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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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eleanoraf18 Can trust come back? (Cyber cheating)
  • replies: 2

So, I moved to Australia from England last January which was a massive thing for me& in Feb I started dating an Australian guy who I'd met on tinder. We straight away clicked & both fell in love quickly. He was always very loving of me, always compli... View more

So, I moved to Australia from England last January which was a massive thing for me& in Feb I started dating an Australian guy who I'd met on tinder. We straight away clicked & both fell in love quickly. He was always very loving of me, always complimenting, telling me I could do so much better & that he couldn't believe I liked him. I always felt that maybe he didn't trust my feelings towards him. Altho they were definitely real. After dating him for a while, we both realised each others insecurities. Hes a very underconfident man with not many friends (due to social anxiety)This caused a few arguments. Usually a lack of communication/not realising the other was feeling sad/taking things personally. Despite this, we got on really well, have very similar interests, humour etc. When we were having good days we were having really good days! He made me feel special &I could tell I did too. We lived together which probably was probably a bit of a bad rush decision. Anyway, a few months on, I realised that if I wanted to stay in Australia, Id need to do 3 months farm work. This decision caused tension in our relationship. Working @ a farm meant that I had to live at a hostel about 1hr away from him which he found very hard. Especially knowing I was living with other guys who I got on really well with. I could tell he was jealous/insecure about it but never really said anything. He'd see photos of me having a good time with them during the week & when I came back on the weekends there would be so much pressure for us to have a great time so we often ended up arguing again. 1 week, it got really bad between us that we almost broke up. & 1 night when I was back at his, I saw on his phone that he had tinder again & sent messages to girls in the last week, whenever he was drunk. Obviously this left me very upset,I ended things straight away. He promised me he never actually met anyone in real life, only had it for the last weeks when things were really rocky between us. His reasoning was cos he felt he needed some extra reassurance from another source as he felt he wasnt getting it from me anymore. He felt a break up was imminent &felt I was having more fun at the hostel. I still love him,I know he loves me. Despite what he did. Hes 100% suffered for it. But do I believe that it was related to his mental health/insecurities/trust issues? He's broken my trust but is it worth trying to forgive him& try again? Can any1 give me any advice on this pls? I feel lost

ReeCar123 How can I support my partner to overcome relationship anxiety?
  • replies: 4

Hi, my partner and I have had a really beautiful time together, a few weeks ago he finalised his separation from his ex-wife (he had difficulties letting go of the perception of false safety but they had been separated for a year and he had called it... View more

Hi, my partner and I have had a really beautiful time together, a few weeks ago he finalised his separation from his ex-wife (he had difficulties letting go of the perception of false safety but they had been separated for a year and he had called it quits). Since the finalisation of the separation, he is suffering from anxiety, mild depression and racing thoughts all the time. We have had to dial our relationship back to the very beginning, i.e. only see each other rarely, have little date nights, are intimate but he is terrified of staying over or travelling with me (although we had already done all of that plenty of times). I have read up a lot and I am trying to be understanding, comforting and positive to show him with every bit of interaction that he can trust me and the relationship. But I wonder, is there any more I could do to support him? He is seeing a psych to deal with childhood trauma which has very much brought forward the relationship anxiety and unhealthy withdrawal patterns he applied in his past relationship. So he is actively seeking to work through it to be able to have a healthy relationship going forward. He is also actively challenging his fears by spending time with me instead of going to his "safe routine" as he did the past few weeks. I think that is great and I give him positive feedback on that. But I wish I could do more to allow him to relax and trust. Also, do you have any other tips on how he could calm his mind down? He has racing thoughts, feels he is overwhelmed, doesn't sleep well etc. He knows of mindfulness but does not always practise it or it doesn't work so well. Are there any great tips he could employ? I know he will get through this in time but I wish I could help him get through it a bit more easily. Any tips would be very welcome! Thank you.

Adenium Best Friend Lost Touch with Reality
  • replies: 3

My best friend is over 1000km away so I cannot check up on her. She is late 40s and lives with her disabled son and elderly mother and is somewhat isolated. For the past week she has progressively lost touch with reality, shutting even her family out... View more

My best friend is over 1000km away so I cannot check up on her. She is late 40s and lives with her disabled son and elderly mother and is somewhat isolated. For the past week she has progressively lost touch with reality, shutting even her family out. She is saying she is hearing voices and must shut down to concentrate on the voices and is receiving messages about her death and the current viral situation. She says she is mesiah and needs to to save the world. I'm at a loss as to what I do, as a support person. I cannot travel as there is border closures, I would in a heartbeat if there was the possibility I could help in any way? I am not sure why I am posting, I have said to her I am here when she is ready to reconnect but it's so sad and stressful to just be a bystander and not know what and if I can do anything. She has told me multiple times (including when she was well) she is not bipolar even though I never ever questioned her. Is there anything I can do?

Guest_342 Long distance
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone. I hope you are all coping ok with the current health situation. I wondered if you have any suggestions or words of comfort you could offer? I have been separated indefinitely from my partner who live interstate and I don't know when I'll... View more

Hi everyone. I hope you are all coping ok with the current health situation. I wondered if you have any suggestions or words of comfort you could offer? I have been separated indefinitely from my partner who live interstate and I don't know when I'll be able to see them again. Not knowing day to day what further restrictions they will place on our community makes me so sad and anxious about losing my freedoms and the warmth of lived ones' company, without an end in sight. I live alone in a unit and my neighbours don't talk to me. On both sides they are young happy couples - one expecting a baby. I wish I had my own little family. I have a cat but I'm craving human closeness. We have to work at home like many people. I am finding it hard to concentrate and people only seem to appreciate the concentration difficulties for parents with children at home. I can't concentrate for different reasons. I had to go to the supermarket today and it was eerily quiet with lines separately customers. I went to use some hand sanitiser that was sitting at the customer service bench, facing customers, and when I used it, a member of staff snatched it and put it beyond reach. Little things left me with uneasy feelings. I want to know desperately how long this will last. I feel really lonely. Usually I would deal with this by seeing a friend or going on a holiday, but we can't do that anymore.

