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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Sdmara Can separated couples reconcile?
  • replies: 2

Been seperated 5 years in Oct. Throughout this time we tried to reconcile but it doesn't seem to work. I try to meet his needs but he doesn't make any efforts. Repeatedly tells me he wants to try but only does what he wants without factoring how it m... View more

Been seperated 5 years in Oct. Throughout this time we tried to reconcile but it doesn't seem to work. I try to meet his needs but he doesn't make any efforts. Repeatedly tells me he wants to try but only does what he wants without factoring how it makes me feel. He is aware cause we discussed it in counselling but he says he tries but I am never happy. I just feel worthless and hurt and guilty and I don't know what to do. I became a doormat waiting for his efforts to make this work. He doesn't then I react....then the blame me for reacting. I am tired of this. I ask for divorce he says he doesn't want it. He wants to find a way to make it work. Yet years passed but we are worse than ever. The more this happens the more sensitive I am becoming the more irrational the more needy. I hate this with a passion. Then I get scared. Scared of what happens next. I have no family here in Australia. Friends are few and all married so they are all busy with families. Every birthday holiday or special event I am on my own. Kids are grown up and teenagers want to live their lives. If I return to Europe then I am abandoning them. I feel suffocating and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. People say it will get better. Will it?? How?? The thought of meeting someone else makes me sick...going through the emotions again. I can't do it.

SpanishSahara Girlfriend broke up with me due to her mental health - struggling to deal with it
  • replies: 3

Hi, first time posting here, please try to be understanding. So my gf recently broke up with me because she said she needed to seriously address her mental health (which is plagued from an emotionally abusive past relationship) and, although she stil... View more

Hi, first time posting here, please try to be understanding. So my gf recently broke up with me because she said she needed to seriously address her mental health (which is plagued from an emotionally abusive past relationship) and, although she still had feelings for me, she couldn't do that and be with me at the same time. These past few weeks and even beyond she has been distant, aloof, moody. I respect her decision, she has to do what's best for her. But I am struggling to accept that we're over. We have been best friends since 2013, we got together in Nov 2018 and my life feels incomplete without her to talk to, hang out with, be with, etc. I have told her I love her, I don't want anyone else and that I would wait for her, regardless of how long it took for her to feel that she was in a better place. I acknowledge this is almost certainly a bad idea - a person's recovery doesn't have a deadline - but I honestly thought she was the one. I am getting by, still seeing friends/doing hobbies and stuff, but everything feels like something is missing. The world has less colour. I keep wanting to talk to her but I know that won't make me feel better. I keep thinking of everything I did and didn't do these past few months and whether if i had/hadn't done them, she wouldn't have broken up with me. I'm terrified she'll get a better handle on her mental health and not want to get back together. I've talked to a few close friends about it, and they've all more or less said that I need to move on, properly, and not pine over her or be resistant to new opportunities. But that's easier said than done. I'm not ready to say goodbye to this relationship. I definitely won't pressure her, make her feel bad about her decision, or anything like that. But that's honestly how I feel. I don't expect anyone to tell me what I'm doing is completely correct, but I think it's best to be clear. Has anybody been through something like this? How did you deal with it? And what would you do in my shoes?

Oceanbug Confused about what to do bf wise
  • replies: 1

For the last 6 weeks my bf of 2.5yrs has stopped showing me affection. When i asked what was wrong he said that nothing makes him happy anymore. One minute he is happy and want a to be around me and then next he wants to be alone. But he hasnt change... View more

For the last 6 weeks my bf of 2.5yrs has stopped showing me affection. When i asked what was wrong he said that nothing makes him happy anymore. One minute he is happy and want a to be around me and then next he wants to be alone. But he hasnt changed towards his friends, he does more things with them and barely wants to do anything with me. But yet tells me that it's not me, that it's him but he doesn't know what is wrong. He still wants to have sex every now and then and during its like nothing changed. He is into it and tells me I'm sexy and treats me like a million bucks. But after it's over it's back to how it has been, loveless almost. I've given him space by going away for 4 days and letting him be the one to make contact with me, which he did and even rang me unexpected to have a chat. I've been taking a step back and just being there when he wants/ needs me but obviously sometimes it gets the better of me. He does not enjoy work atm and it is a very sore subject, so I try to avoid it. I have been staying positive and not getting upset with him seeing it and just showing I'm happy but it isn't changing. The last time we had problems he called it quits but this time he isn't. I'm not sure if he cnt bring himself to do it or he doesn't want it to end

Lostnalone19 Struggling with seperation
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I don't know where to start.. So my partner and I met 3 years ago and from the first moment we fell in love fast and hard we both wanted each other bad 24/7. I deal with low self-esteem and never felt worthy enough for her when infact I shoul... View more

