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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Natalia123 Support
  • replies: 1

Hi All, In the last couple of years I have been at my Lowest of lows and I have experienced so many life stressors in a short amount of time. I use to be a bubbly care free young woman, and now I am a adult. During my time as an adult so much has hap... View more

Hi All, In the last couple of years I have been at my Lowest of lows and I have experienced so many life stressors in a short amount of time. I use to be a bubbly care free young woman, and now I am a adult. During my time as an adult so much has happened that my health has taking a dive. I have gained weight and lost my identity. There are people around but there is no real support for me I believe. I want emotional support I want people to truely understand the pain the past has brought me, the way I see it they carry on with their own lives.

SimpsonsLover Concerns about my relationship. Not sure if I should stay or go.
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, I have been with my BF for over 4 years now & we have lived together for around 2 years. I'm currently at a point where I'm not sure if I'm 100% on this relationship anymore. We haven't had the easiest run - he's had several up and down... View more

Hey everyone, I have been with my BF for over 4 years now & we have lived together for around 2 years. I'm currently at a point where I'm not sure if I'm 100% on this relationship anymore. We haven't had the easiest run - he's had several up and down moments with his family and theres been two separate years now where they havent spoken for a period of over 12 months. They have been very horrible to me in the past as well, so honestly, I would rather not have anything to do with them (which is easier since they live overseas). Even though his parents have apologised to me, his mum and sister just trigger my anxiety... even the sound of their voice makes me uncomfortable. My BF only just recently started talking to them again, and I hate it. They didnt speak for over a year, but now within a few weeks of talking to them, he already wants to upheave all our plans for next year to fly across the world for a one month holiday. I'm about to sit my final exam of my intern year and once that's done, i'll be fully qualified in my field. My job has a lot of responsibility - I'm a senior member of staff so for me to take off for a month is not possible... however he just doesnt seem to want to understand this. I suggested 2 weeks which apparently isnt good enough. My BF has a lot of good qualities, but recently I see more of the bad. He's lazy, condascending, unsympathetic, short tempered, ungrateful and to some extent, self centred. I find it hard to talk to him about anything, especially anything to do with my feelings. Overall, i just find myself getting fed up with my BF. I do love him and our great moments are great. He can be very supportive and everything I want, but I find that decreasing. Our goals and views seem to be increasingly different and currently, I feel like I'm more in this relationship because its become routine. I dont have any friends so obviously another thought on my mind is that if I leave him, I dont have anyone in my life thats my age. My family is very supportive of me, and I know at the end of the day I'll always have them, but its hard to imagine not having anyone else. The other thing keeping me in this relationship is that we're currently on a defacto visa and that was the only way he could stay here (he didnt want to use our relationship, he wanted to use his qualifications but it wasnt possible) so if I break up with him, he will be sent back home which conflicts me as hes worked hard to stay here and I dont think thats fair.

moocow_1 Partner has anxiety and depression and keeps thinking I'm cheating: I'm not!
  • replies: 10

This is my first time posting. My partner of 6 years has anxiety and depression. It hasn't occurred in our relationship to such a full on extent as it has in the past 12 months. He blames me solely for it. He tends to over think everything and read i... View more

This is my first time posting. My partner of 6 years has anxiety and depression. It hasn't occurred in our relationship to such a full on extent as it has in the past 12 months. He blames me solely for it. He tends to over think everything and read into things that are not there. In February he invited a mutual friend over (who is the partner of one of our friends) and accused me of cheating with him. The friend denied it because it is not true. We have never done anything at all. I have never done anything with anyone since being with my partner. My partner is convinced that he noticed "patterns" showing up on social media and believes that me and the accused friend were chatting on line and that we would both get on and off social media within seconds of each other no matter what time of the day or night. I can't explain these "patterns" but what I do know for certain is that nothing has ever happened between us. Our friendship is totally ruined with this couple over this. I am mortified. I have deleted all my social media for my partner to help ease his anxiety. Just last weekend he now believes I am "up to something" again. We went to a child's birthday party and I went outside the venue to stand in the sun as it was freezing inside, I stood at the side left tyre of my partners car and had the sun shining on my face, I stood there for about 10 minutes, My partner is adamant that he came and looked for me 3 times and I wasn't where I said I was. He believes I am lying to him. He said he can't prove anything but that he's "not a fool". I am trying so hard to be understanding as I was the first time he accused me. I am walking on egg shells all the time and feel like I am being interrogated every time I say anything. I don't know what to do? How to respond to him? Whether to defend myself or simply let him believe what he believes? He believes he's never wrong. I am mentally exhausted. I have lost weight from all this before and am not a big woman to start off. I feel that this is so unfair and that he is using me as his personal emotional punching bag and that it's my fault because I allowed him to do this to me. He makes me feel guilty all the time and I've done nothing wrong. I need advice please.

