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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ItsWhatever Is It Selfish?
  • replies: 3

My parents had an argument a few nights ago. I say argument, but it was more of my mum screaming at my dad and accusing him of things and calling him this and that while my dad sat silently (presumably smoking outside). It was 12:00am. My brother was... View more

My parents had an argument a few nights ago. I say argument, but it was more of my mum screaming at my dad and accusing him of things and calling him this and that while my dad sat silently (presumably smoking outside). It was 12:00am. My brother was trying to calm her down, he ended having to hide stuff in his room because she kept threatening to break things. I tried not to be bothered by this. I wanted to tell someone, but I felt like that would be victimising myself. Parents fight all the time right? I tried to be okay. I really did. But the next day in school I was so caught up on telling myself that this was fine, that I shouldn’t be making a deal out this. I told myself it was fine, that I would just give myself one day to be stressed and sad about it. So i spent most of the day not talking much, and thinking and trying to convince myself that I was okay. I wanted to let myself have one day to get it out my system. But by doing this I accidentally set my friend off. She got upset because she thought I was ignoring her. She told her girlfriend, and her girlfriend assured her saying there would be no reason for me to ignore her. And then tried to get us to talk, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t want to tell them it was because my parents fought because it’s not a big deal right? Parents fight all the time, thats what I told myself. Its such a small issue. I didn’t say anything except that I wasn’t ignoring her. And I realized then that I can’t be sad, because if I am, then my friends will think its because of them and I don’t ever want to put my friends through that again. But is it a little selfish of me to want to tell someone? Or to wish that I could be sad, and it wouldn’t become anyone else’s issue either? I just want to be sad without making someone else upset, because honestly I’m tired of looking after other people when I’m barely looking after myself. Is that selfish? I just want to be cared for, but I know that it’ll stress them out. Especially because they’re the ones who have it so much worse. I think it’s because of my period too. I’m not really quite sure what to do. I’m just so tired and stressed lately. And I’m not sure if I have anyone to tell that to right now.

LLB Together for 15 years and feeling alone, what to do?
  • replies: 17

I've been married for 8 years and before that, dated my husband for 7 years. We have one child together, just over 14 months old. I am experiencing problems in our marriage. 1. My partner's libido is almost non existent for the past 3 years and we ha... View more

I've been married for 8 years and before that, dated my husband for 7 years. We have one child together, just over 14 months old. I am experiencing problems in our marriage. 1. My partner's libido is almost non existent for the past 3 years and we haven't been intimate for the past 17 months. Due to this, I struggled to get pregnant and the pressure during then really put a strain on our relationship. I begged him to seek professional help and he went for one test, which tested his testosterone levels and apparently he's all good. I've tried many times to talk to him about possible ways of resolving this issue but he's either too proud or he doesn't think there's an issue at hand, end result is that he just dismisses my requests. Now that we have a child together, he seems so relieved and doesn't think there's any problem at all (or is he pretending?). I don't understand how he can stay so calm when I can see this glaring problem exisiting in our relationship. I don't want to talk to my friends about this issue as we all know each other and I don't want to embarrass him as he's a very proud person. My husband has also stopped kissing me, hugging me or holding my hands. He only kisses, hugs and holds the baby now. I get so sad sometimes, that I wonder if he even still loves me. 2. Since the birth of my baby, my husband has critisised me frequently. Little things he say that hurt me a lot, such as, "what kind of mother are you?", "stop coughing so loud, you're waking up the baby, control it geez!" I react very badly to these comments and we often end up arguing. I understand having a baby can be stressful but I always thought we'd take it on together, not for him to constantly critise my parenting skills. I hesitant to talk to my parents or friends about my relationship problems as I don't want to create unnecessary noise from outsiders. Anyone out there going through similar situations? How have you dealt with it?

