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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jet81j Feeling trapped in a one way relationship
  • replies: 4

I've been in a relationship for about 5 years but it's basically come to a end now. I've put everything into this relationship and I have nothing now. She has only talked down to me for years and just has no respect for me. She knows I have no where ... View more

I've been in a relationship for about 5 years but it's basically come to a end now. I've put everything into this relationship and I have nothing now. She has only talked down to me for years and just has no respect for me. She knows I have no where to go and no money because she has put me in that situation and kicked me out on the street a few times now where i have to just sleep in my car because I've got no where to go. Family are too far away. To add to things I've been working for her for the last 4 years so if I ever left I'd have no job and wasn't getting paid more than $250 a week for the last 2 years because of the business situations which I was happy with because it was for us but really it was just for her. We have a daughter together, she means everything to me and I'd do anything to keep our family together but I feel like I'm just a fool for staying. No one I've talked to say they would put up with this and I need to look after myself but every time she says come back I'm straight back. I just don't know what to do as she's just using me to follow her dreams and keep her business a float.

Guest_920 Feel I'm unable to date because of mental health
  • replies: 5

Hello, I'm a 29 year old female and am feeling quiet depressed about this at the moment. I have tried dating for the past 5 years after a 2 year relationship ended (got cheated on). I have done alot of online dating and meetups and just haven't had a... View more

Hello, I'm a 29 year old female and am feeling quiet depressed about this at the moment. I have tried dating for the past 5 years after a 2 year relationship ended (got cheated on). I have done alot of online dating and meetups and just haven't had any dating scenarios where things get past a few months at max or 1 to 3 dates. I feel so much rejection from it all as I'm always the one getting dumped in one way or another. Recently was seeing someone and was talking about us both not dating anyone else then he just stopped contacting me even though we asked to see me that week then cancelled. I msged him to find out his not ready to date and many other reasons. I'm still feeling devastated and it feels like a groundhog day with every person I meet. Even if i meet someone I get so anxious with them cancelling and things going wrong it then happens anyway. I'm looking into dpt therapy and seeing a psychologist but I feel so trapped in my old ways I don't know what to do. I always have plans on making changes and I just don't stick to them. I have stopped using dating apps in the past month as I feel I had an addiction but still feeling depressed about it all. I feel stuck in every sense of the world. I know everyone keeps saying I need to have a complete break from dating for a few months which i'm trying to do but I really feel alone. Can anyone please advise or if you have similar situations?

Orowan My partner travelled to see me and now that he has left I'm in real pain
  • replies: 3

since our culture forbids us from having an unmarried relationship, we've been spending our time together online or on the phone although we were in the same city. We did meet once or twice there and gifted each other on birthdays etc, but no real co... View more

since our culture forbids us from having an unmarried relationship, we've been spending our time together online or on the phone although we were in the same city. We did meet once or twice there and gifted each other on birthdays etc, but no real communication like normal couples face to face. Anyhow, I travelled abroad to study. the time difference made it even more harder for for us. he asked me if it was okay to travel to where I am to see me and spend some time together, I was thrilled! It took us months to decide when he's going to come -all due to my studies plans - anyway, during this time, I met a guy here and I started to see him, I had my first kiss with him which made my partner feel really broken but he didn't even get mad at me, he was just disappointed but still loves me, which makes me hate myself. Despite all that, he booked a flight and spent more than a day flying to see me, we had a wonderful holiday together I loved him even more seeing how a gentleman he was. after all, it ended and he had to go back. It broke me really bad, I started tearing two days before he leaves, and on the day he left I cried like a baby. now that he's gone, I'm in a lot of emotional pain, unmotivated and hate my daily normal life and hadn't eaten for a day, I started to reanalyse my feelings towards him, is it real love? or is it just strong unhealthy attachment? was my reaction normal? Should I seek help in order to reduce my attachment and rely more on myself? It feels like I don't want to live without him which is really frightening, I don't know if it is normal because he just left or it is a sign that I need help. I should mention that I struggled to find friends here abroad, sometimes I'm not very good socially and when I find friends they go back home after a while, so I rely a lot on him socially and I don't know if that is the reason behind my strong bitter feelings.

DaffodilDarling Dealing with loneliness and pressure?
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, This is my first post here and I’m a little anxious about it. Honestly, I’m just hoping for a bit of advice/tips for dealing with loneliness and the pressure that I put on myself regarding relationships and friendships. I’m 21(F) and hav... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first post here and I’m a little anxious about it. Honestly, I’m just hoping for a bit of advice/tips for dealing with loneliness and the pressure that I put on myself regarding relationships and friendships. I’m 21(F) and have struggled with social anxiety for as long as I can remember. As a result, I have few close friends, and most of those have moved away and/or are in romantic relationships and have little time available. I’m also single and very self-conscious and inexperienced, which further feeds my anxiety and belief that no one would be interested in me romantically and especially not once they realised my lack of experience. I guess as of late I have been feeling very insecure about all of this, and as though I am behind in life as everyone I know is in relationships, socialising and moving on whilst I am staying the same. How do I ease up on this pressure that I put on myself, because it’s weighing me down? Thanks so much in advance, DaffodilDarling

