with Relationship Break?
  • replies: 9

Hi there, my partner and I will need to have some sort of relationship break because he needs to focus on working through grief and loss from his marriage ending. He ended it but feels a lot of confusing emotions and he needs to work through the grie... View more

Hi there, my partner and I will need to have some sort of relationship break because he needs to focus on working through grief and loss from his marriage ending. He ended it but feels a lot of confusing emotions and he needs to work through the grief cycle and the feelings of loss and guilt. Since he needs to do that, he cannot really have me in the picture because I tend to be a distraction to him and he likes to avoid grieving anyway. We will see each other at work but we have decided not to see each other privately for a while and I travel a lot, so the contact will be limited. We care about each other very much, so this is hard for both of us. But if he does not work through his past, he will not be open to a full and clear future. I just hope that I will still be a part in it when he is done. I am after some advice on how to cope with the relationship break because I am having a really tough time. We said we could communicate, just not emotionally intimately because he needs a clear head to go through his bit. I am really scared about the outcome of this although I believe the way we are with each other and the strong connection we have are signs that we are on a great path together. I would like to understand how long it may take him to work through his pains and how I deal with mine due to the break. I am struggling to keep up a brave face at work and I am really scared that his challenges and the focus he needs to give them will lead to him forgetting me and hence not wanting to be with me anymore on the other side. I tell myself that people who go to a war zone for a while do not stop loving each other either but since he has not worked through his past, he has never told me that he loves me. Although I feel his actions have often suggested it. Does anyone have experience with relationship breaks (for good reasons, not following arguments and crises). We miss each other already and we have only just started. I am not sure how much contact would be counterproductive for his healing process. But at the same time, I don't know how little communication would be too little and hence risk the relationship to fall over because we do not talk to each other. Help, please.

Worried_Mum81 Need help in regards to my depressed husband please.
  • replies: 7

Hi, My husband and I have been having a lot of issues over the last two years. We now argue constantly. Mostly initiated by him. We had a huge fight last Tuesday and as it’s affecting the kids with all this fighting I asked him to leave within a week... View more

Hi, My husband and I have been having a lot of issues over the last two years. We now argue constantly. Mostly initiated by him. We had a huge fight last Tuesday and as it’s affecting the kids with all this fighting I asked him to leave within a week. He came home that night saying he had depression. I booked him the first available appointment at the GP. He has been on antidepressants now for 1 week and we have met with a marriage Counsellor. He starts his own counseling next Friday. My problem is that I’m not sure how to handle his depression. I feel like he is using it as an excuse for everything. He says the antidepressants make him more tired so he’s been going to bed early. But he has done this for months. Two nights ago I only had 3 hours sleep as I was up 7 times with our 3 year old. He knew I was tired and still went to bed early. This morning he started having a go at me about going to bed at 11.30 I told him I was up with our 1 year old and trying to get him back to sleep. I said that he should have stayed up and let me get some sleep because he has been getting more sleep than anyone. He got so angry and said I’m not being supportive and said he should go away for a few days Am I wrong to expect him to still do the right thing by me or am I right in thinking he is being very selfish in his actions? I am not sure if I am supposed to let him get away with not doing anything or let him know that I’m upset. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time because I never know when he’s going to blow up. I feel like I can’t tell him how I feel about anything because he just says he’s depressed and can’t help it.

Wishful_thinking Sabotaging my own happiness
  • replies: 7

Hello everyone , I've come here to seek the advice of strangers as you guys will be the ones looking in. Here goes!!.. I've been with my partner for almost two years ,his the most perfect Person I've ever met!!. He makes me incredibly happy and in a ... View more

Hello everyone , I've come here to seek the advice of strangers as you guys will be the ones looking in. Here goes!!.. I've been with my partner for almost two years ,his the most perfect Person I've ever met!!. He makes me incredibly happy and in a way His sorta saved me :). My problem is myself that I know ,but I can't for the life of me Stop thinking that he maybe cheating or at least talking to someone Now I know deep down that he would not cheat on me as his already Been through it twice and he got really low I get on so well with his family and he with mine We have already talked about starting a family and getting married And just growing old with each other. I've talked to him about similar things before and we've Already been through the "if you cheat on me it's over" conversation But I just can't get over it.. I sound crazy even while I wrote this ... I no he wouldn't hurt me And there is no way in hell I'll ever leave him. We were both in very difficult places when we first met and his family Has come to me and thanked me for bringing There son back to them. I do have anxiety and some days it's so bad I just want to cry.. I've been hurt in the past with other people So I do have trust issues But I don't want to keep having to get him to reassure me that I'm the one.. His a plumber and his just had on call come back , he gets into this Sorta trance when his on call ,I asked him about it and his told me That when his on call he can't relax and the jobs never really done, that I get .. I also get that his always checking his phone ,but sometimes he messages And he will move away or walk away.. I don't go through his phone and he does t go through mine .however if we ever Asked each other ,we would hand over ours phones with no second though, I kinda don't really know what I'm seeking here , we both work full time jobs We live with each other and have pets. He starts early and finishes early ,I on the other hand Start late and finish sometimes late..I feel bad for him cause his alone for hours while I'm working.. I have low self-esteem and sometimes I feel like he could do better..even though I've told him that and his told me his punching above his weight ... I love this man sooo much and to think about life without him makes me incredibly sad.. I'd do anything for this man ,and I want to fix myself so I can finally relax and just let him love me.. Thanks :)