New2019 Sexless relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi, I've been in a relationship with my partner for over 7 years now. We've had some ups and downs and were engaged until a few months ago but no wedding now. She broke it off about 9 months ago and about 6 weeks later we were back together. I was un... View more

Hi, I've been in a relationship with my partner for over 7 years now. We've had some ups and downs and were engaged until a few months ago but no wedding now. She broke it off about 9 months ago and about 6 weeks later we were back together. I was unaware until about a couple of months later that she was seeing someone from her work during that time even though she denied it several times until finally admitting. Since being back together things have slowly improved. We sleep in the same bed, hug and act like a couple in everyone else's eyes but there has been no sex since getting back together. Ive suggested couples therapy several times but with no luck. I've seen a therapist for a few months to cope with the depression and lack of self worth but really at a loss what to do next. I love her and I think she still loves me but the lack of intimacy is killing me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sans6829 Dealing with the guilt that I have
  • replies: 9

I lost a baby 25 years ago fell pregnant twelve months later with a beautiful girl who love with all my heart but I hadn't dealt with my grieve and I took my anger and my grieve out on my daughter who now suffers with depression and anxiety. We aren'... View more

I lost a baby 25 years ago fell pregnant twelve months later with a beautiful girl who love with all my heart but I hadn't dealt with my grieve and I took my anger and my grieve out on my daughter who now suffers with depression and anxiety. We aren't talking it has been a long five months my husband got a phone call on Friday from her saying to stop trying to contact her as it sends her back wards every time we do. I would some advice how I deal with the guilt that I have because I am to blame

Cactimad Sadness and grief over daughter being charged
  • replies: 1

I am a newbie but I have read a from that was started by "July" and I hope to gain some support...although my story different my daughter has been charged with an offence and I cannot reveal the details as the matter is still under the court system. ... View more

I am a newbie but I have read a from that was started by "July" and I hope to gain some support...although my story different my daughter has been charged with an offence and I cannot reveal the details as the matter is still under the court system. But I dread the thought of losing my daughter to prison. Its the grief and worry of the potential that is driving myself and my husband to despair. We also feel "dropped" by so called friends and family. It seems in our society people feel if there has been a charge made then the person is guilty! Its been so difficult for us all and not to mention our beautiful daughter ...she was abused and controlled by a horrid creep (the perpetrator of the offences) and is now recovering with anxiety, PTSD, OCD. Now this black cloud that is over her and us. We do have some friends who are absolute rocks but not many (some would say thats all you need and I agree, but it hurts). Ours and our daughter's lives are on standby until all this blows over...she has no friends and no capacity to work...so we are her support and carers. Any help as to how to get through this... in addition to all the reading and therapy we are getting...would be great to hear. Our daughter has been charged but we see her as the victim in all this...its a cruel, cruel world the court system!

tonyc111 breaking up a long term relationship
  • replies: 3

I have just broken of a 10 year relationship with my girlfriend who sufferes from depression I havnt heard from her in days I work away for 2 weeks at a time. she has no support network and no friends to talk to and I know she is spiralling into a de... View more

I have just broken of a 10 year relationship with my girlfriend who sufferes from depression I havnt heard from her in days I work away for 2 weeks at a time. she has no support network and no friends to talk to and I know she is spiralling into a deep depression last I spoke to her she said her live wasn't worth living any more and I am really worried about her and I don't know what to do

Cleo4392 Feel like my husband of 15 years no longer loves me..
  • replies: 2

We’ve been married for 13 yrs, been through a bit here and there but lately I’m just over the way I feel. We aren’t intimate much these days, my fault... I’m a busy woman and don’t stop until the kids are in bed but then just want to sit with him and... View more