Brenton5K Alone again- not feeling good
  • replies: 13

This is my first time at the site and my first post. Before writing, I read through several topics and threads that seemed to match how I am feeling and it left me thinking that there are people dealing with issues that seem way more difficult than a... View more

This is my first time at the site and my first post. Before writing, I read through several topics and threads that seemed to match how I am feeling and it left me thinking that there are people dealing with issues that seem way more difficult than anything I have experienced and that I should count myself lucky with my lot in life - and I guess that is true. But I can't get passed how I am feeling at the moment. I have never married, had kids and our family was never close. For the most part of my life I have lived alone but enjoyed a good social life but as I got older this slowly faded away. Over the last 2 years I rented out my spare room to someone who I got on really well with but today he told me that he is moving out and I will be on my own again and it has left me feeling so low. I am near retirement age and I am thinking that all I have to look forward to is a lonely life when all I really want is someone be around. The more I write, the more I think I should just pull myself together and get on with things - which is what I have done in the past, but this time it feels so much worse and I don't know why. I guess I am not as good at rolling with the bumps and hurdles as I used to be. There is a lot more I could write but I think thats enough.

Sunshine_11 Can't deal with stress of two young children
  • replies: 5

Hi, I have a good husband and two young children, 7 and almost 5. I also work 4 days a week in a demanding job where there are no low periods, it's constantly demanding. My daughter who is 7 is also very emotional, and drains me a lot. By themselves ... View more

Hi, I have a good husband and two young children, 7 and almost 5. I also work 4 days a week in a demanding job where there are no low periods, it's constantly demanding. My daughter who is 7 is also very emotional, and drains me a lot. By themselves they are good kids but together they are a force to reckon with and require an iron will to stay calm. Both my husband and I are having a lot of trouble with them. They are very noisy and often it's very hard to get them to do anything. By themselves, fine, together, awful. Dinner times are stressful, bed time is stressful and by the time they go to bed its 9:30 and we are exhausted. We often struggle the most when trying to leave the house on time and it's stressful trying to get dressed, while she is upset that she is going to be left alone at dance practice, even though I told her, I will sit there and wait for her to finish. Then my son comes in and does something annoying and I start yelling and crying and cannot control my outburst. I got into a crying fit, which only got under control when my husband took her away to dance practice and agreed to sit and wait for her. So I feel at the end of my tether mainly because being a logical person, cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. These kids have sucked out of me what ever patience and self control I have. I work very hard to be patient, but I feel like they are ruinning our lives. We have no problems except for them and they are making our lives a living hell, for basically no purpose. I don't know what to do. I do sometimes send them to my parents etc, but only for short periods as they also can't deal with how naughty they are. So basically my battery has run flat. I am trying to be positive but I need them to change. How long can I keep going and how long until I breakdown completely? When I have my crying attacks, I can pull myself together after my husband takes them out of the house etc. So I don't know what help is available to us. It's not like you can send kids to a training facility where they improve in a few days. They don't have self awareness as much as we do. Is this a parenting normal? I am generally a calm and collected person, so me coming to this point took years But where do I go from here? Do I check myself into a hotel each weekend and let my husband deal with them? That's not a solution. If I started having crying outbursts where it's loud crying where I can't stop, is that something to stop and take notice of? Thanks

Br1sbaneg1rl Any experience with a narcissistic partner?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I feel like I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissistic and have been going through the cycle time and time again for 2 years now. I’ve spent so much time trying to understand why he treats me like I’m nothing and ignores me as though I don’t... View more

Hi, I feel like I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissistic and have been going through the cycle time and time again for 2 years now. I’ve spent so much time trying to understand why he treats me like I’m nothing and ignores me as though I don’t exist sometimes. He has broken up with me numerous times and I would eventually accept it after a couple of days and every time he would do what he could to reel me back in. If I blocked his number from my mobile, he’d call my home phone and when I changed the number the emails would start. He broke up with me yet he would chase me and then it would be great some days but when it was bad, he made me feel as though I was worthless and it would be a cycle of this and it has been for 2 years. I make excuses for him, even to myself. From what I’ve read it sounds like he is a narcissistic and when I finally opened up to a couple of close friends, they suggested I speak to a councillor. I just don’t know what to do, I’m so frantic and he makes me question myself and doubt myself. If I go to see someone and they confirm that the behaviour sounds narcissistic, is that even going to help me in anyway? I’ve never known anyone to discard someone as though they’re garbage, why would I want to be with someone like that anyway. I think to myself, what’s wrong with me that I put up with this?! I apologise, my post is all over the place.

