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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jellis2411 Living with a physical dissability and no support
  • replies: 4

So, I know I'm fed up with how much pain I'm in on a regular basis, and I'm fed up with long it took a health care professionals to advise of my broken spine. I feel not only do doctors not take me seriously, but neither does my husband. I should not... View more

So, I know I'm fed up with how much pain I'm in on a regular basis, and I'm fed up with long it took a health care professionals to advise of my broken spine. I feel not only do doctors not take me seriously, but neither does my husband. I should not be lifting or bending or sitting, I can stand or lay down that's it. I have explained my symptoms to my husband millions of times, but he fails to have foresight in regards to my well being. I'll ask him to put away my laundry, hell cut me off and say its mine so I should do it, I have to verbally fight back to remind him of how much pain I'm in. And he will go and hide in the computer room,or crack it at me and ignore me for 24 hours and pretend it never happened, but I want to talk about it with him for the sake of our relationship, he will repeat the above again. so if I need anything I have to msg him online and text, wait a few minutes, and call him. He won't hear me calling out because he "needs his noise cancelling headphones on ". Is anyone experiencing anything like this? I'm feeling so sad and isolated by everything I'm going threw and I have literally no one to talk to about this except my psychologist. Again, I can't talk to my husband because he takes offence and ignores me. I'll be getting surgery soon, I'll loose the ability to walk temporarily, I am so scared for my well being whilst under recovery because I truly feel I don't have any one to help me. The only positive I have is once I've recovered I won't need to rely on him and he'll be much happier.

Farfaraway Monogamy is it societies Achilles heal?
  • replies: 17

So I like most men an unhappy with the intimacy in our relationship. its been going on and getting worse as the years drag on. Too tired, tto stressed, I don't feel sexy (She is hot as a bikini model) But if im really honest, its not just the sex, it... View more

So I like most men an unhappy with the intimacy in our relationship. its been going on and getting worse as the years drag on. Too tired, tto stressed, I don't feel sexy (She is hot as a bikini model) But if im really honest, its not just the sex, its total lack of intimacy. It's stuff like I can't sit on the lounge and hug my wife, if we go for a walk it's only her walk, not where I want to go? If i put something on TV I want to watch, she leaves the room. But its the sex thats the killer. I only feel whole, when we make love. Bit that doesnt happen any more. So then i question my self, am I good enough, is she into me, is this how the rest of my life will be, just a constant hollow existence of empty self doubt? Now I don't think my wife should have to be intimate, if she doesn't want to be. It's her body and her choice, I don't want her to do me favors. Infact for a while I began to think I was becoming impotent? I knew she wasn't into it, so I blamed myself. I started buying toys, i thought I was inadequate, I thought I didn't please her. How could I think anything but that, she would always be tired or stressed, yet would stay up watching tv hours after i went to bed?? I suggest she come to bed early and would be snapped at. We went on a holiday and nothing changed.......... but I thought it was the stress, the tiredness? yet 2 weeks on a tropical island made no difference? When we got home after being away I touched her and was snapped at again. I broke, i told her Im leaving before I end up cheating and am labeled that bastard! She freaked out, best sex ever that night, next day, beautiful texts exchanged between us, we were back. I come home on cloud 9 just wanting to sit with her, watch TV, cuddle, stroke her hair. But she won't sit with me? Im not allowed to hug her? I go to bed two hours early and she stays up and watches tv? 5 days later, its the same. Nothing will change, she just isn't into sex. But Im am, we see a councillor in a few days, my doing, last ditch effort. I love her but I can't live like this. This is an empty life. I'll never meet anyone as hot as her, I know that, she truly is stunning, but she kills my soul. Im tied up in knots I'm so strung out. I wonder if an open relationship is the answer, she shouldn't have to be intimate, but I shouldn't have to be devoid of affection? Am I wrong? I believe this is the problem with todays society. Men and women are just different. When will we accept that?