We’ve been married for 13 yrs, been through a bit here and there but lately I’m just over the way I feel. We aren’t intimate much these days, my fault... I’m a busy woman and don’t stop until the kids are in bed but then just want to sit with him and watch some tv. He rarely says to me I look great when we go out, which hurts as I rarely dress up. I have anxiety and I feel down a lot... He has always looked at other women in the streets, just another thing that puts me down. He has deleted messages from women at work, more than once that’s for sure. I have had trust issues since day 1 as he was separated from his wife back then but secrets...... We live in a nice area and have so for many many years but he is always off any chance he gets to play golf. I feel like he doesn’t want to be around me. Any chance he gets, he goes. I’m always home weekends with our children and I’m down. i have 1 friend who I see here and there. I have no one else, no other friend, mum, I feel alone. I drink a lot, too much I know but it numbs the way I feel. I’m still a perfect mum through day but of an evening drink because I feel alone and like rubbish. If I didn’t have child I wish I were dead. I’ve attempted a few times but the many other times been too scarred as I have beautiful children. I do feel crap with my life with my husband. I don’t know what to do, I would love for our life together to improve but I dont know how. Thanks for listening xx

SweetAngel Giving an ultimatum to my ex
  • replies: 16

This guy and I have been on and off in a relationship for one year. The reason is because he is friends with a girl who I feel is a threat (one time when he and I were broken up, they jokingly flirted and ppl thought they were dating) The other night... View more

This guy and I have been on and off in a relationship for one year. The reason is because he is friends with a girl who I feel is a threat (one time when he and I were broken up, they jokingly flirted and ppl thought they were dating) The other night I expressed that I feel hurt whenever he sees her , but despite me expressing my feelings, he says ,”she is my friend. I will continue to see her.” and so. I gave him an ultimatum. If you see her I’ll leave for good. If you don’t see her, I’ll stay” that was a week a go. He hasn’t told me his decision. During the week we have been talking like every thing is great, but nothing about what I brought up. what do you think I should do? This is my first time bringing up an ultimatum . I understand it’s not right to tell someone to no longer be friends wth another, but I’ve been feeling hurt for a year now now , have continually brought up my feelings to him about the matter, but despite it all, he still hangs with her because as he says “we are friends”

Leonora Am i an idiot or what?
  • replies: 2

I just want some others insight into my relationship. I have been just diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My husband of 29 years knows this and knows how im feeling. He went out tonight with friends - it was pre arranged and said he would call me... View more

I just want some others insight into my relationship. I have been just diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My husband of 29 years knows this and knows how im feeling. He went out tonight with friends - it was pre arranged and said he would call me this afternoon before he headed off. When he left this morning he knew i wasnt in a very good space. He hasnt bothered calling. I started to feel that dread and panic when it started getting to the time he should have called. This is because I just wanted to know that he cared and was thinking about m and i would have been ok. He has done some pretty callous things before so its not unusual behaviour. I feel i am even more worthless of course and the voice deep down tells me he really doesnt give a toss about me or my feelings. He denies this but again tonight actions speak louder than words. I love him and thats why I think I am finding it hard to really face the facts and accept that Im not that important. Im not stupid but I feel stupid. Anyone got any other thoughts?? I would appreciate some other insights.

WWoman Knowing what you know now, would you enter a relationship with a person suffering from depression
  • replies: 1

Hi all I met the nicest guy. Everything is great, connection, communication, sex, my family loves him everything is great. We've been together for 8 months now. The only problem is he suffers from depression. He gets really down and feels like everyt... View more

Hi all I met the nicest guy. Everything is great, connection, communication, sex, my family loves him everything is great. We've been together for 8 months now. The only problem is he suffers from depression. He gets really down and feels like everything is too much and withdraws from me for a day or two. This week he wants time apart to think things through but then turns around and says he doesn't want to lose me and we should be able to work something out. I really like him and I think he is amazing and I am willing to support him where I can but I understand I cannot make him happy and I cannot change anything for him. That will come from him. I want honest feedback from people who have dealt with this for years please. Knowing then what you know now, would you have stayed in your relationship with a person with depression or would you get out? Does the good outweigh the bad times or does it get too much too handle and affects other areas of your life like your kids, work etc... Would love to hear from both sides and I will not judge. I am a bit lost myself and not sure what to do. Thanks xx