Hi all, I don't know where to start.. So my partner and I met 3 years ago and from the first moment we fell in love fast and hard we both wanted each other bad 24/7. I deal with low self-esteem and never felt worthy enough for her when infact I should have she is an amazing person and has alot of love to give and she gave me all she had, I fell into a hole and it's a daily struggle as I suffer from depression, anxiety, stress, jealousy, and very insecure. The last 6 months I hadn't had a job which caused alot of stress on her. Constantly had my head in my phone looking for work trying to find something that would bring in the big dollars but yet have a home life, let me tell you it doesn't exist. I should of been content and happy with what I had and enjoy the finer things in life. Long story short she broke it off with me. We still talk occasionally n the phone it's hard because I want another chance to prove my worth as I've learnt and see where and what I've done and didn't do which I can fix to create the life we wanted. She says she loves me but not like she used to. My mind is telling me to just give up and move on but my heart says keep on fighting, but I'm not sure how long I can fight. She says that she feels the same way. But she said things need to change and I'm prepared to do what it takes but worried I'm going to lose. It's been hard for her the last few months seeing me sloth on the couch day in day out while she basically done everything which is totally not me in the early days I done lots of cleaning cooking etc but just found myself in a rutt where I thought is was impossible to get through I gave up on myself and my life and this has made me realise that I have so much to offer and want to reconcile with her as she is the love of my life. But I think it might be little to late to fix I just don't know. All I know is that if she was to give me another chance she definitely wouldn't regret it Sorry to bore you all with my problems but just want to see if anyone can give me any advice or shine a light on it abit more . Thanks.

JonathanP I can't stop crying today...
  • replies: 13

I’m 68 and have been with my ex-fiancée since 1980. We were both divorcees and the first thing we said to each other was “Ain’t never going to get married again!” We married in 1984. My wife is a bit of a control freak; mostly fine by me. I refer to ... View more

I’m 68 and have been with my ex-fiancée since 1980. We were both divorcees and the first thing we said to each other was “Ain’t never going to get married again!” We married in 1984. My wife is a bit of a control freak; mostly fine by me. I refer to her as She Who Must Be Obeyed (SWMBO). People ask me how come we’ve managed to stay happily married for 35 years and I respond “Just find someone worth obeying and do so.” When we first met SWMBO told me how she used to cheat on her husband and race home at lunch-times to have sex with other men. Rather offputting, I found this exciting and adventurous. I have a healthy appetite for sex and thought we might have an interesting sex life together. At first it was. We were in lust. Gradually though SWMBO diminished the amount of sex I am allowed and it trickled down to nil about a decade ago. It’s not just sex; I crave affection. I really like to be hugged. I can only have a (brief) hug from SWMBO if I ask. She says she doesn’t spontaneously hug me as I always take it as an invitation for sex. When the spontaneous hug from someone who inspires lust only happens twice a year... During the last crisis I persuaded her that we should go to marriage counselling. The marriage councillor told us there was nothing wrong with our marriage and we should be grateful for what we had. SWMBO says she doesn’t want sex because she doesn’t enjoy it. When tasked with my observation she says she doesn’t enjoy it. I am partially crippled; I have a chronic lower back problem. For a couple of years I was incapable of sex, but have gained control of my chronic health problems and my libido returned. Being crippled means I don’t get out much. I live in a rural area and my closest friends are dead. I am a gourmet home cook and invites to my dinner table is deemed a privilege I’m told. On Saturday I was expecting two friends as dinner guests. SWMBO was to confirm the time as she has a busy social life. She didn’t tell me until the meal was in an advanced state of preparation that she hadn’t bothered to let our friends know it wasn’t happening. I try to explain how I feel, but she misinterprets what I say.

Starfruiit I can’t cope with the abuse anymore
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I’m new to this and I don’t really feel comfortable talking to friends and family due to feeling ashamed and worthless but I’m in a abuse relationship and don’t know where to turn. The verbal abuse started basically at the start of our r... View more

Hi everyone, I’m new to this and I don’t really feel comfortable talking to friends and family due to feeling ashamed and worthless but I’m in a abuse relationship and don’t know where to turn. The verbal abuse started basically at the start of our relationship but now over the past couple of months it’s turned into physical abuse as well. The abuse got so bad tonight over me trying to explain to him calmly that I had been feeling upset all day and that he just brushed it off called me a child and said I have to deal with it myself which I then proceeded to say but how come you can’t just be there for me and then he lost it saying I was keeping him from sleeping with my stupid problems and hurled insults and profanities at me and eventually he got physically abusive. This whole time I just let it happen and I apologised and pleaded with him to stop but he just kept telling me how horrible I was and that I was selfish and that no one would want to be in a relationship with me and put up with me. Im at the point where my self esteem is so low that I have no good things to say about myself, I hate looking at myself in the mirror because all I see is a ugly flawed person. I can’t even talk to him about problems I’m having because he just says that he doesn’t know how to help and that he’s sick of me being depressed and mopey. He tells me that he will change and he loves me and cares about me and I want to believe him that he will stop the abusive behaviour because I love him and always see the best in him but as soon as I do something small or I don’t act accordingly he treats me like I’m the worst person in the word I don’t know what to do anymore

Brain_Fart Family member has thrown out my meds
  • replies: 2

My sister has taken my anxiety meds and will not give me them back because she doesn't believe i need them. I turned my house upside down stressed out about i had put them some where but can't remember where and was worried my son might find them or ... View more

My sister has taken my anxiety meds and will not give me them back because she doesn't believe i need them. I turned my house upside down stressed out about i had put them some where but can't remember where and was worried my son might find them or my nephew. I finally went and asked her and she had taken them because she thinks i don't need them and that to just put up with the anxiety/panic attack now I'm feeling anxious about going to see my doctor and asking for another script that i just got a few days ago. my head hurts from thinking about it. Why can't people just mind there own business.