Worried_Mother Unsolved relationship issues
  • replies: 4

Hi, mother 2 and 1 on the way. I'm having difficulty trying to get the father of my kids to support the idea of having time to spend with the kids while we are seperated. We've tried to make the relationship work, for us, then for the kids. But it ne... View more

Hi, mother 2 and 1 on the way. I'm having difficulty trying to get the father of my kids to support the idea of having time to spend with the kids while we are seperated. We've tried to make the relationship work, for us, then for the kids. But it never seems to get any better. I've come to the realisation that we would never work, but the kids father just can't live with the idea that he just gets "visits" with the kids. He has literally told me, he would rather die then just get visits with his kids. I am in no way stopping him from seeing the kids or having any time with them. I've asked him to get help and speak to some professionally, but he brushes it off. How does one deal with this situation? I don't even know what I do. On one hand I don't want him to hurt himself and shut himself out of the kids lives because I know he loves them, but then I don't want to have to sacrifice my happiness to diffuse the situation.

Bonzai New Partner with depression
  • replies: 2

Hi all, first time posting My partner of 3 months has gone through a couple past relationships in the last 10 years, one being a victim of shocking manipulation and physical abuse with whilst giving birth to her 2nd child. followed on by another rela... View more

Hi all, first time posting My partner of 3 months has gone through a couple past relationships in the last 10 years, one being a victim of shocking manipulation and physical abuse with whilst giving birth to her 2nd child. followed on by another relationship of 4ys to a male who cheated on her a couple of times before she ended it. Soon after that breakup she was prescribed strong anti- depressants and has now been on them for 16 months. She is a beutiful and an amazing partner and mother and because of her abuse and trust in males in the past it feels like she has brought those issues into our relationship. I struggle at times to understand the way she treats me, when all i have done in this relationship is as she describes me is kind, caring and amazing.one little hickup with us, i get pushed away and made distant from her, i try so hard to be patient and understanding but i feel lonely at times but i wont give up on her cause i know some at time ill get her trust of me and can see a future with her, thats what i hold on too. I know i can easily cut ties and move on because it may just be too hard, i didnt say this before, we were together 24 years ago for 3 years .i was 24, she was 18. But previously being together that reasuures me to stay.. im a confident and strong as a person and i feel my being is a positive thing for her but it hurts me so much but i know its not about me. If anything thats what makes her distance herself is because a couple of times ive been negative out of frustration, she wont let me go and i dont understand why she wants me around. Is it because she sees me as a positive thing and am i what she needs?. its hard too read her alot of times, Trying very hard to be strong for her, but i feel i dont get much back. Hope it makes sense

Sam6003 My husband has a short fuse and seems to blame me for everything
  • replies: 3

Hello, I'm hoping someone has some advice for me. My husband has a very short fuse, gets angry easily and seems to blame me for everything. It's making me very depressed and somewhat anxious. We have 3 young children and run a business. He can be ver... View more

Hello, I'm hoping someone has some advice for me. My husband has a very short fuse, gets angry easily and seems to blame me for everything. It's making me very depressed and somewhat anxious. We have 3 young children and run a business. He can be very short and easily triggered by customers who may annoy him or do the wrong thing (in his eyes). The last straw for me is today when he made a time to pick up a wardrobe an hour away, but it happened to be the same time I have an appointment (which I had made weeks in advance). One of us need to stay at the business and can't be away at the same time. He did not check with me whether the time was OK before he arranged the pick up. When I told him it coincided with my appointment, he got angry, blamed me for "always having things on" and told me that I should just make all my appointments on the one day. I don't always have things on, it's a total exaggeration. We have a new house that we are trying to furnish and he told me that I'll just have a house without furniture now and I'll have to source everything and pick it up myself. I feel this is a total overreaction, totally unfair. He always twists things around to be my fault, somehow and then he's just plain nasty. This is just one example of many of these situations. I don't want my marriage to end, but he's had counselling over his anger and it never seems to do anything. My friend said it sounds like he's gaslighting me, but I don't know if that's so. I am independent and capable of looking after myself and I don't feel it's effecting my self esteem, just making me upset and somewhat depressed and frustrated. I don't want my marriage to end but I'm really at my wits end. We have a nearly 5 year old and 3 year old twins who would be devastated if we separated, not to mention having to work out what to do with our business. Does anyone have any advice for me? Is there a better way for me to deal with these situations? He just becomes totally irrational and I just end up leaving him in peace as I can't deal with him at the time. Thanks, Sam.