SeasonsoftheYear Had an argument
  • replies: 1

Normally I keep this to my thoughts, but I'm at the point I need to get this off my chest somewhere. I had an argument with my Mum recently which is something I generally avoid most of the time because no one likes conflict. This time however, it hap... View more

Normally I keep this to my thoughts, but I'm at the point I need to get this off my chest somewhere. I had an argument with my Mum recently which is something I generally avoid most of the time because no one likes conflict. This time however, it happened and I'm here. I won't say what it was over because it was small, I was provoked and snapped at her. I said something incorrect and she called me stupid for it and I replied in a tone I can't remember; but it wasn't loud. She said the usual "don't snap at me", "you kids are acting against me" to which I said "that isn't true" consecutively and she just walked away. She also said "you think you’re better than me" which is something I would never think about anyone in a million years. Yes, I felt bad and yes, I overreacted by snapping over something so small, but here's the thing, she doesn't care about how she talks to me or anyone in my family; it's the 'say it like it is' personality which is a realist way of doing things, but it's something I disagree with. She also claimed that her reason for not caring how she spoke was because of where she is in her life; this is a lie, she has acted like this ever since I have known her. She's called me stupid and other worse names in the past and I wouldn't dare reply because of what was mentioned above or risk a far worse argument occurring (it's happened before). I have learnt not to reply and to just take it; why though? I got bullied a lot at school and my mum was the one who taught me to stand up for myself, but I never took it on board because I was always worried, I would be acting just like the bullies. Also, I can't call mum out on anything. One reason being that in general I would never say rude things to or about my parents, that's a matter of principle to me, but my mum does it whenever someone in my family makes a mistake. Here are some things I have learnt over my experiences when getting lectured to and trying to argue my side to my mother. She can resort to name calling over a small thing, but if I replied calmly or called her out, she cannot take it nor apologise for name calling. She would think that the world is against her after an argument with one of us occurs, which is a complete exaggeration. I am not saying my mum is a bully or claiming abuse; I love my mother deeply and am grateful for everything she has done for me. I don't like conflict or arguments. I'm just looking for a place to post my thoughts and see what anyone else thinks.

Justo1991 Helping a friend
  • replies: 3

Hi. A friend of mine is not doing well and I can't seem to help. I'm fairly sure she has depression. She often talks about how she can't get over her ex, she doesn't know what career she wants, shes not confident in herself. Last two times I messaged... View more

Hi. A friend of mine is not doing well and I can't seem to help. I'm fairly sure she has depression. She often talks about how she can't get over her ex, she doesn't know what career she wants, shes not confident in herself. Last two times I messaged her she said she isnt doing well and just wants to be left alone. I don't think this is good, I don't believe she would try anyth but I think she needs to talk to me or better yet, a professional. I have mentioned a few times that I'm here for her and to call me anytime. We both volunteer in the same emergency services unit. Should I wait till shes ready or suggest we catchup and have a chat?

70gsmpaper My two closest friends had an affair with each other, not coping with the change in our relationships
  • replies: 4

I have a small social group, around half a dozen people, but there's two people in that group I've known for over 10 years that I would put in the "close friend" category. We've been to each other's weddings, gone overseas together multiple times, st... View more

I have a small social group, around half a dozen people, but there's two people in that group I've known for over 10 years that I would put in the "close friend" category. We've been to each other's weddings, gone overseas together multiple times, started (and closed) businesses together and been friends for almost all of our mid-20s to mid-30s. They're some of the few people besides family I'd drop everything for if they needed me and would go out of my way to assist with whatever they needed. Yesterday I found out those two friends have been having an affair with each other for the past 2 months that's dissolved one of their marriages. I only found out because one of them mentioned they're looking for a new place to live, so I asked why they're doing that and they explained what's been going on. In the 2 month period we've met in person fortnightly and they never mentioned it to me and I didn't notice any major change in how we all interacted (in hindsight, there were probably subtle signs). It's all come as a massive surprise to me as some other people in our friendship group knew, but not me. I don't feel it was deliberately kept away from me, but rather they simply didn't consider me a close enough friend to share that type of information with. I feel quite hurt about it and also embarrassed I wasn't aware of this major life changing event of the two people I care about most. I thought we had an equal relationship, where I was as open with them as they were with me, but now it looks like I placed a much higher value on that friendship that they did on my friendship. I also feel guilty that whilst they were having difficulty in their relationships, they turned to other people in our friendship group instead of me. I'm not sure how I should feel to be honest. They don't owe me anything, nor is is it mandatory for them to share every aspect of their lives with me, but I still I feel hurt that they didn't - is that an appropriate feeling? Should I be happy that my two favourite people in the world have found something that works for them on a level more than friendship? I also feel like the status of our 3-way relationship has now changed where they have this incredible bond and I'm just an accessory to that. Thinking about meeting up with them in person again makes me feel very awkward as I never thought of them in any kind of romantic relationship, it's almost like imaging your brother and sister making out. Should I even mention any of how I feel with them?