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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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StrongWoman I do all the work in the relationship. Is he using me or are we just too different?
  • replies: 6

We have been together for 5 years. We love each other but we are both not happy anymore. We moved in together after 2 years. He was constantly at my place anyways, so I thought it's just fair if he moves in officially and starts doing his fair share ... View more

We have been together for 5 years. We love each other but we are both not happy anymore. We moved in together after 2 years. He was constantly at my place anyways, so I thought it's just fair if he moves in officially and starts doing his fair share of housework and paying bills. It was nice at first. I started realising that I do most of the chores myself. If I didn't put the bins out on bin day, no one would. I started to feel resentful and to not enjoy being intimate any longer. I told him that I don't want to be the one doing all the work and it got a bit better afterwards for a while. Still, there were so many things that were left up to me. I was working 40-55 hours a week. He only did 40. Last year we went on a big holiday. I did all of the planning and organising (working out the route, booking hotels & transport, day trips). While I enjoy planning holidays, it felt strange to do it pretty much by myself. When I mentioned to him that I do all the planning, he asked: "But what do you want me to do?" I have been looking at buying a house and doing a lot of research in the last 3 years. I have also been working very hard to be able to save. At first I was believing that we would get a house together, but due to him not showing much interest in the topic and his inability to save money, I eventually bought the house by myself. The deal was that it is my house but our home and that he will only pay very low rent, in return for helping me with renovations. Eventually I got frustrated because again he was not showing much interest in anything. It was meant to be our home, not just mine! I get enthusiastic when I have a great renovation idea or find a great bargain but when I run it by him, he only points out the downsides. When I told him that I finally bought the flooring materials, his first reaction was : "Oh no, you should have bought 10% extra for offcuts, not just 8%." Small things add up. On the bottom line, I put a lot of time and effort into things (holidays, home, tidying up) but he hardly contributes anything. I ran out of energy. Are our personalities just not compatible, me being someone that is constantly trying to improve myself, the house, my fitness VS him being more passive? He doesn't have any plans for his future either. He is a good person, but he is not coming from a very 'sophisticated' background. Am I asking too much, is this just the way he is? Are all men like this? Or is he using me and I am just being a complete fool?

Ghr29 Signs of depression?
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone! My partner of 9 years has recently come to me and said he is no longer happy in our relationship. This come as a total shock to myself as we never fight/ argue (sometimes bicker) and things have always been good or so I thought. We have ... View more

Hi everyone! My partner of 9 years has recently come to me and said he is no longer happy in our relationship. This come as a total shock to myself as we never fight/ argue (sometimes bicker) and things have always been good or so I thought. We have a 3 year old son also. He is saying he loves me and will always love me and care for me etc but just isn't happy anymore? He has undiagnosed sleep apnea which he refuses to do anything about so is forever tired. I feel like this has contributed to how he is feeling but I'm wondering if he could also be depressed? He has lost interest in things he enjoyed doing, everyone around him frustrates him including close friends.. He is going through a stressful situation at work (prior to the covid 19 pandemic) and am wondering if maybe everything has become to much for him and I am taking the brunt of it? I have suspected that he may have depression for the past few years. Starting with a job that was extremely stressful. Once he resigned from this position he was a different person. Then he slowly slipped back to his old self when our car blew up. He drove a cheap car for a few months and then we got him a new car as he said this was making him down. Once we got the new car things were good again for a little while. Now he is saying that everything he thought was the reason behind his depressed feelings wasn't and that it must be our relationship. Could he have depression? Or does it sound like maybe our relationship has taken a toll on his mental health? Sorry I know there are so many parts to my question!! Thanks!

Blue_Adriatic Overwhelmed
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone I’m feeling so sad and overwhelmed and so alone. I’m a single mum and my job was made redundant recently. I finish in May so, I have some time left, but the jobs I had on the boil have all been cancelled due to CV-19. I’m currently workin... View more

Hi everyone I’m feeling so sad and overwhelmed and so alone. I’m a single mum and my job was made redundant recently. I finish in May so, I have some time left, but the jobs I had on the boil have all been cancelled due to CV-19. I’m currently working from home and managing my kids plus putting heaps of work into trying to find a job. I’m not spending any time with my kids and other mums are baking, playing etc.. I feel like a failure. I don’t have my parents anymore and my ex has not wanted to see the kids for two weeks. He’s scared of getting CV-19. They aren’t sick. Perfectly healthy. I’m so worried about not getting a job and am so sad and feel alone in all this. The weight of being fully responsible for absolutely every single thing is too much. None of my friends understand as many don’t work, have husbands, parents helping. I feel myself becoming jealous and that is a terrible way to be. I’m also feeling like I’ll never have a partner to love or who will love me again. Just so alone and miserable and can’t pull myself out of this place. I have seen a psych for a number of years, on and off, but can’t afford it right now. Also have been on anti depressants before. Maybe I need them again?? Sorry to go on about it all. Thanks for reading xo.