Cjay Constantly think my partner is cheating.
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone, I was just looking to get abit of advice from some people who may have had a similar issue to me and my partner. I am diagnosed bipolar since 18 however I’m now 27 and currently being reviewed as it would appear I might have bpd. I have... View more

Hey everyone, I was just looking to get abit of advice from some people who may have had a similar issue to me and my partner. I am diagnosed bipolar since 18 however I’m now 27 and currently being reviewed as it would appear I might have bpd. I have been in a relationship since January this year so relatively new and have struggled the last 4 weeks. My brain is constantly telling me my partner is doing the wrong thing... when she goes out I think she is cheating... when she’s on her phone I think she’s talking to other women and in response to this thought I am treating her like she is guilty. This has taken a toll on her and our relationship. I don’t know how to stop the thoughts overpowering my rational side and I don’t know how to see things from her perspective. I have explained the place that these feelings come from but she has told me I am wearing her down. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if anyone else in a relationship has had a similar problem with these obsessional thoughts around their partner and infidelity but I can’t seem to shake them and I clearly can’t continue to question or treat her like she’s guilty. So I’m looking for any kind of advice on what I can do to help the situation or what I can say to her to make her understand or what I am doing wrong and how I can stop. So whatever advice anyone has for me would be much appreciated because I really love her and I really don’t want my mental health to ruin this relationship. Thanks, c

Jemma89 Depressed Partner Has Broken Up With Me
  • replies: 4

I have been with my partner for a year on Saturday. We’re 30 years old. During this time, he has suffered from severe depression, thoughts of suicide at points in time. He started seeking the help he needs a few months ago and making changes for hims... View more

I have been with my partner for a year on Saturday. We’re 30 years old. During this time, he has suffered from severe depression, thoughts of suicide at points in time. He started seeking the help he needs a few months ago and making changes for himself to move forward. I have also started seeing a psychologist to look after myself too. I was starting to take his attacks on me personally so have overcome that with the help I need. Our relationship has been very up and down, regular arguments about small things which sometimes result in him withdrawing from me for days at a time. It seems like a constant cycle. He has recently said that he is the best he has ever felt and does not want to go back to where he was. He has stopped taking medication and seeing his psychologist as he feels he doesn’t need either anymore. Last night he broke up with me. He said he can’t love me like I need to be loved and can’t force himself to. He also said that he has never been in love with someone before. He’s had previous relationships before me. This is hard for me to accept due to our age. Despite the bad times, he is perfect for me. I have been patient to wait for the bad times to pass but understand they will arise from time to time. I have never felt so ‘right’ about someone before and really think/thought he was the one for me. Everything about him is perfect. I have begged for him to stay with me before, and he has. But I need to be strong this time and have him learn what he wants without my influence. I guess I’m just wanting to know if despite him saying he’s feeling the best he ever has, is it his depression that has made this decision or actually how he feels? He said he fears going back to how to was feeling and I can understand that woukd be a horrible feeling.

EthanCC Letting go of someone but keep connected thru the process.
  • replies: 6

Hi Peeps. Hopefully I've put this in the right forum. I'll be straight up and be to the point. For the last couple of years I've been in an extramarital affair. The 2 of us had been good friends for many years before it started as we have shared many... View more

Hi Peeps. Hopefully I've put this in the right forum. I'll be straight up and be to the point. For the last couple of years I've been in an extramarital affair. The 2 of us had been good friends for many years before it started as we have shared many common interests and friends (we still do due to group gathering/Kids etc). It all started because we admitted our feelings (we both had feelings for a while but kept to ourselves) and since that day we have had this emotional and physical connection. I would say we discover more, it has been very intense connection and multiple levels of chemistry. During these times we have always knew that this would have to end due to our commitments and obligations, we promised each other we would leave this together, get us thru the low down and become friends again. We have tried this multiple times and we come running back to each other. We have come to a point now we're we both know it's becoming too toxic and its causing us lots of guilt, stress and anxiety. We are both going to therapy to sort out own lives and not lean on each other. During this period we were having a transparent talk on ceasing all communication for a while so we can try to let each other go, grieve and one day able to be friends. 1 point which was bought up and discussed was if we kept communicating (But no meet ups, no emotional chatting, keep it all straight and legit with less frequency/intensity) so we can support each other in the let go phase and become friends. This was discussed because we have been supportive, transparent and understanding during our friendship and the affair, this includes all the good times and bad times. We always had a strong foundation. My question is had anyone been thru or tried breakup/let go phase in this communicative scernio, still able to have restricted communication and able to get thru it and become friends? If so how did it all go and the feelings generated within yourself. Was it successful or was it a mistake? I know you majority would say cease all connection for a while, but for both of us this has been so intense that that 1 big cut is just to harsh for us as we been our lean to's for many things. We are very committed to become friends again and be strong enough to know not to cross the line and go back to our lives we are committed to before it all started. Thanks you in advance :-)