SammiSam Tips for helping someone deal with anxiety
  • replies: 4

Hi, my sister is dealing with anxiety which seems to come on for no reason that she can work out. I was wondering if anybody has tips for me to help her overcome her anxious tendencies.

Hi, my sister is dealing with anxiety which seems to come on for no reason that she can work out. I was wondering if anybody has tips for me to help her overcome her anxious tendencies.

Jarel I don't know whether to scream or cry
  • replies: 8

So im due to go overseas alone in 7 days for a trip I have been looking forward to because everything at home has fallen apart. My sister is not talking to me and we live in the same house, says when I come but we are to look at selling. My mum has s... View more

So im due to go overseas alone in 7 days for a trip I have been looking forward to because everything at home has fallen apart. My sister is not talking to me and we live in the same house, says when I come but we are to look at selling. My mum has severe depression and on top of that Motor Neurons disease but refuses to seek help and has caused so much unneccesary stress and pain. She lies and manipulates but I cant let her go as she is my mum and she is sick but this has now gotten to stage where I am going to break.. I cannot do this shit anymore. What about me, my sanity! All I wanted to do was go have some fun forget about everything and now this

Karenwill55 Complicated break up
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I been together for 12 years. He has major depression all thought out his life I have Bipolar Disorder. I have a 16 years old son Who has depression due to his step dad In the relationship my boyfriend always talked about The girls a... View more

My boyfriend and I been together for 12 years. He has major depression all thought out his life I have Bipolar Disorder. I have a 16 years old son Who has depression due to his step dad In the relationship my boyfriend always talked about The girls at his work wanting to go to there place And stay the night. Plus he would always looked at Porn the type of porn he looks at is disgusting His very attached to his oldest sister which they are Very close I couldn't stand. My boyfriend is 57 and I'm 38. He sees his sister as a mother which I still don't like I was always very jealous of there bond. About a month Ago we broke up well I told him we are breaking up He told his sister like always tells her everything about our fights She is very upset with me. She blames me for everything Its been a month and I still have his furniture, his mothers engagement Ring and wedding ring, his mothers items. His mother past away 7 years ago. He keeps coming over all the time. My son sees him as his dad My boyfriend isn't his real dad of course. I couldn't stand it any longer Due to the fact what he had done. I still love him. I drive him to his appointments to See his psychiatrist that's 1 hour away every fortnight. He still wants me to bake him cakes and biscuits Plus have him over once a fortnight for dinner which I wanted to do. I take him out once a month. Does this sound like a break up to you. I don't know what it is. Very confusing. I have tried to talk to him but he tells me not to Stress him out and that he doesn't want to talk about it.

Coally I haven't had a friend in almost a decade
  • replies: 3

Hi Reader, I am in my early twenties and haven't had a friend in almost 10 years. I am very familiar with loneliness and have had my fair share of it. These days I don't feel loneliness too much, I have accepted that I may live the rest of my life wi... View more

Hi Reader, I am in my early twenties and haven't had a friend in almost 10 years. I am very familiar with loneliness and have had my fair share of it. These days I don't feel loneliness too much, I have accepted that I may live the rest of my life without a friend. Acquaintances are all I have ever made for the last few years. I would like to think there is at least one person in the world I would be able to create a lasting connection with. I'd like to make one genuine friend in the next few years or so but I don't know where to start. It feels like people have already created their friendship circles and left no place vacant. I find it incredibly hard to trust people, even my family. The closest thing I have to a friend is myself, any issues I have ever had has been left to my little brain, but I like the idea of having someone to talk to every now and then. I don't stay anywhere longer than I need to be, after work or study I just head home and either study more or play video games which keep me occupied until the next day. I am neither happy or sad, I don't know how else to describe the feeling I have the majority of the time. I'd like to know if there is anyone who can relate, and possibly have advice on making a friend. Thanks for reading