Jorji Depression and lack of intimacy in relationship
  • replies: 1

Hey! So long story short I've been super stressed out lately and got diagnosed with depression after an abortion. I haven't really been feeling intimate with my boyfriend, hes expressed his concern about it and I've been trying really hard to get pas... View more

Hey! So long story short I've been super stressed out lately and got diagnosed with depression after an abortion. I haven't really been feeling intimate with my boyfriend, hes expressed his concern about it and I've been trying really hard to get past it but I've been in a bit of a rut lately (since Feb) and I genuinely don't know what to do, I communicate to him how I'm feeling etc but he seems to not understand. Please help if you can.

Izakwinsor He photoshopped porn with a girl who isn't me. Why did he do this
  • replies: 8

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, I'm 22 and he's 23. But yesterday I discovered he had sent around 8 photos to himself on face book of photoshopped porn photos with some girls face in it who we don't know well but he clearly finds hot ... I... View more

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, I'm 22 and he's 23. But yesterday I discovered he had sent around 8 photos to himself on face book of photoshopped porn photos with some girls face in it who we don't know well but he clearly finds hot ... I confronted him about it he 1- lied straight away and made some story up and then he admitted to it and said it was just a once off thing and meant nothing and he's extreamly embarrassed about it. He then keeps telling me to stop talking about it as he's sorry and doesn't want it to be turned into a big thing as he PROMISES me it was a one time stupid thing. I feel extreamly degraded and confused as he's not like this and I'm just in shock.... Why do that if you have a girlfriend of 4 years you could ask for nudes from?. I feel this is the end as i don't trust him and he doesn't get why this is such a large issue for this relationship. I then found out today he follows a girl he's meet ONCE at a party in January on his spam/funny Instagram and literally doesn't know her? those two things happening in 24 hours has just made me think he clearly doesn't want me and thinks I'm not good enough. And he has the audacity to tell me to stop going on about it and to stop attacking him, when I don't I'm just hurt and wants answers. We are on a break now and i don't see a future with him anymore .

Bliss72 Feeling Lost and Confused
  • replies: 7

A week ago my partner of 7 years asked for a break as we have been having a few problems. He says the spark is gone and he doesn't know how to get it back. He said he is unhappy and that we need to work on ourselves to get back to a good place before... View more

A week ago my partner of 7 years asked for a break as we have been having a few problems. He says the spark is gone and he doesn't know how to get it back. He said he is unhappy and that we need to work on ourselves to get back to a good place before we concentrate on us. I moved out and I am feeling more alone confused and hurt then ever. I love him more than anything and want to make it work as we have so much in common and have so many good memories together. Our intimacy did go down the drain due to a few bad things happening in my life and he was always there for me. Our parting ways is for about 6mths which is what he asked for. I want to hold onto hope but it hurts so much.

Shannelle Living with my BIL is creating tension, anger and anxiety
  • replies: 5

My husband and I recently eloped, and a few weeks before the elopement he said that his brother from overseas was wanting to live in Melbourne, and that he said we would let him live with us. I was so shocked and against the idea from the beginning, ... View more

My husband and I recently eloped, and a few weeks before the elopement he said that his brother from overseas was wanting to live in Melbourne, and that he said we would let him live with us. I was so shocked and against the idea from the beginning, but my now husband comes from a traditional family helps family upbringing and he didn't really allow me room to discuss fully, and before we knew it, his brother was living with us. Fast forward to 2 months later and my brother in law, 19, now is living in our spare room. He is respectful, quiet and a little bit reclusive and awkward. He has applied for jobs online but other then that he spends 24/7 in his room, sleeps in until 3pm, wakes up and plays video games, assumes when i cook its for him and doesn't leave the house unless its with me or my husband. As context, I am a product of my environment, and my house is my sacred place. Before BIL moved in, my husband and I were happy with little arguments and my anxiety, stress and overall mental well being was the best it had been in a while. Now that my brother in law lives with us, everything has came crashing down hard. I'm irritated, anxious and my husband and I argue about him living here every single day. I've asked my husband on numerous occasions to give him a set date to move out, to give him house rules to follow - simple ones such as cook your own food, contribute to house work, don't spend all day in you room etc His brother has issues of his own, but this was another reason I was against him moving here, as we work full time, and we don't have the capacity to nurture and school him through adolescence. My husband comes from a history of mental health issues too, and I know that this is something I see in his brother everyday, but it's rarely discussed. I'm at my wits end. Every day I'm irritated - irritated at my husband for allowing this and irritated at the situation. I'm scared that if this is not resolved, I will want to end my short lived marriage and I'm even MORE scared that even after this event in our lives is gone, I will still be angry that my husband allowed this to go on, knowing very well how I felt and how it was affecting me, his brother and our relationship. If he only thought about the consequences this could have all been avoided and I feel a better outcome for everyone. His brother can't find a job, so he is looking to move home, but again there is no set dates or hard lines here. Suggestions welcome.