Sammy2 Trust issues within my relationship- do I stay or go?
  • replies: 2

*trigger warning mentions of addiction So I could really use some advice. My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and he is a porn addict, he has lied to me about porn and a few other things more times than I could count, he claims he wor... View more

*trigger warning mentions of addiction So I could really use some advice. My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and he is a porn addict, he has lied to me about porn and a few other things more times than I could count, he claims he working on it and trying to get better and I'm trying to support him with that. About a year and a half ago when I first found out about his addiction and all the lies I became extremely depressed and anxious all the time, I stopped going to work, school, seeing my friends, I just stopped living. Fast forward to now, for the last few weeks for the first time in ages I've actually been feeling really good, my depression has lifted and my anxiety has definitely lessened. But we are still having issues regarding his addiction and other trust issues within our relationship and I'm really scared that if I continue in this relationship I'll be taken back to the dark place I was in, but at the same time for the first time he seems to really be trying to make progress and trying to better himself and I obviously love and care about him but my fear is making me want to run far away from him. Any advice on my situation is appreciated.

Suz09 Feeling In Need of a Change...
  • replies: 3

This is my first time posting. I’m not overly sure of where to start. But I know things have to change as, at present, I feel like an imposter has taken over my mind, body and soul. I feel constantly angry or sad and I feel exhausted and tired most d... View more

This is my first time posting. I’m not overly sure of where to start. But I know things have to change as, at present, I feel like an imposter has taken over my mind, body and soul. I feel constantly angry or sad and I feel exhausted and tired most days. This year has been a constant challenge. It’s taking its toll. I am a Mother of two girls aged 4 and 12 and am married. I am in my thirties and am currently in between jobs. I’m on workcover due to a workplace incident that involved workplace bullying. This resulted in being diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Anxiety and Stress and Moderate Insomnia and Depression. Even though I’ve left the toxic job and that chapter of my life is firmly finished, I feel like other things keep taking the place of the stress I left. We have had numerous health issues, financial issues and issues with our family and friends. My partner and I have very little friends, we don’t go out often and we don’t have much intimacy either. We have both put on weight this year and are desperate to rid ourselves of the negativity and weight that weighs us down constantly. I am finding it so difficult to start. I’m a perfectionist, I need fresh starts to be specific and perfect and when they aren’t I feel like a failure. Then I tend to spiral right back to the negative. We tried to distract ourselves and give ourselves something to do within a Community setting that incorporated animal welfare with the community. At first it was great, we meet lots of new people. But soon it just added to the stress we had tried to distract ourselves from and the people we were surrounded by were no better than the bullies we had both faced in our workplaces. I feel like if we don’t deal with the demons within us they will just follow us where ever we go. Which is why I want to so badly change things. I see a Psychologist. I have a list of things I want to change in my life, introduce exercise, meditation and healthy eating into my life. Swap stress and negativity for fun and adventure and I want to love me again so I can give the love and support to my partner and children, they deserve that. I am addicted to technology which I do desperately just want to be rid of it and live in the moment. How do I start? How can I make my new start achievable? Thanks so much for reading.

SeptemberSky Miscarriage and blindsided breakup
  • replies: 1

I was in a 4 year same-sex relationship. Engaged. Decided to start a family and I fell pregnant but we lost the baby at 16 weeks. A month later my partner came home and unexpectedly ended our relationship. I was totally blindsided. Turns out she was ... View more

I was in a 4 year same-sex relationship. Engaged. Decided to start a family and I fell pregnant but we lost the baby at 16 weeks. A month later my partner came home and unexpectedly ended our relationship. I was totally blindsided. Turns out she was having an affair with a colleague she had been getting support from since our loss. The affair continued but stopped when the other woman’s partner found out. A few months later my partner wanted to try rebuild. I agreed to try provided she give it time and effort and see a counsellor if we weren’t able to get things moving. After a month she told me she was in love with me and had been very lost and confused recently. She assured me every day that things were headed in the right direction and I was learning to trust her again. Then 6 weeks into rebuilding, she ended it again. She says she loves and cares for me but she isn’t in love with me. She can no longer see a future with me and sees me as a friend only. Im so broken. I’ve lost so much. Now we have to sell our house and pack up our whole lives. I didn’t even know there were issues. In the weeks after we lost the baby she told me she loved me more than ever. I’m so confused and can’t seem to pull myself out of my misery. It’s been 6 weeks since she left and she’s told me that there’s no chance of us ever getting back together. Help!