AmieD Single and pregnant
  • replies: 1

I’m 17 weeks pregnant and having a hard time with dealing with been pregnant and alone . And been constantly feeling isolated and ignored by the father .

I’m 17 weeks pregnant and having a hard time with dealing with been pregnant and alone . And been constantly feeling isolated and ignored by the father .

InsertFakeNameHere New Dad - How do I cope at night?
  • replies: 4

I am a new dad (8 month old baby boy). He is a good baby. During the day, I am all good to change him or get him to sleep. But during the night, I am like a different person... I get frustrated easily and my first thought when I wake up to crying is ... View more

I am a new dad (8 month old baby boy). He is a good baby. During the day, I am all good to change him or get him to sleep. But during the night, I am like a different person... I get frustrated easily and my first thought when I wake up to crying is always "urgh, I am going to be so tired for work tomorrow... how am I going to cope being awake now... I am going to have to quit my job and find something easier for work.... etc". And i keep reading all these articles about how people need a good nights sleep for productivity and such... but it's just not possible with a baby. How do we cope with the nights - while working a day job with an early start? My wife is great but I want to do as much as I can for our little boy while maintaining enough energy during the day to earn an annual income to keep the family going. I know not to shake him and put him down when I am too stressed. But there is the sense of anxiety and fear... in anticipation of being tired for work (I work full time) the next dayand then not performing at work... leading to more anxiety and depression. I hope that makes sense and someone can provide some advice... at the very least, maybe there is someone else feeling the same way that this will help them knowing there is more of us new dads out there - who are struggling with night time duties while having to work a day job with early starts. I look forward to your replies..

Ennie_Mel I have to move overseas to be with my husband after many years apart and I'm so scared to leave my family and stay with my in-laws.
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am extremely close with my family and have a little sister who's like my best friend and soon I will be moving overseas to be with my husband. I agreed to moving + filed all the paperwork before I realised the reality of living with my in-laws.... View more

Hi, I am extremely close with my family and have a little sister who's like my best friend and soon I will be moving overseas to be with my husband. I agreed to moving + filed all the paperwork before I realised the reality of living with my in-laws.. they're extremely strict, old-fashioned and I am constantly getting told off for things I am doing wrong. Every night I get anxiety about leaving my family behind and not sure on how to handle it. I tried talking to my husband but he doesn't really understand. I also have anxiety about moving to live with my in laws as we can't really move out at the moment.. I can't sleep, constantly worry and feeling so uncertain about the future. I love both my husband and family. He did not want to move here so I have no choice but to be with him and move there.

Melissa_Green My husband has depression and is cheating on me with a 24 yr old.
  • replies: 5

My husband was diagosed with depression this year. He has been depressed for a while but didnt believe he needed help. We have money relating to medical issues of our sons diagnosis with autism, our other son with one lung that works and our 3rd son ... View more

My husband was diagosed with depression this year. He has been depressed for a while but didnt believe he needed help. We have money relating to medical issues of our sons diagnosis with autism, our other son with one lung that works and our 3rd son having problems croup. We have money issues because i am unable to get a full time job that pays enough to help cover the bills. He has been cheating on me with a 24 yr old because in his words "she doesnt expect anything from me, i have no responsibilities". Every time i catch him cheating he gets off facebook, instagram, snapchat, adult matchmaker websites and tinder. Only for a couple of days then finds his way back on them again. All the messages of his indiscressions. All the things he wants to do with/to her makes me feel worthless, like i mean nothing to him. He believes that he is just having a conversation with her "wanting to stick his tongue inside her" is not just conversation. I know he has depression and depressed people look for a way out but does it have to involve hurting his loved ones, the ones that have been there for him throughout the whole ordeal. He seems to have no answers for his actions and it has been going on for a while now. I have told him that if he cant promise to leave her alone, then he is to get out. His reaction to that is to go to sleep. He avoids the confrontation. Every time he goes to her he always comes back, but there is the constant lying, spending money on/with her. The real sad thing is he comes home and says he loves me, hugs me, holds my hand, looks after the kids sometimes. He has trouble dealing with the kids at the best of times. I send them to mums a lot of the time when im working to give him time, but also to know that they are in a stable enviroment. I thought this was a good idea, but this just opened time up where he has gone to see her, it makes me sick when i try to do the right thing by hime, me and the kids and he throws it all in my face by going and seeing her, sending her sexual messages. Then when i get home he acts as if he has done nothing when i know its not the truth. We have been seeing a relationship councellor ans she said for this to work, the 24yr old has to go. Well she is still there. I love my husband and i want to support him with his depression, but he is pushing me away but at the same time trying to live 2 separate lives. One with me and the kids and the other with the 24yr old. Please help, what do i do????