ExaltedPrinceOfYlisse Seeking advice on how I should handle a rekindled connection with an ex.
  • replies: 2

Hello, and thank you for visiting this post. This is my first time using this message board so I apologise if anything I write breaches the site's terms and conditions. I've recently started talking with my high-school ex-girlfriend again whom I have... View more

Hello, and thank you for visiting this post. This is my first time using this message board so I apologise if anything I write breaches the site's terms and conditions. I've recently started talking with my high-school ex-girlfriend again whom I haven't spoken with in five years after she contacted me over social media. For years she'd suffered with depression and anxiety, and had even physically harmed herself on occasion, so it's been so wonderful to discover just how much she's improved mentally and emotionally. She's so much more confident and secure now, and I am so proud of her and all the progress she's made. We've discussed possibly getting back together, even though we both live in different states now (South Australia and Victoria, respectively). Although we agreed that we'd wait until we reunited in person before we made a decision, we've since come to the agreement that a long-distance would be very difficult for us. We've decided that it's best for us to just be friends. But I'm concerned if even that's possible now. Because of intensifying physical and emotional symptoms, I've recently been prescribed medication again to cope with the stress and pressure. It's pathetic just how severely this has been affecting me, honestly. I really care about her, and now that she's back in my life I don't want to lose her again, even if we are to just be friends. I want us to be friends. Nothing could give me greater joy than to be someone she can depend upon for trust and support, because that's exactly what she is to me. But I fear it might be too late for that, that we've already become too attached to one another again too quickly. We've both expressed disappointment that we can't be together, so I wonder if it's even right for us to continue to stay in contact. I don't want either of us to be hurt, especially not her. She's already been through enough and she's still struggling even now. I disappointed her once and I don't want a repeat. Is it possible for me to make peace with my affections and accept that we're just to be friends, or should I cease pursuing this before one of is hurt? We've established we don't want to cut each other out of our lives again, but I dread that outcome might come to fruition. Is it better to cut out that which we can't accept or learn to accept it? Any and all advice, guidance or support is greatly appreciated, and I won't mind elaborating further if there are any questions or concerns. Thank you.

Hopeful89 Help - Is it his depression talking?
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I’ll try to keep this as structured as possible without too much jumping around. Also apologies if I’m providing too much detail and it sounds life I’m waffling on. I’m just hoping all the information can help make it easier to understan... View more

Hi Everyone, I’ll try to keep this as structured as possible without too much jumping around. Also apologies if I’m providing too much detail and it sounds life I’m waffling on. I’m just hoping all the information can help make it easier to understand how our relationship is and perhaps aid in the advice provided. Long story short my boyfriend is currently severely depressed whilst also experiencing really bad anxiety with this. He has been having constant anxiety panic attacks and often they will come in a wave. To provide some background, he had been on antidepressants for probably around 15 years up until about a 1 year ago. He had taken these since he lost his sister to cancer when he was a teenager. They were very close and only 18 months apart in age and he took it upon himself to care for her at every stage – which I can’t imagine how traumatic that must have been. Throughout his life he has struggled with acceptance and ever since this he would avoid pain and conflict and try to always make others happy. He had told me about some of the pain he had experienced in his past but had always hidden his antidepressants since the beginning of our relationship. One day I found them and at first he said they were his dads (they were no longer in the original prescription box), which I believed. Then when I found another packet and asked again, at first he denied them but then a few days later opened up to me and said he felt ashamed and that’s why he had hidden them. I told him I didn’t judge him and he shouldn’t feel ashamed, he had gone through difficult times in his life and whatever he needed to get through this I was willing to support him all the way. He said he no longer wanted to rely on them but he feared by coming off them he would be a different person and people including myself would no longer like him. Eventually he came off them, which at first was a struggle but eventually he managed. However I believe because he didn’t ever deal with the underlying mental issues of why he was using them, his past has come back to haunt him now. The reason I am seeking advice or people’s thought is because of our relationship. Without providing all the details and missing too mainly, I’ll try to give as much info as possible.