hunleyarm How to help
  • replies: 3

My partner of 6yrs has asked for space he lost and confused on what he wants. We have had alot happen recently not between us but with his family and work. It has built up and he has imploded. I asked 2 things for him to see a dr as i can see he need... View more

My partner of 6yrs has asked for space he lost and confused on what he wants. We have had alot happen recently not between us but with his family and work. It has built up and he has imploded. I asked 2 things for him to see a dr as i can see he needed help amd to see someone to talk to. He has done both. He is now on anti-depressants and has had 1 counselling app so far. Im now lost. I dont know how to help. We are now living apart and have a 3yr old and 6 month old. He has good days and bad and i always got hugs from him except for yesterday. Some days he wants to work on us some days he doesnt know. I know he needs time to get through what ever he may be dealing with. But i dont want to loose him and some days i feel like i am. How do i help him wothout being pushy without hurting him otlr myself in this process. I am struggling with it all as it was sudden. I didnt see it coming.

SweetSmile Want space and time
  • replies: 6

Two weeks ago my partner of 3 years -and I had a huge argument where he asked for a break as we have been having a few problems. He says the spark is gone and but he still loves me. He willing go to couple counsellor/ therapy as we agreed on from our... View more

Two weeks ago my partner of 3 years -and I had a huge argument where he asked for a break as we have been having a few problems. He says the spark is gone and but he still loves me. He willing go to couple counsellor/ therapy as we agreed on from our last conversation however after talk and realise he need see one for himself bad he is confuse and unhappy. So he went see one few days after our argument and decide don’t want to see couple therapy as want focus on himself and asked me to give him time.. we still living under same roof even though I offer to leave and give him space but he say it’s okay for me stay. So right now I am feeling lost and tiring of waiting for him. It’s our second time to be in that situation where he left me in past that I ended with him as he kept changing his mind. 5 years later we are together again and it was great until last few months.. just don’t know what to do as don’t want him make stupid mistake again.. I really want make things work for us.

Chester09 Being an essential worker during a pandemic
  • replies: 3

I am grateful to still have a job, don't get me wrong but I just dont know how to be there for my kids while both my husband and I continue to work. How can I justify putting anything ahead of my children at a time like this? They need us now more th... View more

I am grateful to still have a job, don't get me wrong but I just dont know how to be there for my kids while both my husband and I continue to work. How can I justify putting anything ahead of my children at a time like this? They need us now more than ever before but now, more than ever before, it is crucial to hang on to the employment we have. Can anyone relate? Can anyone tell me how they are doing it? I just don't know how I am going to cope. While my role is essential, I am new to it and therefore new to the workplace and not afforded any goodwill towards flexibility to care for my family.

LovelyLoneyLady Bloke blues
  • replies: 3

Hi, i thought id finally possibly found a suitable partner (I really liked him). He suddenly cancelled our plans, ghosted me and went back online looking for someone else. All ive ever wanted was a decent and intelligent man that i can share my life ... View more

Hi, i thought id finally possibly found a suitable partner (I really liked him). He suddenly cancelled our plans, ghosted me and went back online looking for someone else. All ive ever wanted was a decent and intelligent man that i can share my life with, but seem to be very unlucky in love. I feel like theres a curse on me or something!

megss helicopter parenting to withdrawn
  • replies: 9

Hi, My mum and I don't have the best relationship, but it has gotten worse as I have gotten older and realised what is okay and what isn't. Long story short, parents had a messy divorce when I was young and have been going week on and week off. This ... View more

Hi, My mum and I don't have the best relationship, but it has gotten worse as I have gotten older and realised what is okay and what isn't. Long story short, parents had a messy divorce when I was young and have been going week on and week off. This could have affected our relationship, I'm not sure. Pretty much my mum is either very very involved and when I say that I can do something by myself, or tell her that I can manage (which I do very politely), she gets almost offended and steps back too far, for example, won't drive me to where I need to go or won't cook dinner for me suddenly without telling me, almost to prove that I need her, and I do but just not as much as she wants to be. She controls all aspects of my life and uses them to blackmail me. She checks my location on Life360 religiously and gets notifications whenever I move. She reads all my messages, goes through all my bags, reads my journals (which I have now stopped writing) and even my school books. She went as far as to check my pencil case. I have no privacy at home. She walks into the bathroom when I am in the shower and gets mad when I ask her to leave. She says that as long as I live with her, I have no privacy. She checks on me every 10 minutes and will make excuses to do so. I have no room to move and I need more room, she is too controlling. She also controls what food I eat, which is fair enough for a parent, but I am not allowed to go and get food from the cupboard because she takes stocktakes of the food. She uses the fact that I have ADHD to say that she needs to be more involved, but it is really for herself, and I know that I can manage to put my clothes away without her watching me. I know that she is manipulative, she once took all of my T-shirts out of my draw and asked my sister to hide my volleyball gear so I couldn't train. She needs to know everything as well. I now just lie to her and don't tell her anything, and she wonders why! I get so frustrated at her because she won't let me live, but when she steps back it's too far. I keep asking her to let me do things and I'll ask for her help if I need it, but there is no in-between. I feel like I have no connection with her, and I don't want one. Half of the time she is overly affectionate, and the other half of the time she is emotionally neglectful and I am confused. I don't like affection from her because it ranges too much, I am confused. I understand she is trying to parent but it is too much. Any suggestions?