Lost27 Healthy relationship feelings, unsure?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, So I have never been in a healthy relationship till the one I'm in now. I have a few questions. Firstly what should or do other people feel in such a relationship? Because sometimes I feel as though I could be without him or when we fig... View more

Hey everyone, So I have never been in a healthy relationship till the one I'm in now. I have a few questions. Firstly what should or do other people feel in such a relationship? Because sometimes I feel as though I could be without him or when we fight I'm fine if we just broke up or maybe I'm looking for a way out? I'm not sure. I know i have trust issues because of my last relationship so i dont know of i am just over thinking and just trying to get out of it or we shouldn't be together. Because i love being around him, i see a future, I want to move in with him and love cuddling etc but then I dont know where these feelings of I guess if we broke up I could see myself with someone else etc. So half so me is like i love him and hate that I'm feeling this than half of me is like i probably dont actully love him and dont want to be with him. I don't know of I should feel more pull or being content and happy is corrwct? I also have anxiety and depression. Thank you

Ahjlees Sick with Anxiety!
  • replies: 10

Hi, So I’ve been struggling with this for awhile now and I feel that I’m at my breaking point and honestly don’t know what to do. I have been helping some friends of mine care for their son and have been going over every few weeks for up to 3 days si... View more

Hi, So I’ve been struggling with this for awhile now and I feel that I’m at my breaking point and honestly don’t know what to do. I have been helping some friends of mine care for their son and have been going over every few weeks for up to 3 days since he was about 5 days old. Very early on they offered me a thank you present, in the form of an overseas holiday. I was very hesitant but accepted and life went on. Several months later, I was informed that they had invited someone else along without talking to me and was a bit putt off but again didn’t say anything (turns out that was a wonderful thing as we are now dating). A few weeks after that, they purchased tickets and it’s been an on going drama ever since. They asked me after the tickets were bought if I was ok to pay for my own accomodation, something they originally offered to do. I agreed but a few months ago realised that I couldn’t actually afford this trip, asked if we could look at cheaper accomodation and subsequently found out that they had been expecting me, my now boyfriend and the other person coming to pay for one of their accomodation. There has been a lot of problems surrounding changing to cheaper accomodation and after heated discussions or angry words that leave me feeling like I’m a horrible person and that I don’t matter to them, in equal measure, they act like nothing has happened. I’ve also become aware that they are talking about things to do with or that concern me to my boyfriend, instead of to me. I called them both out on it and asked them to stop; one ignored me completely and continued doing it and the other claimed they didn’t know what I was talking about. I’ve really been riddled with anxiety over this as our friendship is now incredibly strained, with them going periods without talking to me and in return I don’t really communicate with them. To worrying if I can actually afford this trip, to me being unwell and feeling even more so about this whole thing. I want to go on this holiday, especially with my boyfriend as it will be our first overseas trip together and first holiday longer than 2 days but I can just imagine it being very uncomfortable for all involved and a waste of money if none of us enjoy it. I honestly don’t know what to do or if I should go and as we are meant to be leaving early next year, I have little time to decide. I’m completely overwhelmed.

Whiterose Lost
  • replies: 1

Hi, First post and I hope I make sense. My husband was diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Depression, Anxiety and now he is being counselled for sex addiction. I am a stay at home Mum with 4 young children. All under 11. My husband has moved out and wants t... View more

Hi, First post and I hope I make sense. My husband was diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Depression, Anxiety and now he is being counselled for sex addiction. I am a stay at home Mum with 4 young children. All under 11. My husband has moved out and wants to never have a relationship ever again. I don’t know what to do. I am trying to move on and get back to work but given I have been out of work for so long I am aware that I will be working unsociable hours. Which means I need help with care and at this stage my husband is not capable (his words). I had one appointment with a psychologist who told me there is nothing he can do to help me. I have no family support for helping with kids so I’m lost with what to do next. I am trying to give my husband space to see his medical team. But it is hard to do all this with out getting him to understand that he still has a responsibility to help with the children. Everything I have read is about giving him space to get help and that my need for help is unfair on him. I’m stuck between my love and care for him to get better and my need to feed and keep a roof over our heads. I don’t want to lose my husband but I get that I need to let him decide if he wants that himself. I know that people have been in worse situations than me so I guess I’m hoping for some understanding in all this. Thanks for reading. I apologise if I come across as selfish in all this.