Paulzz Depressed wife, 2 young kids, controlling Mother in law, conflict relationships
  • replies: 10

We are in a difficult situation.. 2 kids under 5, mum who has struggled building friends at play group, kindergarten and has a conflicting relationship with her mum. Also, angry that she does not have a life, the kids suck all her energy. Now, me, th... View more

We are in a difficult situation.. 2 kids under 5, mum who has struggled building friends at play group, kindergarten and has a conflicting relationship with her mum. Also, angry that she does not have a life, the kids suck all her energy. Now, me, the husband gets dragged down by her anger. My ageing parents get dragged into conversations about unsupportiveness. My wife is depressed angry, does not do things for herself. . I work 12 hours out of the house then get home to get kids in bed we don't have a life. Not wife gets angry and reacts to people after the situation, not when it happens and puts it on me that I did not say anything. She's in a bad situation and I'm struggling with her anger lack of energy. I'm not perfect, I love the kids and revert to screaming at them when they don't consider us and listen I've tried to be supportive.. We simply don't have support, time for ourselves and now we fight about the same topics.. We need professional help and somewhere to put the kids during those sessions it's all complex and draining

Gigi1981 Incredible anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hello, I am suffering from incredible anxiety at the moment. I am in a relationship with a man that has separated from his wife and he always said that there was no more love and she just makes him angry and sad. He has just reached the worst phase o... View more

Hello, I am suffering from incredible anxiety at the moment. I am in a relationship with a man that has separated from his wife and he always said that there was no more love and she just makes him angry and sad. He has just reached the worst phase of separation grief and is completely confused with the turmoil of feelings. I am giving him all the time and space he needs but the other day, when I asked him whether he is contemplating going back to her, he said he doesn't know and he is confused. Today, we had an accidental conversation about it and I told him that I would need to leave his life if he is thinking of going back to his wife because I could not watch him make himself unhappy and I could not watch him give up getting through the pain of grief although he is so close to getting better. He said "it wouldn't be giving up. I'm not giving up.". The statement "it wouldn't be giving up" has created incredible fear in me because I feel he may really consider going back although I actually thought he is just incredibly confused and in pain. I don't know what to do, I was shaking for 15 minutes and I felt terrible for bringing it up at the wrong time. We will sit down on the weekend to talk properly and I am so scared. He says he cares a lot about me, we had a very happy day just yesterday and he told me that he told his friend about me the other day and that it made him so happy. I am terribly confused and just so incredibly anxious. Please, can someone make some sense of this. When you go through the worst separation phase where all feelings crash in on you, can that mean you are just confused about your options but it does not necessarily mean you will act on your thoughts? Or am I going to lose it and I am just closing my eyes because I don't want to accept it. We had the best year together, and a really really close relationship and bond. I could not see this coming, I am so utterly confused.

bamc Struggling & confused mumma -unhappy with relationship or am I just depressed?
  • replies: 2

I'll start by saying this is my first post and I hope I'm doing this right. By way of background, I had a pretty shitty childhood which lead to a pretty shitty 20's and a lot of bad decisions made on my part. I've been in and out of therapy and on an... View more

I'll start by saying this is my first post and I hope I'm doing this right. By way of background, I had a pretty shitty childhood which lead to a pretty shitty 20's and a lot of bad decisions made on my part. I've been in and out of therapy and on and off medication for the better part of 5 years (initiated after a suicide attempt in 2014). I've only very recently started seeing a psychiatrist again after nearly 2 years, and have been put back on a mood stabiliser which I stopped taking when I fell pregnant with my son in mid-2016. Doses are being staggered and I'm on week 3, I don't know if this is all a reaction to the meds or because I finally opened up about how I've been feeling or if it's because I have to accept that I'm not happy with my relationship. I fell pregnant two months into our relationship. Upon moving in a few weeks later, discovered my partner was a high-functioning alcoholic (should have seen the signs...) which made my pregnancy and first year of motherhood absolute hell. Now after many years of fighting, of begging and pleading, of threats and a stint of separation, he's come a long way. Still drinks, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. It's manageable. It's acceptable. Right now, it's the least of my worries. I love my partner, I do. I'm fond of him, I care about him, but I am not "in love" with him anymore. There's too much water under the bridge and I've seen some really ugly sides of him that have diminished that passion. Now I know that what I might have to say next sounds contradictory after saying I love him, but he's a real arsehole. He's grumpy all the time, he's spiteful and mean, he's snappy and irritable and sometimes just really horrible to be around. He offloads to me but won't go and talk to anyone professionally. He leaves everything up to me with the house, kids (our son plus his daughter from another relationship), waits for me to get home from work to do everything. Me asking him to do anything ends up with him sulking and me feeling like shit. He knows how badly I've been struggling lately, and he hasn't done a single thing to try and make this time easier for me. I'm beginning to resent him and it's causing a massive rift. I don't know if I'm feeling like this because I'm in such a low place, or if I genuinely don't want to be with him anymore. I don't know how to stop reacting to everything, I know it mostly comes down to my own insecurities but I just have no idea what to do anymore.